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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Feeling so trapped by my cats

126 replies

VroomOnTheBroom · 04/01/2015 08:02

I have three large fluffy pedigree cats, indoor only, and I'm starting to lose the plot. We have had them all from kittens. The 7 year old boy is handsome and well behaved but he sheds like a month-old Christmas tree (this is my fault I know, but I'm pregnant and have a toddler and I work, so something has to give and grooming is one of the losses). The 5 year old girl is sweet and affectionate but she scratches the furniture all to hell. I have those sticky strips on the bed, I keep long throws over the armchair to hide the legs and I have scratching posts round the place - but she still prefers the sofa/armchair/suitcases/foot of bed.

And the most upsetting one is the 5 yo boy who pees EVERYWHERE. No UTI that I know of. He started it about eight months old when we went away for a holiday, we came back to the flat stinking and our bed a lake of cat piss. We were in our 20s then, no kids and the cats slept on our bed. He started to do it every time he felt neglected. We were hungover and he was looking for cuddles? We would wake up to wet feet, mostly DH who is a heavy sleeper. It started being occasional but it's got worse and worse over the years. Now he's an opportunist. If I catch him in time he will run away and straight into one of the litter boxes (DH cleans the poo out daily and changes the litter weekly). He does it on soft furnishings, anything left on the floor (towels, bags, clothes) especially anything of my husband's. He's DH's cat so he craves attention from him more and punishes him when he doesn't get it - that's my theory. I've had to throw out several pairs of shoes, a couple of coats, countless hold-alls and suitcases. I am on my 3rd mattress in four years - the mattress protectors sometimes don't cover the edges well, or shrink in the wash, or leak, and the odour remover has its own odour and it's not pleasant to sleep on. Cats have been banned from the bedroom for the last 2-3 years because of this, but the door is usually open during the day - we are in an open plan flat and our ensuite has our bathroom so we are in and out during the day at home. He won't pee on the bed when we are at work during the day, but if I'm up seeing to our son and my husband is dozing or looking at his phone and not paying him attention, I often find the room stinking when I come back in. Last week after spending Christmas with my family I came home to find he's been using the bathroom sinks as a toilet - poo too, and not just the sink but peeing all over the countertop. At first I didn't know what had happened so I cleaned it up, and the next day caught him in the act again. He hasn't done it since though but in the meantime two bath mats are in the wash, and the single bed in my son's room has had to be stripped and the mattress treated with enzyme odour remover.

I'm so sick of hauling the bedclothes off my husband at 5am because I've been up with a baby and now I can't go back to bed because I have to put the bed linen in the machine. I'm so sick of my home smelling of cat pee and having to track down and work out what exactly has been urinated on this time by following my nose like a grossed-out bisto kid. I'm sick of losing comfortable shoes because I can't keep them by the door. I'm tired of not being able to have floor coverings - rugs and front door mats have all met the same fate. I've spent a fortune replacing sports bags and shoes and bedding.

I feel so trapped. He's only 5 and has a life expectancy of 16-20 years. I can't put down a healthy cat and he can't be rehomed with that behaviour, and I couldn't part him from his beloved twin sister either. I know he's my responsibility for the next 10-15 years. I feel so envious of other people's lovely clean, fragrant, unscratched, hair free homes. Of their black clothes that they don't have to constantly lint roll or dry clean because the volume of cat hair from 3 fluffy breed cats means black clothes look even worse coming out of the washing machine than they did going in.

The right number of cats for me would be one or none. We lost the girl recently and found her trapped in a cupboard after a brief scare. And all I could think was "why her? Why couldn't we lose Mr Pissy Pussy instead?" I would never do anything to further his demise but when I fantasise about leaving my husband so he could keep his two cats and I'd have my own well-mannered boy alone... I mean they are all "our" cats, just happened that over time one of the boys has attached himself to each of us and the girl goes with the younger male cat as they are close sibs.

I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
shaska · 05/01/2015 20:58

"Sorry but why have you got all these cats in a flat with no access to the outside in a city centre."

  • Well I can't speak for the OP but I have two cats in a small flat in a city with no access to the outdoors because otherwise they would be living in the Celia Hammond staffroom with about 15 other cats, or, had Celia not taken them in, they'd probably be dead. It makes me quite angry when people say stuff like this. There are so many cats living in shelters (which do a wonderful job but are so overloaded) or on the street (having a great outdoorsy life scavenging for food and getting ill) that I think any loving home is probably better. I'd love to give my two a garden one day, but at least they're loved, cared for, and alive, for now.

