Wtf have I done

[superplumb]

Got a 16 week old puppy. Me and my two boys aged 10 amd 8. Mum is helping me but he has form an extreme attachment to me and I camt go anywhere or leave him for a second without him having a meltdown.
Mum helps but I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
I have started crate training him but I struggle with the cries and the barking. Thankfully I have another 2 weeks off work but worried what he'll be like when Mum looks after him or I need to pop out for an hour. Behaviourist said he's hyper attached to me and we need to break the habit quickly before he gets mich older.
Hes cost a lot already with eardrops he needed..as well as his differnet food as he hated kibble so I now need to increase my budget.
All these last 2.5 weeks I jist tbjnk..wth have I done.

He doesn't have form for 'extreme attachment.' He's a puppy for christ sake. What utter bollocks.

Honestly, why have you enlisted a behaviourist this early - he's a puppy. His behaviour is totally normal. Any behaviourist should know that, so their advice is utter utter bollocks including 'breaking the attachment.'

None of this is unusual. It's all normal. If you can't cope, or you're going to dramatise things, take him back to the breeder - better you do it now than you cause long-lasting damage by your inability to accept a basic part of puppy ownership.

Sorry if that's harsh, but it's week 8 of you having him (max). That's nothing. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better, and if you can't cope now then you won't cope in 3 or 4 months

He will need you there for at least another 6-9 months then you will need to build up time alone slowly. It’s a tough slog but worth it IF you want a dog. Puppies are really really hard work.

I agree, he is being a puppy.
Did you have dogs before? Research properly?
Some breeds are more prone to SA than others - is it some sort of Doodle?
Puppies are bloody hard work and if you don't think you can cope then thats ok but you need to return it to the Breeder asap

Dog Training Advice and Support on Facebook - it’s a group, run by professionals. Read the guides, they are very helpful.

He’s a puppy - everything you describe is perfectly normal. If he’s crying and barking in the crate then you’re moving way too quickly.

Cockapoo by any chance??? This won't last forever, it's like having a baby, you'll get through it and then he'll be your best friend!

Puppy blues.
3 weeks in I looked at our new puppy and thought- what have we done.
3 yrs in I wonder what all the fuss was about.

Second the advice to look at the dog training advice and support Facebook group.

Does the crate training involve shutting him in and leaving him to cry? There shouldn’t be any crying or barking if you’re doing it properly.

I agree with the group above. https://m.facebook.com/groups/dogtrainingadviceandsupport/
if he’s crying I suspect you’re not crate training but rather shutting him in. He needs to be with you. Let him. Look up the flitting game. If you let him cry you are far far more likely to get separation anxiety. I’m hoping the plan isn’t for you to work full time out of the house.

Agree, if there's crying and barking, you're not crate training properly and are only going to achieve the opposite effect of what you want.

Sack the behaviourist, they are talking nonsense. A puppy is a baby and is naturally dependent on one person who is the be all and end all in their life.

Have you only had him for two and a half weeks?
It's perfectly normal for people to feel 'what have I done?' when they get a puppy. And perfectly normal for a puppy to want to be with someone all of the time until they are settled.
I'd worry about where he came from if he has already needed treatment for ear infections.
Have you tried popping out and leaving him with your Mum? When you say she is helping out, do you mean having the puppy full time when you go back to work? Because the puppy is much too young to be left home alone for hours on end.

You've brought a baby home and he is going to need you around pretty much to the same extent that your actual babies did. Crate training is not the same as alone training and neither should ever involve your puppy crying and getting upset and distressed - that's how you end up with separation anxiety.

Where did you find your 'behaviourist'? If you're in the UK, most good ones need a vet referral. If you'd spoken to a vet, they'd have told you this is all completely normal and what puppies do. No serious behaviourist would be talking about 'breaking the attachment' for an 18-week-old puppy - you should be building the attachment at this stage. Get shot of them and save your money. I also recommend DTAS on FB - it's free and will give you loads of good advice.

I worked from home for the first three months when my puppy first came home and paid for a sitter if I needed to be out; then at five months old he started going to daycare for one-two days a week. You can't leave a puppy alone for any length of time without being really careful to build this up (and some dogs won't be ready until they're a year or older).

Bring the puppy into your bedroom if he's not already. Leave the crate door open if it's not already. Toilet training is your priority and it's a lot easier if the puppy can wake you up. Separate the pup from your kids with barriers and baby gates until they're sensible. If you have any kind of a gundog breed, teach a swap early, and never take anything from your dog by force unless it's actively dangerous or very precious - swap for the rest. Once the puppy can go for walks, drop the lead when it's safe and encourage him to run back to you.

