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The doghouse

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Original poster

Parents dislike boyfriends dog

88 replies

Doodles29 · 17/02/2023 23:53

Hi all.

I am 26 and currently living with my parents. I have a dog and my parents have a dog (they are siblings).

My boyfriend has a working dog and everywhere he goes, the dog goes. He can leave her, but she can’t be left for long and he doesn’t always like to leave her.

My parents have expressed that his dog is highly energetic and ‘won’t stop’ (which is true). When she is at my parents, she runs around, jumps on sofas, whips her tails in peoples faces and doesn’t give them much space. Our dogs are allowed on the sofas but they are calm indoors.

We have always been a close family. It upsets me that I can’t have my boyfriend over for dinner with my parents, as they have expressed that they do not want the dog around.

I am moving in with my boyfriend at Easter. He called me today and offered to come over tomorrow to help me have a clear out of my things / sort things into boxes. I gave my parents the heads up and I was immediately met with an eye roll and told that we would need to do this in the garden. I think I may just make up and excuse and sort my boxes out myself, but I could have really done with an extra hand.

I don’t know how to go about this now. I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

I do understand my parents side of things, although it is frustrating when my boyfriend doesn’t get invited to things because of his dog. I can’t even make up the excuse to say that ‘we’re not dog people’.

any advice would be great, please

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 18/02/2023 04:03

A 2 yr old working dog ought to be better trained, what "work" does it do?

You should be honest with your boyfriend - tell him your parents find the dogs behaviour too much. They're not being unreasonable, so it really shouldn't cause any issue

Warspite · 18/02/2023 04:11

Sounds like the dear dog needs a really good run before visiting your parents home to work off its energy. Try it.

Hopefully that will make for calmer visits. I can never understand why owners of any high energy dog dont understand this, esp Collie dog owners.

Nevertheless, the dog will always look for stimulus that’s why that breed is good at being sniffer dogs. They are high octane and just want to work.

I hope it works out with yours and his dog when you move in together but until then do you really need your boyfriend to help you sort out your “stuff?”

Your parents have the right not to have a tiresome dog in their house so tell your boyfriend straight out but diplomatically without pussyfooting around it. It’s all part of life, telling people difficult things.

Do what you can on your own even if you only move the essentials that you can personally manage, (enough for the early days together) and move the rest out in slow time.

I hope it all works out but brace yourself for lots of extra exercise for boyfriend’s dog and in your shoes I’d take it to agility classes to keep it stimulated, play “find the slipper” at home to get it playing at seek & find. Those dogs love anything like that.
It’s still young but there’s nothing worse than an untrained anti social dog so get on it and hopefully as it matures it will calm down but it will take lots of human input. Brace yourself.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 18/02/2023 04:38

i knew you were going to say Sprocker. We have a 1 year old …. OMG if only we’d know what we were letting ourselves in for!

We keep ours calm indoors by removing all balls and it works amazingly well. We give him cow hooves, antlers or kongs filled with frozen sweet potato to keep him occupied. Perhaps only give one of the aforementioned/her favourite at your parents. Only natural treats otherwise it’s like giving blue smarties to kids.

MaireadMcSweeney · 18/02/2023 05:05

Is he not embarrassed? Doesn't he realise how badly behaved his dog is? Surely he can't think that he could help you pack with a lunatic dog destroying the house around you?!

Remona · 18/02/2023 05:33

So how do you go anywhere if he doesn’t like to leave it? How do you go to the cinema or to a restaurant or for an evening out? When you move in together are you going to be unable to go out if it doesn’t involve taking the dog? I think that would get very tiresome very quickly.

If you say he can leave it for a couple of hours when you go out, then he could leave it for a couple of hours to help you pack at your parents. You just say we can’t expect my parents to mind the dog whilst we sort stuff out so best leave it at home.

I suspect he doesn’t like to leave it because it’s destructive. And prepare for some friction between your dog and his once you move in.

hattie43 · 18/02/2023 07:07

I am a lifelong dog owner and never in a million years would I get a spaniel . Totally batshit . My friend had one and it reinforced my view of them. Total carnage and chaotic in the house I don't know how they ever relaxed .

Bemyclementine · 18/02/2023 07:53

I've had several spaniels over the years, none were destructive or "batshit". They were all well trained long before 2 yrs and had lots and lots of exercise. They came to work with me, outdoors (horses) I wouldn't have one now because I work in a very different job and would have to leave it at home, which isn't fair on an active dog.

Springpetal · 18/02/2023 07:57

Dog sounds a nightmare,I bet you end up feeling the same as your parents when your living with it
also ,maybe it would be better to leave your dog living with your parents ,your dog will not be happy with his dog ,it will cause your dog stress

Flowersintheattic57 · 18/02/2023 08:04

I have said to my daughter’s boyfriend you are welcome to visit but please leave your dog at home as I don’t like my furniture and carpets smelling of dog. He was round ours a lot (too much) and now he comes for shorter visits and goes home and looks after his dog. It was a bit awkward but it was making me uncomfortable in my own home.

