What should my nervous child do around dogs?

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My autistic 6 year old is very afraid of dogs, but we can’t go anywhere round here without passing dog walkers.

I’ve had a few comments from dog walkers who seem offended that I move in front of him or pick him up (so he knows the dogs can’t reach him). Lots of them will stop and tell me their dog is very friendly, just wants to play, we should just say hello to him etc.

So I’m asking dog owners: how can we politely make clear to dogs and their humans that we really don’t want your dog anywhere near us? Often my son will try to run away and of course dogs think he’s playing so chase after, it’s quite traumatic tbh as he’s very scared.

Tbh round here I have the opposite issue, my dog is quite nervous & people’s kids are always wanting to stroke him without asking and I’m constantly on my guard to say no please leave him alone, sorry I have no advise but from the other side I appreciate it’s stressful!

You can get ‘nervous’ patches and leads for dogs, not sure if there is a human equivalent, maybe a badge or tabard?

Not that you should have to! I wouldn’t dream of letting my own dog approach anyone unless explicitly and enthusiastically invited to do so.

WRT to tackling the actual phobia itself, do you know anyone with a calm, friendly dog who your DS might not mind saying hello to from a distance at first and then possibly gradually getting closer to?

Stand still, cross arms across chest, look down, be quiet.
Basically be as uninteresting as possible.

I would pre-empt their (very irritating) 'my dog is friendly' comment, by saying 'I'm sure your dog is very friendly, but my child is very frightened of dogs'. You could add 'And he's autistic' to add weight to your point, but frankly you shouldn't have to. They shouldn't be letting their dog approach a child. Admittedly I'm lucky, as my dog has no interest in approaching people when he's on a walk.

Picking him up isn’t really helping, plus you can’t keep on doing that as he grows. You are also validating the fear with this action. Completely ignoring the dog is the best option.

I think nervous dogs and nervous children both need to be treated in the same way - they need to be able to take their lead from their parent / owner. You need to try to be breezily confident around dogs - by picking him up or putting yourself between DS and the dog you are reinforcing the message that dogs are scary.

When dc was extremely nervous and frightened of dogs and his instinct was to run which invariably led to the dogs then chasing, we’d tell him to be a statue. It worked because they’d walk off and gradually he got less frightened.

I'm not an expert but in your position I would probably tell him to stand still arms crossed. Then you can tell the dog owner your son is nervous of dogs so please give you a wide berth or recall the dog if its off lead.

The best thing to do is to just ignore them. Just carry on with whatever you're doing and don't make any eye contact or show them any interest. If they do approach, then the best thing to do is ask the owner to retrieve their dog, fold your arms and turn your head away.

I know it's instinct on your part, but the last thing I would do is pick your son up, as by doing so, you're just making him more interesting, which means the dogs are more likely to come over and investigate (or jump up).

Most owners are decent and will recall their dogs if you explain that your son is scared. I personally never allow my dogs to approach anyone on walks - they always get recalled back to me and put on leads if needed.

I found a 'dog therapist' who worked with autistic children. He does 'Dog Agility for Autism'.

We got our own dog 3 years ago. She now has a therapy dog at school too.

Imo the best thing you can do is work on dc's phobia for the long term. Being around ddogs is an important 'life skill'..

Teach ‘act like a tree’. Practice with a toy dog first.

https://cooperandkids.com/stand-like-a-tree-want-dog-to-calm-down-move-away/

A lot of dogs think "Dog" "Doggy" etc are also their names. If your child is pointing out dogs, saying it's a dog and looking at them, the dog probably thinks you want their attention.

It's very hard to untrain this, as usually the random person rewards them with a lot of attention and cuddles. Obviously a good dog owner will call them away.

Teach your DC to just ignore dogs and maybe find a nice calm one to have a wee cuddle with, to minimise the fear.

Mine are both very scared of dogs, we're working hard on them being "boring." I've explained to them that the more they run, scream, try to be picked up etc, the more interesting they are to dogs, who think they want to play.

We've now reached the point where they can sometimes stand still and look away from the dog, and other times need to hold an adults hand to be brave enough. Without fail, the dog and owner walk past and they ask "did you see me? Was I boring?" 🤣

Turn his back to the dog and make a pair statue together. That reassures him and makes him boring to the dog. Don’t stoop.

