Page 3 | Wtf have I done

superplumb · 2025-05-12T10:24:32+00:00

Got a 16 week old puppy. Me and my two boys aged 10 amd 8. Mum is helping me but he has form an extreme attachment to me and I camt go anywhere or leave him for a second without him having a meltdown. Mum helps but I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have started crate training him but I struggle with the cries and the barking. Thankfully I have another 2 weeks off work but worried what he'll be like when Mum looks after him or I need to pop out for an hour. Behaviourist said he's hyper attached to me and we need to break the habit quickly before he gets mich older. Hes cost a lot already with eardrops he needed..as well as his differnet food as he hated kibble so I now need to increase my budget. All these last 2.5 weeks I jist tbjnk..wth have I done.

outlanderish · 13/05/2025 08:56

Puppy blues OP. Stop being dramatic come on. Surely you know it's like having a child of some form? It's hard work! I had puppy blues the first 4 months of getting our dog but I persevered as I had made the choice to get a dog knowing it's not easy work. After the puppy period had calmed down you will be fine. I couldn't live without my doxie now.

Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 08:57

clouds15 · 12/05/2025 19:00

@superplumb I have a toy poodle, he is three now and he continues to be a work in progress. I would recommend looking at The Poodle Trainer on Facebook. I have only just joined her poodle school but first impressions are good.

Thanks il have a look.
My mums best friend has always had poodles for 40+ years and I spoke to her at length about the breed dog sat for her and she said they were great as a first dog for a family, no issues with them being particularly clingy to one person. As she seemed to know what she was talking about i was led by her in terms of breeds. I came close to getting a lab or golden but I felt they were too big, esp as my mum will be walking him too and she's older.

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 09:00

outlanderish · 13/05/2025 08:56

Puppy blues OP. Stop being dramatic come on. Surely you know it's like having a child of some form? It's hard work! I had puppy blues the first 4 months of getting our dog but I persevered as I had made the choice to get a dog knowing it's not easy work. After the puppy period had calmed down you will be fine. I couldn't live without my doxie now.

Puppy blues is a thing!!.

But as I've said in my other comments..if you had read...this isn't normal crate training stuff. He wasnt socialised so in addition to the normal puppy stuff which i knew expected and had planned for.. this seems like something else. Hes older at 18 weeks and as he wasnt socialised well it's much much harder. The pupy socialisation window is small, and even smaller for smaller breeds so it all becomes much harder to crack.

My parents have a spocker. Got him at 8 weeks. Within 3 weeks he was crate trained following a schedule but he didn't cry when one person was there..he wasnt obsessed abouy anyone in particular like my dog. It isn't straightforward

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 09:04

AlmostSummer25 · 12/05/2025 18:38

I think you are going to need to speak to a poodle specific rescue. As much as you already love him, you are going back to work in two weeks, there's no way this poor pup will cope.

You have to think of his future. Not how much you love him. Sorry xx

Im hybrid so once every 2 weeks I go to thr office. Mum can dog sit him while I go as he gets on well with their dog afger careful introductions

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 09:06

Wolfiefan · 12/05/2025 18:46

If he can’t be left then he can’t be left. I’m sorry but you won’t solve this by leaving him.

We don't leave him alone ever. Even while in his crate. If I need to go out to do food shopping, dr etx..my mum stays with him. Standing in the kitchen so he can still see her but we are gradually moving away bit by bit.

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 09:07

myplace · 12/05/2025 18:46

You need to be really really boring with him, while your mum, dc and dh are very exciting training and playing with him. They need to feed him, not you.

I’m not suggesting being mean to him, just being very neutral while everyone else is high value company.

He’ll gradually shift across to finding other people important as well.

It’s hard because we respond to needy babies! But you don’t want to perpetuate needy baby behaviour!

That's exactly what the behaviourist said. Mum feeds him plays with him and today will begin walking him too. I'm acting kind but neutral

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Wolfiefan · 13/05/2025 11:08

But if he’s not happy being left with her than that’s no good. If it’s you he’ wants to be with then you have to be there.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 11:59

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 00:04

They do... but not from 'can't leave the room' to being left all day, while she goes to work, however many days a week.

thus pup hasn't had a good start in life, he needs a human bonding with someone who can be at home with him to build his security & confidence & very very gradually be trained to feel secure enough to spend a lilttle time alone...

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Where does it say she’s going to leave it alone all day?

faerietales · 13/05/2025 12:01

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2025 11:08

But if he’s not happy being left with her than that’s no good. If it’s you he’ wants to be with then you have to be there.

Ah come on Wolfie, I know what you’re saying but it’s just not realistic for people to never leave their homes for weeks on end when they get a puppy.

