Is my tortoiseshell cat spoiled by me

[Inappropriatefemale]

This isn’t exactly a life threatening dilemma but atm I have lots of stress in my life and my cat and her ways are stressing me more, I feel ridiculous saying that a beautiful little cat is stressing me out but it’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I can cope with her anymore.

I have had her since she was bang on 12 weeks old and she is now 2 years and a month old, the issue is that she cannot sit in a room without me in it and I spend lots of time in my room where she can sit on my bed but she seems to prefer sitting in the living room which is fine but she can’t seem to sit there without miaowing at me to sit in there with her, when I do go through and sit in the living room then all she does is sit there on the couch, not even on my knee or anything and it’s like she just wants me in the same room as her and if I won’t go through she will just constantly movie over and over, walk round the bed and back again, jump up stand at the side of the bed looking at me and “talking” at me until I give in (I know me giving in is the issue, it’s like having a child) and she is noisy about it, there is also the issue of the doors, now she gets to go anywhere in my small 2 bed flat as I keep all the doors open but I like my bathroom door closed 99 times out of 100 yet when it’s shut she miaows to get it open, I open it then she goes in for a minute and then comes out, if I dare shut the door then she just starts the miaowing all over again, this may sound silly but I feel like I’m starting to dislike her! She rules me and I have definitely spoiled her, she is my first cat so I have been silly to spoil her but the age old story is that she was and is so cute (she knows it and uses it to manipulate me ) so I stupidly spoiled her.

I don’t think my personal stresses are helping of course but I find myself shouting at her and getting annoyed and she knows my pissed off face so I’ll sometimes stomp towards her to tell her and she will run away for about 20 seconds and then comes back to me and does it all over again.

She gets plenty attention and cuddles from me but it’s like it’s never enough, I haven’t ever heard of a cat that likes/needs their owner to sit in the same room as them at all times, even if she is sleeping and I try to creep away then she wakes up instantly and follows me.

Is this just what cats are like? I have heard the saying that you own a dog but a cat owns you, or something to that effect! Help?

@Vaquita5 my cat hasn’t witnessed any abuse against me at all, I’m not sure what you mean, if you mean my ex then there was never violence or even shouting really because if my ex ever said something horrible to me (he said it in a flat monotone voice 99 times out of 100) that would cause me to want to scream at him, then he would be told to leave my flat (we had our own flats) immediately as I’ve had 2 violent relationships in the past and I get nervous when I start shouting because I get angrier and angrier, and this reminds me of previous abuse so I tend to shut that down, and to be fair my ex loved my cat and she really liked him, he just didn’t clean her shit up but he definitely was not abusive to my cat..maybe you mean something else and I’ve just derailed this thread with my personal life for nothing!

Also, my cat constantly sits on the window sills all the time and in my living room, then the sill is at floor level and I have huge windows there so she spends lots of times there, I’ve been in my living room most of time since I posted the OP and she is calmer, it’s because she likes to sit with me nearly 90% of the day/night, but she prefers the living room so has obvs been “moaning” at me so I sit through here, wee shite that she is .

There is no guarantee she will get on with another cat but there is also no guarantee that she won’t, and lots of folks have 2 cats and they are fine, some cats may not get on together and in some of the cases that I’ve read about, then these cats will just ignore each other without fighting, and I get the feeling that she is a cat that needs a cat friend if this makes sense.

I’m getting her neutered and taking her out.

The reason for the harness is due to watching my mums cat get out of a leash in about 5 mins and I’m not risking that happening to mines whilst we are out, I’ll try it and see, after all I won’t know until I do.

@violetbunny I have thought about the possibility of her likening then outdoors so much, but I’ve had a thought that I’ll take her out at the same time every day and I’ll do it after food and after she has digested and shat out the toilet, this way she will start to learn the routine (I know she isn’t a real baby lol) and that she gets out after good, toilet etc, I’ll also give her a treat when we come in and she will start to associate a treat with coming in, because in all honesty I’ve spoiled her to the point of giving her treats way too often, I’ll buy those chewy cat stick treats with 6 in them and she will eat the whole packet in a day or 2 and that’s my fault for being silly and spoiling her, and giving in to her as soon as she gets me to the treat cupboard...it’s time she learned who the boss is lol x

Getting her spayed is s great idea.
Yes she's picking up on stress.
We had a tortie, (mainly black with orange flecks?) Calico's are sometimes called torties, they have mainly white with black and orange splodges.

Our tortie was intelligent, sensitive and very vocal.

I think the more you get anxious the more she will. Try not to worry too much about her in a way that exacerbates things.

