Husband wants a dog, need help choosing

[StarsShineBrightly]

So husband wants a dog as he thinks this will help him get fit. He needs to get fit so I'm certainly agreeable. I like dogs, but would have preferred to wait a bit due to my work, but DH works from home so can do the walks and be available and do most of the training.

We've been researching, but are a bit stuck on breed, so thought wise mners might be able to advise!

We need it to be able to be home alone sometimes, good with kids and resident cats (2, one is elderly).

Kids are pre-teen/ early teen, both very bouncy and can be loud.

We thought of a lab, but i think they're a bit too big, I'd prefer a medium size

Labradoodle, but apparently they're also quite big.

Beagle, difficult to train and bark a lot.

DH will mainly be training it, but he has adhd so a difficult to train dog will just see everyone miserable including the dog.

DH wants a dog that can manage a 10 mile walk, but not need a walk that long every day. I don't want loads of extra work, so low-ish maintenance is ideal, but most of the recommended ones are too small for what DH wants.

I'm wondering if we're looking for an impossible dog?!

We aren't looking for a rescue as kids and cats seem to rule us out.

Any ideas greatly appreciated

I have a Working Cocker Spaniel (who would guess?!!)
He would happily run for 10 miles although probably not in a straight line, is a doddle to train as he will do absolutely any trick in the book for a dried sprat, he will keep you all fit as a fiddle as you chase him round trying to retrieve socks, slippers and any other edibles hes not supposed to have, is a giant hoover for dropped food and leftovers, reducing wastage. Gets on fab with children, and adults, and granny's, and shop assistants, and anyone else who looks like they may produce biscuits from their pockets, and is honestly great with cats!
I love my boy, can you tell??

@aSpanielintheworks all that sounds very familiar! They are the most lovable objects, OP, and mine is okay with my family’s cats once he’s been told to get lost a couple of times, even though he only goes places with indoor cats every month or so. If he lived with them he’d learn very quickly. He still barks at invading cats in his garden but I think that’s normal.

Springer and sprocker here. I'd say the sprocker is more needy, affectionate so presumed it was a cocker trait.

Why did you go for a working strain if you don't have a job for it? I assumed domestic pet would equal show type but I can see I should have been more specific. Yes working strains are a law unto themselves and op should steer clear, beautiful as they are.

Op the more I read the more I think it would be unkind to get a dog for a lifestyle that is a pipe dream. You will end up doing everything and the dog will be neglected. I would not give a dog to a teenager fitting your dh's description.

All other considerations of making sure you both want it and are happy to put the work in … can I do my usual Smooth Collie suggestion.

Not a common breed, and often overlooked/unheard of - but a good all-round family dog, with an easy coat. Won’t be climbing the walls with standard daily exercise, but will go much further when mature and built up to it (and do well at any training discipline you might fancy).

@justasking111 interesting isn't it - my friend has worked cockers for years and said they can be proper Velcro and very needy but my springer is exactly that. My brother always says he wants to be that close to you he'd wear you like a suit if he could 😂! The sprocker is only 11 months but is fairly independent and while he has his person he also likes his own space. I've not had a sprocker before and he's incredible- he's so quick and clever, training is a joy as he tries so hard and picks it up very easily.

Sprocker easier to train than springer but can get disobedient in middle age when they decide they're smarter than you. 😂😂

Oh the springer is that, he is nearly 10 and has been a bloody good dog. Until he decided he now counts as old enough to ignore certain things, like a whistle command if there is a good smell! 😂 old git is far too wise 😂

Our Labrador was so smart OH would say get in to a hedge to flush out a bird. The dog would give him a long look as if to say "there's nothing in there you eejit"

Whereas spaniels are known as little liars because they'll dive in for the hell of it. Mind you we've never bought a tennis ball and yet have a drawer full of them other inferior dogs lost 😅

I think it's partly driven by adhd and health concerns he has. I think he thinks having a dog will make him get up and structure his day better... I'd like to think so, but having kids only marginally changed things and it's only gotten better as they've got more independent and capable themselves. The baby/toddler years were very hard.

