Still struggling with sadness after losing our dog

[Dazedandconfus]

Hello - I just wondered if anyone else is also really missing their dog 😢.

We lost ours 11 weeks ago and I'm still just so sad.

She was old, and I knew it was coming, and thought I would cope better than this.

I was keeping a close eye on quality of life, and thought we were ok for a little while, but knew when the time came, I would like to give her a last, wonderful week and then a peaceful send off. I feel so guilty that it wasn't like that, and she got sick one night and ended up at the vet in the morning and was pts.

I can't help feeling guilty and wishing the last night had been different. Even at the vets, she managed to walk in and I thought we would be going home, so I wasn't cuddling her every moment I could and I wish I had.

I go along ok for a while, I think just with distraction, and then these waves, almost like panic, come over me where I just can't believe that she's gone and absolutely nothing can change that.

I feel we left the vets too soon, but once I knew she was being pts and was in pain, I just wanted it to happen quickly for her sake. Then we stayed for a little bit, but knew we had been an emergency appointment and people were waiting and she was gone, so after some last cuddles we left. I still remember looking back and seeing her lying there.

I did go to visit her at the crematorium for a little while and it helped to say goodbye properly.

I just have these intense waves of guilt, sadness and disbelief, panic, almost like I've left her somewhere by accident and don't know where she is.

I really miss her - sorry for the rambling post, I just need to write this down.

Hugs - it's horrible losing a pet.

It’s early days for grieving a much loved pet. It’s so hard.

Its such a hard grief to go through. We're a year down the road and I still have moments where it just knocks the wind out of me. Wish there were some words to make it better, but you're definitely not alone. I know the guilt is awful but honestly its better to be too soon than too late making the decision. You did the best for her that you could and she will have felt that love right to the end.

Oh my lovely, sending you hugs. It's been 20 years but even now I still unexpectedly cry when I think of my darling Barney. His final days weren't the best and, like you, I blame myself and carry the guilt around with me. But you did everything you could and your dog knew how much she was loved. It's so hard because you can't have a conversation with them. You really aren't alone though.

It is very hard, and takes time for the sad feelings to abate. It's still early days and your feelings are entirely natural. I had a very similar experience to you. You question your decisions and there is a horrible feeling of helplessness. Be kind to yourself and know that you did the very best you could for your pet. It took me a good 12 months to feel better. 🤗

I found it really hard bumping into people who didn’t know he’d died, I stopped going out for walks because I just couldn’t face telling people. My sister sent me a pic of us two together with my dog and I just felt incredibly sad - I wish she hadn’t sent it - it’s been 1.5 years and I still can’t move on. Sometimes you just fall too deep.

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our dog 10 weeks ago and honestly - it’s been the most excruciating grief. I could hardly function for the first 4-5 weeks. Insomnia, panic attacks, couldn’t even keep it together in front of the children. He was 15 and I knew we timed it just right, he’d struggled for 6 months and I knew it was his time. Yet I still crave another hour with him. I managed to find a private company who came to the house and we had a lot of time with him to say goodbye - but even with that I feel guilty like he might be scared and doesn’t know where I am (ridiculous I know) and should I have asked them to give me more time with him when he has gone. The truth is - forever would not be enough right - we love them that much.

Just this evening I said to my husband with huge tears falling that I miss him so much I ache. I think I will always miss him. He changed my life. It is the price we pay.

Sending huge hugs and know exactly how you feel.

Do not apologise for how you feel x

My 13 year old lab was pts in 2021 and I still get teary at times

I have photos of him all over the house

It was a hard decision but the right one / his quality wasn’t great (ate well and tail wagged but mobility poor and incontinenet etc )

I stayed with him during the procedure with my mum and I struggled with the noise he made at the end . The vet helped me process this as I couldn’t get the noise / memory out of my head .

I wonder if your vet could assist gou proceeds fhe decision perhaps x

Hugs
Grief is very personal and no time line

Oh so sorry for what you are going through.

Its been more than a year since I lost my lovely boy, and honestly, there are times that I think of him and just cannot breathe, I miss him so much.

Our dogs love us so purely, so unconditionally, it really hurts when they are no longer there.

Just be kind to yourself, and let yourself feel your loss.

Eventually you will think more of the good times 🐾💐

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my boy just over 2 years ago and I still miss him. I see his pictures, think of the last time I saw him, what I said to him, wonder how he'd be now, if he'd like the new dog (he wouldn't) and all sorts of things.

