I think I might have to return our puppy

[redhat]

I feel awful about it but the entire burden is falling on me and I can’t cope with it. She’s such hard work. She’s currently barking and won’t stop. I’m exhausted and cut and bruised and I’m starting to dislike her and even feel a bit scared of her which is unfair on her.

Shes 14 weeks old. She’s incredibly bitey and today she’s bitten my hand and drawn blood and then this evening when I removed a shoe from her she deliberately growled at me and then deliberately bit me hard on my calf. I know she’s only a puppy but it really hurt.

we’ve had a puppy before (same breed). He was nothing like this at all. I naively thought she’d be the same.

DH has just lost patience after three hours of her barking and said he doesn’t know why we got a puppy we don’t have the time or the energy. He’s right. I feel awful but I’m constantly on the verge of tears.

The breeder should take the dog back. A friend had a border collie she loved to death but he was a nightmare - reactive to other dogs despite training and just not that nice a dog! I wouldn't have coped with it. My dogs fit in with me - I've had several and they were all lovely, well trained dogs (but to be honest didn't need much training beyond basics). I'm not going to change my lifestyle for my dogs - I just wouldn't have one.

A typical example of the person who won't be responsible for the dog, wanting one and pestering until they get their own way. Then wondering why it's all falling down around their ears. Your dh was wrong to persuade you to have the puppy when he knows he'll be in work for the vast majority of the day. You should have stuck to your guns, if you were in tow minds anyway no wonder you're fed up now. It's typical puppy behaviour, as you already

If you got the dog from a reputable breeder they will accept the dog back, if not go through a good charity to ensure it's rehomed correctly. You'll lose your money but that can the helped. DO NOT sell it on a place like pre loved or gumtree.

I thought you meant three hours of barking in the evening, not three hours of barking once you had tried to settle her to sleep. I wasn't criticising, I was trying to understand the situation.

14 weeks is a horrid stage. Ours wasn't allowed out quite yet, so had load of pent up energy which when they're older you can just open the door and let them sniff and wee in the puppy proofed garden. Or go on a short walk expels energy too

So all they're exploring is fine in the house with their teeth.

I would give it back to the breeder. It’s not the right time. Stop beating yourself up.

It's ok to decide you made a wrong decision and rehome either via breeder if they were good & contracted you to do so or a decent rescue if not, pups will always be more in demand. Better to realise when you can't give what they need and help them towards an owner that can before added problems develop that make that process harder, it's more selfish when people lose interest and poor dog spends years/lifetime not being understood and just getting basic very needs met, they aren't cherished and living the best life they should.

For short term I'd put crate or bed inside pen into bedroom or sleep downstairs with the dog, for whatever reason they aren't comfortable being away from it's people and need reassurance and confidence rebuilding to cope with separation. You'll all also feel much better able to cope when not sleep deprived.

Dogs growling is communication so not a bad thing at all, pup warned they wasn't happy to give up their prized item as you tried to take it away, just as they would if another dog stole it and they'd likely back that up with their mouths as I want that back warning, which is also a form of communication not always to cause damage, However you've a puppy with sharp teeth and not yet learnt any control of pressure who is also having big emotions in similar way to child when removing their prized plaything. Will end up with resource guarding issues if they fear things will be taken away and need to protect them, I've always traded with my dogs so they know will get something good for giving up an item or if I'm near there food they may get extras.

Sorry it hasn’t worked out. Puppies are hard work - some harder than others.

PLEASE return your puppy to the breeder. I have bred dogs and had one puppy returned in the exact circumstances you describe. Puppy was a handful and family couldn’t cope. Scooped it up same day and rehomed fairly quickly. Second family had plenty of time and experience and I worked with them on pups behaviour free of charge to make sure it worked out. Second owner paid first 50% of price as a goodwill gesture. Everything Worked out brilliantly.

Sending sympathetic hand hold. Was at a similar stage this time last year with our then 16wk old retreiver/terrier cross. Did puppy socialisation and training but I was her main companion & playmate as OH was working. Was definitely thinking about returning her to breeder it was so full on, instead sent her to doggy day care one day a week. Not a cheap option but saved my sanity. She loved it and still goes and a year on is settling down to be a perfect member of the household - apart from the digging & cruising for food, did I mention the digging..

Please contact the breeder straight away and arrange to return the puppy. I’ve had a very few litters in my lifetime and had two pups returned. They went on to have happy settled lives. You’re clearly not the right owners for this particular pup and its behaviour is deteriorating.

Please do the right thing.

Just take her back. You know when you're beaten.

Listen to this x

What's happened has happened. You've clearly tried to do all the right things but a combination of DH's job changing and you trying to WFH with demands from a living creature that aren't too dissimilar to a baby means it isn't working. Shit happens. No one's a bad or irresponsible person at this stage and as long as you make a family decision soon, no one will be.

Your options are:

Pay for doggy day care. You wouldn't expect to WFH full time with a toddler and you can't with a puppy either. Being free from this might have a huge effect on how well you are able to cope with the pup the rest of the time, especially if you read up more about crate training, play biting, barking etc and find methods that work.

