What should my nervous child do around dogs?

[AbacusAvocado]

My autistic 6 year old is very afraid of dogs, but we can’t go anywhere round here without passing dog walkers.

I’ve had a few comments from dog walkers who seem offended that I move in front of him or pick him up (so he knows the dogs can’t reach him). Lots of them will stop and tell me their dog is very friendly, just wants to play, we should just say hello to him etc.

So I’m asking dog owners: how can we politely make clear to dogs and their humans that we really don’t want your dog anywhere near us? Often my son will try to run away and of course dogs think he’s playing so chase after, it’s quite traumatic tbh as he’s very scared.

As a dog walker, I always call my dogs away when I see people in the distance. I don't even allow them to approach. Some people will then say the dogs are fine in which case I'll let the well behaved ones carry on and put the others on a lead.

However if it it does happen, you should just call out and say you don't like dogs - the majority of decent owners will put their dog back on a lead or at least call them away into a sit/wait.

Unfortunately there is a minority of owners who don't really care and who won't listen regardless of what you say or ask.

I would cross the road in advance if it was big or not on a lead though! Let's not tempt fate or pretend dogs are safe, we all see the news.

I think most dog owners would quickly recognise a child standing with still arms crossed position as a prompt to get their dog on a lead asap or call them back - it’s the only life skill to managing dogs that your DC will be able to learn because it is the only way they don’t get interested and walk past. Picking kids up, making movements to block only rouses dogs interests more… my dogs are very friendly and attention seeking and I know that if someone walks towards us totally ignoring them they get the message and move on.

I think you would benefit from stepping away from the news, as your behavior is irrational.

I don't own a dog but my autistic DS is also terrified of dogs, it was made worse by a dog attack where a dog bit him. Our SENCO at school requested therapy dog visits for him and a few other children and DS now reads to a lovely, well trained dog once a week, it has helped enormously. He doesn't try to throw himself into the road to avoid dogs any more. It may be worth asking your school if they would consider a visit.

https://tdn.org.uk/schools-2/

Ah thank you @NAMECHANGE87554 I will ask about that

The other thing you could try OP if a dog is coming towards you is tell it to sit in as commanding a voice as you can muster. Most dogs know that command especially if they are 'friendly'. And as others have said, insist the dog owner takes it away immediately as your child is frightened. No decent person could object to that.

I would never let my dogs approach people but they are not interested in other people when out only other dogs - I always keep them close at heel with me between them and the people I am passing even though they are very friendly. But I live in the country, rarely walk them around a town and almost everyone I meet out walking has a dog with them and they are mostly gundog/sheepdog breeds.

The only time my kids have been bitten by a dog - despite coming into contact with them everyday of their lives - was years ago when a border collie tried rounding them up when I was visiting a farm. They both had tiny nips all over their bottoms when I bathed them 😳

@AbacusAvocado are these loose dogs or on a leash/under control?

What I did with DD when she was terrified of dogs was cross the street when possible. If not possible, try and get out of the way with me on the side of the dog , blocking her while still chatting away , especially if we had to stop. From a distance, if the dog was on a lead I'd tell her to wave to the dog.Small interaction that neither dog or owner had any interest in, but for her it was a positive one. We were lucky that there was a particular dog and owner we saw quite often, so we built up to say hello to the dog (at her own pace). I explained to the owner that she was scared of dogs and I noticed how calm her dog was and did she mind these little 2/3 seconds interactions. Eventually, she got brave enough to pet him while he was lying down(that dog owner was brilliant). We just kept building up on that , and she got more confident (able to just ignore them) and even ok with dogs we knew very well. She did have some negative experiences and she's still wary, but since the good massively outnumbered the bad she hasn't lost that confidence.

Calm, quiet, not too bothered , ignoring the dog and in control, at least for you. Hopefully your son will follow your lead, or at least feel safer since you're not giving out any signals that you're worried/afraid/stressed.

Totally agree it is very hard when your child is having a meltdown, but OP was asked for advice and the advice for children outdoors around dogs is always to stand still, don't make eye contact and the dog will find you boring and move on. Plus honestly, any kind of big reaction is more likely to cause an issue with a reactive/ badly trained dog.

Teaching a child how to behave safely often isn't an instant thing, but learning how to manage these encounters is empowering.

Bravo, you aren't at all your own problem.... oh wait 🤣🤣

There are around 600-700 murders a year and about 3-10 dog killings. About 4 times as many adults as dogs in the UK so if dogs were as dangerous as people, there'd be what, about 50 times as many deaths.

Unless you cross the road every time you see a person, it really is illogical. Now I get fear, I get phobia, I get all of that. But I was very afraid of flying, really panicky. I didn't believe air travel was actually dangerous, statistically. Because it's not.

Hmm, see all dogs are dangerous so the comparison doesn't work, they could flip at any time due to dementia or a tumour. They are alive animals. Humans fly planes.
Also I can deal with humans, I know control and restraint, ive worked with offenders.

Why compare human murders to dog killings anyway? Humans have human rights, dogs are property that should be under control.

Cows are more dangerous than dogs. I personally know two people who were killed by cows, none by dogs @Boomboom22

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/killer-cows-named-uks-most-30956262

You said they weren't 'safe'. They are, statistically 'safe'. I was comparing them to humans, because it was a measure of how safe they are. PP used cows. You could use cars or ladders or anything to compare.

