Another failed match

[TakeBackTheCity]

DH and I have always wanted a dog, we both had family dogs growing up.

I contacted a local dog rescue centre which has a foster to adopt scheme. We're just about to return our 3rd dog. Are we just not cut out for dog ownership?

The first dog was hugely reactive towards other dogs, and showed no improvement 6 months on. It was making my life a misery and she wasn't happy. She was rehomed to a remote farm, happy now, get updates which is lovely.

Second dog had horrendous separation anxiety, total velcro dog, couldn't be left for 1 second. The rehoming center's behaviourist said it was the worst case she'd seen, the dog was re-homed now to a retired lady who dotes on her 24/7.

I thought I knew exactly what we were looking for this time, but this third dog is isn't a good match either - he has unfortunately shown possessiveness and aggression at a level way beyond my skillset. The rescue centre have a more experienced foster home for his breed lined up for him.

We've loved each dog, happily toilet trained them, followed positive reinforcement training, read so many books and joined groups for advice etc

Shall I give up :(

My friend who didn't do research or think too much about it just adopted a rescue and it's been a perfect dog, I can't help but be so envious of how easy it's been for her, when I feel I've worked so hard for nothing.

I think it's true that rescues are trickier now
We used to have a lovely rescue locally that dealt with dogs from island, they were all genuine strays or from farms. There were almost all lovely dogs that fitted straight in to family life. The only issues they had were with rescue dogs from the uk who are basically handed over because they have issues, often significant.
Rescues now are awash with Covid disaster cases and foreign rescues with no concept of being a "pet".
If you are keen on rescue what about a retired greyhound, they are often lovely , you can get cat friendly ones and don't come with a lot of baggage.

Ireland clearly not island

Again tho, if you've had three dogs that have all settled well elsewhere, then it probably not the dogs that are the problem. Not a viper swipe but a puppy is not going to work. It may well have traits that don't suit you (even if you go to the best breeder) and it's unfair to rehome it when you've had evidence that it's likely to happen again.

I think it's great there are rehoming centres. They help so many dogs but people do seem to see them as disposable objects. I fully believe that people get rid too easily because they don't take the responsibility seriously and that's why I think they should be likened to children. They are a responsibility that you should amend your life to ensure their happiness. I'm not saying keep a stressed and unhappy dog, I'm saying help it not be that. You have said you can't and therefore a dog is not for you.

That's something the charity have said to me too, that dogs they're seeing are much more severe behaviour wise than in the past.

They've been very supportive and said being fostered with us has helped properly assess them at least, as obviously a dog can behave very different in a home environment than kennels.

So finding the right type of home environment is really vital.

Thank you, I think I'll have a break and then really think about what will work, rather than just agreeing with whichever dog the charity decides!

That's probably the sensible option OP. Good luck.

I don’t think it’s you. It sounds like it’s the assessment. I’d ask them for the next dog “ can you tell me why you have matched Fido with us”. Then listen really carefully to their answer. And say no if you don’t think they have come up with a suitable match.

Id also widen your search to look at other rescue centres and perhaps consider what breeds of dogs you think would work best for you and try to find rescue centres that specialise in those breeds of dog

When we adopted our last dog the rescue were full of youngsters given in just because a dog wasn’t working for the family. No real behavioural problems just not for us thanks. We had the pick of multiple young dogs. That was one rescue. Now most rescue puppies are from puppy farms. Youngsters have significant problems. It’s really changed and that’s from people I know involved in rescue and seeing the dogs coming through the training club I’m involved in. There are some that aren’t but they are very few.

Ignore the poster who says you’d not be right for a puppy. Yes every dog has quirks. But buy sensibly then the chances of significant issues are low. Yes they take a while to grow up. Adolescence is horrible. But they come through it.

The dogs have settled because their new home is suitable for them.

OP get a puppy from a proper breeder who health tests, only breeds infrequently, selects for health and temperament above all else and insists on remaining responsible for
the puppy for its lifetime. Don’t feel bad about it.