Rehome the dog, ideally through the breeder. This needs to be done asap though or she'll end up being one of those poor boomerang dogs.

Hope you find a solution.

Collies need a lot of exercise, they're bred to be working dogs. You must also give them a clear pack leader otherwise they'll try and dominate you which I feel is happening here. I would start some intensive behavioural training with her give her something to use her brain for. They're very bright dogs and need a lot of stimulation. Maybe find a puppy training class local
To you

So OP has "hidden the thread" I mean what on earth was she expecting?! A rough collie sounds like a pretty full on dog, and they haven't got time for it. So either they make time, do the classes, do the training at home etc., and give the dog lots of exercise and attention - or they go back to the breeder or the breed rescue now for help/re-homing whilst the dog is still young.

I just can't get my head round what else the OP thought any of us might say?! "Poor you"?! how would that be helpful or supportive? They made a mistake, many do, not many have the guts to seek help in real life, so if the OP was to look for practical support and guidance - even if that means returning the dog to the breeder - then I'd applaud her honesty and integrity.

But definitely don't get another dog.

I wish more people on this site could separate Rough Collies from Border Collies/working sheepdogs in their heads. A well bred Rough Collie is in no way a 'pretty full on dog', and no 14 week old puppy needs lots of exercise either. They will take as much exercise as you wish when they are adult and physically fit, but they are a very laid back family dog who is happy with sensible moderate exercise. And yes, I have lived with lots of them, over four decades.

Training is the key here OP, bearing in mind that mental exercise will tire a young pup without putting the strain on their bodies that physical exercise does. Train them to do anything, it doesn't really matter what - general pet training, obviously, but hiding food or toys for them to find, trick training etc. will all use their brains, improve your bond and tire them out too.

Can you just let the puppy sleep in your bedroom?

We trained our adult rescue to sleep in the kitchen and that near enough broke me. We were close to caving. A puppy would be used to sleeping near its mum and siblings. I would just give up and let it sleep in my bedroom after three hours of barking tbh.

And if you do decide to return the puppy, it sounds like you’d be a great candidate for an adult rescue such as a retired greyhound :)

Terrible advise.

How to make a dog scared of water in one easy step.

Ideal Owner The Rough Collie needs an experienced owner who really adores grooming their dog, but is also happy to walk for hours in wet, muddy countryside and not mind that all their grooming work needs to be redone at the end of the day! Ideal owners will live at least semi-rurally and have a large secure garden, love dog training as a hobby, and either be child free or have older children.

They are herding dogs just like border collies and have similar requirements/needs

In the first six months of our puppy I frequently regretted getting her. She was adorable but she totally turned my life upside down. She needed constant attention and didn't seem to sleep at all. She was more difficult than all my children put together had been. My DM had dogs all her life and trained gun dogs and said she had never seen such a manic puppy. With a combination of love, routine, boundaries and training and she turned into the most delightful, devoted and gentle dog. She is currently lying snoring in a basket in the corner of my office and I honestly can't imagine life without her. Hang in there OP.

first of all you said your dh had been on and on at you, then you backtrack and start making excuses for him

but he works for hours and hours anyway ( or at least is out of the house for hours ) and sleeps for what ? 6 hours ?

when does HE have time for a dog ?

of course teenager is disinterested, that's a teenager and will leave home in the next few years anyway.

a DECENT breeder will take back the dog, you already have 2 on this post agreeing with that.

but oh no you're going to hide the thread as you can't handle the replies, just like you can't handle the puppy...

Thought you say collie!
Has she got wobbly teeth? What can she chew that isn't you? She sounds totally overcooked and needs to be somewhere completely unstimulating an be helped to unwind.
Have a look on line for Barbara Sykes collie stuff, she's currently training her new puppy. Her fb page is Freedom of Spirit Border Collie Trust.

People are giving you plenty of very good + honest support, advice and reassurance. You’re just choosing to ignore it

@PansyOatZebra I was specifically told to spray our JR Cross when he was a puppy if we was barking unnecessarily. It worked everytime & he rarely does if now

Absolutely do NOT do this. It will just succeed in making her scared.

Get some things that will tire her out - a stuffed kong toy, a snuffle mat (which you could use to feed her), a lick mat. Get an empty old box, put some toys in and some treats, ripped paper and let her search and find. Scatter treats (or her food) on the floor to find / eat. There are so many ways to wear out a puppy that can't be walked far yet. (loads of ideas online and honestly they really help!). Get some natural chews such as pizzles, pigs ears (check the age they can have these), buffalo horns, cow hoofs - all long lasting and let you have peace and quiet.
I love dogs, but the puppy stage I always question what I was even thinking in getting a puppy.
Puppies don't know how to switch off, they need to be taught. I can highly recommend the book 'Easy Peasy puppy squeezy' - so much great advice on all stages, plus explanations on how puppies think and why they react & behave the way they do.
It isn't easy, especially if it all falls on you, I agree that you all need to agree who is helping with what. But definitely get that book.