Page 2 | Wtf have I done

superplumb · 2025-05-12T10:24:32+00:00

Got a 16 week old puppy. Me and my two boys aged 10 amd 8. Mum is helping me but he has form an extreme attachment to me and I camt go anywhere or leave him for a second without him having a meltdown. Mum helps but I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have started crate training him but I struggle with the cries and the barking. Thankfully I have another 2 weeks off work but worried what he'll be like when Mum looks after him or I need to pop out for an hour. Behaviourist said he's hyper attached to me and we need to break the habit quickly before he gets mich older. Hes cost a lot already with eardrops he needed..as well as his differnet food as he hated kibble so I now need to increase my budget. All these last 2.5 weeks I jist tbjnk..wth have I done.

Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:12

LandSharksAnonymous · 12/05/2025 16:58

@survivingunderarock i think in this instance it does matter tbf. Poodles are particularly prone to one-person attachment (unlike something like a Goldie who’ll roll over for anyone). Which explains why OP might be having some very specific issues (the dog crying when she leaves but others remain).

That being said, it doesn’t detract from the fact that this is 100% normal for a puppy and something that should have been predicted in a poodle. It’s not special or unusual. OPs vet and the behaviourist are completely unreasonable to say it’s not normal.

If, as OP suggests, he comes from a less than stellar background…that’s even more reason for his behaviour. He’s clinging to one person because he’s terrified.

Unfortunately, OP, this is going to take months - even years - to correct. So if you cannot cope now, I don’t know what to suggest other than rehoming to a decent rescue (please don’t send him back to such an irresponsible breeder).

Id not give up on him. Me and the kids love him too much but it's a worry thqt he won't settle even for my mum. It isn't realistic tbqt I never leave the house for months...and I suspect that unless I begin now he will get worse.

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Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:16

istabraq · 12/05/2025 17:42

To answer your question

wtf have I done
bought a puppy from a backyard breeder that has probably spent its first 16 weeks with its mum and not much human contact - to them it’s a commodity not a dog

Decided after 2 1/2 weeks that was not the best idea

not considered it might cost more than you think

I’ve got a puppy the same age. Mines a rescue a probably had an equally sad start - she was dumped 3 weeks ago

The difference is I’ve been fostering dogs for years so i accept that a puppy like this is going to be a long term project and expecting much more than that in 2/12 weeks is a lot.

It’s a baby. It’s a breed that is a one person dog. It had a poor start tk life. Go back to basics and treat it like it’s a 8 -10 week old puppy (which mentally and development wise may be) and don’t t expect a fully formed pet because of its age.

if I’m a bit short, well you did ask and as a foster I pick up the pieces of people who have buyers regret of live animals.

give the poor thing a break - build up leaving slowly and gently, but do just walk out, no fuss no drama.

my puppy is a bit Velcro at the moment. She’ll be fine.

That is a bit harsh.
I did all the checks..read all the tests they did, saw thr paperwork ,visited numerous times saw both parents.. not much more i could do. Applied for lots of rescues but as I work, don't have resident dog, an acre garden and children..it was always a no.

As for costs..I had budgeted..I had a spreadsheet.. but his food being raw now as he prefers is it twice the price. Again breeder fed kibble and he's a good weight so no reason to believe he didn't want to eat it!!

Maybe if your that experience perhaps give advice rather than ranting...isn't helping anyone

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Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:18

Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 12:00

I agree, he is being a puppy.
Did you have dogs before? Research properly?
Some breeds are more prone to SA than others - is it some sort of Doodle?
Puppies are bloody hard work and if you don't think you can cope then thats ok but you need to return it to the Breeder asap

Id not return him to the breeder. I don't trust her now and kd worry about him, plus me and the kids love him so much but I really need to be able to leave jkm occasionally. I've been gradually doing it but I can't even extend the time as he cries instantly..so again I sit by the crate for a few mins...slowly moving away..then leaving..but today I had a dr appointment so mum was here.. he cried and cried..

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Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:19

Mounjaroversary · 12/05/2025 12:07

Cockapoo by any chance??? This won't last forever, it's like having a baby, you'll get through it and then he'll be your best friend!

No poodle

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Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:19

GeorgianaM · 12/05/2025 12:12

Sack the behaviourist, they are talking nonsense. A puppy is a baby and is naturally dependent on one person who is the be all and end all in their life.

