Still struggling with sadness after losing our dog

[Dazedandconfus]

Hello - I just wondered if anyone else is also really missing their dog 😢.

We lost ours 11 weeks ago and I'm still just so sad.

She was old, and I knew it was coming, and thought I would cope better than this.

I was keeping a close eye on quality of life, and thought we were ok for a little while, but knew when the time came, I would like to give her a last, wonderful week and then a peaceful send off. I feel so guilty that it wasn't like that, and she got sick one night and ended up at the vet in the morning and was pts.

I can't help feeling guilty and wishing the last night had been different. Even at the vets, she managed to walk in and I thought we would be going home, so I wasn't cuddling her every moment I could and I wish I had.

I go along ok for a while, I think just with distraction, and then these waves, almost like panic, come over me where I just can't believe that she's gone and absolutely nothing can change that.

I feel we left the vets too soon, but once I knew she was being pts and was in pain, I just wanted it to happen quickly for her sake. Then we stayed for a little bit, but knew we had been an emergency appointment and people were waiting and she was gone, so after some last cuddles we left. I still remember looking back and seeing her lying there.

I did go to visit her at the crematorium for a little while and it helped to say goodbye properly.

I just have these intense waves of guilt, sadness and disbelief, panic, almost like I've left her somewhere by accident and don't know where she is.

I really miss her - sorry for the rambling post, I just need to write this down.

Hi. Yes it's the Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss by Russell Friedman. Says there is only left in stock but more available soon but you might have to look elsewhere too xx

Oh bless you ❤

Losing a pet is just like losing any other member of the family IMO. We love them as much don't we? So why should the grieving process be any different or any less.

You are deep in grief right now, and sometimes I think a few months in is harder as the reality kicks in that they are not there and the sadness.

All I can say is be kind to yourself and please try to know that you couldn't have known how things would end so try not to beat yourself up about something you didn't have any control over. You did your best, and what you could, with the situation that presented itself to you.

Your lovely doggie knew how loved and cherished they were. You showed them that every day of their life. So the fact you didn't hug as much or give them a lovely final week or day is neither here nor there. You gave them a wonderful WHOLE life. So don't ever forget that.

Much love to you. It will get better I promise. 🌹

I'm teary reading everyone's stories of the beloved dogs. I lost my heart dog nearly 10 years ago to the day and I still miss her so much. She was 17, so a great age, but she deteriorated literally overnight and the vet came out to put her to sleep and it was such a shock as I was completely unprepared. My husband said I was very difficult to live with after she went, and I probably was. My grief went so deep. Their unconditional love is an absolute gift to us. Your reactions are perfectly normal.

Would you like to share a photo of your beautiful pooch?

How are you feeling @Dazedandconfus?

@applesaucehat thanks for asking.

I feel much the same but have had a busy few days which were a bit stressful so I was distracted for a bit which helped.

I go along ok for a bit and then out of nowhere it’s like 0 - 100, the kind of panic where I seem to realise all over again what’s happened. It’s hard to explain, but it’s just so sad.

How are you feeling? I think we are on a similar timescale as it’s 12 weeks today for us. I hope you’re ok and have a nice weekend planned?

I’m reading this with tears rolling down my face. We said goodbye to our beloved dog 3 months ago, I miss him so much it hurts in my heart. I don’t think people who’ve never lost a real soul dog, can understand, but I do. Sending hugs x

This thread is so touching. Sending you all the biggest hug. Your beloved dogs must have had the most wonderful lives with you. ♥️

Everything you're feeling, and everyone else who has felt it on this thread is valid. When I lost mine I truly understood how you believe you'd die of a broken heart. No-one can understand the love between a human and a dog unless they've experienced it, I was much closer to my dogs than I am most humans, its like you can see their souls. I can't help feeling you get reunited.

All of you lovely people here who have loved a dog like this I echo pp, they would have had a blessed life with you ❤️

I know this is the doghouse, but i found this thread not long after having a good old cry about my cat, who was pts just after Christmas, only 3 weeks after a ‘probable’ cancer diagnosis. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not going mad by still feeling like this! Every so often I struggle to stop my mind thinking about the last few days, and the vet visit, and then can’t stop the tears. Making a digital album of photos and videos was therapeutic, and helps get me through. Flowers to you all

I had my gorgeous Sheltie put to sleep on April 22nd and just feel lost. I miss her so much. I know it was the right thing to do, she would have been 14 in August. She stole my heart.

But, it is just so damn tough, I have cried so many tears and I am so sorry for everyone on the thread that has lost a much loved pet. I have had Shelties all my life and the decision to euthanise seems to have got harder and harder.