My DD4 is terrified of dogs that she doesn't know. We have looked after a friend's dog and she loves him, but she has unfortunately been chased by strange dogs several times and once been knocked over. We try standing still, but the root cause of her fear stems from the fact that the dogs that chased her had absolutely no recall. It's dangerous and the entitlement of some dog owners, thinking that their dog's right to run off lead trumps a human child's right to feel safe, baffles me.

I'd say it's honestly 50/50 whether dog owners we come across are sensitive to her fear when they see her standing still - so many will tell her to stroke the dog or tell her it's just saying hello, when really they need to just call the dog away. OP I can't give you any advice that hasn't already been given but I sympathise.

Thank you all. To be clear I like dogs! We’d hoped to get a family dog but my child is just too scared of them (and in meltdowns he can lash out, so we absolutely won’t get any pet if there’s a chance he might hit them).

I do appreciate all the advice on here.

We’re going to go with the statue pose for now, and we’ll explore therapy dogs as well.

Definitely explore therapy dogs.

Our long-gone terrier became a 'therapy dog' by default. There was an autistic boy at school with my DC who was scared of dogs, but just seeing our dog at pick up time day in and day out made her familiar, and he gradually got closer and eventually he wanted to pet her. He is an adult now and not afraid of dogs.

I know every autistic child is different, but dogs are so common that it's worth trying to overcome the fear of them.

If it was you who said he's repulsed by dogs due to sensory issues please don't ever do that to him. Desensitisation might work a bit but the disgust with the smell, fur touching furniture and noises they make when they breathe don't get any better.

Almost all dog owners say their dogs are friendly, and just want to play, up to the point until they don't. I think you are doing the right thing, and your child will make the decision to participate or not in their own time.

If possible do not stop walking. Do not make eye contact with the dog. Looking at them will be taken as a sign of interest and they will attempt to greet him.

If they approach, do not speak. Just fold arms and turn sideways on to them and continue walking if you can.

If one is about to jump, hold your hand out flat above their head and say No! firmly. Most will understand this unless very young.

If they do jump up, grab their paws and put them off to the side, say Down! firmly and turn away. Repeat if needed. Owner should be stopping them before they reach this point but if they don't, make eye contact with the owner and say He/I doesn't/don't like dogs, can you get him/her please. Owner is a right knob if they don't.

Thank you @Balloonhearts thats a really useful plan

These threads always make me feel a little sad that dogs have become such an issue due to poorly controlled dogs.
Our first dog was inherited and a medium sized. I used to walk him along a country path to take DDs to primary school. He was incredibly patient. But there was one family who were incredibly nervous of dogs.
I always made sure my dogs needs were secondary to this family of we were walking at the same time.
Eventually the children would start saying 'good morning dog' and increased, through their choice, to asking to have a stroke. Fortunately dog was as passive as they get.
Within a year the family had a puppy, the mum was incredibly grateful that we were so mindful with our dog that they were all able to get over their fears.
Now I have a large breed nine month old puppy who I wouldn't dream of having off lead around anyone.
If I'm walking him at school time (mine have both left school) he knows to sit tight into my leg and wait for anybody (particularly children) to pass.
It's actually good for him and the children. The amount of kids that say hello to him or ask to stroke his ears (he's a Weimaraner with incredibly velvety ears) makes me and him so happy.
Likewise if I see a child passing us who would previously create merry hell whenever they passed him just nonchalantly walk past ignoring us, I feel happy and job well done.
Obviously the his doesn't relate to the OP but there are thoughtful dog owners out there. We don't all think that our dog trumps other people.

Of course the concern is greater where a child is autistic or otherwise very scared of dogs. But the perfectly reasonable wariness about dogs is natural and very common in people of all types. When my kids were small I kept them away from dogs generally. I think any parent who doesn’t is very foolish.

Dogs should be on short leads at all times in public. (I’d like them muzzled too, but that’s for another day.)

’Arf at the ‘11,000 years history’ and ‘they’re all around us’. Seriously? Dog owners justify having a dog because hunter gatherers used them thousands of years ago? And we should all put up with the millions of dogs in the UK just because people want an animal ‘companion’? Pet dogs should be treated as a general risk to safety and health and be regarded as a luxury that brings with it strict liability for the owner and a great deal more regulation and enforcement.

These threads always make me feel a little sad that dogs have become such an issue due to poorly controlled dogs.

I agree, it's a real shame. I know so many people who are scared of dogs because they've had a bad experience while out in public.

My dad is a runner and has so, so many stories of off-lead dogs running up to him and jumping up and mouthing him, or circling him and barking or growling. He should be able to go for his run without worrying about being bitten or bruised or knocked over by someone's out-of-control pet.

I also saw a video on TikTok recently of a man who was on his bike and chased by three? young Belgian Malinois. He stopped his bike to avoid getting knocked off and the dogs were jumping at him and biting him - it took the owners far too long to get their dogs under control and they even bit the owners in the process. If that had been a child or smaller adult they would have been badly hurt.

It's not hard to be a good owner and to keep your dog on a lead if they have unreliable recall. Unfortunately too many people think dogs have a right to just run free regardless of the impact they have on other people.