Another failed match

[TakeBackTheCity]

DH and I have always wanted a dog, we both had family dogs growing up.

I contacted a local dog rescue centre which has a foster to adopt scheme. We're just about to return our 3rd dog. Are we just not cut out for dog ownership?

The first dog was hugely reactive towards other dogs, and showed no improvement 6 months on. It was making my life a misery and she wasn't happy. She was rehomed to a remote farm, happy now, get updates which is lovely.

Second dog had horrendous separation anxiety, total velcro dog, couldn't be left for 1 second. The rehoming center's behaviourist said it was the worst case she'd seen, the dog was re-homed now to a retired lady who dotes on her 24/7.

I thought I knew exactly what we were looking for this time, but this third dog is isn't a good match either - he has unfortunately shown possessiveness and aggression at a level way beyond my skillset. The rescue centre have a more experienced foster home for his breed lined up for him.

We've loved each dog, happily toilet trained them, followed positive reinforcement training, read so many books and joined groups for advice etc

Shall I give up :(

My friend who didn't do research or think too much about it just adopted a rescue and it's been a perfect dog, I can't help but be so envious of how easy it's been for her, when I feel I've worked so hard for nothing.

You can buy a puppy from a breeder and have morals 🙄 How narrow minded.

Maybe if more people bought dogs that suited their lifestyle from responsible breeders less would end up in rescue in the first place. I know in my own breed there’s a couple a year go through rescue at most, because breeders regulate and aren’t afraid to say no sorry you are not suited. Not every breeder is terrible.

I have had dogs since I was a kid. Had 2 rescues as an adult,first RSPCA,lab/setter cross, not house trained,had a penile discharge,vets never managed to cure. Kept him worked really hard 2 years,he was neurotic. I would take him out for 2 hours. If he got outside, when you opened a door,he was gone,jumped a 6ft brick wall, would come home the following morning.Bit a friends face,my late DM,ex H, when he tried to take him out (I was pregnant,very High BP having to rest) some one came to read meter,etc he was put in another room,pooed everywhere. I wasn't happy trusting him with a baby,he was returned. Next rough collie, Blue Cross,met the owner (I already had one male, bought as a puppy) she told us she was too old to walk the dog ((70s) dog leaked urine,(incorrect diagnosis by vet, found out years later with different bitch) she was aggressive,you couldn't put your feet on the floor, she went mad if anyone walked past. I had young children, she was adopted by couple no kids. Third and successful, another collie,young chap diagnosed with MS private adoption,my gut told me he was genuine,no money changed hands. Lost our lovely Leo in January, just shy of his 18th birthday . Tried rescues all over the UK, don't trust the adverts,"genuine reason for getting rid of my 8 month,1year old". They always want large sums of money. I filled in adopting forms for 2 rescues, never even heard back. There are breeds I wouldn't have,After 6 months careful thought am getting a puppy.my DD has a one year old D just started to walk. All the rescues were only dog, no have got one,country home,we live in a village,must be walked away from other dogs, traffic, people,6ft high fencing,ours are 5ft,fairy new and cost a fortune.

Well, exactly.

Please consider a retired greyhound as another poster suggested. I have a lovely rescue lurcher and will definitely go for a greyhound when she goes. We had a couple of fosters before her that didn't work out, so please don't give up hope. You sound lovely and would make a caring dog owner.

Look at a different rescue centre. If all these dogs have come from the same rescue centre they have not assessed your situation and the dogs situation correctly.

I think if you are 2 adults and no children in the home, a rescue centre will always give you a dog that can't be homed with children. This will always be a dog with significant issues.

Do you think the same about foster children? Dogs that need fostering, like children, will have been through some pretty horrible times. They can't all be "fixed" or the circumstances of a particular placement may not be the right place for them. Yes, it takes time and commitment. But that isn't enough, and the OP is brave enough to be able to both put in that time and commitment (more than once) and to recognise when letting the dog go to a better placement is the best thing for it.

