Is my tortoiseshell cat spoiled by me

[Inappropriatefemale]

This isn’t exactly a life threatening dilemma but atm I have lots of stress in my life and my cat and her ways are stressing me more, I feel ridiculous saying that a beautiful little cat is stressing me out but it’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I can cope with her anymore.

I have had her since she was bang on 12 weeks old and she is now 2 years and a month old, the issue is that she cannot sit in a room without me in it and I spend lots of time in my room where she can sit on my bed but she seems to prefer sitting in the living room which is fine but she can’t seem to sit there without miaowing at me to sit in there with her, when I do go through and sit in the living room then all she does is sit there on the couch, not even on my knee or anything and it’s like she just wants me in the same room as her and if I won’t go through she will just constantly movie over and over, walk round the bed and back again, jump up stand at the side of the bed looking at me and “talking” at me until I give in (I know me giving in is the issue, it’s like having a child) and she is noisy about it, there is also the issue of the doors, now she gets to go anywhere in my small 2 bed flat as I keep all the doors open but I like my bathroom door closed 99 times out of 100 yet when it’s shut she miaows to get it open, I open it then she goes in for a minute and then comes out, if I dare shut the door then she just starts the miaowing all over again, this may sound silly but I feel like I’m starting to dislike her! She rules me and I have definitely spoiled her, she is my first cat so I have been silly to spoil her but the age old story is that she was and is so cute (she knows it and uses it to manipulate me ) so I stupidly spoiled her.

I don’t think my personal stresses are helping of course but I find myself shouting at her and getting annoyed and she knows my pissed off face so I’ll sometimes stomp towards her to tell her and she will run away for about 20 seconds and then comes back to me and does it all over again.

She gets plenty attention and cuddles from me but it’s like it’s never enough, I haven’t ever heard of a cat that likes/needs their owner to sit in the same room as them at all times, even if she is sleeping and I try to creep away then she wakes up instantly and follows me.

Is this just what cats are like? I have heard the saying that you own a dog but a cat owns you, or something to that effect! Help?

Please please please don't get a laser toy. They don't fulfil cats at all. In fact it can stress them out as they realise it's something they can't actually catch once they get the light.

A cat who cannot go outside needs ALOT of enrichment. It needs to be toy city. Zooplus has some great stuff that keeps my cat really engaged.

I haven't read the full thread, and apologies if I've missed it, but she is neutered I take it?

Please let’s be nice to each other, life’s bad enough right now & we’re all just trying to look after our cats.

Doing it differently to each other shouldn’t cause all this.

Thanks to all that have commented, I have taken most of the comments on board, I am going to get away just now but I appreciate the the advice, I think by asking for advice then I’ve come to now understand that it’s most likely she is picking up on my stress and reacting to it so I have to sort that out which I’m trying to do, anyway that’s for another post, or maybe not!

Thanks all x

Just before you go OP - can you answer my question. Is she neutered? If by any chance she isn't then I know what the problem is!

@thecatneuterer no she isn’t and this was on my mind that it could well be this, like some dogs calm down so to speak once they get done and perhaps cats are the same, I did think about letting her breed with another male cat once upon a time which is why I didn’t get her done, could this be it?

[quote Inappropriatefemale]@MitziK I am abusing my cat because I give her a row?! My cat hasn’t been like this for the whole 2 years I have had her which is why I’m saying it’s now an issue and if I no longer wanted her then I wouldn’t be on MN asking for advice, I would be somewhere else looking to rehome her.

You sound extremely abusive, saying I have MH issues or there is a disparity in age?! You know nothing about my ex who was actually very abusive to me, and in actual fact when I worked 12 hour days he wouldn’t even clean her toilet so he left her shit lying there for hours on end and I had to clean it up when I got home, he slapped me about, made issues with my family, and constantly verbally abused me when I didn’t agree with him, a bit like you! We also finished 4 years ago but were friends up until June this year because I couldn’t get rid of him, he has Aspergers and he hates change so rather than going to the police and getting shot of him that way then I kept him at arms length as much as I could and I was ecstatic when he finally got sick of me in June and I gave t heard from him since! There is nothing wrong with me except having a little depression and being stressed, and I’m not stressed out about my ex, it’s actually family issues thank you very much.

