What should my nervous child do around dogs?

[AbacusAvocado]

My autistic 6 year old is very afraid of dogs, but we can’t go anywhere round here without passing dog walkers.

I’ve had a few comments from dog walkers who seem offended that I move in front of him or pick him up (so he knows the dogs can’t reach him). Lots of them will stop and tell me their dog is very friendly, just wants to play, we should just say hello to him etc.

So I’m asking dog owners: how can we politely make clear to dogs and their humans that we really don’t want your dog anywhere near us? Often my son will try to run away and of course dogs think he’s playing so chase after, it’s quite traumatic tbh as he’s very scared.

Yeah tbh I think if a dog does not have perfect recall, they should not be off lead other than in secure places. Very very often we have dogs running over to us and their owner is so far away we can’t even identify which of the people in the distance they are, and we can’t call to them.

But obviously I accept that most dog owners are considerate and thoughtful and don’t act like that.

This thread has been really helpful for advice on what to do.

Yeah tbh I think if a dog does not have perfect recall, they should not be off lead other than in secure places.

I agree, but sadly lots of people think it's fine to let their dogs off the lead regardless of how they behave.

I'm a dog walker as well as a dog owner, and honestly, the worst part of my job is other dog owners who don't control their animals. At least once a day I have a dog bombing over to mine and being a total pest - normally followed by an owner shouting "don't worry, he's friendly!".

My normal response is "well, this one isn't - get your dog away now". I have no problems with asking someone to get their dog away from mine - I don't really care if I come across as rude - my dogs' safety is my priority, not someone's feelings.

I had a few run-ins with the same woman who always has her dog off lead even though it never recalls to her - one day her dog ran up to mine (on the lead) and started circling us while growling with it's hackles up. I said to her that if she didn't come and get her bloody dog, I would be reporting her to the police for having a dangerously out of control dog.

She now avoids me, thank God!

It ought to be a law that dogs be kept on leashes - and not the retractable kind

To me this thread is increasingly bonkers.

I grew up in the countryside, lived in a medium size village and I have always seen dogs happily wandering around (not just my own dogs) since I was a toddler and have always interacted with them from a young age. A lot of people hunt as well still so quite a few dogs as well that are not just pets but working dogs too.

No kid or adult I know has ever been bitten by a dog.

And I think this has a lot to do with learning about dogs and how to behave around them from a young age so you look calm and assertive but not threatening.

I think some people have just looked at a few items in the news and somehow chosen to believe that each dog they come across is a potential menace.

Yes there is always going to be owners who don't train their pets correctly but to suggest every dog is a danger to life is bonkers.

Frankly I have met more grumpy horses, and a couple have happily tried to bite or kick me, than unpleasant dogs...

@Startingagainandagain I have the utmost compassion for children who are terrified of dogs but I agree with you - a lot of comments here bear no relation to reality - or at least my reality thank goodness.

And to the poster 'arfing' at dogs being useful to humans for millennia - so you think search and rescue dogs, guide dogs, police dogs, sheep dogs, hearing dogs, assistance dogs, seizure dogs, dogs who can sniff out cancer/bed bugs/drugs/explosives etc etc not to mention all the therapy and companion dogs that ease a lot of people's loneliness are not a benefit to modern humans? You know stroking a dog reduces your blood pressure?

And I think this has a lot to do with learning about dogs and how to behave around them from a young age so you look calm and assertive but not threatening.

I don't disagree, but the onus is on the owners to keep their dogs away from strangers, not for strangers to immediately know how to behave around dogs.

I specifically referred to PET dogs.

Stroking a dog doesn’t reduce my blood pressure. Quite the opposite.

I suspect that those who encounter no problems with dogs live rurally.

I suspect that those who encounter no problems with dogs live rurally.

I live rurally, own a dog and work with dogs, and encounter problem dogs pretty much every single day.

This thread is about an autistic child though and how they see the world and dogs within it. Not your experience of growing up around dogs and what you feel is normal to just get used to dogs. You're minimising the experiences of disabilities and animals and (as a parent of autism too) this is the main problem and what perpetuates the challenges our children have.

I live rurally. I have lots of problems with other dogs.

Im a trainer but neither me nor my dog want to be bounced on when out by another dog thanks. My dog is small and can be wary of larger, bouncy dogs. We ignore strange dogs. If a dog approaches me or my dog in a way that I feel may cause problems I put my hand out flat and voice of God ‘go’ or similar. 9/10 that sends the dog back to its owner. If that doesn’t work I will tell the owner to recall the dog.