Anyway! OP - good luck! Just wanted to say that we had a pissing issue and I really didn't think an extra tray would help, but it was like magic - pissing stopped overnight. It does mean we have trays in places we'd prefer not to - but better trays than piss!

peckforton · 05/01/2015 21:04

I have used puppy pads with success for a pissy cat.
I have five cats who can access outside but still use the litter trays as they don't like bad weather. Mine will not use covered trays no matter how big. One of my cats once walked up to my husband after he had been away all week and pissed on him!!! They can be very jealous and possessive.
The only thing I could see about the pissing on the bed at night is to get a large cage and pen him, with litter and food and water at night.
Shutting the door when you are not there and putting closers on the doors so they don't get left open.
We completely moved the furniture around in the lounge as pissy cat found a great place behind the tv, now she can't move the bookcases lol. So went back using the litter trays.
White vinegar in a spray is great for instant cleanups and netralising the smell. I have not found an odour neutraliser that doesn't make things smell worse.
All clothes are kept of the floor no matter what, shoes always in the porch. Our pissy cat is because she is old and confused and stands and cries if she gets lost and is a ragdoll so not the brightest of cats lol. I know how hard it is walking into a house with friends then the great smell of piss rises up.
Ignore the put to sleep brigade they are obviously not true cat lovers.

RubbishMantra · 06/01/2015 05:11

Have you tried cleaning the pissy patches with a solution of biological washing powder? The enzymes break down the smell, and discourage puss from pissing there again.

RubbishMantra · 06/01/2015 05:24

"One of my cats once walked up to my husband after he had been away all week and pissed on him!!!" Shock Grin

Maybe not so much jealousy, it's likely hubby brought different smells into the house after his time away, which your cat felt threatened by. Pissing on hubby could have been a short-cut into making him smell familiar again. Unpleasant though!

Hakluyt · 06/01/2015 08:20

Well, frankly, I don't think a true cat lover would keep alive an old and confused cat that stands and cries when she gets lost and pisses in inappropriate places. That is not a happy cat with a good quality of life.

RubbishMantra · 06/01/2015 08:59

My cat cries if he doesn't know where I am and most things confuse him Haklyut. He's 5. Should he be put down then? I mean, he is a bit of a bitey bastard, but I don't think that deserves the death penalty!

Hakluyt · 06/01/2015 09:24

Is he happy? If so, then of course don't PTS.

If he isn't- and for a cat, pissing in inappropriate places simply because old and confused, and crying because lost in familiar surroundings indicates unhappiness which cannot be made better and will only get worse, then yes, however heartbreaking it is for the humans involved,.PTS. Any other course of action is selfish and not in the animal's best interest.

KareninsGirl · 06/01/2015 10:21

But this cat is 5, that's not old!!

RubbishMantra · 06/01/2015 10:26

Well, I wouldn't exactly describe him as a ray of sunshine. He enjoys biting humans though, so I humour that as much as my pain thresh-hold can manage.

Not quite the same, but when my elderly (now deceased) dog got ill, I was concerned for her quality of life. The vet told me that as long as she could recognise me, find her food and toilet by herself then her quality of life was good enough.

Methe · 06/01/2015 10:30

Breeding animals for looks that are so thick they try to play with cars and get lost in their own homes is really disturbing.

It's like people breeding dogs who are so deformed they can't give birth to their own pups and fish who can't swim due to their ridiculous proportions.

We have a very fucked up way of playing God with animals sometimes.

Every creature deserves to have a good life. If, due to us it's life is awful they we are responsible for doing the right thing and putting it down.

RubbishMantra · 06/01/2015 10:40

My silly cat is a black and white mog, so wasn't bred for his looks.

However, he is devastatingly handsome.

cedricsneer · 06/01/2015 13:54

Methe ragdoll cats (which are indoor cats) are bred for temperament, not looks. This loving and laid back temperament is what makes them vulnerable when outdoors. It cannot be compared to selective puppy breeding for looks.

Animals evolve. It is nature. Ragdolls have evolved to be indoor cats - they no longer have a predatory nature so do not miss being outside.

I do however think that 3 cats in a relatively small flat is unfair.

