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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

My husband's accidentally killed our cat [sad]

152 replies

sadspringday · 20/04/2020 11:32

Our cat is likely going to be put down today Sad.

She is quite an anxious kitty and had had a couple of bouts of FIC (feline idiopathic cystitis) which she can get when particularly stressed which she took metacam for. She got locked in a garage for a whole day last week which set off another episode so we called the vets who prescribed the metacam. Husband gets up earliest so he usually does the food in the morning and had been doing the medicine alongside it.

A few days later she doesn't have her breakfast- not normal but not totally strange (although she does love her food). That night she was upstairs without us knowing- we usually shut them in the kitchen at night to prevent 3am kitty goo demands! The fact that she hadn't woken us and had no interest in breakfast once we found her rung major alarm bells for me and I just knew she wasn't right..

We called the vet who said bring her in immediately and blood tests showed her kidneys to be not working so they had her in over the weekend on a drip and although she's in good spirits they've not recovered so she's got 24-48h left if we leave her (I'm of the opinion that we let her go today Sad )

Turns out husband had been massively overdosing her without realising as he read the box wrong.. It's so so hard not to be so angry at him and I know we're all human and make mistakes but... I'm just so sad that she's died because someone she trusted failed her...

I guess I'm posting here because I can't tell anyone IRL that this is why she's going to die- it's not fair on husband, he already feels terrible.

I'm so sad Sad

OP posts:
Chickpeees · 20/04/2020 13:16

Oh I am so, so sorry. You will get through this, it might take time, your husband must be feeling dreadful too. Flowers

millerjane · 20/04/2020 13:17

It's fucking shit but it was an accident. So many cats/beautiful creatures meet thier end in harsher ways.

Please be kind to yourself and your DH
Flowers Flowers Flowers

lottiegarbanzo · 20/04/2020 13:18

Allow yourself space to grieve. Don't make his feelings of guilt and your wish to assuage that, more important than your feelings of sadness and need to grieve. Don't let him do that either. The sadness is about your cat and oyu, not 'about' him.

LimitIsUp · 20/04/2020 13:19

Agreed. Prize for most unhelpful post ever goes to koshkatt

Waspnest · 20/04/2020 13:19

I think it's completely understandable to not trust him for a long time and I also think it's fine to let him know that at the moment you are angry with him. Bugger the whole don't be annoyed with him he must be suffering enough already. This isn't an IKEA flat pack instruction sheet that he couldn't be arsed reading, it could have been a child that died. Would people be so sympathetic towards the DH then?

koshkatt · 20/04/2020 13:20

koshkatt, I find your posts really insensitive. Do you have to make this about you and what you say you would do?

I am sorry you find my comments insensitive. And tbf all I have said is that I would not forgive this and I wouldn't. So not really all about me is it?

ifIwerenotanandroid · 20/04/2020 13:20

What a sweet-looking cat & what a horrible situation. So sorry for your whole family.

koshkatt · 20/04/2020 13:21

Prize for most unhelpful post ever goes to koshkatt

Thanks. I am sure that your post has added a huge amount to the thread also.

MigginsMs · 20/04/2020 13:22

Poor cat, that’s so sad!

SunshineCake · 20/04/2020 13:23

I am so sorry *@sadspringday for the loss of your lovely cat.

If he as said a proper genuine sorry and fully accepted this is his fault then I would be more inclined to be kinder to him. If he's being an arse and not taking responsibility then I'd let me true feelings show.

Take care Flowers.

Werkwerkwerkwerkwerkwerk · 20/04/2020 13:25

I dont see why op should be forgiving just because it's a cat, what if he had been massively overdosing their child ??

I'd be absolutely beside myself and fuming

Megan2018 · 20/04/2020 13:28

I’ve had 3 cats on long term Metacam, I really can’t fathom how anyone could get this so wrong! I do hope you don’t have children, if you do I’d be very concerned.
It’s not something I could forgive.

rosiepony · 20/04/2020 13:28

Yeah, not sure I could get past this.

