I think I might have to return our puppy

[redhat]

I feel awful about it but the entire burden is falling on me and I can’t cope with it. She’s such hard work. She’s currently barking and won’t stop. I’m exhausted and cut and bruised and I’m starting to dislike her and even feel a bit scared of her which is unfair on her.

Shes 14 weeks old. She’s incredibly bitey and today she’s bitten my hand and drawn blood and then this evening when I removed a shoe from her she deliberately growled at me and then deliberately bit me hard on my calf. I know she’s only a puppy but it really hurt.

we’ve had a puppy before (same breed). He was nothing like this at all. I naively thought she’d be the same.

DH has just lost patience after three hours of her barking and said he doesn’t know why we got a puppy we don’t have the time or the energy. He’s right. I feel awful but I’m constantly on the verge of tears.

Family Meeting- either keep and train or rehome quickly through a rescue. She’s a puppy she will get a home fast. Don’t let her get older and untrained, it’ll make it more difficult.

My Lab pup bit and growled and air snapped and was a general arsehole until 18 months ish. It took ALOT of training. Some dogs are harder than others and it’s sooo difficult when you all work.

The thing is, if you keep the dog, you’ll probably have to accept that you’re going to be the primary carer. Your Dh is at work for 14 hours a day and your ds could have left home in a few years and isn’t interested now anyway. I would have a think about if that’s actually what you want because it sounds like it’s not as you didn’t initiate getting the dog. Better to return her now than to be here in 2 years time resenting the dog because of the restrictions.

Assuming you got her from a responsible breeder, return her. Most decent breeders have a waiting list and many would kill for a semi-house trained puppy.

You claim to have had dogs before - so you should know 12-20 weeks is when they’re at their most twatty. You should have expected a husband that is out for over half the day to have no interest. You should have expected a teenager to have no interest. You should have expected biting and barking from a breed that is known to do that when bored/under stimulated.

None of what the puppy is doing is unusual or wrong. It’s puppy behaviour and, quite frankly, if you can’t cope with this then you shouldn’t have a dog. And you definitely shouldn’t have a sensitive puppy in the house if you’re screaming the odds over a bit of teething.

Sorry if that’s harsh, but I am so sick of people getting dogs that act like dogs then being upset/angry about it.

Why would you suggest something so fucked up? Would you squirt a baby in the face when it cried?

No it’s not. That’s horrible. There are kinder ways to train dogs.

OP get some good advice from a non-aversive trainer. Or a behaviourist. There’s a great resource on FB called ‘dog training advice and support’. They have tons of resources on puppies.

If she's barking during the night it sounds like she's unhappy on her own (very common for puppies) - can't she sleep in her crate in your room so everyone gets some rest?

I completely agree with this, please return the puppy and don’t buy another one, they’re not toys and it’s fairly obvious no one in your household has the appetite to invest in this puppy.

It sounds like the puppy is unhappy. I’ve had dogs all my life and can’t recall ever having a puppy who barked for hours. She’s trying to tell you something!

She is a collie - they are amongst the most needy dogs there is - needy in the sense of needing to work. You probably know that as you had one before but maybe he was more laid back. Dogs of any breed are not always the same they are individuals.

Collies IMO need attention and masses of exercise - any home that wants a contented collie needs to provide that.

She is probably picking up the anger and shouting and it is making her worse. If you WFH - you will be working and trying to cope with the puppy - not fair on either of you.

Many neurotic collies end up in rescues because their owners have not been suitable.

Can you not take 'puppy leave' and calm the whole household down. If you cannot shoulder the entire puppy care yourself - you should return her to the breeder

Good luck

That was a brilliant video!

You need a reset as a family, as the PPs say.

It’s intense for the first two years, can you ride that between you? I’d say give them a month to step up, see if they improve. Then decide.

It may be worth warning the breeder now. Is the breeder nearby? Some doggy daycare with them may buy you respite and the dog company and stimulation.

If you're already not coping and thinking about rehoming at 14 weeks you're better to do it now. Adolescence can be hard and it's much easier to find a good home for a 14 week old puppy than an 8 month old teen. But please don't get over pressured into getting another dog - it sounds like it's not the right thing for your family at the moment and it's a big commitment all of you should really want.

