Regret getting puppy - 6 days in

[sukiwh]

Hello everyone, I’m really just looking for some reassurance here. First puppy in many years, had dogs before but do not remember it being this hard. The cats are furious, I feel so guilty that I have ruined their peaceful little lives, and if I could go back in time, I would not get the puppy. I can see she is objectively cute and understand she is 8 weeks and 6 days old, so can’t expect much from her in the way of understanding. I just wish I could go back in time and not get her. I feel depressed.

Please tell me these feelings will lift. I feel resentful towards this tiny sweet thing. Lots of support from DH and DC, I have no idea why I feel so negatively. I can’t see a future where this decision turns out to be a good one.

I think it's lovely that you included cats and also love your turn of phrase "a conversation all day long". It's so true. I had a cat I loved (and lost to old age) and it was a conversation all day long, I knew his movements inside out, he knew mine, and we met up and "chatted" at various points through the day. I genuinely considered him a friend, as odd as that sounds to non-cat (or animal) people, especially as he moved into his senior years and became even more mellow and wise. He was great company, he knew how I was feeling and responded accordingly, he made me laugh, he cheered me up and he welcomed me home. Not just me but the whole family. He gave us so much.

OP, I understand how you are feeling. Try to take it one day at a time. Eventually you will have a fantastic companion. I actually didn't love my cat that much when he was small because we hadn't learned each others' language yet, as Random wisely puts it, and he was also pretty bad tempered and wild (even though it's a cat not a dog, an aggressive adolescent cat can be quite a handful). I could never have guessed the amazing chilled out personality he would turn out to have as an adult, or how much he would enrich our lives.

Very very normal, they call it the puppy blues. I had this exact same feeling when I got my boy, took about 6 weeks for me to start to feel bonded to him. I felt so guilty that I had taken him from his mum who loved him because I didn't have any warmth towards him at all, in fact I felt a little resentful. It's so tough in the beginning, especially when you expect to feel so happy about it but you find yourself feeling depressed instead.

Hang in there, you will start to feel love for him, he will become your absolute best friend! My boy is just the most wonderful dog and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I have had this with every single pup I've had, and there have been a few! I also felt exactly the same on bringing home every new baby too - that awful, out-of-my-depth, 'what the hell have I done?' feeling, even when the puppy was coming to a house full of other dogs, and the baby to a house full of other young children.

Just hang in there. Once it all becomes routine you will start to see their little personality and it will become easier.

Absolutely agree!

😂

I felt like this when I got my dog, I was panicking that I'd made a mistake because I was so overwhelmed by it all. But that was 14 years ago and I absolutely adore her, she's the best companion anyone could ask for. It really does get easier!

Sounds like you are behaving like the cats! Get a grip of yourself.

Oh dear someone’s having a bad day and they’ve come to vomit it on everyone else - time to step away from the internet @silverbubbles your personality is showing

I feel for you, it’s so hard and by far and away getting a puppy has been the biggest strain on my marriage in 11 years. The first two months were awful with the toilet training. Our puppy is now 8 months and the weeing and poohing is fine now, but she chews everything. I mean everything. She also jumps up at people. I love her, but I in no way anticipated the amount of work she would cause. It’s relentless.

This may not have helped, as I can’t offer any advice, but just to say your reaction is totally normal. We’re heading off to Cornwall for a week in half term and taking the dog and I’m kind of dreading it. It’s just ten times the work and stress.

Our whippet boy was a massive PITA when we first got him. And despite having had three female whippets from puppies in my teens and early 20s - and feeling like an expert - we were totally unprepared for what it was like at the beginning.
I say he was a horror until about 4 months, a rascal until 18 months, and since then has been the light of our lives. He's the softest, most loving thing in the world, and we wouldn't be without him. He's 10yo now, the oldest living of all our whippets, so we're aware that our days with him are running out.
We don't plan to get another once he dies. As wonderful as dogs are, they are a massive tie, and we want more freedom to leave the house for whole days, especially now our DCs are getting older.

I'd be seriously concerned if you weren't regretting it at six days in! It will get better.

I remember this feeling when we first brought our puppy home and after 2 weeks, I was just exhausted. I did find having a clear structure in place helped the routine and followed the puppy methods (minus hand feeding as personally we didn't have time in our life for that) of Southend dog training so basically our puppy routine went like this:

• sleep in crate
• when awake straight to garden for toilet, no playing with puppy until they go and lots of praise when they do. Would put on a lead from crate to take to garden so it got used to this being number 1 thing to do.
• after toilet, 15/20 mins of training increasing as the weeks went on. This was things like sit and wait, down and wait, door threshold, ignoring DC Barbies laying around, heel and ignoring food places under its nose. Also lead walking around the garden so the lead and collar was familiar come injections and allowed out. Would pick one and for that 15 minutes literally just repeat and repeat and repeat.
• then equal time of playing to the training.
• back to crate, regardless of puppies intent to fight sleep and repeat. I found a puppy playlist on Spotify and played it lightly via Alexa.

I was told the nipping is teething yes but it's also a sign of tiredness. We have had no furniture destroyed, no issues with his behaviour and during the day even though we removed the crate at 5/6 months old, he still goes to his corner for his little sleeps followed by straight to the back door for the toilet whenever he wakes up. We've a GSD x Mali and at 57kg of muscle, he's honestly the most loving dog going. A neighbour got his brother and didn't really stick to any training and the two brothers are so so different plus their house was destroyed with teething at everything. I made the routine onto paper and made sure everyone in the house was aware of what the pattern was, our then 7 year old even taught him door threshold at 13 weeks so when the front door is open, he will not cross over the door mat regardless of people/dogs or otherwise unless he's told to walk on. He will naturally elongate his neck to see the what's happening but never run out unless given the command he can do so. It's been a lifesaver especially when the doors open and closed during half terms/summer holidays or I am needing to run to and from the car.