I cannot believe you are coming out with all this crap about me based on me being stressed out by my cats changing behaviour, have you never heard of cats changing before because I have, Ive had friends that have had loving cats who just completely change and I have recognised my cat changing hence why I am here asking for advice. Being stressed out is extremely common unfortunately.

You sound extremely judgmental and nasty, please don’t comment anymore on this post because your first post felt like an attack which is why I answered the way I did, if you have a look them you will see that I didn’t comment to anyone else this way because nobody else attacked me.

Keyboard warrior that you are, I hate that the internet allow people to behave this way because I can assure you if we were all sitting at a round table having a discussion about this then I would put my life on it that you wouldn’t have spoken to me the way you have written to me.[/quote]
Don't flatter yourself.

I most definitely would say shouting and stamping at a cat is abusive. Because it's exactly what my ex used to do to them.

@Inappropriatefemale

Google being in season for cats. - are the behaviours the same as for your tortie? If so, then yes it could be your answer.

Good luck!

I'm pasting below the comments I made on another thread about an unneutered indoor only female cat suddenly becoming aggressive at around age 3. It's normally at around the age of two or three that psychological problems associated with being an indoor, unspayed female start to manifest. As well as aggressive behaviour, it can also show itself as clingy or demanding behaviour too. I think once you get her neutered she will be a different cat - and she will certainly be a much more relaxed one.

My copy and paste comments on unneutered, indoor only females are below:

The three problems caused by not neutering an indoor only female are:

1. Pyometra, which can often be fatal.

1. Injuries from trying to escape, including a lot of deaths from throwing themselves off balconies or from high windows.

1. (and this is probably the most common) a sort of psychosis. The constant coming into heat and not being able to ovulate sends them mad. This manifests itself in sudden extremely aggressive behaviour (I've known a few that managed to put their owners in hospital) and a totally personality change (for the worse), or other strange behaviours. This normally shows itself from about three years old, but can be sooner or later. If the cat is neutered then it will return to it's normal self within a couple of weeks.

The worst case of this I saw was when a family had had to barricade themselves in the living room in fear of the cat, which had already caused extreme injuries to one of it's owners, and it took four of us, being very brave (!) and with a lot of specialist equipment, to catch it. And it was indeed like a thing possessed. After about three weeks she was a sweet loving cat again, but the family had been so traumatised that they didn't want her back. They had also no idea that it was necessary to spay an indoor only cat.

And another incident I've previously posted about:

One of my first ever cat rescue jobs was to 'rescue' a woman from her unneutered, four year old female flat cat that had turned 'psycho'.

It was Summer, and a heatwave, and when I got there the woman was wearing boots, a full length coat, a hat and gloves, all to protect herself from the cat that was launching attacks on her. She said to me 'the cat's in there' pointing to her bedroom. I expected her to come in with me to help me catch it, but instead she opened the door, pushed me inside, and slammed the door behind me grin. I managed to catch when it attacked me and I lifted it up with its teeth clamped round my finger and sort of swung it into a top loading carrier.

After being neutered and given a few tranquilisers the cat reverted back to her sweet, loving self and went home. My finger took longer to recover. In fact I swear it's never been the same since.

Wow. There’s me thinking hormones are bad enough when you’re a human. (And the vets wonder why I’ve pushed for mine to be ‘done’ in these covid times).

@thecatneuterer - I know OP genuinely needs help and advice, but let's be honest here re. point 3 above... I don't think that's specific to cats 😂.

(I would like to point out that I'm no longer an evil PMS psycho bitch.)

I am calling the vets when I’m in to get her neutered and then I’ll get the harness and a couple more toys the next time I get paid and when I get a new job, then I’m deffo going to get a kitten for my cat.

I got my cat from my brothers friend whose cat had kittens but I wouldn’t know the first thing about where to get a kitten now, I have heard horror stories about some cats being pregnant too many times which can cause kittens with serious issues and so I don’t know what to look out for? Any ideas please?

Try asking at local, smaller shelters? You may find them via pets at home -
Don’t know if they still do, but they used to have a notice board up with local rescue centres on. Alternatively your vet is likely to know of small local rescue centres.

Truly hope everything works out for you and your tortie.

