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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Another failed match

97 replies

TakeBackTheCity · 25/08/2023 20:53

DH and I have always wanted a dog, we both had family dogs growing up.

I contacted a local dog rescue centre which has a foster to adopt scheme. We're just about to return our 3rd dog. Are we just not cut out for dog ownership?

The first dog was hugely reactive towards other dogs, and showed no improvement 6 months on. It was making my life a misery and she wasn't happy. She was rehomed to a remote farm, happy now, get updates which is lovely.

Second dog had horrendous separation anxiety, total velcro dog, couldn't be left for 1 second. The rehoming center's behaviourist said it was the worst case she'd seen, the dog was re-homed now to a retired lady who dotes on her 24/7.

I thought I knew exactly what we were looking for this time, but this third dog is isn't a good match either - he has unfortunately shown possessiveness and aggression at a level way beyond my skillset. The rescue centre have a more experienced foster home for his breed lined up for him.

We've loved each dog, happily toilet trained them, followed positive reinforcement training, read so many books and joined groups for advice etc

Shall I give up :(

My friend who didn't do research or think too much about it just adopted a rescue and it's been a perfect dog, I can't help but be so envious of how easy it's been for her, when I feel I've worked so hard for nothing.

OP posts:

JaneJeffer · 25/08/2023 20:56

Just buy a pup!

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 25/08/2023 20:58

Get a puppy.

RoarRoarBoom · 25/08/2023 20:59

Dogs take effort and time. If you can’t put the effort in to learn what they need then don’t get one.

3 dogs have proved you don't have the commitment it takes to have a dog long term.

What if you get a puppy and it gets separation anxiety? Or becomes reactive …. Will you drop it off at the rescue?

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 25/08/2023 20:59

Yes, get a puppy. Also a new mop 😉

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 25/08/2023 21:00

Seriously though, research well for a breed that will suit. Not all dogs are good for first timers.

TheSparrows · 25/08/2023 21:00

You will tend to have the slightly trickier dogs coming through fostering; the really easy straightforward ones with no medical needs (or legal case!) tend to go straight to adoptive homes.

This sounds like fostering is working as intended for the dogs and the rescue, but fostering isn't really what you were looking for?

I would consider telling the rescue that you're looking for a straight adoption next time; nothing wrong in that.

JaneJeffer · 25/08/2023 21:01

*Dogs take effort and time. If you can’t put the effort in to learn what they need then don’t get one.

3 dogs have proved you don't have the commitment it takes to have a dog long term.*

The OP has obviously given considerable time and commitment to these dogs. Lots of rescue dogs have issues which can't be fixed.

lljkk · 25/08/2023 21:02

You've done a lot of good probably in being part of their journey towards finding the right home.

Personally I'd just keep trying. And don't understand why you don't.

Original poster

TakeBackTheCity · 25/08/2023 21:03

TheSparrows · 25/08/2023 21:00

You will tend to have the slightly trickier dogs coming through fostering; the really easy straightforward ones with no medical needs (or legal case!) tend to go straight to adoptive homes.

This sounds like fostering is working as intended for the dogs and the rescue, but fostering isn't really what you were looking for?

I would consider telling the rescue that you're looking for a straight adoption next time; nothing wrong in that.

It's supposed to be foster to adopt, so each dog they've matched to us with the intention to keep it.

OP posts:

Original poster

TakeBackTheCity · 25/08/2023 21:06

JaneJeffer · 25/08/2023 21:01

*Dogs take effort and time. If you can’t put the effort in to learn what they need then don’t get one.

3 dogs have proved you don't have the commitment it takes to have a dog long term.*

The OP has obviously given considerable time and commitment to these dogs. Lots of rescue dogs have issues which can't be fixed.

Thank you, I appreciate that. The issues have been extreme, which the rescue have acknowledged - each time we've decided not to adopt, it's after months of work and many, many discussions with them.

OP posts:

twistyizzy · 25/08/2023 21:06

Most dogs in rescues are going to have issues; the main ones being aggression/reactivity and SA.
It takes experience to take on a rescue dog, do you work with a behaviourist and what training have you tried with these dogs? They often aren't suitable for first time owners.
Rescues are special and need you to adapt to them and their individual requirements. A clinical behaviourist ie ABTC or IMDT should be able to help.

Unluckycat1 · 25/08/2023 21:13

Were the dogs assessed by the rescues beforehand? Sounds like the first two had very tricky issues that needed the kind of homes the ended up with. The third, well I'm not sure what possessiveness and aggression mean exactly, a spaniel resource guarding kind of thing? That would be another tough one, and I do think you've been unlucky if so, but plenty of spaniels bought as puppies end up that way (for example, no idea what dog you have!). Maybe look at a different rescue centre, my closest gets puppies in fairly often and not all the dogs are labeled as having extra needs so it shouldn't be so hard to adopt a dog that's requires less specialist attention.

AwkwardPaws27 · 25/08/2023 21:14

This sounds like fostering is working as intended for the dogs and the rescue, but fostering isn't really what you were looking for?

^this - and I'd go so far as to say if you weren't cut out for it, they wouldn't place another dog with you.

Do you have a clearer idea of breeds that might work for you, as well as your "deal breakers" now? It might be worth trying a breed specific rescue, looking at dogs who are already in foster (where there should be a clearer idea of any issues), or just being a lot more selective & upfront about what you are willing & able to deal with next time with your current one.