OnaBegonia · 18/02/2023 08:11

At two years old the dog should be trained, personally I'd leave 'your dog' at your parents rather than force him to live with a daft dog he can 'tolerate', you moving in will no doubt give your bf freedom to go out without dog as he will have you to stay with dog, I'd reconsider this move.

SBHon · 18/02/2023 08:19

Honestly you should be able to communicate about this. It’s not a big deal to say, my parents can’t cope with the dog not settling.

Also, if it can be left alone but can’t settle when away from home then surely it’s also kinder to the dog not to bring it along?

Snugglemonkey · 18/02/2023 08:20

GCAcademic · 18/02/2023 00:01

I knew it would have some cocker in it.

As a gundog trainer said to my DH after asking why the fuck we’d got a cocker instead of a labrador: “labradors are born half trained, cockers die half trained”.

I would not have the dog in my house either tbf! Why would it cause friction to tell him your parents cannot handle the dog? Surely he realises the dog's behaviour is poor?

Paperexcelandpens · 18/02/2023 08:20

It's a working breed but does it actually work? We have sprockers and they are all gundogs doing whay they're supposed to do. Does his?

WombatsAndGumTrees · 18/02/2023 08:26

Is your dog bonded with your parents' dog? I can't imagine separating two bonded dogs. Mine would be devastated. Do you really need to take your dog with you?

I wouldn't want a high energy dog in my home either. Backyard, sure, if it doesn't destroy things. Just be honest with your boyfriend and tell him your parents can't cope with his dog's energy levels.

GoldDuster · 18/02/2023 08:30

I'm wondering why your boyfriend hasn't trained his dog, and can't see that it's bad manners to literally unleash his badly behaved dog in anyone's house like this.

Get the dog on a lead, get them both to a decent gundog trainer. This would give me big queries about him.

Dogs don't train themselves, you get out what put in.

ItsCalledAConversation · 18/02/2023 08:34

I don’t understand what kind of working dog (as in, a dog that works, not just a trendy “working type”) would be so badly trained. What work does the dog do?

It really pains me that people buy gun/farm/“working” dogs because that’s what’s fashionable and then don’t train them properly. They keep them as pets with one walk a day. It borders on animal cruelty imo.

Agree with PPs who’ve said you’re storing up problems by moving in with a man you can’t communicate with. Also that I wouldn’t want this dog in my house either. I have a much-loved year old lab who is calm indoors because she is well trained and knows her place.

Holihobbies · 18/02/2023 08:39

You need to train your boyfriend to look after his dog better. Springers are amazing intelligent dogs that need a lot of stimulation mentally and physically. Make sure the dog has a really good long walk before visiting and take chews or toys or a lick Matt.

My Springer loves toys that you hide a treat in, keeps her amused for ages, she loves hide and seek games too. She is very calm and relaxed once her needs have been met ! She gets really excited meeting her favourite people but settles quickly once they have greeted her and given some attention.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/02/2023 08:41

My boyfriend has a working dog

What is his job?

closingscore · 18/02/2023 08:43

What is his job?

Works in an office and leaves dog at home 😂 (sorry)

quinceh · 18/02/2023 08:49

Does your bf do anything to try and stop the dog jumping around? It sounds hugely annoying.

Boomboom22 · 18/02/2023 08:51

Also in what universe do people take their dogs with them on visits to other peoples houses. No way would any animal or pet ever set foot in my house, if someone turned up with one they'll have to turn around and go home again. Its a pet not a child!

Boomboom22 · 18/02/2023 08:52

Let alone then let them get in people's personal space, what a nightmare. Why does he let it offlead in their house at all?

Tekkentime · 18/02/2023 08:54

Why is it a given that he brings his pet into your parent's home?

stevalnamechanger · 18/02/2023 08:55

So it isn't a trained working dog ? It's a working breed that hasn't been appropriately trained

Knowing the basics means settling indoors

First of all keep it on a lead indoors .

Working on training "place" so she can settle in one spot . You can tether them to the spot as part of training this to help .

Look it up - will be a game changer

CharmedUndead · 18/02/2023 09:00

Your parents are not the problem. Most people would not want a dog (other than their own) jumping on the furniture and getting into everyone's personal space. Their irritation with bf's dog is totally normal.

First, don't move in with someone that you cannot have an honest conversation with about an important but uncomfortable issue.

Second, training is a longterm fix. Right now, you need to explain to your bf that he cannot take the dog everywhere. He needs to come up with a solution - a dog walker, whatever - so that the dog can be left for a few hours.

If your bf is so inflexible that he will not find a way to have dinner - dogfree - with your parents in their home (which is important to you), then you need to look up and see the red flag.

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