Hi @Dazedandconfusit’s good to keep busy. I know what you mean about 0-100 in panic out of the blue. How am I? It’s like living in an alternative world. Dog life died with him and the colour’s of the world still seem less vivid. Yet when I think of him my heart swells for the gratitude of how I lived my life with him. I’m so proud of what we did together and how bonded we were. I can’t let myself think too much about him during the working week, so I push him from my mind. Which feels disloyal - but I know he’d understand. The weekends I find really really hard. I couldn’t wait to head out at dawn on my own with him, and it felt like we owned the fields, rivers and woodland. We explored so many places together. Just me, him, the countryside. Balm to the soul. I ache to smell his little fluffy body and tickle his soft, silky little ears. See his unbridled joy when I walk into a room. Nothing will ever compare. It’s so hard to accept that I’ll never see him again. I stupidly decided I’d take a peep at the little lock of brown and white fur I took from his coat the day he went. Tears rolled. It’s still surreal to me.

I hope you are holding up. Sending hugs x

So sorry for your loss

Cats are special too. So sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry. I get it, I’ve been through it too.

My dog was young but had cancer. He had the kindest end, I know that’s a huge privilege to be able to give him that. But fuck it’s painful to bear, that he’s never bounding along the bridleway again or jumping onto the sofa. Or eating a cube of cheese.

My children didn’t have him for long enough, I feel very cheated, but I know I’m lucky for the time we did have him. They are adults now so he did seem them through adolescence/lockdown which is something I should feel grateful for.

But I still just miss him.

I think with our pets people don't expect the grief to hit us quite as hard as it does. The feelings you have are exactly the same as when you loose a previous generation human member of the family, perhaps even more intense as we have a parent child relationship with our pets. What I will say though, is the sadness does fade, and we are left with the happy memories.
When you feel up to it, have a little memorial for your dog, where enjoy good food and drink and share stories and pictures. I work in pet bereavement, and lots of people are doing this now.

It is better for her how it happened, because she didn't know, it was just another vet visit.

Protracted goodbyes are for humans not dogs, much better she wasn't aware things were changing.

But the grief is hard. I have felt more from the passing of an animal family than I have human family.

I lost my dog 12 weeks yesterday and feel exactly the same. She died of a seizure but she was already ill with liver disease and 16 years old. I miss her so much and life isn't the same anymore. I have no routine or purpose. I understand how you feel. It's an awful grief.

Sad day today as she would have been 16.

I just wish we were celebrating with her.

It would have also been a bit sad in a way, as I had kind of ear marked “after her birthday” as time to start having a more serious conversation with the vet about quality of life, as her eating had diminished and she really struggled last summer with the heat.

To mark her birthday I made a donation to Ted from “Mortimer and Whitehouse Gone Fishing” - he’s the little rescue terrier that featured on their show and he also passed away recently and has a fundraiser on the go for dog rescues. Seemed like a nice thing to do.

Sending love to everyone struggling. They are such a lovely part of our lives and leave a huge gap don’t they?

@Dazedandconfus ah big hug - yes it's a big dog shaped gaping hole in our lives - and I say that from the lucky position of still having 2 of mine with me, still feel the loss of my boy every day. We have a very old boy right now and so bracing myself for the loss of another soon....

And a lovely gesture to Ted's fundraiser - he was such a dear little thing and I was sad to hear about him too.
xx

YANBU. When we lost DDog 3 years ago DH and I sobbed for weeks. He also was old and slowing down, but until that day seemed OK.

We both still have days when we ache from missing him, years down the line.

He was part of the fabric of our everyday life and the dog-shaped hole is still there.

One of the hardest things is when you momentarily forget they've gone - you know that feeling when you've been out and about and you get excited about coming home and seeing their wee face - just for a second and then you remember the awful truth that they're gone - it's taken me so long to train my brain but I still slip up and it hurts.

@dreaminglife that is just so true. I keep thinking I have just seen my dog just out of the corner of my eye. It is such an odd feeling.

It is four weeks today since I lost my gorgeous girl and it is just so difficult. When I am out walking I keep looking for her and saying stuff like 'oh look at the swans' or 'big wave coming' when I am on the beach. I know I made the right decision but wow, I miss her so much.

I lost one of my three in March, she was 13 and had been ailing slowly for a year but it ramped up, there was a lot of being sick, diarrhoea and weeing, during this period she’d gone blind and deaf. I’m retired but stayed home to care for her. She was diagnosed with kidney failure and had a few days in the vet hospital, they said at best 6 months, she had a lovely few days, the weather was decent and she was pottering around the garden and relaxing. Until we got up one morning and the kitchen was carnage, she stood in the garden absolutely defeated, it was time. She’d had a week from diagnosis but a good week. I miss her dreadfully, she’d followed me around for years, l think hoping I’d drop some food. She was a proud and no nonsense girl, l couldn’t let her suffer anymore. I held her tight and told her l loved her, as she took her final breath.

Sad tonight as it’s a week since she went to sleep. It’s a bit surreal- like she’s on holiday or something - just not here. I’ve got her ashes back but it still doesn’t feel real. I keep thinking I’ve see or heard her out of the corner of my eye.

That is exactly how I feel. Just keep thinking I have seen her. It is the most bizarre feeling. 💐