I know poodles bond closely with one person but I had to go to dr today and even with my mim cried

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Original poster

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:20

Wolfiefan · 12/05/2025 18:10

If he’s not happy when you leave then you can’t leave him. He will settle and grow in confidence. But that takes time.

Well I had a dr appointment, he isn't left alone ever..my mum was with him. Still cried

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tillyandmilly · 12/05/2025 18:23

Oh dear! Who wanted the dog ? you or the kids ? If it was the kids you made a huge error!

Never give in to kids for a dog - they grow bored - you will have to do all the work !

Thelambsm · 12/05/2025 18:33

tillyandmilly · 12/05/2025 18:23

Oh dear! Who wanted the dog ? you or the kids ? If it was the kids you made a huge error!

Never give in to kids for a dog - they grow bored - you will have to do all the work !

She didn't say that anywhere did she??

faerietales · 12/05/2025 18:37

It's very early days OP - and the behaviour you describe is pretty normal. My beagle was super attached to me when we first got him, he would howl if I even left him with DH while I had to go for a wee, lol.

Nowadays I can go upstairs for hours and he'll just sleep on the sofa. It does get better, I promise.

AlmostSummer25 · 12/05/2025 18:38

I think you are going to need to speak to a poodle specific rescue. As much as you already love him, you are going back to work in two weeks, there's no way this poor pup will cope.

You have to think of his future. Not how much you love him. Sorry xx

ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 12/05/2025 18:39

join no nonsense dog training on Facebook. They can offer advice. I’ve no advice as I’d hate to mislead but I’d say you’ve just forgotten how shit puppies really are. They’re so cute but god I hate that stage. Worse than babies.

I hope you can sort it.

faerietales · 12/05/2025 18:40

AlmostSummer25 · 12/05/2025 18:38

I think you are going to need to speak to a poodle specific rescue. As much as you already love him, you are going back to work in two weeks, there's no way this poor pup will cope.

You have to think of his future. Not how much you love him. Sorry xx

I don't think you can say that for certain - puppies change so much and so quickly at that age.

Wolfiefan · 12/05/2025 18:46

If he can’t be left then he can’t be left. I’m sorry but you won’t solve this by leaving him.

myplace · 12/05/2025 18:46

You need to be really really boring with him, while your mum, dc and dh are very exciting training and playing with him. They need to feed him, not you.

I’m not suggesting being mean to him, just being very neutral while everyone else is high value company.

He’ll gradually shift across to finding other people important as well.

It’s hard because we respond to needy babies! But you don’t want to perpetuate needy baby behaviour!

Leafy3 · 12/05/2025 18:53

superplumb · 12/05/2025 18:19

No poodle

Show quote history

Toy, miniature or standard?

There can be variations in temperament between the different types. Have you had poodles before?

clouds15 · 12/05/2025 19:00

@superplumb I have a toy poodle, he is three now and he continues to be a work in progress. I would recommend looking at The Poodle Trainer on Facebook. I have only just joined her poodle school but first impressions are good.

Loveatortie · 12/05/2025 19:16

He is a puppy o f course he is attached to you, he sees you as the centre of his universe,loves you and trusts you. Have some patience. It will get better as your dog learns to trust and relax into his new life.

Bupster · 12/05/2025 21:59

Get him out of the crate! If he can only cope with a crate if you’re right there, and nobody else will do, then he’s not ready for a crate. Why are you leaving him in one if there are other people around?

AnnabelleQuelle · 12/05/2025 22:02

GeorgianaM · 12/05/2025 12:12

Sack the behaviourist, they are talking nonsense. A puppy is a baby and is naturally dependent on one person who is the be all and end all in their life.

Yes because he’s been taken away from his mother! He’s a baby and has replaced his caregiver with you.

AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 00:04

faerietales · 12/05/2025 18:40

I don't think you can say that for certain - puppies change so much and so quickly at that age.

