Is my tortoiseshell cat spoiled by me

[Inappropriatefemale]

This isn’t exactly a life threatening dilemma but atm I have lots of stress in my life and my cat and her ways are stressing me more, I feel ridiculous saying that a beautiful little cat is stressing me out but it’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I can cope with her anymore.

I have had her since she was bang on 12 weeks old and she is now 2 years and a month old, the issue is that she cannot sit in a room without me in it and I spend lots of time in my room where she can sit on my bed but she seems to prefer sitting in the living room which is fine but she can’t seem to sit there without miaowing at me to sit in there with her, when I do go through and sit in the living room then all she does is sit there on the couch, not even on my knee or anything and it’s like she just wants me in the same room as her and if I won’t go through she will just constantly movie over and over, walk round the bed and back again, jump up stand at the side of the bed looking at me and “talking” at me until I give in (I know me giving in is the issue, it’s like having a child) and she is noisy about it, there is also the issue of the doors, now she gets to go anywhere in my small 2 bed flat as I keep all the doors open but I like my bathroom door closed 99 times out of 100 yet when it’s shut she miaows to get it open, I open it then she goes in for a minute and then comes out, if I dare shut the door then she just starts the miaowing all over again, this may sound silly but I feel like I’m starting to dislike her! She rules me and I have definitely spoiled her, she is my first cat so I have been silly to spoil her but the age old story is that she was and is so cute (she knows it and uses it to manipulate me ) so I stupidly spoiled her.

I don’t think my personal stresses are helping of course but I find myself shouting at her and getting annoyed and she knows my pissed off face so I’ll sometimes stomp towards her to tell her and she will run away for about 20 seconds and then comes back to me and does it all over again.

She gets plenty attention and cuddles from me but it’s like it’s never enough, I haven’t ever heard of a cat that likes/needs their owner to sit in the same room as them at all times, even if she is sleeping and I try to creep away then she wakes up instantly and follows me.

Is this just what cats are like? I have heard the saying that you own a dog but a cat owns you, or something to that effect! Help?

Yeah I have read that tortoiseshell have their own unique little personalities, she definitely isn’t a typical cat that’s for sure but I wouldn’t have her any other way.

She used to get so jealous of me talking on the phone, it was hilarious and if I was having a laugh in the phone then my god, the jealousy was worse, she would miaow very loudly and walk past me over and over again whilst rubbing herself over me as if to say “how dare you talk to anyone else asides me”, apparently this breed are very possessive of their owners, though she isn’t like this when I have visitors, it’s just on the phone!

@stella47 a cat staring at you a lot is a sign that they love you according to all that I’ve read about cats, have you tried blinking at her slowly when she stares at you as again, this is how a cat shows love to you, my cat and I do this to each other lots as I don’t think she gets it when I tell her I love her.

she definitely isn’t a typical cat that’s for sure

She sounds like she's a totally typical cat.

You're her main entertainment as well as food server, litter tray cleaner and general servant. She's vocal because it's how humans communicate. Well, except from the scary body language when you stomp at her. Then you're telling her she's going to be hurt.

She needs exercise, play and mental stimulation as well as the security of not being stomped at and ignored.

They do slow down somewhat in a few years. But you'd do better for her if you didn't get angry at her for being a cat.

Have you thought about getting another cat to keep her company?

She does sound like a normal, awkward cat!

@MitziK actually according to what I’ve read then tortoiseshells aren’t typical cats, typical cats don’t get jealous of their owners being on the phone, nor do they follow their owners everywhere in the house, I have also watched that cat show with Jackson Galaxy and he has said things about torties which aren’t typical of all cats so they are a different breed in every sense of the word, you may disagree and that’s okay, we are allowed to disagree.

Stomp is perhaps the wrong word but she knows when I’m annoyed with her and as a cat owner then I’m allowed to be annoyed at her, it’s not like she is scared of me, I think she sometimes thinks it’s a game when this happens because she comes up to me, runs away and does it all over again, very much like when we are doing the chasing game, it’s not like I’ve actually hit her or anything, but I do sometimes give her a telling off, cats are mischievous sometimes, esp younger cats.

Also sometimes I will ignore her because you can’t just give a cat attention every time she wants it, if this were to be the case then I wouldn’t get anything done, just like you can’t always give a child 24/7 attention then it’s the same with pets, sometimes life gets in the way and as I’ve already said, then I have things going on in my life that are stressing me out and this is probably why I am getting stressed out at her, I can’t help being stressed out sometimes and coincidentally then she has only been like this for the past few weeks which is about how long I’ve been feeling stressed so she has probably picked up on this but I obviously cannot always hide my stress from her, I have had an argument or 2 with the person that is causing me stress and it’s been on the phone and she has heard me shouting and I cannot help this, it’s just called life and being human.

