On the verge of rehoming, please advise - Experienced lab owners especially 🙏

[LabHelpPlease]

As title...

Lab is a gorgeous 10 month old dog. There are many practical reasons for rehoming and the main reason not to is simply that I love him.

Won't go into all the ins and outs, the general gist is that our 6yo dd is profoundly autistic and based on experience with a therapy dog at school we thought it would be a potentially huge benefit. Reality is they are mostly kept apart as dog is just too bouncy and boisterous. Have sought advice from a trainer and behaviourist who both say dog is normal for his age, vet slightly disagreed and said he is very excitable and boisterous - too excited to listen.

We are first time dog owners and ultimately think we have bitten off more than we can chew. If I'm really honest not sure we are completely meeting the dogs needs, though not for lack of trying.

Yes, we have been terribly naive and no doubt made many mistakes. I suppose my question to experienced lab owners is - is it normal for a lab of this age to jump up and snap near your face in excitement? Do tthey actually become less excitable? Or should we accept that we are not the right family for this dog?

I know how these threads normally go but I couldn't feel worse than I already do 😭

I absolutely love training and working dogs, even my working terrier but some days I just think 'for god's sake girl have your learnt nothing in the last 18 months?' when she does something bonkers.

Do you attend an in person class? Not a course an ongoing class. Absolutely one of the best things you can do even if it's to cry on the instructors shoulder (been there as an instructor over the years!)

As already mentioned, join your local dog club and involve DC in training.
Get the dog used to be around DC.
Have dog on a house lead... put DC on the settee.

Run through a few training comands eg sit, down stay give paw... at other end of the room have a litte break. Move closer to the settee: do sit down give paw ...
If dog tries to bounce towards DC get lead big circle and sit with back to DC.
Rinse repeat.

Be consistent. The aim is that you first end up on opposite end of settee from DC and then slowly inch your way closer. End goal, you sit next to DC and DC tells dog sit down give paw ...
Granted, this will take weeks but it's really worth the effort if you are committed!

If you rehome, don't get another dog big or small, puppy or adult. Because you'll encounter similar problems. Not all dogs are cut out to be whatever you want them to be...

We don't currently attend class no. We did do KC puppy but it was half an hour away, timing was a nightmare in terms of getting care for dd and he got sick in the car 🙈

I've signed upto an adolescent dog class next month which is outdoors and aimed at working around other dogs/distractions.

As you can see I'm flip flopping over what to do for the best ..

As an example this morning we all went to a cafe at a park for breakfast. Dog didn't come as too scared to have him in car with dd. Plus he definitely isnt calm enough to sit calmly/settle in a cafe. Then had to rush back to walk dog. In my planning for dog days I assumed we would all be going out together but we don't.

Being deaf is totally normal adolescent dog behaviour, you've just got to take a deep breath, continue with training and lower your expectations for that day, it does all come together eventually. I think the problem is that you expected a made dog by this stage, but the reality with youngsters is that it can be one step forwards and ten steps back. Our latest pup (not a lab) has had me bursting with pride at some points and wanting the earth to swallow me up at others!
I think that having a daughter with such specific needs means you are stretched to your limits, and only you know if you want to continue to put the work in yourself, or whether rehoming is the right thing. With your DH not being on board it will make it doubly hard, and I suspect he would become resentful.
It sounds as if your behaviourist will be able to look for a suitable home, which might be the best solution.

Id also add that introducing your dog to lots of environments is part of his training, car sickness is usually resolved the more they travel in the car. Make sure you have a dog guard so he can't get to your daughter. Learning to sit quietly in a cafe is an important skill to learn, not exposing him to things won't resolve his issues, you could start by going somewhere with outdoor seating to begin with.

Teenage males of any age are hard work. I can almost guarantee that he will calm down.

I think lots of your problem is the separation. If he’s always away from everyone, when he is in it’s soooo exciting he can’t help but bounce/mouth. Maybe if he wasn’t segregated it wouldn’t be so much of a thing.

As an example this morning we all went to a cafe at a park for breakfast. Dog didn't come as too scared to have him in car with dd. Plus he definitely isnt calm enough to sit calmly/settle in a cafe. Then had to rush back to walk dog. In my planning for dog days I assumed we would all be going out together but we don't.

