Parents dislike boyfriends dog

[Doodles29]

Hi all.

I am 26 and currently living with my parents. I have a dog and my parents have a dog (they are siblings).

My boyfriend has a working dog and everywhere he goes, the dog goes. He can leave her, but she can’t be left for long and he doesn’t always like to leave her.

My parents have expressed that his dog is highly energetic and ‘won’t stop’ (which is true). When she is at my parents, she runs around, jumps on sofas, whips her tails in peoples faces and doesn’t give them much space. Our dogs are allowed on the sofas but they are calm indoors.

We have always been a close family. It upsets me that I can’t have my boyfriend over for dinner with my parents, as they have expressed that they do not want the dog around.

I am moving in with my boyfriend at Easter. He called me today and offered to come over tomorrow to help me have a clear out of my things / sort things into boxes. I gave my parents the heads up and I was immediately met with an eye roll and told that we would need to do this in the garden. I think I may just make up and excuse and sort my boxes out myself, but I could have really done with an extra hand.

I don’t know how to go about this now. I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

I do understand my parents side of things, although it is frustrating when my boyfriend doesn’t get invited to things because of his dog. I can’t even make up the excuse to say that ‘we’re not dog people’.

any advice would be great, please

I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things
This jumps out from your post, OP. If your relationship with your bf is not at the stage where you can talk honestly & openly to him about the fact that his dog is so badly trained that it is a nuisance, you are nowhere near ready to move in together. This is a far bigger issue than the fact that your parents understandably dislike the dog.

You need to train your boyfriend to look after his dog better.

You need a boyfriend who does not require you to train him in basic animal care.

How will this look when you move in together? How will you both do simple things like dinner and cinema? What about when people come to visit and they are climbed all over?

Bet your dp suddenly starts going out without the dog once you are there for it to be left with!

Springers are lovely dogs. I lived with one for about 8 years. They need a lot of exercise and do get separation anxiety. But we never took it to visit at other people's houses. It could be left at home ok. Your parents are NBU. No one would tolerate that behaviour from someone else's dog. You will be having a 'dog's life' when moving in with BF.

I am a lifelong dog owner and never in a million years would I get a spaniel . Totally batshit . My friend had one and it reinforced my view of them. Total carnage and chaotic in the house I don't know how they ever relaxed

If your friends spaniel caused chaos and carnage indoors then she was a shit owner, because that only happens if they're poorly trained, bored and you let them cause chaos.

We have a springer from working lines, in a pet home (ie we don't work her). She's only 8 months old and for most of the time indoors she's totally chilled. She doesn't bark, doesn't jump at people, wanders around quite happily and has never destroyed anything.

But she's been trained since the moment she entered our house at 8 weeks to settle, be calm when people come and go, and he comfortable being alone for periods. She has plenty of company most of the time, daily offlead exercise, interesting toys and things to chew that are alternated daily, puzzles, sniff games and training every single day.

A spaniel - even a working springer - that has enough offlead exercise and brain stimulation is not 'crazy' or 'batshit' indoors. They nap and they cuddle 😊

High energy dogs doesn't necessarily mean they are badly trained.

People have different preferences when it comes to dogs. I've always had border terriers. Absolute balls of energy. Wouldn't have them any other way and they are trained, but someone who likes a calm lapdog who sleeps most of the day would probably find them stressful. That doesn't mean I haven't trained them properly or they are badly behaved dogs.

It's unbelievable that you blame your parents for this mess. Of course they don't want a badly behaved dog crashing about their home. The fact you can't be honest with your boyfriend about this speaks volumes. Your relationship is in trouble already.

This.

Lots of red flags here.

Are you planning to have children- because a jumpy, untrained dog with an owner who thinks the sun shines out of its arse is going to be a disaster if you are.

What op describes is a badly trained dog though. Every border terrier I've met have been calm dogs aside from one, but that was poorly fwiw

I proper working dog would be trained. He has an untrained pet. I wouldn't stand for it either, my ddog doesn't go on sofas etc

@liveforsummer

What I meant (and probably didn't explain very well) is that high energy dogs doesn't necessarily mean badly behaved - the way a lot of mumsnet think. But sometimes people do use the high energy aspect as an excuse for badly trained dogs, which they shouldn't.

A springer spaniel I know takes a while to settle in new places so this might improve over time. Try good exercise before visiting parents house, feed dog there, and work on settling the dog in suitable places so the dog knows where to go and sleep. Nothing wrong with using the garden either, springers love gardens! If you are moving out at Easter this is not long to wait for anyone including your parents so I think people need to try and manage it better as it’s a minor irritation and shouldn’t be blown up into a huge issue

Tbh a lot of dogs get a bit excited or agitated when people pack up eg for holidays- so when you are actually moving best to keep the dog safely at home or in a crate or at dog sitter etc. it won’t be able to get in the way either. I recommend you don’t ask your parents to dog sit it!
Another idea. Invite parents on a walk with the spaniel one nice day and let them see it running round on off lead exercise. Spaniels enjoying the outdoors are fun to watch. Make sure parents are dressed for mud though

Not all springers get separation anxiety.

Their house. Their rules.

It’s ridiculous to suggest that the OP might have problems in her life with her BF because of this issue of her parent’s finding the dog a nuisance. No wonder young people nowadays suffer from anxiety. It’s just a situation that needs to be managed and a few tweaks here and there could make a lot of difference . Bf has a young spaniel, it’s not a pit bull

Either the dog stays at boyfriends home when visiting parents, or you start to train him. When dog is at parents home, have him on a lead. Don’t give him free rein.

But the parents aren't at fault! They wouldn't find a well behaved dog a nuisance. To me, it seems the bf isn't training the dog sufficiently.

So your bf has a working breed dog, but it's not a working dog, they are different things.
Get him to train the dog, until then, their house, their rules. It doesn't need trained to work, just trained to be calm and trained to be on its own.

Best quote ever. We went for a lab exactly for this reason!!

I'm fully with your parents. Bottom line, it's their house and they have every right to insist that your BFs dog is not welcome. They don't even need to give a reason.

I actually think both you and your boyfriend are being rather entitled and immature over this. It is very much not the norm for dog owners to take their pets to other people's homes when they go visiting. The fact that your boyfriend's dog cannot be left for any significant period of time is his problem to find a solution to, not for others to be inconvenienced by.

If you can't tell your boyfriend that your parents prefer that his dog does not come then there are bigger problems in your relationship. It's not an unreasonable request and if the dog is as badly behaved as you describe your boyfirend shouldn't really need telling anyway.

Why does the dog have to go everywhere? I don't take my dog everywhere, they need to learn to be left for a while and settle independently. Sounds like the dog can't switch off and isn't trained so probably isn't actually a working dog.

I wouldn't have an issue telling my partner to leave the dog at home either. At the end of the day it's an animal and it's being a nuisance (his fault entirely) not everyone likes a bouncy sprocker all over them and their furniture.

His dog sounds like a poorly trained pain in the arse. I don’t blame your parents for being unhappy at having the dog in the house causing chaos and I think you’re being very strange in feeling you cannot bring up the dogs poor behaviour to your boyfriend. If you’re planning on living with him, you should be able to talk to him about potential issues!

The issue isnt the dog. The issue is op feels she cannot have what should be a straightforward everyday conversation with her bf saying the dog is a problem because she is concerned he with cause friction with her parents.

Sounds like a typical lockdown puppy. How basic is the training the dog has had? Is the training an ongoing thing or does your bf think that because the dog will sit its done? How much exercise and brain training does the dog get?