LimeCheesecake · 25/08/2023 21:20

Rescues rarely have straightforward and uncomplicated dogs. Your friend got incredibly lucky rather than you got unlucky.

You might be better getting a puppy or be clear you would prefer to wait with no dog - potentially for years - for the right dog.
might also be worth contacting other rescues/organisations.

You do sound like an experienced and patient dog owner though so the good news is the right dog should find a loving home with you.

Newpeep · 25/08/2023 21:58

Past owner of rescues and trained quite a few (mostly agility but some life skills). I still have a rescue cat.

The rescues now are IME much more challenging for the most part than a lot of those coming through 10 plus years ago. That's not anecdotal - that is direct experience also knowing lots of people who run and work for rescues too. Our last dog was a rescue and considered a difficult case but she was nothing compared to some of the things I have seen now.

There are exceptions but they are few. We have always rescued but we bought a puppy last year after over two years trying to rescue a young, active, cat friendly (or potential to be) dog. Not fussy on breed. Not fussy on dealing with anything else really. WFH. Lots of experience.

In your situation I would suggest you consider a puppy if you want to be dog owners/parents. Puppies are BLOODY hard work but if you buy carefully then you are more likely to get a balanced dog at the end (but all dogs have foibles - like people). I have found the good thing about puppies is you can nip little things in the bud before they become big things.

Re. separation anxiety you have to train a pup and it can take many months until they can be comfortably left for any length of time.

Missingmyusername · 25/08/2023 22:06

Are they really matching them to you? It doesn’t sound like they are to be honest. But-

“We've loved each dog, happily toilet trained them, followed positive reinforcement training, read so many books and joined groups for advice etc “ you’ve clearly done such a good job that these dogs have gotten great homes after. That’s an amazing achievement. Rescues have puppies that come in, maybe enquire. You obviously put lots of time and love in to each dog.

tabulahrasa · 25/08/2023 22:41

Sometimes with rescues it’s just the luck of the draw - I’ve two here, on paper knowing the background of the two, the older should have no major issues and the younger should be a really hard work project dog... the older is the one with issues and the younger one is great.

Though with 3 in a row - I’d be starting to question whether the rescues assessment and matching is as good as it should be.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 26/08/2023 00:00

It sounds to me like the rescue centre are just giving you any "difficult to adopt" dog rather than matching with you with one that would actually suit your life and your skill set.

What's stopping you from getting a puppy?

Leonberger · 26/08/2023 06:58

We’ve had many rescue dogs, some more manageable than others. All have had issues of some degree.

However, there’s nothing wrong at all with getting a well bred puppy (from a breeder that breeds ethically) that fits your lifestyle. Owning a dog is meant to be fun!

FightingFate · 26/08/2023 07:07

What's stopping you from getting a puppy?

Hopefully some decent morals. So called ‘ethical breeders’ are few and far between. Which dog rescue are you working with OP?

TheLadyofShalott1 · 26/08/2023 07:43

My concern with you already having to turn down 3 dogs is that from the care you obviously gave them they will have fallen in love with/bonded with you, so when you take them back you are breaking their hearts for at least the 2nd time, and potentially several more times depending how many times they have already been back into rescue.

When you take the dogs into your home they have no idea that they are on probation are being fostered with the potential of being adopted 😪
I think that maybe the rescue centre you are using has just been overwhelmed by the number of dogs it has had handed in, and as you are willing to keep on trying they are just going to keep supplying you with new guinea pigs in canine forms. If that isn't the rescue centre's problem, then I can only assume that it is an RSPCA centre.

The only thing I can think of suggesting is that you try having a puppy from Guide dogs for the Blind - but you would really need to be willing to keep the puppy for the whole period of it's induction - about a year I believe. I think that that could be a good fit for you, and after the first puppy you might have more idea about whether you keep on wanting to help out that charity, or that you think you are now ready to take on a dog that you keep, or decide that actually you don't think a dog is a good fit with your lifestyle at the moment.

Good luck OP with your decision.

Smfedup · 26/08/2023 07:57

I really do appreciate your willingness to adopt a rescue, because there are so many of them out there.

I have a rescue and a 4 month old puppy; the rescue was my first dog and honestly, looking back, it was too much for me. He wouldn’t walk for months, took almost a year to toilet train, so he’s come on so well in some respects, but I know there’s things I just have to live with now like reactivity to unknown dogs. The 4 month old puppy has picked up things that I’ve never been able to train our rescue to do. I’ve trained both equally, but rescue is too anxious to pick up things like walking to heel because he’s constantly on guard. And believe me when i say, I still try to train him certain things now and he’s 4.

unfortunately it really is just luck of the draw with rescues; mine had various siblings all adopted at the same time, and I know a couple of them are doing absolutely great, but they had other dogs in the house which probably helped show them how to be confident, happy dogs. Please try not to blame yourself, rescues are a lot of work.

I would worry perhaps that another rescue could be set back if they end up being rehomed again. Are they all from the same organisation or different ones?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 26/08/2023 07:58

FightingFate · 26/08/2023 07:07

What's stopping you from getting a puppy?

Hopefully some decent morals. So called ‘ethical breeders’ are few and far between. Which dog rescue are you working with OP?

Who said anything about a breeder?

You can get puppies through rescue.

Covidcorvid · 26/08/2023 08:01

How absolutely a retired greyhound?

Toddlerteaplease · 26/08/2023 08:08

Get a cat instead! So
Much easier.

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