In that example, can the dog not travel in the boot in a crate, and DD travels in the back as normal? Even if the dog was impeccably behaved you shouldn't have them travelling together anyway.

I think if you want a dog who can come with you on days out, then you do need to be prepared for a few hard, stressful days first, because the only way the dog will get used to (eg) settling in a cafe is if they get lots (and lots) of practise at it. We deliberately took our beagle out to cafes etc. from day one to get him used to it. Yes, he was restless and a bit of a pain at first, but now we can take him anywhere and he just settles.

Set your dog up for success - if he struggles to settle then take a blanket, use a short lead and high value treats or a chew to keep him occupied. Take him somewhere quiet to start with so he's not surrounded by people etc.

Yes, we have said similar - dd is still very much a novelty so he is very excited around her. He is not segregated altogether, he is around the rest of the family but it does mean when we are dealing with dog dd is not with us and vice versa.

I expected it to be hard but I was not expecting the level of excitability/bounciness that we have tbh. I was not expecting car travel to be difficult and I was not expecting to be having to be so careful of him being around dd. As I say, we were terribly naive

That's a good start.

A good class will allow you to bring kids as long as they are under control.

KC classes are very good and if they are run by hobby clubs usually excellent with people passionate rather than needing to make money because they don't get paid! I run a KC agility class as a volunteer with our club whose instructors are all qualified and experienced and keep up to date with the latest methods and science. These tend to be better as they are ongoing and much cheaper. It's £5.50 a class as opposed to £14 where I train in agility.

My pup started at 10 weeks and although we have now swiched to Rally Obedience as we got a bit of bored of not doing the stay it's been the best thing for her. There were many people like yourselves in our classes when she was a pup and teenager ;) All are doing ok now.

The Kennel Club have lists of clubs on their site. I cannot stress the benefit of regular classes, even if it's a bit of an inconvenience initially.

@fieldsofbutterflies you are right. I suppose as we are inexperienced we lack confidence. Taking dd out is stressful in itself, or certainly can be, so that has made us more reluctant to attempt it with dog too, especially as he is so excitable and literally wants to jump all over greet every man and his dog 🙈

I think you just need to be prepared to work through the difficult, stressful days. Believe me, I know it's hard - I remember coming home and feeling utterly defeated because he'd been a total dick

But honestly, put the work in and it will get better. You just can't get the calm, settled adult without experiencing the shit teenager first, unfortunately!

Whereabouts are you based? If you're in the South East, I can recommend a fabulous Labrador trainer... check out Wylanbriar Labradors on Facebook.

Please please go back to the breeder. Most will take back puppies rather than have you re-home them.

@LabHelpPlease I've PM'd you.

I love dogs, as my user name suggests, but I am also very clear that people come first, and it does sound like keeping this dog will ultimately detract from your family's happiness.

You have a lot to deal with give your daughter's needs, and adding a high needs dog into the mix is very understandably just too much pressure.

I do think labs can be some of the most difficult, most boisterous dogs in my experience, and though relatively confident with dogs and dog training would never have one for that reason. But you acted in good faith and can't change the past.

And there is no real harm done if you re-home, as long as you do it as carefully as you can. The dog hasn't bitten or got any very extreme needs from the sounds of it, so even if you describe it honestly I doubt you will struggle to find someone in a better position to take the dog on.

Currently have a family friend in a similar situation. Because of her own health needs and lifestyle, her young lab is pretty much ruining her life. He's a dog you can imagine working well with the right training in a different household, though I am not keen on him myself (and I like most dogs). Desperate for her to re-home, but for complex emotional reasons she won't.

Good luck, and well done for being honest and prepared to admit your mistake - many aren't.

You know you can visit / speak to all the trainers you like, but if you do not put the time and effort into doing what is advised - you are wasting everyone's time and your money.

you have already admitted / agreed at least once in this thread that you don't follow through the training.

Oh there you are, hi!

Don't worry too much about him wanting to greet people as it is pretty normal. Obviously don't let him do it as a rule but most pups make loads of mistakes and you need to just smile and apologise.

We developed a 'I am really sorry her ears are decorative today' response as even though we employed good management she still did want to snog the odd person. One day she chased and tried to grab a runner on a beach who came from behind and we didn't see in time to put her on the lead. We stopped him on the way back and apologised profusely and he was fine.

