Feeling so trapped by my cats

[VroomOnTheBroom]

I have three large fluffy pedigree cats, indoor only, and I'm starting to lose the plot. We have had them all from kittens. The 7 year old boy is handsome and well behaved but he sheds like a month-old Christmas tree (this is my fault I know, but I'm pregnant and have a toddler and I work, so something has to give and grooming is one of the losses). The 5 year old girl is sweet and affectionate but she scratches the furniture all to hell. I have those sticky strips on the bed, I keep long throws over the armchair to hide the legs and I have scratching posts round the place - but she still prefers the sofa/armchair/suitcases/foot of bed.

And the most upsetting one is the 5 yo boy who pees EVERYWHERE. No UTI that I know of. He started it about eight months old when we went away for a holiday, we came back to the flat stinking and our bed a lake of cat piss. We were in our 20s then, no kids and the cats slept on our bed. He started to do it every time he felt neglected. We were hungover and he was looking for cuddles? We would wake up to wet feet, mostly DH who is a heavy sleeper. It started being occasional but it's got worse and worse over the years. Now he's an opportunist. If I catch him in time he will run away and straight into one of the litter boxes (DH cleans the poo out daily and changes the litter weekly). He does it on soft furnishings, anything left on the floor (towels, bags, clothes) especially anything of my husband's. He's DH's cat so he craves attention from him more and punishes him when he doesn't get it - that's my theory. I've had to throw out several pairs of shoes, a couple of coats, countless hold-alls and suitcases. I am on my 3rd mattress in four years - the mattress protectors sometimes don't cover the edges well, or shrink in the wash, or leak, and the odour remover has its own odour and it's not pleasant to sleep on. Cats have been banned from the bedroom for the last 2-3 years because of this, but the door is usually open during the day - we are in an open plan flat and our ensuite has our bathroom so we are in and out during the day at home. He won't pee on the bed when we are at work during the day, but if I'm up seeing to our son and my husband is dozing or looking at his phone and not paying him attention, I often find the room stinking when I come back in. Last week after spending Christmas with my family I came home to find he's been using the bathroom sinks as a toilet - poo too, and not just the sink but peeing all over the countertop. At first I didn't know what had happened so I cleaned it up, and the next day caught him in the act again. He hasn't done it since though but in the meantime two bath mats are in the wash, and the single bed in my son's room has had to be stripped and the mattress treated with enzyme odour remover.

I'm so sick of hauling the bedclothes off my husband at 5am because I've been up with a baby and now I can't go back to bed because I have to put the bed linen in the machine. I'm so sick of my home smelling of cat pee and having to track down and work out what exactly has been urinated on this time by following my nose like a grossed-out bisto kid. I'm sick of losing comfortable shoes because I can't keep them by the door. I'm tired of not being able to have floor coverings - rugs and front door mats have all met the same fate. I've spent a fortune replacing sports bags and shoes and bedding.

I feel so trapped. He's only 5 and has a life expectancy of 16-20 years. I can't put down a healthy cat and he can't be rehomed with that behaviour, and I couldn't part him from his beloved twin sister either. I know he's my responsibility for the next 10-15 years. I feel so envious of other people's lovely clean, fragrant, unscratched, hair free homes. Of their black clothes that they don't have to constantly lint roll or dry clean because the volume of cat hair from 3 fluffy breed cats means black clothes look even worse coming out of the washing machine than they did going in.

The right number of cats for me would be one or none. We lost the girl recently and found her trapped in a cupboard after a brief scare. And all I could think was "why her? Why couldn't we lose Mr Pissy Pussy instead?" I would never do anything to further his demise but when I fantasise about leaving my husband so he could keep his two cats and I'd have my own well-mannered boy alone... I mean they are all "our" cats, just happened that over time one of the boys has attached himself to each of us and the girl goes with the younger male cat as they are close sibs.

I am at my wit's end. I don't know what to do.

Quite a consensus about rehoming him. If it doesn't work unfortunately it's out of my control what happens to him and I'd hate that. He has such a great personality - he's loved by whoever comes here and he's DH's favourite cat. I didn't mean to suggest that I thought he was peeing out of vengeance - just that I know he's upset but he seems to be more upset by DH and react to DH's stuff. If DH's coat slips off the back of the chair to the floor, it's had it. DH will still be wrapped in a towel dripping everywhere and the newly put down bath mat has had it.

About the living conditions - it's a warehouse conversion flat in the middle of the city. So there is no outside space. But is 2000sq ft flat with high ceilings. We have two six foot cat trees with hidey holes which they enjoy, and there are other cat beds out of reach that they're frequently in and out of. Due to the odd layout (open plan, curiously angled walls) there aren't many places to stair gate, but the front part of the flat, about 300sqft, is stairgated off and the cat trees, food bowls and one of the toilets is behind that, safe from toddler. Cats can get in and out but they have to jump over the kitchen counters. Feliway hasn't made any difference, I've used it before to no avail.