That may be worth trying. I completely agree though. Dogs should be on the lead, short or long line (better control than a flexi) unless you can recall them reliably the vast majority of the time. Not everyone likes dogs.

I used to have a wonderful dog who knew how to make nervous children feel more comfortable.

I know this sounds crazy, but he would happily be in a down position or be told to sit / down stay by younger children.

I think its can be helpful for children, to have some control over the fear and by reducing the size of the dog (by making it lay down), it becomes less scary.

Maybe there is such a well behaved dog in your neighbourhood?

I can't imagine letting my dog go near a person. Why would I want them to? We're sharing the space so keep our own space. A few times I've seen scared kids and asked their parent if they might like to say hello to the dog who is friendly. They've given the dog a pat (I get down to their level with the dog so there's no chance of an unpredictable motion from the dog, and the kids has always left smiling and hopefully less worried about dogs). One of my kids was terrified of dogs before we got ours. He now is completely cured because now, he relates to dogs better.

The onus is very much on dog owners to be more aware. I have 2 dogs and regularly come across children who are slightly nervous and one girl who is absolutely terrified. I try to "give way" as much as possible so they have enough space to walk round safely.

@colusnigt
''This thread is about an autistic child though and how they see the world and dogs within it. Not your experience of growing up around dogs and what you feel is normal to just get used to dogs. You're minimising the experiences of disabilities and animals and (as a parent of autism too) this is the main problem and what perpetuates the challenges our children have.''

Except that I am autistic myself, which I have discussed in many other threads on Mumsnet...

Interacting with animals when I was a kid and struggle to communicate with people brought me a lot of comfort and it still does as an adult.

Same with horses. I was petrified of them at first but slowly built confidence to be around them and riding them has actually improved my self-confidence and help me manage anxiety better.

As an adult I still find interacting with animals much easier than people and they bring me daily comfort.

So you also don't speak for all people who have autism or other long term health conditions...

My main point anyway was that it was really daft to suggest that all dogs are potentially going to hurt people, which is nonsensical.

As someone has pointed out above our partnership with dogs has gone on forever and they amazing things for us. Usually the problem is not the dog but the owner...

The OP's child does not need to be 'forced' to interact with dogs but she also needs to avoid reinforcing a blanket fear of them. People have also suggested ways that the OP could explore to make her son a bit more comfortable when a dog walk past and that is a sensible suggestion.

I have been through this exact situation with my autistic child. He ran into a road and nearly got hit by a car to avoid a little dog that escaped out of a house and ran onto the pavement near him (it was not aggressive in any way). He hadn't been attacked by any dog, like you say it was just unpredictable behaviour that he couldn't handle, he didn't understand what they would do when they ran towards him or jumped up.

We would hug him and reassure him when he was scared each time he walked past a dog that it was fine, say look it is a friendly dog and calm, but he was still afraid.

In the end what made a difference was going to a friend's house to do dog de-sensitisation. They also had an autistic older child and a very calm dog who would just sit in a chair and let him come to him in his own time. It did not come towards him, jump up or push for his attention like some dogs might. Over time he grew in confidence around this dog.

Then both his grandparents and our family got a puppy each (different breeds) and they were both so non threatening and lovely that he bonded with them. He loves his dog so much now, she helps calm him when he is distressed.

His fear has totally swung the other way now. He will even ask to go up to strangers dogs (even a local Great Dane and Irish Wolf Hound so not small dogs) now to say hello so we have had to make sure he knows that you can't just walk up to dogs without asking the owners first.

I have two autistic sons. One has always loved animals and wanted to feed horses, pat dogs, etc when he was a toddler. The other won't be in the same room as a caged hamster and will run away from any dog.

First of all you don't need to worry about offending morons who let their dogs wander up to your child. You do what you need to do to keep your child calm and safe. Who cares if it offends others?
Most dogs in my area are kept on sensible length leads and dog owners ask each other if okay for dogs to meet. Occasionally we get little kids run up and scream 'doggie' and I have to move my dog out the way explaining firmly that he doesn't like it when children run up to him suddenly .. .these mums get abit offended, as if it's my responsibility to provide entertainment for their child with my dog, but I don't care.

This is purely about manners. People shouldn't allow dogs or children to run up to strange animals or humans out of safety and politeness!