Show quote history

They do... but not from 'can't leave the room' to being left all day, while she goes to work, however many days a week.

thus pup hasn't had a good start in life, he needs a human bonding with someone who can be at home with him to build his security & confidence & very very gradually be trained to feel secure enough to spend a lilttle time alone...

thesimplelife85 · 13/05/2025 07:35

we have a poodle cross, rescued! he is completely attached to my husband and hated when my dh had to leave the house! we've had him around a year now and although he doesn't cry anymore when my dh goes out, he does sit and sulk for a while lol I just used to get him on his lead as husband was leaving and leave the house at the same time as him but we would go for a walk when dh would go the other way. in fact DH has just left the house now and Ddog won't even look at me for at least and hour while he's sulking! Dh is going away for 9 days soon so I will have a new best friend after a couple of days which is totally a fake friendship because as soon as dh is back I will be forgotten (thank God we have 2 Ddogs so I don't feel left out lol)

LandSharksAnonymous · 13/05/2025 07:45

@superplumb its not about ‘giving up on him.’ It’s about recognising that (in the nicest possible way) you’re likely not going to make this better - in fact if you return to work in two weeks (I assume to a job you can’t do from home), then it could make it a lot worse. Particularly if it is as bad as you claim (that even other people are no substitute for you)

In a worse case scenario, extreme separation anxiety can manifest into resource guarding of the person of the person in question (including against others in the family). That means lunging, biting and snapping.

You need to build up alone time (or time he’s away from you) up slowly. That’s seconds at a time, not minutes. Your puppy is already telling you he can’t cope without you. You go back to work in two weeks and this won’t be anywhere near fixed by then.

So, in a best case scenario, you’re possibly looking at long-term medication (which is just cruel) to help him cope. Because the alternative is going to be letting him work himself into a state. Are you really going to drug your dog because you can’t manage his behaviour? That seems unreasonably cruel.

Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 08:48

tillyandmilly · 12/05/2025 18:23

Oh dear! Who wanted the dog ? you or the kids ? If it was the kids you made a huge error!

Never give in to kids for a dog - they grow bored - you will have to do all the work !

No more me. Wanted one for years and years. Ex always said no. I grew up always having a dog so I missed their company.

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 08:51

LandSharksAnonymous · 13/05/2025 07:45

@superplumb its not about ‘giving up on him.’ It’s about recognising that (in the nicest possible way) you’re likely not going to make this better - in fact if you return to work in two weeks (I assume to a job you can’t do from home), then it could make it a lot worse. Particularly if it is as bad as you claim (that even other people are no substitute for you)

In a worse case scenario, extreme separation anxiety can manifest into resource guarding of the person of the person in question (including against others in the family). That means lunging, biting and snapping.

You need to build up alone time (or time he’s away from you) up slowly. That’s seconds at a time, not minutes. Your puppy is already telling you he can’t cope without you. You go back to work in two weeks and this won’t be anywhere near fixed by then.

So, in a best case scenario, you’re possibly looking at long-term medication (which is just cruel) to help him cope. Because the alternative is going to be letting him work himself into a state. Are you really going to drug your dog because you can’t manage his behaviour? That seems unreasonably cruel.

Thanks. I am hybrid so work from home. Go into office once every 2 weeks. Have someone in for that already
What i have done is give him a lick mat with his favourite on it..put him in, sit close by gradually moving away every time I put him in...got as far as a metre away and he cries. Even when my mum is with him..if he can't see me then he still cries. Weird thing is at night hell put himself to bed in my crate at night time. I shut him in, get ready for bed in the other room ans he's fine. It seems to be the daytime for some reason.
Hes been with me for 2.5 weeks now and can't face him going elsewhere and getting more stressed all over again.

I don't believe those nutra calm tablets are cruel. They're herbal. Vet suggested them too to help him transition.. it isn't a long term solution. I see it as no different than a human needing herbal calm tablets occasionally.

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Original poster

superplumb · 13/05/2025 08:53

thesimplelife85 · 13/05/2025 07:35

we have a poodle cross, rescued! he is completely attached to my husband and hated when my dh had to leave the house! we've had him around a year now and although he doesn't cry anymore when my dh goes out, he does sit and sulk for a while lol I just used to get him on his lead as husband was leaving and leave the house at the same time as him but we would go for a walk when dh would go the other way. in fact DH has just left the house now and Ddog won't even look at me for at least and hour while he's sulking! Dh is going away for 9 days soon so I will have a new best friend after a couple of days which is totally a fake friendship because as soon as dh is back I will be forgotten (thank God we have 2 Ddogs so I don't feel left out lol)

What happens if you both go out?
Think ill have to get a camera later on to see but we're no wjere near leaving him alone yet. Furthest we have got is about 5m away from his crate so he can still see us. But as soon as he hears me talk..he barks and barks..

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