WWYD? - kids' cruelty, old cat

[have4goneinsane]

Sorry for the length - basically the question is "do we keep the cat?"

We have Jasper, a very old (14 or 15) cat who moved in with us about 18 months ago. He is getting doddery, has arthritis, no teeth and has taken to peeing in odd places - I fear he doesn't have more than a year or 2 left

He is much loved by the whole family and our house has been much calmer since he moved in (4 kids aged 4-12, older 3 have aspergers).

Jasper loves people and children in particular, he seems to thrive on being hauled around, dressed up by children of any age and if there are 15 children in the house he will be found in the middle of the crowd being petted and manfully ignoring the sausage that a toddler is shoving up his nose.

So, generally a good match.

Occasionally the kids have been unkind to him, he has been kicked, the boys thought it would be hilarious to pick him up by his tail once, things like that. On each occasion that I know of Jasper has run off a short distance and then got on with life. The kids have had a bollocking, consequences etc.

Today they excelled themselves by throwing him on the trampoline while one of them was on there (they admitted this afterwards) - Jasper not only ran, he went and hid under the house for 3/4hour and when he came out he was clearly still shaken.

I feel they have crossed a line in terms of cruelty (basically they did this as part of a threat/bet situation, knowing full-well that it was cruel). I have told them that we will seriously need to consider whether we find a new home for Jasper. The thing is, I am not sure if it is crueller to move such an old cat or to keep him. He is so trusting that I know he will be back for more maltreatment opportunities.

WWYD?

Can Jasper go back to the neighbour who owned him originally? I think he needs to, it's not fair on him to have to put up with this sort of behaviour when he's old and vulnerable.

Poor cat. See if you can regime him and for gods sake don't inflict any more animals on the cruelty of your children. Kicking a cat, picking up by tail and throwing around is appalling and that level of cruelty shouldn't have even happened once never mind repeatedly. My 3 year old has bee bought up to be gentle with our cat and knows not to do stuff that that even in the middle of his worst temper tantrum he won't hurt our cat.
Your children need some really harsh punishment for that and you need to teach them better - stop using their asd as an excuse and for gods sake keep the cat away from them

thanks cosietoesie

The neighbour would not want him back - she is elderly and got landed with him after he was taken in as a stray by her daughter. He'd also refuse to go back as the trigger for him moving on from her was her taking on another daughter's 2 very yappy dogs whom he hated with a passion.

I will be talking to the vets on Monday as they may know of a family who would be suited to him. I couldn't send him to a rehoming centre as even in our tiny local cattery for a week he picks all his fur out from stress because he doesn't get enough cuddles and attention.

sorry, but rehoming thd cat wont cure thd bigger problem that your children are cruel to animals. it will just hide it until they get another chance with their next, or someone elses, pet.

can you get a local pcso to put the shits up them? maybe give them some home truths about how some very bad people often start out hurting animals etc?

"BertrandRussell NO, NOT DRIP FEED, simply that I wish all the parenting experts would understand that life is not as simple as they tell me to take away all the multiple electronic devices that my spoilt rotten children must of course have. I asked about the CAT, but now feel that I need to defend my children who do have reasons for their behaviour, not that that excuses it (before anyone else chooses to shred me)"

Not sure how you expected people to ignore the cruelty- partcularly when you mentiond it in the thread title. Did you think that mentioning Aspegers would automatically explain it?

He's be better off PTS than staying in a home where he's going to be abused like that especially as he's an old going incontinent cat.

my cat was old and a bit incontinent from about 14 but lived until she was 19. pts again just masks the issue

How is it drip feeding she made it clear her children had SN's in the OP.

My son has several ASD related SN, and he absolutely adores our cat, it doesn't mean he puts actions=consequences together and he doesn't understand that what he does might hurt her.

OP - I have a simple rule after a couple of incidents of our cat getting the sharp end of the stick with his behaviour, he is not allowed to touch her without an adult in the room, which seems to work for us.

Can you try something like that?

didn't want anyone to ignore the cruelty, ASD is not an excuse, but does explain that my children are not perhaps run-of-the-mill. But upset at the automatic assumption that my children are spoilt rotten and that I think what they have done in the past is amusing and cute.

I've taken DS2 down the police station for other incidents and it has had nil effect, I doubt this would be different unfortunately.

Consequences take a long time to get through and none of them can generalise. It's taken 9 months of consistent consequences to get DD1 to realise that hitting me before church on a Sunday morning means she doesn't get to go to kids church, she cannot generalise to the fact that hitting me is unacceptable, full stop.

If it was a younger cat he'd be out of here tomorrow.

You sound as if the chidren's mistreatment of the cat has just been the final straw and that you're now not really feeling up to dealing with matters. I'm sure that many of us have been in that position although perhaps not for precisely the same reasons.

If I were in your position, I'd try to rehome him with someone I knew. The only real issue with his age is the peeing in inappropriate places and who knows but that that might be a sign of stress which he is feeling? Just because he chose to live with you at one point doesn't mean that he might not enjoy another household - and knowing that he was content and having a few sunset years of peace and enjoyment would likely ease your mind a whole load.

I suspect that the issues with the children - which you will still have to resolve if you can - will be easier to face without the additional being to care for.