When our pup was small we did lots of short coffee shop trips. Not long enough for her to get bored but long enough to keep rapid fire rewarding for calm behaviour on a mat or blanket. Over time we lengthened those trips and reduced the treats. This is something best done without your DC once a week or so so you can totally focus on the dog. Now she doesn't lay on a mat so much but she will just lay under the table. My inlaws took her out on their own for the first time last week when we were away and they commented on how good she was and just laid under the table when they drank. We thought we would never get there with a few month old jack in the box. But we did. It's just practice practice practice.

I’ve had five dogs in total, three of them labs so very experienced.

Your average ten month old lab is a hooligan, that stage requires putting up with whilst training consistently. Any unwanted behaviour needs no attention at all (get person to turn back whilst you grab dog, labs love to see your face, the more back treatment they get the more they realise it’s not rewarding). Reward any calm behaviour with treats. Distract with treats too, if your daughter arrives back from school set the dog up with a finding treats task. Hide lots of food and get your dog to sniff it out rather than just feeding from a bowl.

Good news about labs, they love food so much that training with it is incredibly effective. Say daughter comes into room, dog acts naughtily and gets nothing, dog acts nicely and then gets a treat - that will become effective quickly.

Get good things to chew, ostrich bones are really good as they last ages. Anything like that is stimulating and tires them out. If you’ve got older kids get them to play with the dog, my eldest does that and our 2yo dog gets knackered.

My 2 yo is now pretty good, very calm now but she was bloody awful at times at ten months old.

You are experiencing the joys of a teenager, with the same physical and mental changes that we also experience at that age.

If you do rehome, contact Labrador Rescue, they’re absolutely excellent and will find a good home (the dog can go straight from you to the new owners so no kennel stress, if you’re willing).

Okay so it’s all about teaching puppy that DD=calm. It’s no good bringing him in and expecting him to sit quietly when he’s all excited because he’s finally allowed in where the fun is.

Teach him a settle command. A mat or something along those lines where only great things happen. If he’s on it then he can be heavily rewarded with something like a likimat, kong, a million treats- whatever. It will take a while to get the idea. Once he knows that’s the place to be calm and be rewarded you can use that as a tool to keep him calm and in one place.

I would also teach him how you want him to greet people. At the moment he jumps allover because he has no idea that that’s wrong. So what do you want? If you want a calm sit you need to train this by rewarding only the calm and ignoring any of the silliness. Once he realises if he sits he will get attention they usually pick it up really quickly.

The dog shouldn’t be able to bother her in the car. You need a boot guard or crate so he’s seperate and that issues solved. Pick your battles 😄 if he’s crazy in the car put him in a place he can be crazy in safety until he settles. Short trips little and often to fun places should do it.

Honestly though I would have him in with DD to the point she is boring. Have him on a lead so he can’t jump at her but he should be in the same room otherwise your just creating a problem, like when your not allowed something so it’s even more tempting! Give him something to do while she’s in the room so he’s not bothering her. What is it about her that’s so exciting? Is she running around or is it just because she’s ’new?’

We have had many labs and many, many dogs. Labradors at that age can be a pain - over excited, bouncy, still think they are tiny but are 30kg. That’s fairly normal. “Snapping” is not normal but I can’t tell from what you’ve written if he is jumping up and mouthing in excitement (which is normal, particularly because you admit you haven’t spent much time training him) or if he is trying to bite? It doesn’t sound from what you wrote that he is being aggressive?
Dogs take a fuck ton of work and investment - both in time and money. It is entirely unrealistic to think you could take a 10 month old lab to a cafe for breakfast, too much stimulation and temptation. Couldn’t you have walked the dog before you went for breakfast? I am up and out with mine first thing, they get to run off all their energy, come home and have their breakfast, then they are well settled for the day.
At his age, he shouldn’t be having masses of exercise, as he is still growing, but 30 minutes 3 times a day will help. Is he show or working stock? That makes a MASSIVE difference in terms of temperament.

Re the cafe, I think this is why it’s so important to have socialised at the super cute stage where everyone will forgive them anything.

In the absence of having done that, take your dog to the cafe (if you have an estate in the boot, if not seatbelt on in back seat with one adult instead of child with him). The more he’s out doing things the more tired he’ll be. Take something that he can chew for ages with him, that’s really important.