There may be many reasons why these placements aren't working out OP. One thing to consider is whether the rescue you are using is right for you - if they have more difficult dogs, then that would be a huge factor in the placements not working out. I, for one, would be somewhat disturbed about a place that is fostering / offering for adoption any dog that is aggressive, regardless of the adopters skill set. Perhaps you should consider other rescue centres?

And also ignore the "moral high ground" brigade - If you are able to commit the time and effort to train, can provide for the dogs needs mentally and physically, and are prepared to accept that "perfection" won't be guaranteed, then do consider a puppy. Not every puppy in the world needs to come from a top notch breeder - to hear some people spin it, every one is a puppy farmer, a scam or an abusive owner, ad that simply isn't the case. You can do your homework, check out the parents, check out the home environment, and still find a wonderful puppy that doesn't cost £1,000's because some "expert" decided that the breed standard looked like this or acted like that. My wonderful service dog came as a puppy, from a farm, from working parents, and I trained himself (although I do have the skills to do that) - he cost £250, he is a pure bred Border Collie, and he is perfect (that's not just my opinion either!). It is entirely possible to select a lovely puppy from a loving family home and raise them and shape them to your world.

I reckon you're probably right.

I follow quite a few rescues on Facebook and the dogs that need a home with no other pets/children always come with a long list of issues.

Let's be realistic - if they really were nice, easy family dogs, they wouldn't be struggling to re-home them in the first place, or placing them on a foster-to-adopt type scheme.

Don't get a puppy. What if it behaves liable all these other dogs and there's no rehoming centre to give it back to?

You're not cut out for dogs. Sorry if that sounds harsh but would you be giving a kid back if it didn't behave in line with your expectations?

Yep, I would think twice about getting a puppy too.

I have 3 dogs, oldest has always been hard work as she's a terrier and we did an ok job getting her to be relatively trained. The other two I have now, one has massive separation anxiety and the other has become reactive to other dogs on walks.

And if a mop is regularly required then the dog's needs aren't being met, pups need to go out regularly and then they very quickly pick up house training.

Honestly? I don't think it's you. At least, it only is to the extent that the rescue has recognised that you're good-hearted and willing to do your best with difficult dogs. So that's what they're giving you.

I'd take some time to think about what you have liked about the dogs you've had, and use that to identify a breed that might suit. Then either go to a breed-specific rescue or get a puppy.

A dog should bring joy into your life. These ones haven't. And I think it's unlikely another dog from this rescue will, either.

You're not cut out for dogs. Sorry if that sounds harsh but would you be giving a kid back if it didn't behave in line with your expectations?

Willing to accept I'm not cut out for dogs, but unsure what a kid has to do with anything? A child and a dog are not the same, this seems like a false comparison.

We were turned down for everything we applied for but offered some wildly unsuitable dogs (couldn't live in an urban area - we live in a town, severe hip dysplasia - we are active and I'd like to do agility, the size of a pony - we have a small house and garden etc etc). Selfish maybe but we wanted to enjoy a dog again after over 16 years with our last one - willing to work on issues and nothing much would phase me - let's face it the pup needs EVERYTHING taught. But dogs that clearly wouldn't enjoy nor cope with our situation even if we paired it right down and then did a lot of work. That's not fair on anyone, least of all the dog.

One of the most disappointing was a stone eating terrier. It had bounced once before as the home didn't have experience with terriers or working with boredom issues (we do). Cat safe, behavioural work started and needed to be carried on, long talk to the rescue and their behaviourist who were very keen - all forms filled in. Heard nothing. Found out third hand dog had been rehomed to people with no experience at all. It was at that point we started looking for a good breeder. That alone took a year. I'm fussy and will continue to be as if you can't rescue the next best thing is buy responsibly.

Neither kids or dogs should be disposable assets given back when they don't suit or act as you expect. That's why I mention the two.