It's not just about punishment now though is it? Even if the children couldn't understand 'why' as you say there should still have been RULES in place that they followed around the cat. Even your youngest without asd doesn't seem to have these as 'the toddler shoving a sausage up his nose' is not something that would be allowed in my house.
My son knows (because he's been taught) not to shove things in the cats face because it's not kind. It doesn't matter if your cat tolerates it - it still shouldn't happen.
Regime cat or PTS for its sale and never keep another pet your kids have access to.

Sorry I've just noticed that you're overseas. Well I've no idea how the rescues are where you are then. Unless it's northern Europe then I suspect the chances of rehoming an elderly cat are nil. I really don't know what to suggest apart from asking around friends and family.

We rehomed my 10 year old cat with inlaws as he'd started swiping (unprovoked) at our 3 year old (we didnt know, but he turned out to be ill and had to be put down about 9 months later. Sob)
Worked fine but he 'knew' them anyway and we got to see him as they were local (I'd had him before I met DH and had DD , when I lived alone, and adored him ) So it can work if you can find someone
I suspect you have enough on your plate without trying to protect Jasper. I salute you.You have challenges in raising your DCs that most of us do not even dream of .

TBH, I'd have him put down.

You cant watch them 24/7.

you cant justify pts because the kids are cruel to it, talk about taking the easy option, tempting it may be but were talking about ending this cats life because its being treated like shit? Really? tackle the problem otherwise next time they might get hold of someone elses pet and they may not be as apathetic about it.

Better PTS than stuck in a rehoming place.

Being PTS is not the worst thing that can happen to an animal.

It's a tough one... I do get where you're coming from somewhat. My ASD son has no animal empathy and when I became an accidental cat owner it was hugely stressful because my son was relentless in seeking her out. I had to supervise him none stop to even putting him on his bed with his ds while I had a shower and sitting him on the freezer while I made a meal.. He had to be constantly supervised.

I had to put the hard slog in with the cat.. Hes not allowed to touch her full stop.. He is allowed to fill her dish up and give her treats under supervision and we've taught him that if she invites a head scratch at these times then he can stroke her head. It took about 6 months before she became just a part of the household to him and not that interesting anymore. The cat seems to know not to be alone with him and will come and wake me up if he's got up super early or just crawl into bed with me until I wake up.

On the whole he's a million times better and will go for a tickle with neighbourhood cats and understands signals like the slow blink and swishing tails whether a cat is receptive.

It was so so intensive though and it was hard just with the one child.

Really in your shoes I would put a cat off limits completely for playing or touching.. It's too old.

We did watch a shit load of cats from hell together though.. That might be a good starting point to teach them how to behave around cats.

depends on the rehoming place, obviously. they arent all how we like to imagine, dark, dismal, tiny cages, when its decided to take the easy way out and just pts.

pts has a place and can be the kinder thing for sure, but in this case that does nothing but gloss over the problem that op has kids who are cruel to animals. they HAVE to learn to be able to have contact with animals otherwise as i say next time its someone elses pet and if it was mine id do everything i could to make sure they were properly punished.

I would definitely at least speak to a rehoming centre and ask. There have been elderly cats on the pages of our local one that have been rehomed. you never know.
Some rehoming places do 'home from home' where they advertise your cat but it is rehomed straight from you rather than going into the centre at all.

Oh I agree gah but in this case it might be kindest for the cat and that has to be a concern here

I'm another who would say either rehome or pts. I had an elderly cat who also loved children, he would be dragged all over by the neighbours children and never one bit or scratched them. I had to stop him going out so much towards the end as he was simply too arthritic to cope with being pulled around. Those children weren't being deliberately cruel btw, just lugging him about too much.

I honestly feel that the cat needs more protection from your children than you can give, I feel he would fare better in a new home,and if I couldn't find one then I'd make the hard decision to pts for his sake. He deserves better to be treated like that. Then I'd work on introducing the children to animals outside the home where they can be supervised (farm visits, rescue centres etc) before allowing another animal under my roof.

I really feel for you..what an awful position to be put in. What about trying to be very black and white about the cat with the children for a while. Eg 'you are not allowed to touch the cat atall' and see how things go over the next couple of weeks..they are clearly not able to make good decisions about how to treat the cat at the moment so it's easier just to take that responsibility away from them. I think I'd try that first before rehoming or pts.

I really don't understand why on earth you brought an animal into this situation, knowing what your kids problems are?

One of my children is adopted, he comes from a very, very challenging early start, lots of attachment issues, some pretty heavy emotional/social delays, we're working on it with therapy etc, my other 3 would love a pet, as would I and DH, we cant have one because of my boys issues, his empathy and general behavior is not conducive to living with an animal, I hate to say it but right now, he would most likely hurt them, and mean it, his issues are not an excuse, he has a plant he takes care of instead, badly, its my job as his mother to understand his limitations. If his go to way of getting what he wants is violence and manipulation, fuck knows what he would do to a cat/dog/rabbit. I love him obviously, as you love yours, but we have to be realistic when our kids have problems.

You're just as complicit in this, no animal "thrives" off being dressed up and carted about, it's a cat, not a toy, cat probably submits to it out of fear. Get that poor cat out of there.