EthelMayFergus · 20/04/2020 13:31

Really sorry op, awful situation but she was clearly a beloved cat who had a lovely life Flowers.

Original poster
sadspringday · 20/04/2020 13:32

We do have children, trust me I won't be leaving medication to him... To be fair I tend to do all the child admin type stuff anyway.

He does feel bad but he's not really a feelingsy sort of person so it's hard to tell whether he really understands the gravity of the situation.

OP posts:
ExtraCorona · 20/04/2020 13:34

Unless your husband has a very low IQ (does he?) surely he would understand to read the label 100,000 times until he was sure and not just recklessly kill an animal by giving a massive overdose? This is batshit stupid.

oakleaffy · 20/04/2020 13:34

15ml is a vast dose.... A 20 ml syringe would be needed to draw that up, and they are much larger than a normal metacam dosing syringe... Something surely is amiss here?

Our 19 kilo Lurcher had metacam prescribed, and it was just a very tiny amount ..maybe a1ml or so? {can't remember, it was a long time ago}
Something seems very amiss with the 15mls?
Poor cat.
I'd be very upset, but surely your husband would have read the bottle properly?
Could the cat have been poisoned by something else in the garage? ...Cats are drawn to a specific toxin ethylene glycol in antifreeze..Drips of this on the Garage floor? :(

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/04/2020 13:34

Sorry your cat has passed away OP.
I am sure your DH feels terrible about it. Mistakes do happen, so try not to hold it against him. We’ve lost a kitten and a litter of puppies (one survivor) due to medical mistakes by vets so they do happen from time to time even to professionals.
I am sure this will haunt him and make him extra careful from now on.

Sammymommy · 20/04/2020 13:35

"He does feel bad but he's not really a feelingsy sort of person so it's hard to tell whether he really understands the gravity of the situation".

Has he acknowledge the majestic stupidity he has showcased? Has he properly apologised? Is he showing/voicing how bad he feels?

Feelingsy or not, his acts had the consequence they had...

QuimReaper · 20/04/2020 13:38

Isn't the entire bottle like 3ml? How many times could he have overdosed her without the bottle running out, didn't he get through the whole lot in just a couple of doses?

Anyway, so sorry for your loss OP. I wonder if your husband is struggling to know what the right amount of pain to show is: since he's responsible, he may think it's inappropriate for him to show huge amounts of grief, but also be anxious about looking callous, so is just freezing up. That's probably how I would feel.

Original poster
sadspringday · 20/04/2020 13:39

It wasn't 15ml, it was the dose for 15kg animal, at least twice before she stopped eating.. I'm cross with myself for not checking that he did it correctly but I assumed he could read a label. He does not have low IQ, if anything he has a classic high IQ, low common sense brain but this is worse than anything I'd expect.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadspringday · 20/04/2020 13:40

@QuimReaper you might be right

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 20/04/2020 13:44

I wouldn’t let him get off feeling bad about this. This wasn’t just a silly mistake. It’s pure laziness and carelessness to misread a medicine bottle. If I was prescribing unfamiliar medication for the first time I’d be reading every single instruction on that bottle back to front and upside down. He’s glanced at the bottle, saw a random figure and just decided to make an assumption, resulting in the death of an animal. Fuck pussyfooting around him in case it makes him feel bad. Like other people have said, could you trust him medicating a child when he couldn’t get it right with a cat?

oakleaffy · 20/04/2020 13:47

@sadspringday..Are your vets certain it was metacam poisoning that caused the poor cats kidneys to fail?{I haven't read all the pages}..Antifreeze and lily pollen are also common toxins for cats...and owners need to be vigilant.
So sorry for the loss of your Cat. Flowers

Original poster
sadspringday · 20/04/2020 13:54

@oakleaffy from what I've read you've got to be quite careful with metacam and it was definitely a large overdose. There is of course a small chance it was something else but the vet said that metacam can cause this problem even on a normal dose if you're unlucky.

I'd like to not blame my husband but I think trying to come up with a plausible alternative would be stretching it a bit

OP posts: