I think I might have to return our puppy

[redhat]

I feel awful about it but the entire burden is falling on me and I can’t cope with it. She’s such hard work. She’s currently barking and won’t stop. I’m exhausted and cut and bruised and I’m starting to dislike her and even feel a bit scared of her which is unfair on her.

Shes 14 weeks old. She’s incredibly bitey and today she’s bitten my hand and drawn blood and then this evening when I removed a shoe from her she deliberately growled at me and then deliberately bit me hard on my calf. I know she’s only a puppy but it really hurt.

we’ve had a puppy before (same breed). He was nothing like this at all. I naively thought she’d be the same.

DH has just lost patience after three hours of her barking and said he doesn’t know why we got a puppy we don’t have the time or the energy. He’s right. I feel awful but I’m constantly on the verge of tears.

And DH wasn't demanding a dog and isn't a selfish bastard. He really missed our old dog and wanted another. I found life much easier without a dog but of course also missed our old dog. He didn't demand and he didn't insist. He's going through a particularly difficult time at work over the past fortnight leading on a massive restructure and has barely been here. Generally he works at home (albeit in a building in the garden) one day a week and one afternoon (although still very long hours).

I'll be honest we've had border collies all our lives and now also have a rough. Never known a dog to bark so much. I wouldn't ever have another one. If you're going to rehome do it now.

Lot of sensible posts on here. I am surprised it's a rough collie, I've had 3, and they weren't biters one (a rescue) was a barker at people going by)5 borders, couple of cross breeds and a Phalene toy,he was bitey. My older BC now 8 was bitey, the other is 7 months old,also a BC. I squeaked, when they bit,it very swiftly stopped. Puppy only ever "mouthed" gently. Got the puppy at 7 weeks, 3 weeks down the line,both got Covid first time ever, really ill, and I had to have (chest) surgery just over 2 weeks ago (unexpected) we lost the Phalene January 2023, almost 18. (Tried countless rescues) Spent months debating a puppy, decided we could manage, joint decision (apart from the first blue merle I brought home 25 years ago, when other dog was 15) she slept in a small crate in our room first off. I got up in the night because I worked nights for 30 years. DH was up around 4. (We're now retired, but working ft with the other puppies,me night,him days) Friend got a puppy just before us, said the other day, wished they hadn't, also retired. I knew it wasn't going to work with them,(I will be polite and say it doesn't suit their lifestyle) yes, family meeting, but your H is out long hours,as was mine. It fell on me, but I have never regretted it.

Ah so the circumstances have changed and your DH is going through a stressful period and having to be in the office more often.

I think you need to sit down as a family and decide what to do.

It would be nice if you had the luxury of time to wait and see if the work situation is a temporary one, but for puppies sake if you're going to return to breeder or surrender, best to do it whilst they are still as young as possible.

Collies seem to come in two varieties, the easygoing sort (still need a lot of exercise and still tend to get fixated) and the totallly neurotic drive-you-nuts type. Yours has nipped the back of your calf, as she's been bred to do when rounding up cows. Her work instinct is already showing.

I'd get her checked by a vet to ascertain whether she has any health issues, call in a trainer who specialises in collies* for guidance and if in a month's time nothing's improved, definitely return her.

I speak as someone who lived for nearly 13 years with a funny, incredibly clever but extremely instinct driven and feisty terrier. Life was often hugely complicated with her. We gave her a great life, but at considerable cost to our own. Including scars.

*This is really important. I spent serious money on a trainer who eventually, when he'd got absolutely nowhere with my terrier, admitted that he was more used to working with cockapoos, labradors and other more compliant breeds.

Ditch the crate or at the very least have it in the same room as you. It seems to me that you wrote this thread when highly stressed because everyone was tired and the puppy was keeping you all awake. My puppy never ever kept me awake because she was contented close to her pack (us!).

The biting will pass. I vividly recall feeling miserable about the fact that every interaction with my puppy just led to her biting me, but at nearly a year later that feels forever ago.

I'll never understand people who buy working breeds and then are upset that the dog shows traits of that breed.

Collies are nippy little buggers it's how they herd sheep. They need so much mental stimulation which is why they are either always out and about or chewing up your stuff.

Please do re-home this dog while it can still go to someone who can offer it the life it needs.

Dh had been on and on at me for ages about having another dog.

That’s what you said above, Op. Now you’re saying he didn’t demand a dog.

TBH WFH doesn’t automatically mean you have the right environment for a puppy.

And, quite frankly, posters aren’t supportive because you’ve

Fake it until you make it. Puppies are horrible. We're fed the Disney version and the reality is anything but. I move in training circles and very few people like puppies for what they are just the dog they become.

If you want a dog then hang in there. Book a good training class and take a deep breath. If you don't then return her - lots do and nobody talks about how hard it is.

I like dogs when they get to about 18 months - 2 years. They're twats before that.

Have you tried an adaptil collar? They give the same pheromones they get from their mother’s milk. Our trainer suggested one when I was about to lose my mind with out puppy barking all night every night. You can get them in most pet shops but cheaper on Amazon. She also suggested not having dog or crate in room because of the dog is with you 24/7 it won’t cope the times you do have to leave it.

If he is out from 7am till 8.30pm, he shouldn’t have put so much pressure on you to get a puppy.

If he would be easy to rehome, perhaps better to do that now than in a year.

(Am assuming that a rescue org would find it easy to rehome this breed and would properly screen new owner?)

Gently, you may think you “know the drill” but if you’re removing items from the dog you’re not. You’re ingraining resource guarding which is exactly what happened and why you got bitten. (Haven’t RTFT so apologies if this has been mentioned)

you need a good force free trainer and ideally a behaviourist. Not just puppy socialisation / obedience.

your DH being out the house so long, the situation can’t really improve imho.

DH has just lost patience after three hours of her barking and said he doesn’t know why we got a puppy we don’t have the time or the energy.

But he’s the one who pressurised you into getting one. And he’s out over 13 hours a day and the burden falls on you.

Your husband is beyond unreasonable. This situation is his fault and you’re paying the price.

Return the puppy. And don’t get another one.

It will get better, I'm pretty sure I had some sort of post natal depression after having a puppy for a few weeks , I would cry on my way home from work to see what he had ruined next ( he would get out of his crate - fucking Houdini). He would also shit behind the door so to open it I would have to smear it on the floor. Bastard he was.

Now, he is my absolute prince, my little baby. I'm pretty sure I love him more than the kids.

Can I just say that it's really good to see people talking openly about how hard raising a puppy can be? I was quite lucky in that although my terrier was terrifyingly nippy and utterly fearless she wasn't destructive and I didn't come home to sofas, carpets and wallpaper destroyed. One of my relatives has finally had her dream come true and is raising a guide dog puppy — and finding it hell. I think at least a small part of her was convinced that it would be an Andrex-style fantasy and it's not. Some of the complications are down to the strict rules that you have to follow as part of the guide dog training, but others are just issues that come with a full-on retriever pup.

Unless you want (really really want) 12+ years of solely caring for the dog please return it so it can be homed more suitably. So many people are pushed into having dogs by partners who promise they'll do all the caring and then do bugger all. The pup needs training and lots of it, proper training involving classes and family involvement, you don't need the stress of being the only one looking after an animal you didn't really want, your partner has already lost patience and made it your problem, solve the problem and return the dog.
So I’m torn as I was going to start telling you it gets easier but the above advice might be right for you. our dog is 2 now and he’s a lifetime away from what he was but he only eased up about half a year ago.
First thing, your baby (;)) is teething. Every time they go to bite you hand them a dog toy /teddy. We have a cocker which is the bitiest dog and after a while he’d grab for the teddy instead of a hand(!)

Second: the book Easy peasy Puppy Squeezy. My lifeline PLUS reminded me that our puppy was just being needy and crazy because he craves our love and attention.

Talk to your family. If necessary do rehome, whatever people say it’s not fair on you or the dog.

We did dspca dog training classes for the first few months and they’re amazing, definitely do the uk (rspca?) equivalent

at the moment our puppy is sitting at my feet as I type. We have a crapload of issues with him at the mo (him and the neighbours dog are having a barkathon whenever they see each other, we have to dog proof our garden even more as he’s gotten out again), but he’s part of our family and he’s a universe away from the bitey jumpy uppy crazy he was (and I used to cry too and dh used to say ‘I can’t take this, what are we going to do?!)

best of luck x

Gosh you sound exhausted. Puppies are bloody hard work and can be right little fuckers. Agree you should have a family meeting and talk it out. In my experience puppies do tend to get much better around the 2 year mark but it depends if you're prepared to keep going until things improve. I hope you make the right decision for both yourselves and your dog x

This really is very unusual for a Rough Collie, and sad to hear, but there are a few lines that are not entirely what you'd hope for in temperament.

Lots of rest needed at this age to avoid over-stimulation. She needs to learn to calm, perhaps with an ostrich bone to gnaw on as Roughs aren't the greatest of chewers on some of the duller treats.

Barker & Barker treats are great to have a pocketful of for diversion and training, dogs love them and they are so tiny you can scatter a few.

12-20 weeks is such a difficult stage, you’ve got my sympathies. My collie started to settle by 20 weeks, by 26 he’s now an extremely affectionate and gentle boy. We do daily training with him though, both agility and mental. He also goes for a 2hr walk each day as well as 2 30 min walks.

Collies are extremely active and extremely intelligent. If you’re not able to actively train him and give him the exercise he needs then rehoming him would be the best thing for him.

Your problem isn't the puppy, she is just being a puppy. Your Problem is your family.

He was selfish to adopt a dog knowing he worked such long hours. Puppies aren't created to make adults feel better through short rough patches. There is every chance the dog will miss out on the life it deserves because of your DH's nagging.

This isn't about you OP. You've chosen to take on what is effectively a baby, you need to take on board advice and put the pups feelings before your own for a little while.

Do not rehome the puppy - return to the breeder.

She is so young still and likely from a large litter so not used to sleeping alone, crate and bring her to your bedroom or sleep on sofa by her downstairs.
The more sleep you and puppy get the better patience you'll have during the day to get through tough times.
I've heard of people using vibration collars during the day for barking, doesn't hurt them just redirects them out of why they're barking. Obviously only use while with a dog and she really is too young to need this kind of device yet, just keep up with training her as you know puppies are hard work but so worth it long term 🐕

You could try one of those heartbeat toys at night actually, a friend of mine had one from day one with her pup and never had an issue at night.