My husband's accidentally killed our cat [sad]

[sadspringday]

Our cat is likely going to be put down today .

She is quite an anxious kitty and had had a couple of bouts of FIC (feline idiopathic cystitis) which she can get when particularly stressed which she took metacam for. She got locked in a garage for a whole day last week which set off another episode so we called the vets who prescribed the metacam. Husband gets up earliest so he usually does the food in the morning and had been doing the medicine alongside it.

A few days later she doesn't have her breakfast- not normal but not totally strange (although she does love her food). That night she was upstairs without us knowing- we usually shut them in the kitchen at night to prevent 3am kitty goo demands! The fact that she hadn't woken us and had no interest in breakfast once we found her rung major alarm bells for me and I just knew she wasn't right..

We called the vet who said bring her in immediately and blood tests showed her kidneys to be not working so they had her in over the weekend on a drip and although she's in good spirits they've not recovered so she's got 24-48h left if we leave her (I'm of the opinion that we let her go today )

Turns out husband had been massively overdosing her without realising as he read the box wrong.. It's so so hard not to be so angry at him and I know we're all human and make mistakes but... I'm just so sad that she's died because someone she trusted failed her...

I guess I'm posting here because I can't tell anyone IRL that this is why she's going to die- it's not fair on husband, he already feels terrible.

I'm so sad

@sadspringday..
It is a horrible situation.
My friend'f family pet died after trying to reach crumbs from a cereal packet put in the unloaded recycling box by a member of her family.

She came in, and found the poor animal beyond all help. The inner bag of the cereal packet was loose around the animal's head, and could have been ''pawed off'' easily...
Friend never told her family the real reason for the pet's death...as the {child} responsible for putting the cereal box there would never have forgiven themselves.

It was a tragic accident.
After that, she now removes all inner bags, and squashes boxes flat ..as do I.

Edit: Un-lidded...recycling box

I’m sure your dh is feeling awful and I know it’s hard not to feel angry with him.

I lost my dog last year after someone I was dating fed her something that she shouldn’t have had, she was elderly anyway and the vet was unsure if the food item caused her death or if there was other things going on inside her (cancer), I was so upset and I could no longer date this man (there were other reasons), I know he felt awful and he offered to pay the vets bills which I declined.

You will feel upset with him for a while but remember he will be feeling awful too.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, losing a pet is so hard

I’m so sorry to hear about your cart. My mum did the same with our dog last year. She gave him the dose for 35kg not 3.5kg.... we took him to the vets and he made a full recovery. I hope maybe your poor cat does the same.

I'm so sorry this has happened

@sadspringday in safety-critical industries they have a system known as a “four eye check” where two people will check settings/calculations etc even though both have the same experience and skill level. This is to mitigate risk in situations where the risk of getting it wrong may not be particularly high, but the outcome if it does go wrong would be devastating. You’ve said that your husband isn’t known for his common sense, so, despite his obvious ability to read instructions, this does sound like a situation where you should, out of an abundance of caution, have talked through the dosage with him (especially as you had had the briefing from the vet first time round). so it’s not as simple as saying “I’ll never trust him again” in the sense that he has let you down; it was the system that failed. The better analysis is that you should both regret not having agreed the specifics of the dosage together in order to reduce the risk of one of you getting it wrong. In other words, you are as much to blame as he is. I don’t say that to make you feel bad, or to suggest that he has a right to criticise/blame you, but to show that you both got it wrong so no point in lashing out at him. I’m also struck by your update that he possibly doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation- if by that you mean that he loved the cat less than you did, then that is another reason to have double checked what he was doing as his actions would not have been influenced by caring as much about her as you obviously did.

I honestly would be fuming. I too had an ex who, though apparently literate, seemed to be utterly devoid of a single brain cell capable of reading instructions. The amount of times he shouted out from the kitchen 'how do I cook this? (a packet of something)' and I had to reply 'READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS YOU DIMWIT' (or 'What does it say on the label darling?'.
My only explanation was that he had to do foundation level maths at school, so possibly suffered from dyscalculia? I wouldn't trust him to swat a fly he was that thick. He's now an ex.

My father (a farmer), once killed 3 kittens who had infected eyes by giving them the same dose as he would a lamb. I'll never forget all three of us (not my father) roaring crying while the little kittens died screaming in pain. I was so angry with my stupid father.

Why is it that it's men who seem to be so devoid of the ability to fucking think? Or read for that matter. Maybe I'm surrounded in particular by idiots, but it never fails to astound me how 'dumb' seemingly intelligent beings can be.

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your lovely and clearly beloved cat. I'd find it hard not to infantilise the idiot in the future. I certainly wouldn't trust him to be capable of administering medication to your children. What a fucking gobshite.