@Gingerkittykat not getting another cat at the moment, no way, I am not working
just now and it’s expensive enough feeding me and the one cat, let alone 2, and cleaning up after one, let alone cleaning up after 2! Perhaps when I start working and feel less stressed then I may get another one so that she has company but not right now, good idea though for the long term, I actually think she would love another cat for company, or she would get mega jealous, it could go either way.

Well, actually, what you are actually describing is you being abusive to your cat. I was trying to make allowances for you maybe not quite realising what you were doing, as your written language suggested to me that there might be a disparity in age, experience or MH issues, particularly as you mention splitting up with a boyfriend recently.

But if you're happy to be a dick to me, fuck it.

Rehome the poor bloody thing. If you're getting angry with her because she wants attention and reassurance from you rather than threats of violence, you aren't the person who should have her. Perhaps your ex would take her, as he sounds at least competent in accommodating her psychological needs.

Jackson Galaxy - who starts each programme traumatising cats for the cameras by dragging them out from under beds, so they can get a 'his arm is scratched' shot, incidentally - would also tell you you're abusing the poor thing by shouting and stamping at her. Just as it is the fault of the arsehole partners on the show for scaring the poor things in the first place, largely.

If you watch some Jackson Galaxy shows (My Cat From Hell etc) his answer to every cat problem is that you have to play with them and you have to “catify” your house, ie toys, high shelves they can climb up onto and scratch posts etc.

He advocates routines, periods of energetic play, then calm, then feed them, so they feel like they’ve hunted their dinner!

I tried putting up some shelves for my cats with carpet glued on the tops of them for comfort. They loved them until they fell off the wall!! So make sure they’re well secured if you have wall shelves.

Especially as an indoor cat, she will need a lot of entertaining, so try and wear her out a bit so she’s not so attention seeking.

Well that escalated.

@MitziK I am abusing my cat because I give her a row?! My cat hasn’t been like this for the whole 2 years I have had her which is why I’m saying it’s now an issue and if I no longer wanted her then I wouldn’t be on MN asking for advice, I would be somewhere else looking to rehome her.

You sound extremely abusive, saying I have MH issues or there is a disparity in age?! You know nothing about my ex who was actually very abusive to me, and in actual fact when I worked 12 hour days he wouldn’t even clean her toilet so he left her shit lying there for hours on end and I had to clean it up when I got home, he slapped me about, made issues with my family, and constantly verbally abused me when I didn’t agree with him, a bit like you! We also finished 4 years ago but were friends up until June this year because I couldn’t get rid of him, he has Aspergers and he hates change so rather than going to the police and getting shot of him that way then I kept him at arms length as much as I could and I was ecstatic when he finally got sick of me in June and I gave t heard from him since! There is nothing wrong with me except having a little depression and being stressed, and I’m not stressed out about my ex, it’s actually family issues thank you very much.

I cannot believe you are coming out with all this crap about me based on me being stressed out by my cats changing behaviour, have you never heard of cats changing before because I have, Ive had friends that have had loving cats who just completely change and I have recognised my cat changing hence why I am here asking for advice. Being stressed out is extremely common unfortunately.

You sound extremely judgmental and nasty, please don’t comment anymore on this post because your first post felt like an attack which is why I answered the way I did, if you have a look them you will see that I didn’t comment to anyone else this way because nobody else attacked me.

Keyboard warrior that you are, I hate that the internet allow people to behave this way because I can assure you if we were all sitting at a round table having a discussion about this then I would put my life on it that you wouldn’t have spoken to me the way you have written to me.

@Fluffycloudland77 it did yes because some people are just out to be awful on the Internet because they wouldn’t dare do it to someone’s face.

I have a tortie and she loves being outside the most compared to our other cats. Cats who go outside DONT have a life expectancy of 4 years so not sure where you are getting that info? 🤷‍♀️
Poor thing sounds bored - allow her out or rehome her. It's not fair on her to be stuck inside all day and have you shout at her for wanting company

I think MitziK is talking complete and utter bollocks 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm sure he/she is a very nice, quiet person in real life.