I say that because I got my dog as a puppy. We have a child who was small at the time and I didn't want a dog with an unknown history in the house. Joke was on me because he was quite the nightmare but he was our nightmare and we stuck with him and now he's grand but it took years. If he was passed from rescue to rescue (which he would have been) it would have made him worse. I've never given up on a dog and you've given up on three. A puppy will be no different. Again not to be harsh but realistic.

OMG OP don’t say that on here for many dogs and children are one and the same thing.
OP you’ve tried your best you’ve clearly been offered dogs that are exceedingly difficult and despite your best efforts you have been unable to help; frankly I admire you for persevering.
I didn’t want a puppy so my youngest dog came to me at 10 months old, the highly regarded breeder had kept 2 dogs from a litter looking for a new potential stud dog, mine is a good example of the breed but he just wasn’t quite championship/stud dog material unlike his brother. But he’s been beautifully socialised, he’d been shown etc, was toilet trained, used to travelling in the car, being handled, he could be left, he obviously walks nicely on a lead, all the basic training had been done. I understand it’s not in common for breeders to do this, find a breed that suits you contact the breed club either regional or National depending on the popularity of the breed and see if they can help you, they usually know what their members are up to.

Honestly I'd want to understand their matching policy a bit better. Did they know the dogs difficulties before matching you? Because it sounds like they went to a more suitable home after- not criticising you- more if they know a dog is reactive why would they foster out to someone who lives in an area where dog will meet others, if that makes sense.

A rescue dog is an extremely commendable cause- I've heard breed specific rescues can be a bit easier. Personally I'd try that over a pup but I'm still having pup regret with our 14 month old so perhaps I'm not a pup person

Another vote for greyhounds. They're not in rescue centres because they have issues, they're in rescue centres because they've finished their job. We've had three retired greys. The first took a bit of work as she was easily spooked, the subsequent two settled in in a matter of days. I love them to bits. We go on greyhound walks around manchester and there are loads of first time dog owners on them who have had no bother and are absolutely in love with their big bag of limbs.

So you'd rather keep a dog despite it being unhappy and stressed? That seems very wrong.

The previous two dogs are so happy now, in the right sort of homes. And the current foster will be with a breed specific experienced home; better than me getting it wrong.

The responsibility is for the dog, I've tried to advocate their needs as they obviously can't speak for themselves.

And I still don't understand why you'd compare children with dogs. You're just looking for an easy viper swipe, maybe? Sounds really daft.

Also I wouldn't be put off by the size - they're a gentle breed and they curl up surprisingly small (like a prawn!).

Ah I see, you're coming from a very different situation, as you chose to buy a dog whereas I was fostering.

Really appreciate the helpful replies from the posters with experience of rescues, thank you.

I think with hindsight, this is what has happened.

Perhaps I need to not just say yes to any dog - I've got a much better idea now with the bit of experience I've had.

Rescue dogs take a very very very long time to settle. Like I would say honestly years. It is possible you’ve had 3 extreme characters but I expect it’s more that you are too hasty. They are all very different aswell so whilst one might settle in a year, another might take even longer. Don’t underestimate how stressful it is for them to be in a shelter and then suddenly a new environment- they are absolutely terrified even if they are relatively well behaved the reality is they are terrified for weeks maybe months and the trust takes years to build. Do you stick to a solid routine with them?? This is absolutely essential in our experience, we are on rescue 5 and adopt older dogs who aren’t very sought after. We’ve never had to return or rehome one but they’ve each been challenging in different ways. One is still nervous now after four years and I think this is the most ‘settled’ he’s going to be. I think without a structured routine he would be a nervous wreck. I would be inclined to think something you’re doing isn’t helping them settle, but I also think you shouldn’t give up! It’s not a black white situation either with rescues - even those three you have helped to rehome again. Number four hopefully will stick with you. Don’t buy a puppy; then it’s really a done deal and one of them is right for you you just have to find them xox

They settled within weeks at their forever homes thankfully, so I do see the importance of matching - perhaps I've been naive thinking the rescue center were matching well (I didn't ask questions, I just trusted them...) rather than just giving us dogs that had significant issues to hope it worked out.