OP has someone there who can be with the puppy constantly - it’s not being abandoned or left to its’ own devices all day - it’ll settle.

thesimplelife85 · 13/05/2025 12:09

superplumb · 13/05/2025 08:53

What happens if you both go out?
Think ill have to get a camera later on to see but we're no wjere near leaving him alone yet. Furthest we have got is about 5m away from his crate so he can still see us. But as soon as he hears me talk..he barks and barks..

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we are both out now and he will be sat with out other dog, looking sad out of the window for us! he doesn't cry while we are out but as soon as we pull up he will go absolutely mental with excitement! he is getting better as he's gettinger older but he still won't stay out in the garden without either me or my husband owt there! always needs a adult around....he's not one bit interested in the kids! we did train him with a ball as well, so 9/10 times if he's got a ball which he does while we are out he's lost interest in us! he will fetch his ball when we get our shoes on now! it will get better

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2025 12:37

@faerietales if it’s a dog that suffers extreme anxiety when OP leaves it then she can’t leave it. It’s the equivalent of a dog having a panic attack when left. That reinforces the belief that it’s scary for the dog to be left. You can then have a dog with full blown separation anxiety. Then they hurt themselves or wreck the house when left.
That is extreme but I had one of those. It was months before I could leave her. My other dogs are completely different but she ate through a wall when I left her as a puppy (just to go for a wee)
The advice on dog training advice and support for separation anxiety works. But it’s not a quick fix.

21stCenturyNell · 13/05/2025 12:51

Try "Relaxation protocol"

It works.

Effort/time involved.

(Dog Trainer)

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 13:16

faerietales · 13/05/2025 11:59

Where does it say she’s going to leave it alone all day?

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Well, she's back at work, it's not going to be 5 minutes!

it can't cope with her leaving the room currently! It's not going to be fine with her going out to work, even if it's not a full day.

ManchesterLu · 13/05/2025 13:19

LandSharksAnonymous · 12/05/2025 11:56

He doesn't have form for 'extreme attachment.' He's a puppy for christ sake. What utter bollocks.

Honestly, why have you enlisted a behaviourist this early - he's a puppy. His behaviour is totally normal. Any behaviourist should know that, so their advice is utter utter bollocks including 'breaking the attachment.'

None of this is unusual. It's all normal. If you can't cope, or you're going to dramatise things, take him back to the breeder - better you do it now than you cause long-lasting damage by your inability to accept a basic part of puppy ownership.

Sorry if that's harsh, but it's week 8 of you having him (max). That's nothing. It's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better, and if you can't cope now then you won't cope in 3 or 4 months

She said he's formed an attachment, not has form. At least read it properly before you write a rude, snarky and judgemental reply.

LandSharksAnonymous · 13/05/2025 13:21

@ManchesterLu, at least read the rest of my comments before you write an ill-informed, pointless, reply. 😃

SpanielsGalore · 13/05/2025 13:28

ManchesterLu · 13/05/2025 13:19

She said he's formed an attachment, not has form. At least read it properly before you write a rude, snarky and judgemental reply.

Edited

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She wrote "He has form".

It may be a typo, but as such it is open to interpretation.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 13:31

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 13:16

Well, she's back at work, it's not going to be 5 minutes!

it can't cope with her leaving the room currently! It's not going to be fine with her going out to work, even if it's not a full day.

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And she says her mum will be with the dog constantly during that time.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 13:33

Wolfiefan · 13/05/2025 12:37

@faerietales if it’s a dog that suffers extreme anxiety when OP leaves it then she can’t leave it. It’s the equivalent of a dog having a panic attack when left. That reinforces the belief that it’s scary for the dog to be left. You can then have a dog with full blown separation anxiety. Then they hurt themselves or wreck the house when left.
That is extreme but I had one of those. It was months before I could leave her. My other dogs are completely different but she ate through a wall when I left her as a puppy (just to go for a wee)
The advice on dog training advice and support for separation anxiety works. But it’s not a quick fix.

But she will have to - because that's life. Most people work, have children and need to leave their homes to do activities where the dog can't come. It's not realistic to say "never leave the puppy" because 99% of people don't have their lives set up to make that possible.

This puppy will be with another person constantly - it's not going to eat a wall or hurt itself - it will settle eventually.

