Well, the vet agreed, she's sent two sets of tests off so the Giardia one will come back first. We've also got 5 more days of Pancure so we'll see what happens. DP and me were planning a night away at a hotel next week but I'll have to cancel it since kennels won't take him and it wouldn't be fair anyway.
I'm only writing this here because I can't say it to anyone else, I feel guilty even thinking the words. I love Pod and I'm so glad he's got a lovely home with us now but from a purely selfish perspective I think I've made our lives worse by getting Pod. I don't think it will always be this way but between his behaviour issues and being sick on and off for so long which makes all of us miserable I feel a bit like I'm just existing at the moment. Every weekend is spent walking with him for miles swerving kick offs and minor injuries, trying to balance his sniffies with running and socialising, and napping to catch up on my sleep. I don't have the energy to do most of my hobbies any more and any plans of going on holiday have been shelved completely for the time being. It's like every little bit of life has pain points in it now that weren't there before. Like, his latest thing is eating through his harness in the car, so taking him anywhere involves constant alertness and trying to stop him, and either spending hours mending them or hundreds replacing them. I thought after running and pooping and eating it'd be alright to train for an hour yesterday but he pooped all over the kitchen while we were out.
I'm sitting in a field now watching him bounce around happily in the long grass and I've got a lump in my throat for even feeling these feelings about him, especially when he's ill, because none of this is his fault whatsoever.
For anyone worried I am in absolutely no way thinking about rehoming him and I'd never believe anyone else could love him as much as I do. I'd walk through fire for him to make him happy. I guess I just didn't realise it would come at the expense at my own happiness so much, at least for now.
Perhaps, even those he's with me all the time, I'm just feeling a bit lonely.
Also still constantly feel like I'm trying to hold in a puke.
Don't hate me Podsquad. When I eventually write a book about Pod this can be the sad chapter and it all gets resolved in the end.