Still struggling with sadness after losing our dog

[Dazedandconfus]

Hello - I just wondered if anyone else is also really missing their dog 😢.

We lost ours 11 weeks ago and I'm still just so sad.

She was old, and I knew it was coming, and thought I would cope better than this.

I was keeping a close eye on quality of life, and thought we were ok for a little while, but knew when the time came, I would like to give her a last, wonderful week and then a peaceful send off. I feel so guilty that it wasn't like that, and she got sick one night and ended up at the vet in the morning and was pts.

I can't help feeling guilty and wishing the last night had been different. Even at the vets, she managed to walk in and I thought we would be going home, so I wasn't cuddling her every moment I could and I wish I had.

I go along ok for a while, I think just with distraction, and then these waves, almost like panic, come over me where I just can't believe that she's gone and absolutely nothing can change that.

I feel we left the vets too soon, but once I knew she was being pts and was in pain, I just wanted it to happen quickly for her sake. Then we stayed for a little bit, but knew we had been an emergency appointment and people were waiting and she was gone, so after some last cuddles we left. I still remember looking back and seeing her lying there.

I did go to visit her at the crematorium for a little while and it helped to say goodbye properly.

I just have these intense waves of guilt, sadness and disbelief, panic, almost like I've left her somewhere by accident and don't know where she is.

I really miss her - sorry for the rambling post, I just need to write this down.

I hope everyone has had a nice bank holiday weekend and is doing as well as possible?

3 months tomorrow since she had to leave. How can it be so long since I saw her? Time definitely helps with healing, but also just makes that gap seem wider. We've had visitors staying over the weekend so I've been quite distracted but feeling sad today.

She would have absolutely hated this heat and it was one of my main concerns this year, had she still been with us.

I posted on facebook on her birthday, with lots of photos. I hadn't done that when she passed away, other than on the breed specific group I was in for oldies. I find it so sad seeing her name and then anything in the past tense. However the birthday post made me feel a bit better somehow, and it let more people know she had passed, and so many people left lovely comments about her.

I had planned the birthday post, and do wonder if it was hanging over me a little? Like a sad thing to do? I almost felt a little better once I had done it, carefully picked the photos, and then it was lovely seeing everyone's comments. I did feel a little bit lighter afterwards.

Just missing her so much today though. It almost feels like I don't know where she is and I worry she's on her own or unhappy wherever she is.

@Newfluff your comment is very true and did help me see that to her, she just wasn't feeling well and we went to the vet, like we've done many times before. Her favourite vet nurse was there and when she said a nice cheerful hello, her tail wagged, so she knew where she was and felt safe I think.

I just wish that last night I'd not gone to bed for a couple of hours and left her with DH. It was just 4am to 6.30am, but I honestly thought she'd bounce back. Now it just feels like I gave up that time with her just to sleep, when now if someone said I could have a couple of hours with her, I'd be so happy.

I think it just feels like I'm so sad, and if she walked in the door, everything would instantly lift, it would be so amazing and I'd feel so great. You know when sometimes you're sad, or worried, there's a chance that thing that can make it all ok will happen - but with this it's just so final, no chance of this ever changing.

Sorry to ramble on. It's just helpful getting it all out of my head, to people that understand. Lots of hugs to all.

Ah @Dazedandconfus I totally understand the not posting on social media at the time. I saw other people do this - and no shade at all, each to their own. But I just couldn't face doing it, so a year on I still haven't! I told the people I could face telling and that's all I could manage if you know what I mean?

But a lovely way to handle it by doing a birthday one xx

My boy's littermate sister passed away recently - we were still in touch with them so it made me feel sad but also comforted by thinking the two of them could be together with some other much loved and missed ones.

Got me all teary again! Can't see me ever not missing him - but you gradually get used to not having them around xx

There is nothing to feel sad or guilty about.
It was one bad day after giving your dog years and years of good days.
Every responsible pet owner is going to have that one bad day. We also have to say goodbye to human members of our family, which is usually worse.

‘It almost feels like I don’t know where she is’

I totally understand this. I feel this strongly too. I feel like - what if he is looking for me and doesn’t know why I’m not there for him. My biggest fear is - ‘what if he’s sad without me.’ Which sounds really silly right, but it’s how I feel. My husband keeps telling me - he’s absolutely fine, it’s us that aren’t.

But not knowing ‘where he is’ kinda kills, me but I don’t know exactly why.

We went away for a few days this week and still on the drive home, for a split second, I was excited to see him when we got home. Then had to remind myself he wouldn’t be there to greet us. Ah the pain.

But the joy he gave me will never die.

Sending you hugs.

It was a year in April since we said goodbye to our lovely dog and I still miss her immensely. I didn't know how I was going to get through her not being here after she was pts, but you do. The kick in the stomach when for that split second I looked forward to seeing her after coming home, or the waking up in the morning expecting to feel her feet on my side of the bed, her tail wagging and hitting the wardrobe, her way of asking to be picked up to sleep with us for another hour or so, or the waiting for the wet nose boop on the side of my leg when she was scavenging in the kitchen for dropped bits of food. I still well up when reading threads like this. I think what helped us as a family was talking about her, and allowing ourselves to cry with no shame from anyone.

We scattered her ashes in our local park and will always say hello to her when I walk past. When we started taking our new puppy out in her sling, I told her that is where her big sister is when we walked past. We didn't get our puppy until almost a year, and having her with us on that anniversary really helped make a very hard day much easier.