Yes, family meeting to reach an agreement to return her to the breeder. She will find a good home no problem, and you will be free.

This will never work if the whole family aren't on board and the worst culprit is your DH talking you into it then being out the entire day long! Is the puppy having regular training? I'd find a local class pronto if not. Obviously you can't do long walks yet but it will get better when you can and the biting is probably at its height at the moment. We had appropriate chews all over the place so there was always one nearby to redirect them to if they got too nippy.

Bad and lazy idea for any breed but particularly for sensitive RCs who don't like water much.

Your dh was hugely irresponsible and selfish to talk you into getting a dog if he is out 13h a day and it would all fall to you.

you can’t cope, ywnbu to return her.

Just rehome the dog that would be best for everyone.

You sound exhausted.

When you say that you told your DH that he would 'have to go and see to her', where was she? If she was barking for 3 hours, was that in a different room to you? Because if so, it's likely that this is why she was barking.

If you give her back at this stage then it will take a while to find a new owner, and they will have to start all over again with her training.

By that point, she'll be older, and there's a risk she'll have developed some deep-rooted behaviours that will be even harder to train out of her.

This is how dogs end up being passed between lots of owners and ultimately end up in a rescue/ being put down because nobody wants them/ nobody wants to put the work into the training.

She obviously has a trickier temperament than your previous dog, that is unlucky, but collies are very intelligent and trainable, especially at such a young age. You just need to keep at it.

(But I agree with @Rainbowstripes that if you are going to rehome, you really need to do it now so that she has a chance).

Maybe ,as a family, your lifestyle has changed from when you had your previous dog. Perhaps each of you no longer has the time a dog needs.

How on earth is she barking for 3 hours? Have you locked her out? Or in a different room? A puppy shouldn't be barking like that if they are with their owner .

So she's not in with the family in the evening...that will be why she's barking ,she can hear her family in another room and she feels left out and wants to be with u all ...left 3 hours on her own to bark ,

She's not suitable for your family. Collies need lots of stimulation that your family isn't willing/able to give. Please return her whilst she still has a chance of a decent life. But please don't then replace with another dog. Your life just isn't suitable. No person that is out of the house for such long hours should be demanding a dog. Selfish bastard.

Ok I'm hiding this thread now since it isn't helping. If someone needs support and reassurance MN isn't the right place.

She wasn't away from us for the evening for three hours. She was with me all evening until we went to bed. She's been sleeping through for the past two weeks. She sleeps downstairs in her crate. She's generally fine there and settles.

Yesterday she was probably overstimulated since we'd done lots of socialisation and training exercises and she'd been for a walk in the woods. She would not settle hence for three hours I was up and down with her settling her and every time she would go off to sleep and then stir and start up again 5 minutes after I left.

I know you’ve had a collie before but they are generally very needy and like to be with their person at all times, they need to feel useful and have work to do. We had a collie as kids but she went out to work with my dad every day and was tired enough when she got home to relax a bit, she was hard work whenever he was unable to take her with him & needed lots of stimulation and exercise - my brother used to take her out fell running!

Not an ideal breed when one partner out of the house for long hours every day and the other trying to work from home. They’re not a dog that will be happy with a half an hour walk twice a day and a trip out at weekends.

You have a very intelligent breed and she is probably barking out of boredom and frustration. If you get a clever breed you have to help them use their brain as otherwise they will find mischief. In fact that’s all pups, but smart ones more so. Puppies bite, they all do it, they all do it loads and you forget how much once the dog has grown up. ‘Dog Training Advice and Support’ on Facebook has loads of amazing resources for raising a puppy. For a start, don’t take things off her unless it’s literally life or death - work on ‘drop it’ command. Otherwise you are going to have a resource guarding problem. Have a jar of treats around the house and reward good behaviour, like quiet and making good choices. It’s 24/7 with a puppy for first year or so and putting in time now will reap rewards later. If you are going to giver her back do it now, the longer you leave it the harder it will be on the next owners to overcome the lack of proper training and bonding at this early stage.