Methe · 06/01/2015 14:13

So they're cats that are incapable of behaving like cats? Confused

Hakluyt · 06/01/2015 14:22

"
Animals evolve. It is nature. Ragdolls have evolved to be indoor cats - they no longer have a predatory nature so do not miss being outside. "

What, the way GSDs have evolved to have non functioning hips, and pugs have evolved so that they can't breathe properly? Some issue with "survival of the fittest" in all cases..............

cedricsneer · 06/01/2015 14:41

Um, no. They have great quality off life - have you met one? They have no physical issues at all. They are affectionate, laid back and contented cats.

cedricsneer · 06/01/2015 14:41

Of not off.

cedricsneer · 06/01/2015 14:44

Some animals can be selectively bred for desirable temperamental qualities you know. Totally different to selectively breeding to meet some arbitrary breed standard regarding appearance.

peckforton · 06/01/2015 16:07

All my cats are rescue cats and have the life of riley to what they had, they have problems due to this and I am not going to put them to sleep because of this. Being confused is not a reason to be put to sleep, If she stops eating or being able to get around then that,s another matter entirely. Confused people live quite happily. My Ragdoll can get outside in the garden but can't get over fences although she prefers inside.

Methe · 06/01/2015 17:50

I've looked after people who were confused and spent their lives in a state of terror. Being confused is not much fun for any being.

Cedric I've never met one and I'm sure your cats are perfectly lovely.

Fact is though, ops cat sounds miserable and they may well be down to its home life or just because it's so gormless due to it's breeding that it spends it's life in abject misery.

I couldn't live with myself if I left any creature suffering without doing something about it, be that rehome it or put it to sleep. As Hakluyt said up thread there are far worse things for an animal than being put down, animals have no concept of death and if it is done humanely it doesn't hurt.

It sounds like the OP has several avenues to explore and I hope something makes a difference.

Hakluyt · 06/01/2015 17:57

"Confused people live quite happily"

I'm glad you think that- it must be very reassuring for you.

But imagine being a creature that lives only by instinct, not intellect. And your instincts stop working. That must just be a living hell.

msrisotto · 06/01/2015 20:19

Hi OP. I truly, honestly feel your pain!!! It took me along time and a lot of experimenting but my cat has been "dry" for a couple of months now. I second advice to read Vicky Halls books and to watch as much "My cat from hell" as you can find plus Google and a dedicated cat lover forum!

Make sure you are cleaning accidents excellently - get a black light to make sure. Cats noses are so sensitive. 10% solution of biological washing detergent and water. My cat told me where she wanted to pee...Puppy pads were my lifesaver. I put them in every regular spot, gradually phasing them out as she more consistently went in the litter tray lined with the puppy pad.

AlpacaMyBags · 07/01/2015 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaLa5 · 07/01/2015 04:11

Your cat is stressed due to the situation you've put him in - don't put him to sleep.

Too many cats in indoor small environment
Too few litter trays
Introduction of stress - going away, kids
Not changing litter often enough

I'm sympathetic that it's unpleasant when cat starts toileting but you need to take responsibility for why it's happening and solve the problem. The cat is stressed.

Change litter daily - they hate using dirty litter
1 more litter tray than no of cats. I say this on MN all the time and people think I'm exaggerating but cats naturally pee and poo in different areas outside and not where other cats have. So you need to provide opportunity for this behaviour.
Clean, disinfect and use product to dissolve cat wee wherever your cat has weed. If they can smell residual wee they'll do it again. It's scent marking. Urine off is good product
Don't leave them long time alone - it stresses them. Put in Cattery if you're going away as then they won't toilet while you're on hol
You have too many cats - they are territorial and a small property is not enough space to provide for territories particularly if no access to outside.
When children arrived this brought new smells and noises. If not carefully managed then cat can become stressed. Play baby noises before baby comes, introduce nursery furniture gradually and rub cats scent over everything.

I think you should rehome the male, he's not coping. Try local rescues, cpl, RSPCA, or via word of mouth.

But don't PTS - it's not his fault. You decided to get 3 cats and keep them indoors, not him.

LaLa5 · 07/01/2015 04:18

PS I have dealt with my cat starting to do exactly this and I know how soul destroying it is to wake up realising that yet again my cat has peed on my pillow and I'm lying in it!

Please don't think I'm unsympathetic because I am - but also it's our responsibility to find out what's causing it and find a solution.

MokunMokun · 07/01/2015 05:14

Good luck with the trainer OP. Your flat sounds really nice btw!

I live abroad and indoor cats are the norm here. It's absolutely fine and recommended by a lot of experts, vets, shelters etc Much safer for them.

I once saw a program about an obese cat so the owners started taking him for walks on a special harness. One time he peed as they were going out so the owner had to stay home and wash the harness. The cat realized that peeing would get him out of his walk so started peeling every time they went. Cats are pretty smart. He may well be peeing out of spite.