Lots we do leads a dog to get wildly excited- if I enter my dog’s space (the area a foot above the floor) he assumes it’s play time, rolls around waving his legs in the air and expecting a romp and tummy tickle. Doing floor physio is tricky!

Ditto, shouting and arm waving. That’s what I’d do when the dog has lost me and needs me to help him see and hear which of the humans is his. Old age is letting him down, sadly.

This. And learn the 'rules' about dog communication. Dogs seem chaotic and unpredictable but are actually very predictable. Teaching all the doggy signs and signals help both acclimatise your child (because you have to look at videos and pictures of dogs online) and help in the moment, "oh look the dog's tail is wagging, ears up, tongue lolling, she's happy" to distract and bring the child back to awareness, not fear.

But dog owners can be dickheads. 'Friendly' jumping up is awful if you don't like dogs. I do but know that I wouldn't want a wasp or spider all over me!

To all those saying ‘ignore the dog’, this is very hard to do when you have a child screaming ‘doggy!’ And crying and trying to climb up your legs/run in to the road. I have to offer my daughter some reassurance.

OP I have no suggestions I’m afraid as we are in the same boat. Mine is ok if dogs are on the lead, mostly, but panics if they aren’t. I do the same as you, put myself between her and the dog, I stay calm myself and reassure her. If it’s a calm dog and the owner suggests stroking it I will often do this myself to model that she shouldn’t be scared (I’m no dog lover myself but I don’t panic and I can cope with calm dogs).

We arranged to see some very young puppies this time last year (when they’re in the dozy, quiet stage) which helped a bit, she would stroke them. Unfortunately by the third visit they were barking and nipping so we were back to square one! That lady has another litter now so we will try again. My daughter has also been around docile, quiet dogs and unfortunately it hasn’t helped, she still panics if they’re moving near her.

following for suggestions really!

To all those saying ‘ignore the dog’, this is very hard to do when you have a child screaming ‘doggy!’ And crying and trying to climb up your legs/run in to the road. I have to offer my daughter some reassurance.

Nobody is saying it's easy, just that it's the best thing to do if at all possible.

My dog is always on a lead around other people, but if a child screamed "doggy!" at my dog, he would think they wanted to play with him and would get very excited. If they ran or screamed, he would think it was the best game ever and try and join in with them.

However, when a child just walks past normally, he's not remotely interested and would just carry on walking. He doesn't really care about people unless they actively show an interest in him (or they have food).

Dogs are predators and very attracted to movement and noise - it's literally how their brains are wired.

I'm not a dog owner but just wanted to comment because it annoys me so much when dog owners say these things. I don't care how friendly your dog is, I don't want them around my toddler. I find it really annoying and disrespectful and dogs are so unpredictable and can attack at any time (no matter how friendly they are). Also think most dogs stink and are all slobbery so would rather not have them slobbering over my child.
I wouldn't worry about them being offended, your child is priority in this situation and I'd just be blunt and say we don't want the dog near thanks.

But hopefully you, as a human, would be able to interpret the child’s feelings and take control of your dog, maybe even put it back on the lead? The number of owners who see my daughter panicking and just let their dog carry on heading towards her without making any effort to control it, or just saying (as above!) ‘don’t worry, it’s friendly!’ is astounding. As if any child in full panic mode has ever gone ‘oh, it’s friendly? Brilliant, I’ll stop crying then!’

The dog owners are being helpful. You aren't. Dogs aren't unpredictable at all. And no, they aren't all slobbery or ready to attack at any time. Hyperbolic nonsense which isn't actually helping OP.

Interacting with dogs is a fact of life. Learning how to do it is a life skill. You wanting all dogs gone isn't going o happen.

Sorry, just seen your dog would be on a lead anyway, and therefore unlikely to be causing my daughter a problem! If only all owners kept them on leads, my life would be a lot easier 😂

I am happy to say that people like you are every dogs owners worst nightmare so I don’t think you need to worry too much about us dog owners getting offended.

I did* *say my dog was always on a lead around other people.

X-post!

Honestly, I don't trust him off the lead (he's a beagle and his recall is appalling) so he stays on the lead unless we're in a secure field.