They are Exotics. Absolutely stunning but far too daft to go outside. They are very sociable and affectionate and would happily be picked up by the first stranger they saw or try to make friends with moving traffic. I signed a contract with the breeder to say I wouldn't let them outside. We are in the centre of the city and it wouldn't be safe.

Vet hasn't said anything. I had him checked for UTIs when it first started happening, then by shutting him out of the bedroom at night it stopped for a little while. Maybe toddler finding his feet has made it worse. I worry that it's so engrained now he'd find it hard to stop. And I feel responsible for him - I suppose by just cleaning as I go, I don't have to face any hard choices... I try to prevent and not scold him - he's usually long gone by the time we discover it anyway. He used to scratch before/after peeing somewhere he shouldn't, but he's eliminated the scratching and just does the stealth pee now.

You cannot put a healthy cat to sleep because of something like this Awful attitude.

^ This ^

Try 4 litter trays, (1 per cat plus 1 extra).

Have you tried one of the cardboard scratching boards? They have almost eliminated my cats scratching the furniture and they only cost a fiver.

Seriously OP, I get so cross when I hear people announce that they can't see a behaviour being changed now, yet they have made no effort whatsoever to get a professional to help them.

www.apbc.org.uk/help/index

Get help.

Well firstly I'm afraid that the whole scenario sounds rather ill thought out. Firstly 3 indoor cats in what sounds like not a huge flat is putting a huge stress on them. It sounds like his territory is notfeeling safe. Also going on holiday and leaving him/ cleaning out the litter once a week is not going to help him feel safe.

Having said all that, I am not being sanctimonious as I had to rehome a 5 year old pissing ragdoll who couldn't cope with the arrival of kids. He was rehomed (via ragdoll rescue) to a single woman with no stressors in his environment and the behaviour has stopped.

It is only now that the children are much older that I am considering another cat and I will never have a male again. I would always have litter mates or a single cat and I live in a big house.

All that being said you have my sympathy. It was untenable having all our soft furnishings stinking of piss. You can't live like that.

You Seriously can't continue to live like this!

The cat's unhappy!....he needs to be re-homed. I'm sure there must be someone somewhere who can give him the attention he needs....

But I would never say have him pts

We have two covered litter trays, one normal sized one and one double size one. The normal one is almost never used.

I know cats don't usually have sibling bonds, but they do behave as a pair - they are often found curled up together grooming each other and playing together. The older cat ignores and is ignored by them. They do both have lovely personalities, very calm and affectionate and love cuddles. I have seen cats do much better when separated from siblings, my mum's cat totally came out of its shell and my friend's cat stopped being hostile. In this case, neither of them are shy, hostile or appear downtrodden and I suppose I fear taking away his comfort would do more harm than good.

Yes litter needs to be changed daily and you need more trays. We have 2 cats and have to change ours at least daily, they hate dirty litter! He sounds very stressed so you need to try and address that I think. Telling him off is pointless.

Why not stop second guessing him and get a professional? Honestly, this could be easily fixed and some of the advice on the thread has been great (eg you should always have a litter tray per cat +1 and offer a variety of litter in the boxes). Or he might need rehomed. But stop hand-wringing, cut to the chase and get help! Link above!

Vroom this sounds really strange, but have you watched "my cat from hell," which is a very trashy Animal Planet show about a cat trainer?

I just mention it because I caught an episode last night where the cat trainer encounters a bengal who has been pissing everywhere for two years (most of its life) despite no physical problems. The trainer used a variety of techniques and eventually fixed the cat's peeing problem (just before the owner gave up and left his partner to move to Texas, I believe).

If you want to watch the episode, it's the one with the gay couple and the cat name Ducati.

Could be helpful?

I have three cardboard scratching pads. Older cat loves them and uses them regularly. Younger boy sleeps on them. Girl ignores them. She will scratch the post if redirected to it, but I have to be here to catch her.

Thanks for the link to the apbc. I will look into that. Tbh until now it's just been one more thing that we had to do occasionally, you know, that only happened now and again. It's increased in regularity recently and I suppose the increase in pregnancy hormones isn't helping me feel any happier. We plan to move once the baby is born but I'm not loving doing this for another six months to a year. Part of posting here was hoping for people to recommend strategies or assistance, because I can't do it alone anymore.

I have three unpalatable options - rehome, PTS or live with it. I am not going to kill him for being stressed, he's curled on my feet purring like a tractor, I couldn't do that to him, he's such a lovely trusting fellow.