Sorry you're going through this right now. It takes time and that's ok. ❤

11 weeks is no time at all it’s a big loss. My girl was pts in 2016 and I still miss her everyday, and I still cried over her at least for 5 years after she went. We had another dog at the time too, who we still have, as well as another one now but doesn’t stop us all from missing her and we still talk about her. It doesn’t go away and nor should it she was part of our family for many years, but it does get better

I’m so sorry. You are grieving for a much loved and missed part of your family. We lost ours just over a year ago and sometimes it hits me like a train, even though I think of him every day still.
You miss them so much because they love you in such a special, unique way - as you do them.

Allow yourself all the feelings - and a good cry. And remember what a happy life they had with you, being loved so very much. It’s all they ever want and you did that for them x

I lost my girl about 9 months ago. Still think about her every day and still cry. I don't expect that will change any time soon.

Be kind to yourself.

I’m so sorry. I just lost my girl last night so the grief is very raw. Sending hugs as it’s just such an awful feeling x

I’m so sorry to hear about your beloved dog. She obviously had an amazing life, as she was so loved. It does get easier. 💔🐾

I'm so sorry for your loss

Yes, it's horrible. We lost our girl 8 weeks ago, and the only way I can cope is to not think about her, even though that feels like a betrayal. Every reminder is just so painful.

My dog like yours was old, and like you I knew time was running out but I also thought/hoped it would be a case of gradually recognising and deciding that it was time to let her go. But she fell ill very suddenly and was put to sleep a few days later. It’s very hard when you think you’ll have time to let them go on your own terms.

I was aware that she’d reached a ‘good age’ for her breed so in the last year or so of her life I was very aware of making the most of our time together. I naively thought this might make losing her a little less painful - I was wrong. There’s no way to lessen the impact of the loss. It’s the result of how much we love them.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and for everyone else who has posted here. Our dogs are so precious. It’s 2.5 years since my girl died and the grief is less raw than it was although I still try not to think about her final days. It got a bit easier at the 2 year mark for me.

Remember that your dog knew nothing but love and you gave her a wonderful life, with a gentle ending ❤️❤️❤️

So much love on this thread - it's beautiful and it's heartbreaking and we all know and share the pain.

It shocks people who have never experienced it. My wee boy was by my side morning, noon and night - we took him everywhere with us, he slept under our duvet - everywhere was better in his presence, he added a sprinkle of magic to everything we did and life without him life is less, even now 1.5 years on, it's less and my heart can't wish for another. People say it helps, I'm sure it does for some people (genuinely no judgement) I just can't face going through the loss again - it's too much.

We lost our beloved dog 2 weeks ago. He is the third dog we have lost over the years- when our second died, I got a pet loss grief book off amazon - there are lots - and it really helped and I have handled it so much better this time round xxx

I lost my dog 18 months ago and I'm still sad. I loved that dog and miss her like crazy.

OP - I am so sorry for your loss.. Big hugs and I just remember your lovely girl had a life filled with love with you. Hang on to that x

I am reading all your messages through tears they are very moving. My lovely cavalier boy is 10 now and I am dreading anything happening to him. I honestly don’t know how I will cope.i really mean that 😉

We had our dog PTS on Monday and though we knew he was suffering it was very hard . He was so calm on the last day as if he knew . I still keep expecting to see him behind me .Best wishes to you all x

I feel the same. My girl was my heart dog. We chose each other 14 years ago and I cannot imagine another dog knowing me and vice versa, like she did. We could just look at each other and make stuff happen. She was beautiful and I will miss her everyday.

Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their stories, thoughts and lovely memories of their pets.

I’ve read all of the replies many times and it’s been so helpful to feel less alone and that it’s ok to feel this way.

They just become such a massive part of you don’t they? The routines, the companionship, the love - it’s like my whole life has been rearranged, now that it doesn’t revolve around her.

I don’t expect her little nose to be sniffing round the other side of the door any more when I get home. The shock of her not being here has lessened. But not the sadness.

I would give anything for just one more day, or even just an hour or minute. It’s the absolute finality and permanence that takes my breath away sometimes.

To everyone who has lost their pets, I send you so much love.

I might stick around on this thread if others would like to too? Just to talk.

@Arran2024 would you mind recommending the book you found helpful please if that’s ok? Thank you x