@BashCandicoot so again, something that can be handed back if it doesn't suit.

It is absolutely that the new home is suitable for any them but the fact that OPs home has not been suitable means that her home is not suitable for a dog.

Why put another dog through it if it's all for the dog? What happens if the puppy gets possessive or separation anxiety as per the others? If the answer is send it back to the breeder, don't waste their time, your time or the dogs time.

*fact that the OPs home has not been suitable for any of them. Typed that wrong.

Right I've managed to have a quick phone call with one of the charity workers at the rescue this morning after I emailed yesterday.

I explained what I've said here, and she said that basically we've been given dogs that they thought most needed a foster home and would benefit from being out of kennels, and that if the dog happened to suit us, great, but they haven't matched them as such.

So I think the posters saying that we're being given dogs that are super tricky, because we have no kids/pets is spot on.

I explained that perhaps there's been a misunderstanding as I thought we were matched with a foster with a view to adopt.

I feel let down by the charity, but also big lesson learned - I assumed that with enough training, love and care that any dog with a issue would settle in so I didn't ask any questions, or even know what to ask. I do now!

She did say it's about finding the right home - and that she's glad to have us as a foster home.

I'm going to have a think now with the benefit of experience! Thanks again to the helpful posters I have some hope now.

Oh that must at least be a relief it’s not you, but not shitty of them to give you all the difficult dogs without making it clear that’s what they were doing.

hope you find your forever dog soon.

That's a really positive update.

It sounds like you've done wonders with really tricky dogs, and have helped them get to the next stage in their journey. That rather suggests that when you get a dog that's right for you, you're going to fly.

Good luck!

The rescue sounds crap! Why would they not match you and your needs with the dog and its needs?

Honestly, get a well bred pedigree pup of a breed known for being affable and good at slotting into households: retrievers, bichon, show cockers, something like that. You’ll be amazed at how easy they are compared to the dogs you’ve been paired with.

“It is absolutely that the new home is suitable for any them but the fact that OPs home has not been suitable means that her home is not suitable for a dog.”

Rubbish.

I wonder if the rescue ever intended for you to adopt these dogs, or was your home always meant to be the "test home" before they eventually went to their permanent residences?

I think rescues can sometimes take advantage of their foster homes and palm off the really difficult dogs on to them as a way of making space, even though they know long-term it's not the right home for them.

You actually sound like perfect dog foster parents. Could you accept never having a permanent dog and take pride in the good that you are doing for these dogs?

The rescue that all my dogs are from have a vast network of fosterers, many of whom don’t have their own permanent dog, in order to help dogs who don’t thrive in kennels get their forever home.

This is definitely something we could consider!

3 dogs from the same rescue, each with behaviour problems that are among the worst - in their category - the rescue has ever seen?

Time for a hard question.

Is this really true or something you/the rescue are telling yourselves to make you feel better?

Or

Is this rescue really failing so fundamentally to assess these dogs, that they have missed extreme behaviour three times in a row?

If it's option 1 - maybe you need a much more 'beginner level' dog than you are admitting to yourself?

If it's option 2 - maybe it's time to go to a totally different rescue?

Is this really true or something you/the rescue are telling yourselves to make you feel better?

Good question, realistically I doubt they're the absolute worst dogs in the world but it has been clear that our home/lifestyle wasn't right for them, after the previous dogs settled within weeks in their new homes, without their triggers.

Is this rescue really failing so fundamentally to assess these dogs, that they have missed extreme behaviour three times in a row?

I do understand some behaviours are hard to pick up in a kennel environment but they definitely didn't say about any of the issues we encountered. It was more 'We have Teddy, he's 3, a Collie Cross, if you'd like to foster him'

If it's option 1 - maybe you need a much more 'beginner level' dog than you are admitting to yourself?

I'd be delighted with a beginner level dog, to be clear I've never chosen any of the dogs we were given. I naively assumed the rescue had matched us appropriately but now found out they weren't matching but giving us the dogs they thought would benefit most from a foster stay.