I think I might have to return our puppy

[redhat]

I feel awful about it but the entire burden is falling on me and I can’t cope with it. She’s such hard work. She’s currently barking and won’t stop. I’m exhausted and cut and bruised and I’m starting to dislike her and even feel a bit scared of her which is unfair on her.

Shes 14 weeks old. She’s incredibly bitey and today she’s bitten my hand and drawn blood and then this evening when I removed a shoe from her she deliberately growled at me and then deliberately bit me hard on my calf. I know she’s only a puppy but it really hurt.

we’ve had a puppy before (same breed). He was nothing like this at all. I naively thought she’d be the same.

DH has just lost patience after three hours of her barking and said he doesn’t know why we got a puppy we don’t have the time or the energy. He’s right. I feel awful but I’m constantly on the verge of tears.

What sort of dog?

She’s a rough collie

Why is the entire burden falling on you? Was it a joint decision to get her?

How long have you had it?

Dh had been on and on at me for ages about having another dog. I eventually caved (I’d become used to the freedom of not having one). It’s falling on me because I work from home so she’s with me all the time. Teenage DC (17) very enthusiastic about the idea but actually spends all of ten minutes downstairs before disappearing up to his room in the evenings.

We’ve had her since she was 8 weeks (she’s 14 weeks now)

Puppies can and do push just about every single button and then find even more of them hiding somewhere

hugs to you it will get better just take it day by day and your family
need to be stepping up as well

Unless you want (really really want) 12+ years of solely caring for the dog please return it so it can be homed more suitably. So many people are pushed into having dogs by partners who promise they'll do all the caring and then do bugger all. The pup needs training and lots of it, proper training involving classes and family involvement, you don't need the stress of being the only one looking after an animal you didn't really want, your partner has already lost patience and made it your problem, solve the problem and return the dog.

He’s lost patience this evening after her barking for three hours when he’s been working since 5am and then I lost it (burst into tears) and shouted at him that he had to go and see to her because I can’t cope anymore. In general he’s good with her it’s just he’s out from 7am until 8.30pm at work.

What about training? Have you even tried training at home? She needs professional training also. This is what comes with dogs. There's a hell of a lot of effort to be made. Both adults need to be heavily involved too. Consistency and sticking to training is key.

Family meeting needed I think, when everyone's calm and has had some sleep.

Either you agree to share the responsibility equally between the 3 of you (and actually divvy up the jobs) or puppy goes back. Maybe a 2 week trial period to make sure everyone is doing what they said they would.

Collies are not easy dogs. I know, I've had 2. After the first died I said I'd never have another collie, but I do love them so got another and after she died I said the same. But I would, in a heartbeat, they are great dogs but hard work and you have to understand their complex personalities. If you are on FB follow Collieology, they give great advice and insight into the breed.

Making it a joint decision stops you from being painted as the bad guy!

She’s only 14 weeks but yes we’ve been doing all the normal training so she knows sit, stay, come etc and she will ask to go outside for the toilet. She’s booked to start puppy classes in a couple of weeks. We have had puppies before so we know the drill

And she's just a puppy. Puppies are a PITA despite how cute they are. She'll grow up into a lovely dog if you invest the time and research now.

I agree with @Mudflaps . Your dh was wrong to pressure you into this, predictably he and your teenager aren't taking responsibility, you're at the end of your tether and dh is getting ratty. I'd be worried about him losing his temper and hurting her. Even "nice" men hurt dogs when they lose their temper. Re-home her via a breed specific rescue or the breeder asap - she's more likely to get a new home while she's still a puppy.
Make it clear the whole fiasco is your husband's fault though, and never let him talk you into another dog again.

He would never hurt her. I’m the one who isn’t coping

Isn't the dog barking because it wants to be near you? What happens if you are in the same room as the dog?

get a water pistol … one of those cheap plastic ones in a pound shop … squirt pup with water (in her face) whenever she barks … it’s a simple but very effective method to stop barking

Don’t do this at all . She’s a baby take her into your room or go and sit with her . Leaving her barking is just going to result in separation issues .

Oh the bitey pup stage is awful.

I bought a cheap, thin lead, cut it down a bit, and kept it on my pup at all times just so I could grab it for a bit more control. It passes with the right training, but that doesn't make it easier when you're in the midst of it.

It's all well and good your dh walking away because he hasn't got the patience, but he was the one being insistent, now he can't be arsed and its all on you?

If you are going to rehome then please do contact the breeder first, but, to give the pup the best chance, you need to decide soon.

I hope you all have a good night's sleep tonight and things look more manageable in the morning though.

Puppies are so difficult, I really empathise with you (I think I had some sort of PND with our golden retriever puppy in the first weeks and months!!) but you cannot just get rid of an animal like that, they’re not material possessions to discard at your liking. Persevere and it will be worth it - our girl is now 1 year old and things are so much easier, she’s growing into a really lovely, playful, affectionate dog. We still have our tough moments (and I won’t lie and say she doesn’t cause tension at times within the family) but overall the relentless first 2/3 months are a distant memory now.

Give this a watch for help with the biting. It really helped me understand how to help my dog learn.

What breed is he? he will be teething now at that age and it is a big change for him being away from his mum. A puppy growling is not always signs of aggression ours did it when they want something. If you got him from a breeder was he well socialised? I would give it more time he is so young.

Agree do not squirt puppy with a water pistol!!!