Our flat is actually bigger than most houses, just with no outside space. We used to have a Victorian 4 bed semi when we got the cats, but moved for work - and this flat is bigger in terms of floor space. But evidently it is not big enough for two adults, three cats and soon to be two children...

OP, you come across as a caring cat owner, and I don't recall you saying you may pts. I think that was other posters' suggestions.

Waking up in a lake of piss over and over must be truly soul destroying.

You mention you live in a converted warehouse loft, so plenty of space. Cats like to have high places to escape to, so consider putting a series of platforms onto the walls for them to utilise the space? You can buy them ready-made or use some deep shelves covered in carpet?

Animal behaviourist also sounds like a way forward.

Sorry we obviously cross posted so I apologise for being so ratty with you. I'm a vet and have people with this sort of problem, all the time, who aren't interested in making any sort of effort, just want a quick fix (which doesn't exist). It's a sore spot

Can you not rehome the younger two as a pair? Breed rescues would carefully vet a new home and,as you aren't in a rush, the cats could stay with you while a new home was sought. I hadn't realised you were in a city centre flat with no access to outside possible at all - it doesn't sound ideal for so many cats.

You need Feliway, 4 cat litter trays (and experiment to see which cat litter they like - prob not the same as is convenient for you), to change the cat litter more often than weekly and cat behaviour advice.

Any of Vicky Halls' books will be a great start.

I suspect that the feeling of textile under his feet on the floor now means 'toilet' to your cat. I had a similar problem with one of mine who I think had been allowed to wee on a towel on the floor as a kitten. Everything was picked up of the floor! Plus banished from the bedroom.

Solved eventually, Vicky Halls was a life saver for me, my carpets and the cat.

First of all this is likely to be a psychosomatic syndrome known as feline lower urinary tract disorder (FLUTD) It's brought by stress often caused by inappropriate housing or cat management. This syndrome can result in spraying or urination
This website has some excellent info on both cats peeing in the house and scratching
www.icatcare.org:8080/advice/cat-behaviour

You MUST optimise the toileting opportunities for your cats. You need 4 trays and they need to be placed in quiet, accessible places. If one is currently not used it's likely that the location is wrong. However this is only part of what needs to be done. You need to re eavaluate your cleaning regime and all aspects of your cat management. This document has some useful guidance
m.jfm.sagepub.com/content/15/3/219.short?rss=1&ssource=mfr

The important thing is to identify what's triggering the behaviour which can be done by an apbc qualified behaviourist who will then provide a behaviour modification plan

I didn't know Vicky has written books Kundry - agree that of she had they will definitely be worth reading though, she's a goddess of cat knowhow!

*if she has

Could a different brand of litter help? There are some which are supposed to attract cats. I haven't tried them but it might be worth a shot. www.preciouscat.com/product/cat-attract/ Also, could he have a kidney problem that makes him need to urinate frequently without time to find a litter box?

Thanks for the mention of the Animal Planet show, I'll have a watch of that later.

We have tried clumping litter, gel crystal litter and catsan - all three cats seem happier with the catsan. I can't remember if I posted about cardboard scratchers to the poster who mentioned them - I certainly meant to -but we have about 3 down in various locations and a stack in the cupboard to replace when they get worn out. They're great and I've recommended them to friends.

And thank you most recent poster (sorry, on phone or I'd name you!) for mentioning Vicky Halls- I've been looking at the list of animal behaviourists in my area and wondering which one would be best - she's on the list and I will try to call her asap.

I'd say the litter needs changing at least once a day for 3 cats! Whenever ours peed or pooed in hers it was changed. Don't wait for it to be 'full' before changing it. Also he probably feels that he can't pee in the same litter as the other cats- a territorial thing.
Definitely agree that they have lots high places to sleep and areas they can go where the other cats won't be.
The poor cat is anxious

Good stuff OP - Vicky is lovely, kind and diplomatic and a true expert in her field.

Wishing you the best of luck in getting this sorted - completely horrible problem for you all.

I don't think it's a kidney problem... When it was more occasional it happened mostly at a specific time of day - early morning - and in response to a specific event - DH not waking up to the cat jumping on the bed and miaowing and us not meeting his immediate needs - food bowl empty, litter needs changing, cat wants affection. When the cats were shut out of the bedroom, the peeing was still between 5-7am and was (I think) in response to us not answering the door to a good-morning miaow.

That makes us sound very neglectful but I promise we are not! Just that we don't tend to leap out of bed to see to the cats at 5am if they realise something isn't right, though I do blearily rise and tread heavily in to the baby's room for the same thing. I suppose that must seem very unfair to the poor cats!

I mean, we would if we were awake, obviously, but if still asleep or half asleep a cat miaowing isn't the same trigger to get up as a howling baby... If we are up with baby we do top up feed/water bowls and what not.