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The doghouse

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Original poster

Parents dislike boyfriends dog

88 replies

Doodles29 · 17/02/2023 23:53

Hi all.

I am 26 and currently living with my parents. I have a dog and my parents have a dog (they are siblings).

My boyfriend has a working dog and everywhere he goes, the dog goes. He can leave her, but she can’t be left for long and he doesn’t always like to leave her.

My parents have expressed that his dog is highly energetic and ‘won’t stop’ (which is true). When she is at my parents, she runs around, jumps on sofas, whips her tails in peoples faces and doesn’t give them much space. Our dogs are allowed on the sofas but they are calm indoors.

We have always been a close family. It upsets me that I can’t have my boyfriend over for dinner with my parents, as they have expressed that they do not want the dog around.

I am moving in with my boyfriend at Easter. He called me today and offered to come over tomorrow to help me have a clear out of my things / sort things into boxes. I gave my parents the heads up and I was immediately met with an eye roll and told that we would need to do this in the garden. I think I may just make up and excuse and sort my boxes out myself, but I could have really done with an extra hand.

I don’t know how to go about this now. I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

I do understand my parents side of things, although it is frustrating when my boyfriend doesn’t get invited to things because of his dog. I can’t even make up the excuse to say that ‘we’re not dog people’.

any advice would be great, please

OP posts:
Cofis · 17/02/2023 23:55

What kind of work dog? And why is it not trained?

Boomboom22 · 17/02/2023 23:56

Why is it so badly trained?

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 23:57

The dog sounds like a pain in the arse. Why are you upset that your parents don't want it causing havoc in their house?

GCAcademic · 17/02/2023 23:58

It’s a working cocker, isn’t it?

Original poster
Doodles29 · 17/02/2023 23:58

It’s a Springer spaniel. 2 years old.

it’s difficult because she’s trained with the basics. It’s just when she’s at my parents she goes quite crazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doodles29 · 17/02/2023 23:58

Sorry a Sprocker

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/02/2023 23:58

My advice would be to train the dog.

AlmostSummer21 · 18/02/2023 00:00

congratulations! I hope living together is great! How do your dogs get on? (I presume you're taking yours too?)

You're just going to have to be honest & say that your parents just can't cope with his dogs energy level (it's kinder than saying they can't cope with his dog! Dislike the behaviour not the person/animal) & ask if he can leave it with his parents/a friend for a few hours tomorrow.

It sounds like he needs to teach it some indoor/visiting manners!

GCAcademic · 18/02/2023 00:01

I knew it would have some cocker in it.

As a gundog trainer said to my DH after asking why the fuck we’d got a cocker instead of a labrador: “labradors are born half trained, cockers die half trained”.

Original poster
Doodles29 · 18/02/2023 00:04

She really is gorgeous and we have been told she would make a great gun dog. She is just very high energy and up in everybody’s personal space.

Her brain is constantly busy and she sniffs / investigates everywhere and doesn’t sit down.

luckily at his house she is settled.

thank you for the kind congratulations! I will be taking my dog with me too. They are not the best of friends, my dog is the complete opposite, doesn’t really enjoy being active and loves to be calm/relax. They have just about learned to tolerate eachother!

OP posts:
Cats23 · 18/02/2023 00:05

Quite simple really ' sorry, my parents find your dog too much at their house'
You're moving out soon so not much of an issue for longer.
Also sugget your DP gets training sessions for the dog as yours will be effected when they live together and pick up bad traits from his

PaleGreenFrontDoor · 18/02/2023 00:25

I feel a bit sorry for your dog actually. I think it's going to be quite stressed living full time with your partners dog.

leccybill · 18/02/2023 00:30

Wouldn't worry much, you're moving out soon.
Your dog's in for a shock though.

WandaWonder · 18/02/2023 00:33

If his dog is that much trouble I would not be moving in with him

Either the dog gets training or doesn't visit your parents to me it's simple

Babyroobs · 18/02/2023 00:34

GCAcademic · 18/02/2023 00:01

I knew it would have some cocker in it.

As a gundog trainer said to my DH after asking why the fuck we’d got a cocker instead of a labrador: “labradors are born half trained, cockers die half trained”.

Have to agree with this. We have a working cocker and he is hard work, mainly the following me around everywhere, won't settle in the evenings even after numerous walks, wants to go in and out of the house all the time in the evenings. I also don't like leaving him.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2023 00:39

Why can"t she be on a lead at your parents house?

CupidCantAimStraight · 18/02/2023 00:52

My dog doesn't get on with DPs parents dog.

Result? If we're both visiting I drive a 2 hour round trip to my parents to drop him off, then a four hour round trip to DPs parents (opposite direction) and then another two hour round trip to collect DDog. If they're visiting us they kennel their dog. That's life.

But - you and your DP should work on training a "settle"

QueenCamilla · 18/02/2023 00:57

Oh dear. I left my boyfriend and his untrained springer. Absolutely impossible to live with. And my boyfriend was one of those who thought that his dog is the cutest thing to have walked this earth - just no one else did.

I still haven't replaced all the mugs and glasses nuked by the dog's tail and the blankets with chew-holes.

It's nice you love your boyfriend that much. I hope he knows it's Despite of, not Because of.

WandaWonder · 18/02/2023 01:00

Actually, what has your bf done to compromise on anything?

Blanketpolicy · 18/02/2023 01:03

I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.Your partners dog is untrained and a pain in the arse.

If you cannot be honest and open and communicate something so simple and basic to him are you sure you are really ready to move in together? What is the problem here? Would he really be unable to understand noone likes a badly behaved/untrained dog and then hold it against your parents?

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 18/02/2023 01:10

If your boyfriend has an issue with your DP not being happy with the dog's behaviour then you have a boyfriend issue which will continue to get worse.

Ponderingwindow · 18/02/2023 01:18

If you can’t clearly communicate with your boyfriend about this issue, you really aren’t ready to move in together.

there is no inherent right to bring a pet into another person’s home. All your parents have to do is say no to any more visits by this dog and your boyfriend needs to accept that with grace.

Thepossibility · 18/02/2023 03:35

I wouldn't want that dog in my home. No bloody way.

Imogensmumma · 18/02/2023 03:47

I think you need to be honest with your Bf and like someone else said the dogs energy is a bit too much for your parents.

You’re a grown up now and moving out of your parents you need to be able to diplomatically have conversations with your partner. He needs to control the dog at your parents it’s really rude not to

What happens once you have moved out and want up to to your parents for dinner?

Eyerollcentral · 18/02/2023 04:00

You are setting up a recipe for disaster as you can’t communicate openly with your boyfriend and you are going to put two dogs together who can only just tolerate one another. You’d be better to leave your dog at your parents and visit it there, not fair on the dog to move it to a new place with a fairly mad sounding other dog. Your boyfriend cannot possibly expect people to want a dog round who is very energetic and frankly I am surprised he hasn’t picked up on the differences in training and demeanour between your dogs and his. He needs to train the dog properly. Many people hate dogs jumping all over them. How can you possibly even have guests in your new home, his dog will be going bonkers. I would be insisting on proper professional training before moving in.