Thanks @Bargebill19 I think it will, she’s always been such a good little cat and I don’t know if this is normal or not but she’s never once scratched me or hissed at me, and apparently she has done to one of my friends but never in front of me! I’m one of those car owners that thinks their cat is an angel, much like some mothers who believe their sons can do no wrong!

Cat not car

Take it as a sign she has good taste, when it comes to people who like cats !

The funny thing is is that I wasn’t particularly a fan of cats before and was a dog lover but I worked 60 hours a week and so couldn’t have a dog, then when I found out that my brothers friends cat was pregnant then she asked me if I wanted to buy one of the kittens, and I thought that perhaps I could like and love a brand new kitten and it would love me, now when I walk past cats in the street then I can’t help but stop and clap them, and they seem to like me too whereas before they didn’t!

To be fair mine gets screeched at occasionally and he's the most adored cat ever. But when he's miaowed 150 times at me, I've fallen over him another 10 and he insists on screaming outside the bathroom in case I'm drowning, yes I shout at him. He goes "meep" and runs off, and then comes back two seconds later

@QueenPaws exactly! I used the wrong word by saying stomped! I don’t understand people that allow their pets to just do what they like without consequences. I read that cats are afraid of water and one of the tips for cats behaving badly was to fill up a spray bottle of water and when they misbehave, then you’ve to spray them with water once and if they go on to do the same misbehaviours, then you’ve to get the bottle out, show them it and they know not to do it again.

My ex used to constantly undermine me with the cat and he wondered why I didn’t want kids with him, sheesh I can only imagine what he would’ve been like with kids, he would probably think it’s cruel to give them a row, he said I was cruel because my cat is afraid of the hairdryer and hoover and if I ‘dared’ to do either then I was an awful owner! As if I should pander to my cats fears constantly, it’s not how it works and hoovers and hairdryers are a necessary thing, even the little kitten book I got said that the cat would have to get used to everyday household noises as you don’t stop living because your cat isn’t happy, give these cats an inch and they take a mile some cats moan and screech for nothing, same with babies sometimes, it’s what they do.

...one of the tips for cats behaving badly was to fill up a spray bottle of water and when they misbehave, then you’ve to spray them with water once...

I have a mister bottle spray thingy whatever they're called for when Leroy really takes the piss (5:30am scratching at the mirror for attention). It has a 50/50 success rate. If it really is just attention he wants then it just becomes part of the game.

If I ever find out any of the rules of this "game" I will let you know

Great news that she's being booked in for spaying. I would bet my house that that sorts out the problem (it does take a couple of weeks for the hormones to settle down though, so don't expect an immediate change).

I really wouldn't advise a harness. Most cats won't tolerate them, some will tolerate but obviously hate them, and only a very few seem to like them. Plus they seem to have a Houdini-like ability to get out of them.

And for getting a kitten, if you decide you want to go down that route (but really I would leave it a while after spaying to see how she settles down as you might change your mind then), then all your nearest rescues can be found here: www.catchat.org

Is your flat big enough for two chasing around? Mine wouldn’t be if I didn’t have a cat flap to outside

Not going to get a kitten straight away until I’ve got a job anyway and that could be a while away, and I want my current cat to be happy before I do anything, my friend was up visiting tonight and she has had numerous cats and she too believes that she will calm down when she’s neutered so I can’t wait until she’s happy again, I hate to see her unhappy when we are usually great.

My flat isn’t massive but as I have all the doors open and a spare room with hardly any furniture, then they have plenty space to run about, I just hope that my cat will like another one and not be too jealous, but I have a feeling that she will honestly love a wee kitten, May and adult cat be a threat whereas a kitten is different, or not?

Hi. Can you either rearrange furniture or get something that allows your cat to sit & look out if the window as she loves it so much? I also would advise against another cat - there is no guarantee they would get on & you'd have real problems in a small flat.
Her behaviour might also be related to her witnessing the abuse directed towards you. Give her time.

Hmmm be careful with the harness. Our 2 cats absolutely loved going out on harnesses, they would get super excited whenever we got them out as they knew it meant they were going out. However once they got a taste of the outside they were constantly howling to go out. It drove us nuts.
Fortunately we had planned on them being outdoor cats (the harnesses were to get them safely used to being out) otherwise they wouldn't have coped. One in particular needs the constant stimulation.