@ivfbeenbusy haven’t you read all my posts? I have already stated that I am going to get a harness and start taking her out but in the hours since I have posted my OP then I haven’t been able to go get a harness nor will I have the cash to do so for under a fortnight.

The average life expectancy for an outdoor cat was something I googled, I will link the post where I got this info after I post this, remember the average just means that it’s the average, not that it’s all the outdoor cats, I don’t know if your familiar with joe averages work? I’m not implying that your not, I’m only asking!

Also it sounds like your implying that all indoor cats have a shit life and everyone that has an indoor cat is wrong? I also don’t spend all day shouting at her so please don’t imply that this is happening, I think you’ve read my main post and nothing else I’ve written because if you had then you would realise that I have said I’m getting her new toys, a harness and for about however many times then my cat hasn’t always acted this way so it’s not like I never give her attention.

Maybe this is what I get for being honest eh, I forgot that many people on the internet lie, silly me!

I have a tortie. We call it tortitude as she does have a very different personality to any other cat we’ve had ..... the exception being other torties we’ve been slaves too.
Harness and leads are what we use to take ours out.
But I’ve seen some take them out in those cat back packs or the small pet push chairs.
(Just another option?)

@ivfbeenbusy

Indoor cats live on average 10-15 years, while outdoor cats live on average 2-5 years This handout is intended to help you sort out the pros and cons associated with each lifestyle so you can rest assured your cat will have both an enriched life and protection from environmental hazards.
www.vetmed.ucdavis.edu › ...PDF
Cats: Indoors or Outdoors? - UC Davis School of Veterinary Medicine

I actually said in the middle of 2-5 years but I was half right @ivfbeenbusy

Mine only lasted till 10 & I’m still gutted he’s gone. We'll cat proof before any new cats come here. I’ve coped better when they’ve had cancer but I should never have let him free range but he was in overnight.

I don’t think I’ve got the balls for a harness.

Mine are all indoor cats for a variety of reasons. - don’t feel bad, life for them is safer and different but not boring or cruel.
It would be cruel of me to let them free roam given their and our circumstances.
Give her a cuddle. (There are a lot of key board warriors out there this week. )

I think that outdoor cat statistic relates to the US where many cats are indoor cats and they are routinely declawed. Cats have far more natural predators in the US, which is probably the main reason they are kept in, and then have no natural protection without their claws. In the UK outdoor cats are the norm, declawing is viewed as cruel and the biggest threat is probably traffic, so the four year average would be surprising.

Ah, I cross posted with yours, OP, so it’s definitely the US.

I’ve put all mine in harnesses (?) from kittenhood - around 8 weeks. They’ve known nothing else and refuse to move when I take them off to alter of change them. The older ones wait at the door for their leads to be clipped on. It does take courage to take them outside as yes, you will get sneers from some people. (But in life people will sneer if you have the wrong colour shoes so just ignore!) But once you explain why,
9/10 they realise it’s a good thing.

@Inappropriatefemale

You actually are quite rude to people - don't post on a public forum asking for advice if you aren't going to like what you hear

1 - that research is bollocks unless you live next to a motorway

2 - all my cats our outdoor cats so are all the cats in the neighbourhood and some of them are up to 15 years old

3 - not all cats will take to a harness and it will stress her out more

4 - taking her for a walk in the garden for 30 mins isn't allowing her to use her natural instincts and roam about where she pleases

@ivfbeenbusy you were rude to me first and by ‘people’ do you mean the other one who told me I had MH issues?!

Maybe that link is bollocks but I think it’s common sense that would tell you indoor cats live longer that outdoor cats because there are no cars indoors to run cats over, and all the rest of it, please don’t attack me because I read something on google and posted it, these days so many of us google things for info, or come to MN, imo whether it’s the actual truth or not then it’s not me that has attacked people, I came on here genuinely asking for advice and I’m a very sensitive soul and esp right now and reading what that other poster said to me felt like a downright attack and your doing the same albeit not quite as bad, please don’t comment anymore on this post, I’ve took in what you’ve said so thanks for your input.

Have a nice day

imo whether it’s the actual truth or not then it’s not me that has attacked people, I came on here genuinely asking

^what I meant by this was that people may have different ideas about who was attacked, after all the saying goes “there is her side, his side and then the truth”, and I’m just putting this out here before you say anything, I’m not articulating myself very well today at all, stress is affecting me big time to the point I am forgetting what I’m writing, or leaving words/sentences out/using wrong words.

Sometimes I really hate the internet because I don’t always come across how I want too but I know if we in person then I would be able to explain myself better, if this makes any sense