God forgive me, but I too have had one too many experiences of stupid men.

Surely 15ml is the whole of the bottle!!! I've just looked at our Metacam and on the box it states 15ml and also on the printed vet's label : Metacam oral susp 15 fifteen ml i.e. because that's what it is (just like on any medication ) Ours says dose to 3kg mark on syringe which equates to even less than 2.5ml when I test with a bit of water and pour that into a medicine spoon. Jesus, OP, I'm sorry, (especially for your lovely cat) but you DH is an idiot and I would be absolutely furious, (not to mention inconsolable).

I am so very sorry to hear about your lovely cat.

Relationship-wise, I don't know. I can't say for certain that I would be able to get past this. I know that the instructions on the boxes can be very difficult to read (often in minute print that I can't read without my magnifying glass even with my glasses on), but you really do have to check, double and triple check. If still unsure then phone the vet for further explanation before giving, and I have done that before too.

I view my pets as part of my family. I would want to be kind as your husband will probably be feeling bad, although you say it is hard to tell? If I were in your shoes now I think I would be unable to trust myself to speak to DH for rather a long time. I can't work out whether I would accept it as a mistake or negligence and would have to think on that one for quite a while.

but you really do have to check, double and triple check.

@Topseyt don’t you think that this checking should include both owners discussing the dose together before administering it?

Other stupid things the stupid men in my life have done - when told to take paracetamol - 'Eh, how many of these do I take?' FFS - read the fucking label you twat!!!! Why can't they read???????

This is so sad. I lost a beloved pet many years ago and still remember the pain.

Tbh I understand how you feel towards your husband, I am sure he feels awful but it’s such a careless mistake, with awful consequences.

I am sure he is cross with himself for causing such unnecessary suffering, but it’s a big responsibility administering medication to animals or people.

But you will have to forgive him, I am sure he will never make this mistake again.

Again, so sorry that you lost your lovely little cat.💐

@balmytissues just because all the people in your life who have done stupid things are me does not mean that all men are stupid or that women are not capable of being equally as stupid!

Are MEN, not me, oops, wasn’t me I promise!

I’m not sure how he did it, if it’s one ml to one kg, who has a fifteen kg cat.

I’m so sorry about your loss, I’m not sure how you can come back from this though, it’s just awful

I am so sorry to hear this OP. I admire your calm though, I would be incandescent if my DH did something this awful.

Aww, I’m so sorry about your loss 😿 poor puss

I don’t know how I’d come back from that? But then, I don’t trust my dh to do stuff like give medication. He’s specifically rung me on my way home from work before to ask me how to cook something, he was met with ‘I can’t read the instructions from here’.

I'm sorry for your loss.

So sorry, OP, how heartbreaking. I took my kitten through three separate rounds of Metacam before I realised that 4 = 4kg not 4ml (thank God the vet drew a little line for me in permanent marker). So very sorry for you and DH.

it was the system that failed

This. As pp said, it is exactly the reason why two people have to check certain medicines, even in professional environments - because even someone highly trained and used to reading dosage instructions can make a mistake.

Those that would hold a grudge clearly never made a mistake themselves that risked someone else's life (even if they then got away with it). A bad driving decision, leaving something plugged in and switched on, leaving candles unattended. All of those are momentary mistakes that can - if the gods are against you - kill someone. It is just sheer luck that we make those errors and don't have to face bad consequences.

This man has lost his cat and hurt his family over his mistake. I'm guessing that anyone half decent would be hating themseleves right now with guilt over the consequences of their mistake. OP, I totally understand why your own grief is making you angry and suspect I'd behave similarly but it doesn't mean your husband deserves it. The anger will hurt you as much as it will hurt him. If you can, please try to let it go xxx

In the meantime, I am so sorry your cat has died. However they go, pets beak our hearts when they do

Why do these people have so much common sense at work but not at home?

Is there a psychological reason?

Sorry about your cat xx
Unless you have reason to think he killed your fat intentionally, I’d try not to make him feel anymore worse than he already does. I’d feel so so awful if my actions had resulted in the death of a pet. So sorry xx

Internalised misogyny. The deep down think they’re too special to do drudge work so they fuck it up on purpose so the woman has to do it from now on.

OP. I am so sorry for your loss. My poor kitty has kidney failure after a recent operation and I thought we were going to lose him too. The "let's see how he is in 24/48 hour" conversation still haunts me. I still haven't forgiven myself for allowing him to have the op in the 1st place as irrational as that may be, so I can imagine your DH is incredibly upset right now.

A 15 ml bottle dosing at 15kg will have run out after two doses. Is he sure he was giving your cat a 15kg dose?