Thinking of you all who have gone through this, no matter how recent or how long ago. I never knew losing a pet would be as hard as this, even much loved cats. She was my shadow and had my heart 🩵

@applesaucehat I hope you’re doing ok. The whole worrying about where they are and if they are ok is all quite strange isn’t it?

It’s nice that you understand where I’m coming from, as it’s hard to explain the feeling sometimes. I’m sure it’s all to do with the fact we always knew where they were, and always tried our best to make them happy but now we can no longer do that.

It seems so very long since I saw her. It’s so tough isn’t it?

Sending hugs and hoping you have a nice weekend planned.

Lots of love to everyone who has been kind enough to share their thoughts and stories. It’s so helpful and I feel for everyone xx

The feeling of being excited to see them after being out is a real kick in the guts - eventually your subconscious catches up (mostly)

Losing a dog is very upsetting.
These are our family.. look back at the good times.

I lost my dog in January. She was well into her 15th year. Well, I did not "lose" her - she went where she needed to be. She was at the end of her amazing life, and well over the average age for her breed.

Be kind to yourself, and don't try and rush trying to feel better. There is no time line or order for grief. If I am away for the night, I still take my dog (her scatter tube of ashes) with me. I say good morning and goodnight to her, and tell her when I am popping out, just like I would have done when she was alive. On bad nights, I take her up to bed with me. I cuddle up with her tube on the sofa.

It is hard. Every day is a day further from when we last saw them. There has been really weird times where it has felt that I never had her at all and the past 15 years were a dream.

You so clearly loved your dog so much, you were so very lucky to find each other. The missing is hard, but your lovely dog wouldn’t want uou to be unhappy - they loved uou, but it’s all so hard. Please take care of yourself.

To give you the other side of the coin I was so focused on my boy being pts before he was in pain and I was terrified of it being an uncontrolled emergency that I'm tortured than I did it too soon (he had cancer).

It's been 4 years for me and I still cry and still miss him. What helps is knowing that every second of his life I adored him and he me. He was a lucky dog to be worshipped throughout his life.

@Dogaredabomb you didn’t do it too soon. You did your very best for him because you loved him, which he knew right till the end ❤️

Hi, hope you don't mind me commenting. I lost my dog this morning at just 6 years old. He had some health problems (mainly allergies but it affected his skin a lot, he had flares ups a few times a year and we trialled numerous medications). But he suffered a seizure (having never had one before) and he just didn't recover from it. I'm devastated. My husband says at least he isn't struggling with his itching now but I miss him so much I can't describe it. He was our only dog so the house feels so quiet. He wasn't a hugely popular breed so he stood out and got people talking. I feel like I've lost a family member and part of my identity.

@hollyjolly12 I’m so sorry for the loss of your boy, he was family, big hug, it will take you a while to adjust. Remember how much he would have felt loved, you gave him that xx

Aw, @hollyjolly12 , join us on the thread where no-one wants to be.

I think we each take comfort from knowing there are many others who feel as we do.

So sorry you have lost your lovely boy 💐

Thank you, I have found reading the messages comforting, although it is all really sad. I even found it helpful to write it all down. My son and I chatted about the holidays and trips we'd taken him on and nice things we'd done with him and I'd like to think we gave him a happy, albeit short life.

Sorry to hear you lost your lovely dog. Take care xx

@hollyjolly12 I am so sorry, it is just so painful to lose a much loved dog.

@hollyjolly12 sending you so much love, it’s an absolutely awful time. We lost our lovely dog on 27.02 and even typing that now brings me to tears.
You’ll be in shock and disbelief I am sure, it’s so recent for you. I hope it helps knowing you are not alone.
You darling boy only knew love. Right to the end ❤️.
Our house feels empty too. The whole feeling changes. Give yourself time to grieve, and don’t try and rush things.
Post here - as you can see, there are many of us who are at various stages time wise and we know exactly how you feel. X

@Dazedandconfus thank you, the messages do really help. I am hoping over time my brain switches off a bit but for now I keep replaying what happened in my head on repeat. I've woken up with a sick feeling in my stomach again. I've asked my husband to ring the vets and let them know as I don't think I'll be able to talk without getting upset.

Sending you and everyone on this thread so much love ❤️ we lost our cat of 18 years in April and I’m still overwhelmed with grief. I miss her so so much she was my shadow.

I am so sorry. What a great age for a cat. I lost my Sheltie on 22nd April and feel overwhelmed with the loss. I just keep thinking that she knew she was loved and had a great life with us, but she has left a huge hole in our life.

@FiveShelties thank you. So sorry for your loss too. I keep thinking the same, she knew she was loved beyond words, she was the queen of the household 🩷

Do you mind if i join the thread that no one really wants to be part of? I had to say goodbye to my little heart dog,my shadow six weeks ago today.He was elderly when i adopted him,so i only had a couple of years with him.We packed so much into his short time with me.I took him everywhere and we were inseparable.I miss him so very much.I am finding it so difficult to just function on a daily basis.I still can't accept he has gone.I sit with his little box of ashes beside me,and sometimes take them with me to places we went together.I guess you will all think i am mad.I just want him back.I am so sorry for everyone that has lost their lovely dogs and cats.😭

we lost our boy in horrific circumstances almost exactly a year ago and I’m still in no way near over it. I’m not sure I ever will be TBH. Like you say, I can be going about my day and a wave of grief overcomes me. It’s awful and people who aren’t dog people just can’t understand.