I'm sure it will work out, and from experience be careful about getting another cat for company, I did this yrs ago and first cat got very depressed.
Luckily I was able to re-home to a family member, and he (2nd cat) lived a very long happy life.

My cat is definitely a tortie, her mother is my brothers friends cat (or she was until she died last year ) and she said calico but it’s a tortie and here is her picture...

Maybe not a clear pic but trust me, I know what breed my cat is! Lol

Sorry my brother said Calico but he was getting mixed up!

Yes my tortie is very intelligent and I seen this when she was a kitten, they can be very possessive of their owners too!

I will be careful about 2nd cat but there are many success stories too or people wouldn’t have 2 or even 3 cats, of different ages and breeds, if it always went wrong.

I won’t know until I try..trial and error after all

Sorry I keep writing lots of posts, i keep meaning to put all my comments in one and I forget and post too fast, stress is doing really strange things to me.

Oh she is just beautiful and intelligent. Although I think the caption to the photo is - why are you looking at me instead of fussing me ?
Good luck with everything including job hunting.

My Maine coon, tabby, used to come up to me in the kitchen and miaow 'at' me and then walk into the sitting room and wait for me to sit down. Then she'd jump up onto my knee. She had a lovely comfy bed next to the aga, but, in her opinion, I was her human and tough!

Maybe without realising it you're giving her so much attention, eye contact, talking etc, that she doesn't know what it's like not to get it. So I would deliberately ignore her sometimes so that she knows you don't always engage. Try small amounts of time, then build up to more time, within reason obviously! And try not to feed her when she's mewing, perhaps a Dreamie when she's quiet?

@AlwaysLatte

Maybe without realising it you're giving her so much attention, eye contact, talking etc, that she doesn't know what it's like not to get it. So I would deliberately ignore her sometimes so that she knows you don't always engage. Try small amounts of time, then build up to more time, within reason obviously! And try not to feed her when she's mewing, perhaps a Dreamie when she's quiet?

I’m really quite bad as well with the dreamies, I’m ashamed to say I give her lots at a time, please don’t go mad..but I may give her 10 at a time and again, same with the chewy sticks, she will then lead me to the treat cupboard and I give in, it’s true that cats rule the roost and there isn’t much we cat owners can do about that, she is so god damn manipulative and when she was a kitten then the wee shite would go for my phone charger, when I didn’t attend to her every whim all day long! How clever of her to know that trying to chew, or pretend to chew, the charger would get my attention, I remember realising then that she was very smart, she understands me as well when I speak to her but sometimes when she comes up to me and just sits and stares, then I will talk to her, she will then turn her head away, then ignore me saying her name over and over, and I’ll look away and she starts to miaow at me, it’s like she just wants me to keep my eyes on her yet she doesn’t have to give me attention along with me staring at her! She is a little narcissist madam 😂😂😂😂

@AlwaysLatte yes I have definitely given her too much attention and as I got her the day before she turned 12 weeks old, then it’s all she will know, and is this normal- when she pees then I always clean that up immediately and I bought this cat litter spray, that smells like baby talc, and now I’m still having to clean her litter after every pee straight away, and if I run out of litter spray then she will end up peeing in the spare room until I get more spray and I don’t think all cat owners clean up pee immediately, shit yes obviously but not pee, she won’t even pee in the litter tray again with the pee covered with litter, and this surely isn’t normal? Again, it’s what I’ve made her used too!

She's having far too many treats op, dreamies and things like that are full of rubbish.
She doesn't need them. She's already quite stocky.
My experience of getting another cat and it not working out was just advice.
People do have more than one successfully and no you won't know till you try but that would be a last resort for me personally.

Maybe another cat may help entertain her x

Get her a friend! I’ve always had my cats in pairs as I thought they’d get lonely when I was out at work all day. They are solitary animals though so perfectly happy alone. Would you consider a companion for her?

Also, forgive me as I haven’t read all of the other comments. It what do you feed her? My cats went through a manic phase, they were absolutely hyper and that was when I was feeding them iams. They were like addicts looking for their next fix, it was insane. I read about it and changer their food and they calmed down almost immediately!

@thesunwillout

She's having far too many treats op, dreamies and things like that are full of rubbish. She doesn't need them. She's already quite stocky. My experience of getting another cat and it not working out was just advice. People do have more than one successfully and no you won't know till you try but that would be a last resort for me personally.

She actually isn’t stocky at all, she is petite as, it’s the picture that makes you think this, she is sitting all curled up on the couch which gives the illusion of being stocky but she isn’t, she is really small and quite dainty.

I am already considering another cat but not until I start working again as feeding me and her just now is expensive as it is and I can’t possibly afford another, plus getting her neutered first anyway.