Pilling the cat: 100 easy steps

[Supersimpkin]

No.

Skechers. The "Bobs" range. I got my black ones last year though, I don't know if they're available this year. They're really comfy too so I can recommend them.

Can confirm v comfy! I got mine off the Skechers website last week

I shall email Skechers design dept for a tabby version to be designed at once.

Boris Johnson looks AWFUL on the telly, watching ITV now. He looks as haggard as I feel :)

Mr C, another naughty tomcat, looks way better. He's hogged the fan, dehumidifier and air purifier. Now angling for a boiled egg.

Kitties, how to take up two thirds of momma’s bed in easy steps:

1. choose your position carefully. Horizontally or diagonally works best. Stretch out body until you resemble a lion rather than a house cat.
2. stretch out front paws.
3. stretch out back paws.
4. stretch out tail.
5. pretend to be so deeply asleep that your momma’s poking and prodding cannot wake you.
6. open your eyes a slit so you can see your momma trying to navigate her way round the bedroom to get to the toilet, as you’re on the side closest to the en suite.
7. laugh to yourself as she stubs her toe and swears, then snooze for another couple of hours. (Apologies for the poor quality pic)

In our occasional series, pet behaviorist Matt offers his expert practical help with step-by-step guides to success YOUR kitty needs.

That is a lovely, lovely picture. Is he still out for the count? Warm, innit, niiice for relaxin'.

Fluffycloudland77 No - she's currently asleep in her cat carrier. It's her 'room of one's own' .

Because she was a very traumatised repeatedly abandoned rescue and assumed every car journey meant she was going to get dumped again, I was advised to leave the carrier out in a corner of the living room so she wouldn't be terrified of it. That was in 2012 and it's now a fixture.

It's also an excellent place from which to swipe mama's ankles.

Prime position to be tripped over AND spy human going into kitchen. And of course he can't lie on the comfortable chaise

I see Ollie has partly succeeded in taking up as much floorspace as possible by adopting the stretched out back paws and tail from Matt’s tips
He came down for breakfast and a stroll around the garden, before retiring to dd’s bed, Lana.
It’s hard work being a cat, you know. We hoomans have no idea!

Of course. He's taken to lying on the carpet a lot recently, I think it's quicker access to the kitchen. I mean I glance at the kitchen and he's up like "food? Food? JACKET POTATO?"
Worse than having a dog

Weezol cat is such a beauty, I can’t imagine returning an animal..

Does that mean I'm clear to post Mr C up to you Fluffy?

AT LAST BWA HA HA HA HA

No, asbo would have no problem returning an animal.

God one cats enough.

No doubt PB feels the same Cozietoesie.

Pills just flown out again.

Fluffy The shelter went to remove her from her last placement - who had told them a pack of lies and been horrible to her.

Me and Weezolcat were both a bit banjoed when we got together - in the eight months prior I'd chucked out a cheating husband, had major surgery and ended up on disability benefits. We recovered together and she now trusts me enough to sit on my lap and be brushed - it took seven years but it's been worth it.

I think she reads this thread - after years of 'urrgh, human food dirty' she became interested in baked bean sauce about two weeks after Ollie was pictured with his face on the jacket potato plate.

The cat dept of MI6 (MIAOW6) have software scanning these threads to pick up trigger words of interest eg baked potatoes, pate, and salmon.

Any intelligence gathered from the surveillance are distributed to the network of cats' rights groups working hard for cats undercover. Loads of groups throughout the UK so, yeh, Weezol, that's about right.

Ollie is also reading the tips on how to spread out for maximum effect

So when Weezolcat sits staring into the middle distance is she receiving Intelligence Updates?

Ollie looks weak from hunger exhausted.

@Weezol he's eaten two pouches and is still whining at me

Finally stopped whining after having a pouch of tuna with crab. Feels like I've served 100 meals tonight

Poor Ollie having to make do with that excuse for a cushion. Someone call the RSPCA quick!

@Papergirl1968 he insists on sleeping on it despite it being too small

Your Facebook made me laugh. No exchange on weird black cats indeed!

@Papergirl1968 that's honestly what she said the next sentence was "I'll have him though, pick him up in ten mins"

Aww, I’ve got a better idea. Ollie can come and live with me and Matt
Or maybe not seeing as Matt doesn’t like the black cat that lives two doors away!

Mr C wailed at me to make sure I was watching him this am as he tottered onto the balcony - and I did, enjoying the sweet sight of an elderly tabby about to settle in a sunbeam under a canopy of geraniums in full bloom.

He looked me full in the eye and peed on the balcony floor.

i think that's his way of saying he's too old to use balcony tray. Fair enough, it's quite a high jump, and it's also an insanely expensive planter that I fancy putting a tree in. We won't go into what happened to the nectarine mini-tree, so fashionable and so pretty.

I'm going to get a coffee now. Send off for a tray, etc. Rubber gloves out again.