XelaM · 13/05/2025 13:42

Unfortunately poodles are prone to separation anxiety. Ours had it 😕

Thatcannotberight · 13/05/2025 13:48

Do you have to put him in a crate? I had a poodle in the 80s. He was 5 months old when I got him, the breeder had kept him and brother as potential show dogs and decided she liked the shape of brother better.
He hadn't been off the farm where he was born, just exercised with the other poodles. He used to fall out of my kitchen door initially because he'd never seen a step.
He didn't like being left alone, but would settle. At home, he was never shut in anywhere, he just followed me. Was brilliant to house train, walk on and off lead, played fetch, adored the woman who bred him, whom he saw every 6 weeks as she clipped him for me.
I do remember that if my mum tried to walk him ( I went to work ) he would go so far and then sit and refuse to continue.

I lost him out on a walk once and a neighbour saw him happily trotting home to my house.
Yes, you do have to groom them properly, including plucking their ears.
I had 18 wonderful years with my boy, the best dog I've ever had.

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 13:49

faerietales · 13/05/2025 13:31

And she says her mum will be with the dog constantly during that time.

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the pup is bonding to HER, it's crying even when Mum, DH, kids, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all are there.

i didn't say she was leaving it alone in the crate alone for hours on end did I. I said SHE was leaving the house & that's all the pup cares about.

You don't have to agree with me, but MY option is that THIS pup has had a rough start in life. It needs a human to bond with, one that is home more than the OP will be. She's already frustrated by how 'needy' the pup is & she's only had him a short time, it's not going to be a quick fix. The sooner the pup goes to a forever home with someone in a different situation, the better for the pup in MY opinion.

faerietales · 13/05/2025 13:53

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 13:49

the pup is bonding to HER, it's crying even when Mum, DH, kids, Uncle Tom Cobbley and all are there.

i didn't say she was leaving it alone in the crate alone for hours on end did I. I said SHE was leaving the house & that's all the pup cares about.

You don't have to agree with me, but MY option is that THIS pup has had a rough start in life. It needs a human to bond with, one that is home more than the OP will be. She's already frustrated by how 'needy' the pup is & she's only had him a short time, it's not going to be a quick fix. The sooner the pup goes to a forever home with someone in a different situation, the better for the pup in MY opinion.

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I know it cries when she's not there.

But my point is that the puppy isn't going to cry forever when it has company from another person who is there to comfort it. It will eventually settle. I had this issue with my own dog - he cried when I left him with DH - but I had to work so I left him and he was fine (and in a surprisingly short amount of time too).

It's highly unlikely that OP is going to have a puppy that screams and cries for hours when in the company of her mum - if she does - then yes, maybe re-homing would be best, but for now it seems very premature. Puppies change and grow very quickly and as you say, this puppy had a rough start in life so may take longer to settle than others - but it's far too soon to decide it's not going to work out.

Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 13:58

Thatcannotberight · 13/05/2025 13:48

Do you have to put him in a crate? I had a poodle in the 80s. He was 5 months old when I got him, the breeder had kept him and brother as potential show dogs and decided she liked the shape of brother better.
He hadn't been off the farm where he was born, just exercised with the other poodles. He used to fall out of my kitchen door initially because he'd never seen a step.
He didn't like being left alone, but would settle. At home, he was never shut in anywhere, he just followed me. Was brilliant to house train, walk on and off lead, played fetch, adored the woman who bred him, whom he saw every 6 weeks as she clipped him for me.
I do remember that if my mum tried to walk him ( I went to work ) he would go so far and then sit and refuse to continue.

I lost him out on a walk once and a neighbour saw him happily trotting home to my house.
Yes, you do have to groom them properly, including plucking their ears.
I had 18 wonderful years with my boy, the best dog I've ever had.

Yes the ears. The vet said he had the hairiest ears shed ever seen. He's jad drops already as he was shaking his head but vet said the hair would need to be plucked? Surely that would hurt? She said not to shave or cut it as that could make his ears worse longterm

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 13:58

faerietales · 13/05/2025 13:53

I know it cries when she's not there.

But my point is that the puppy isn't going to cry forever when it has company from another person who is there to comfort it. It will eventually settle. I had this issue with my own dog - he cried when I left him with DH - but I had to work so I left him and he was fine (and in a surprisingly short amount of time too).

It's highly unlikely that OP is going to have a puppy that screams and cries for hours when in the company of her mum - if she does - then yes, maybe re-homing would be best, but for now it seems very premature. Puppies change and grow very quickly and as you say, this puppy had a rough start in life so may take longer to settle than others - but it's far too soon to decide it's not going to work out.

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Is your dog OK alone now?

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faerietales · 13/05/2025 14:00

@superplumb he is :) he doesn't love it, but he's fine and he's not distressed, noisy or destructive when we leave him. Mostly he goes to FIL's when we work (as he's widowed and loves the company) but if I need to go to the shops or whatever then he's fine by himself for an hour or two.