Not sure you’ve replied about off lead exercise, it’s massively important to release energy, an off lead dog walks (runs) about 4x the amount an on lead dog does. Also if you can find a willing lab for him to play with it’s really knackering. If you share your location we may be able to find you a lab walking partner. Helped my dog no end after she met her dog best mate.

I have a 10 month old lab and he’s never behaved like that. He does still want to mouth us sometimes (normal) but we redirect to a toy. He generally likes something in his mouth when he greets people so we keep a toy handy to give him that, rather than a hand or clothes.

A few thoughts:

Is he sleeping enough? Dogs need 18-20 hours sleep a day. An overtired dog is like an overtired toddler and it leads to behaviour issues. Work on sleep if he’s not getting enough.

You need to teach calm. Reward him for lying down and being calm. Think human pez machine. Lots of treats. He needs to be calm everywhere. Start at home, then in the garden, then spend some time in the park sitting on a bench once he’s run the sillies out. Only then can you try a boring quiet cafe for ten minutes while you quickly neck a coffee. Build up slowly.

He needs enrichment and to be able to do doggy things. Walks should be off lead in enriching environments: beaches, woodland, long grass. Lots of sniffing (it tires their brains, reduces blood pressure and calms their pulse). Go to different places, different routes. Let him dig on a beach. He needs to do doggy things like sniff, dig, run, tear. You’re not trying to tire him physically but to tire him mentally.

Make food an enrichment activity. Puzzle feeders and snuffle mats are good (although I find long grass easier and cheaper in the summer). Ours likes tearing apart cardboard boxes to get to his food. Scatter feed so he has to sniff it out. When mine gets energetic mid-afternoon I sometimes throw small pieces of cheese around the garden for him to sniff out. Be unpredictable. Sometimes we go into the garden for training, sometimes to play tug or fetch, sometimes to feed him.

When he’s worked up you need to help him calm down. Licking stuffed kongs, lickimats and chewing help. Natural chews like pig/goat/buffalo ears, pizzles, tendons, ostrich bones are all good, and will give more sensory feedback than plastic chews so will help him settle. Licking and chewing help increase melatonin and will help him sleep.

Do formal training 2/3 times a day in 5-10 minute doses. And then everything he’s doing outside of that is also training, but more in an “ignore unwanted behaviour, reward things you want” way rather than formally interacting with him. Be boring so that he settles to sleep, but remember he will also need affection and closeness too.

Dogs and children are a toxic combination. Ours is much harder to manage when the kids are around. I think he sees them as puppies to play with. You just have to keep plugging away at it.

These are great resources. The Facebook group is very strict but that’s one of the main reasons why it’s so good and I can’t recommend it enough.

www.instagram.com/project.happydog?igsh=MTZyMHhvM3gydDJxNQ==

www.instagram.com/sarahsayspets?igsh=NHhxMXhkdTNrZHhk

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dogtrainingadviceandsupport

I hope some of that was helpful. Sending sympathy and lots of wishes for good luck!

It is entirely unrealistic to think you could take a 10 month old lab to a cafe for breakfast, too much stimulation and temptation.

If you've started teaching them to settle from day 1 then it's not unrealistic. If they've never been to a cafe/pub before that's a different matter. The best part of dog training was all the cafe visits I had to do in the name of socialisation 😂

We have an autistic child and thought a lab would be perfect. We tried and failed to get a therapy dog first.

It has been so hard. From 5 month - 2 years he was awful. Boisterous, disobedient, chewing, mouthing, jumping barking up.

We did puppy classes, hired 2 dog trainers and eventually hired a behaviourist. The behaviourist did help but he also calmed with age.

He still barks, jumps at strangers, occasionally mouths or chews but he has got better at walking

He's now 3 and a lot easier. Ds has no interest in him tho.

It is entirely unrealistic to think you could take a 10 month old lab to a cafe for breakfast, too much stimulation and temptation.

It's absolutely not unrealistic providing you've put the work in from day one - as in, as soon as they've had their vaccinations, or even before then (using a sling or a crate). My beagle came out with us from day one - we took him to cafes, pubs and parks and got him used to all the sounds and sights. He came and had a meal with us in a cafe at 16 weeks and he was absolutely fine.

What you can't do is never take your dog anywhere and then just expect it to settle at 10 months - the training is ongoing and that also means accepting that some days, you need to cut your meal short, or take them out for a ten minute sniff before your food arrives to help calm them down.