Life gets much easier when you can walk them, when their baby teeth fall out, and when you've got into a good napping routine. None of this is forever, and there's a good puppy survival thread here on Mumsnet too which will really help to read through.

No it's because he's older when I got him and clearly wasn't socialised.
Ive had dogs growing up. Yes it takes a while to get used to a crate... but he'll be fine in a crate when I'm there...but when it's anyone else..he isn't. It isn't normal behaviour to be crying even when left with other people he knows when I'm not there.

Id never leave him to crt it out. Don't agree with that method for puppy's or babies.
Hes in a crate in my room and is fine.. becuase je sees me. But when I leave, even though there is still someone else there.. he goes nuts, howling trying to get out...stops as soon as I go back in. He knows the other people with him well.

@superplumb That is completely normal! Puppies cry when they are left alone. That is 100% normal and anyone who has ever had a puppy (or dog, as rescues act in a similar way) should know that. It's basic day one dog ownership...

This isn't about socialisation. This is about him being a puppy who needs reassurance and love, not to be described as showing 'extreme attachment.'

What breed is he?

Yes my mum also has a good bond with him
He still cries when with her if I leave.

I did all the checks saw mum and dad, both looked healthy. Breeder had a reason why he was older. He jad his 2nd vaccine but breeder didn't take him outside for walks die to family emergency. Long story short, lots of other things have happened since and now sadly suspect a puppy farm. I've made the relevant authorities aware.
Hes a poodle so hairy ears according to the vet but he began shaking his head once he was home
Wasn't sure if it was nerves but took him to vet next day and his ear was inflamed.

Poodle.

It isn't when he's left alone though. That's what I'm trying to say. Even when with my mum, dad children..he cries like he's alone but he isn't.. until I come back.. then he's fine..

Please see below.

We know here as my parents have over the time had rescue dogs so she helps them.
Vet didn't say it was normal. I've explained..it isn't him being alone....he isn't.. it's when I'm. Not there even if others are..

It doesn’t matter what breed he is. He’s a baby.

My DH WFH and when our pup was small she’d lose it when I went to work. He used to take her off to play to lower the stress. She grew in independence at her own pace. We never forced anything. She is on paper one of the most independent breeds but still needed well over 18 months to be consistently happy alone and not just coping.

So did your pup also cry when with your DH?
I mentioned the breed as someone asked.

@survivingunderarock i think in this instance it does matter tbf. Poodles are particularly prone to one-person attachment (unlike something like a Goldie who’ll roll over for anyone). Which explains why OP might be having some very specific issues (the dog crying when she leaves but others remain).

That being said, it doesn’t detract from the fact that this is 100% normal for a puppy and something that should have been predicted in a poodle. It’s not special or unusual. OPs vet and the behaviourist are completely unreasonable to say it’s not normal.

If, as OP suggests, he comes from a less than stellar background…that’s even more reason for his behaviour. He’s clinging to one person because he’s terrified.

Unfortunately, OP, this is going to take months - even years - to correct. So if you cannot cope now, I don’t know what to suggest other than rehoming to a decent rescue (please don’t send him back to such an irresponsible breeder).

Sorry OP. It sounds like your poor puppy has not had a good start in life. Doubt he has had much socialisation of any kind, never mind going for walks.
Agree with PP. This extreme SA will take a lot of work and time to fix. You need to start leaving him for seconds at a time and return before he starts to cry. Then build up gradually in small increments.
Unfortunately it's not something you will be able to solve in two weeks before you go back to work.

To answer your question

wtf have I done
bought a puppy from a backyard breeder that has probably spent its first 16 weeks with its mum and not much human contact - to them it’s a commodity not a dog

Decided after 2 1/2 weeks that was not the best idea

not considered it might cost more than you think

I’ve got a puppy the same age. Mines a rescue a probably had an equally sad start - she was dumped 3 weeks ago

The difference is I’ve been fostering dogs for years so i accept that a puppy like this is going to be a long term project and expecting much more than that in 2/12 weeks is a lot.

It’s a baby. It’s a breed that is a one person dog. It had a poor start tk life. Go back to basics and treat it like it’s a 8 -10 week old puppy (which mentally and development wise may be) and don’t t expect a fully formed pet because of its age.

if I’m a bit short, well you did ask and as a foster I pick up the pieces of people who have buyers regret of live animals.

give the poor thing a break - build up leaving slowly and gently, but do just walk out, no fuss no drama.

my puppy is a bit Velcro at the moment. She’ll be fine.

If he’s not happy when you leave then you can’t leave him. He will settle and grow in confidence. But that takes time.