As said, these feelings are natural but putting boundaries in place now will help your puppy as they get older. Just because they are cute, don't let them rule the roost!

I feel for you. We got our dog at 7 months as a rescue. He was severely traumatised and terrified of everything. He chewed shoes, chairs and table legs. He didn’t know how to walk on the lead.
Our cat tolerated him, evetually became the cat’s best friend.
12 years later and he is much loved and adored by all, except 4 legged invaders to his garden!

rescue it has changed dramatically with the vast majority of dogs having significant health and behaviour problems

Agree but it has always been thus. Well socialised easy dogs rarely get surrendered as they can work with whatever new situation is thrown at them (New baby, divorce, moving etc) and when well socialised dogs do need a new owner there is often friends or relatives that will take them on, because a well trained dog is a joy. (Obviously there are exceptions to this rule and some were surrendered)

However the vast majority have an issue, some which will never be resolved. One of my current rescues will never be rehabilitated but she has a good life and I tailor my life accordingly.

We just got a new kitten last week to replace our much loved older cat who sadly was killed by a car in February. Already the kitten and our 9 year old small dog are getting on really well. When we first got our dog as a puppy I purchased lino to put down on the floor to make it easier to clean while doing the training bit. I also bought two rabbit cages, so I could lock the puppy into an large area where she would be visable and safe. A kind old lady suggested to me plastic bottles for the puppy to bite on, you know like a coke or water bottle, just squash a large one a bit and they love that for their teeth. You can also buy sticks to chew on in the pet store. I think they are made out of hinds, but they take ages to chew. We joined a dog class and went about 6 times which gave us great training advice and also helped to socalise our dog with other dogs. There is nothing beats having animals in the house, they are a very soothing influence. Now our dog requires no work other than picking up from her in our garden and a daily walk. Ours is small enough he was able to go out to the garden via the cat flap.

Please get some proper advice from a behaviourist about introducing the puppy to the cats. I work in cat rescue and we get so many cats signed over as they don’t get in with the new dog. Stressed cats can develop all sorts of problems from urinary issues to overgrooming to moving in with the neighbour. Don’t expect them to just accept/get over it

Getting a puppy is the same as having a new baby. Joy in many ways and hell in others. But it gets easier, especially as you grow to love them more and more.

My mum said the same thing when she got hers. 18 months in and he’s lovely and they are now about to get another one. I’ve already started on the expectation management and the reminders about how she’s felt like this with every puppy she’s ever had. They were all much loved dogs who she wouldn’t have been able to live without.

I’ve not been compelled to respond to any of the negative messages so far, but yours is very presumptuous. You know nothing about me, my experience or my relationship with my cats. You haven’t the faintest idea how committed I am to their well-being. Literally no one is rehoming established, loved cats because they don’t get on with a new dog. Nor is anyone speaking to behaviourists because their cats are unsure of a new pet after a week. My goodness, some cats hide from new pieces of furniture! Now shoo.

We did it for 3 weeks and I felt like I had post natal depression and we had to take the puppy back. It was too much of a responsibility for me on top of running a business from home and I knew in my heart it wouldn't get better. Go wirh your instinct op.

Totally get it op. We've had dogs before but never from a young age, so as I felt fairly experienced I thought how hard can it be. Well, how wrong I was! I've absolutely no idea why people get puppies they are a nightmare, the nipping, the constant toilet trips to the garden and even then constant puddles in the house.

Ours is now 13 weeks, I absolutely regret getting it but will of course persevere as the dc adore her and I feel we have a made a commitment. She is sweet a lot of the time but I just do not understand how she remembers where the treats are, remembers what time food is served and sits waiting patiently for hours yet cannot remember not to wee in the house and not to bite feet.

It is draining and exhausting with little enjoyment at this stage which is a shame as she is so cute looking I just feel like I'm wishing away the times until the madness ends. We are training her, she sits and stays, she comes back to the whistle just it's the crazy behaviour seems more predominant than the good stuff at the moment.

I had several weeks of broken-sleep nights in the autumn of 2020 when we first got our puppy (and we have two cats too). At times I regretted getting her - it was like the stress of a baby but without the automatic love you have for them.

It feels like a distant memory now and we couldn't imagine her not being here.

“The cats are furious, I feel so guilty that I have ruined their peaceful little lives, and if I could go back in time, I would not get the puppy.”
I wasn’t actually making any assumptions, it was just friendly advice but reading your OP I wouldn’t be wrong, would I?
Overly defensive?
“Now shoo” 😂

Just reading all of the kind, thoughtful responses to my OP, and want to reiterate how grateful I am that so many of you took the time to share your wisdom, encouragement and puppy pics. Some of your responses have made me laugh out loud, and others have given me a lump in my throat.

I am so comforted by the fact so many of you could relate, and many have articulated my feelings better than I could myself. Things are much less emotionally charged at home today. I don’t want to wish away her puppyhood, but I am keeping perspective and know that this will all pass!

I know I keep saying “I don’t remember it being like this!!” but I really don’t remember it being so full on with previous pups. I genuinely feel like my last dog pooped inside a handful of times and then was toilet trained - it is amazing the tricks our brains will play on us. I need to stop comparing “before” to now and just go with the flow.

Thank you all again ♥️

Yes I think looking on the bright side we got ours at the right time, it's light at 5.30am for a garden toilet trip, it isn't freezing so hanging round while she sniffs everything isn't too bad. When ours does go a few hours without biting feet and lunging I feel almost euphoric so I do think with a bit more time we will start to enjoy her more. They are just such relentless hard work.