Honestly, OP, reading between the lines it sounds like your DH has got some mental and physical health issues going on and thinks a dog is going to fix this. As others have said, getting a dog based on the idea that it is going to force some beneficial change in your lifestyle is a really bad idea. If he had the self-discipline and ability-to-delay-gratification levels required to be a good dog owner, he'd already be doing things to fix his issues, like getting exercise off his own bat and without a dog. If he won't do that, and if he already has a track record of finding managing young kids difficult, what makes you think he's actually going to step up and do all the hard and dirty work to do with this dog?

I don't want to seem like a Debbie Downer, but I've seen several cases of women who get persuaded into accepting a dog that a husband or son wants. The woman winds up doing the walks whenever it's not "fun"cold, windy, rainy days, days when the man has something else he'd rather be doing or when he can't be bothered. Sometimes they do all the walks on the days when it might have been fun, too. They end up doing all the extra hoovering and cleaning, wiping out mucky dog bowls, dealing with the chewing, getting doggy smells out of the soft furnishings, dealing with the dog walkers and doggy daycare and vets and arranging kennels or dogsitting every time you want to go out on a trip. My sister was browbeaten into accepting a dog. It had anxiety and couldn't be left in kennels, my parents refused to have the dog, his parents had health issues. So all holidays had to be dog-friendly, which meant self catering-more work for sis. And so it went on.

Don't do it, seriously. Dogs are for families where everyone really wants the dog, and ESPECIALLY the person who will probably wind up doing most of the work!

@Reindeersnooker I didn't say I don't have a job for her though..I said she is drivey with a high prey drive. That does not = no job.

Honestly, OP, reading between the lines it sounds like your DH has got some mental and physical health issues going on and thinks a dog is going to fix this

Whilst I wouldn't go as far to say it's a mental health problem, it does sound as though your DH is unregulated right now. What's he doing to get himself regulated? Is he taking meds for his ADHD? Things like meditation, exercise and eating well should all help.

I love our dog dearly but just to give you some thought about what it's like

we are having building works done and had to move out - nowhere would rent to us with a dog in our area as rental properties are so in demand. So we are in an Airbnb that would accept dogs for 5 months at an exorbitant cost. There was no other option. It's costing us twice what it would if we didn't have a dog.

when we visit family who are 2-3 hours away, the dog has to come with us unless we get a sitter for the day. That means the person you're visiting has to be ok with dogs, you need to make sure they aren't going to leave chocolate in their reach, or raisins, anything that they can't eat. If you go out while you're there, you have to make sure wherever you're going is dog friendly, because you can't leave a dog in a house it's not particularly familiar with unless it's a v relaxed dog.

you may get a dog that gets car sick which starts to rule out long car journeys which means paying a sitter if you want to go anywhere long distance

even with working from home, unless you're v lucky, the first few weeks of puppyhood are very overwhelming. You'll sleep with them until they settle, you need to get up and take them out for a wee, even in the pissing rain in the middle of the night, and they will bite and chew anything, including the kids for a few months. And chances are, if your dp is like many dps on mumsnet, you will be the one cleaning up after it. It's incredibly hard to WFH and look after a puppy - yes, they sleep a lot but they are also all over the place a lot and if you don't watch them like a hawk, they will pee and poo while you're on a conference call.

training is fun but it's also stressful and you have to do it regularly. There won't be very long walks for at least 12 months. Really the first 12 months is a series of v painful slow walks where you try and teach them how to walk properly or walks where you are watching them like a hawk on a long lead. It's definitely not fitness inducing for at least a year.

in the first year, ours needed 2 emergency vet visits - one for a hot cross bun and the other for a bar of dark chocolate he stole from someone's handbag. You have to get to the vet immediately and wait there while they get the dog to throw up. If it happens on a working day, you have to drop everything and attend to them.

at around 7 months they hit a second fear stage - you may think you've cracked sleep but then suddenly they are up barking at night. You then have to start sleep training again and it feels like going back to baby hood!

^ this. DH has ADHD. I made a comment yesterday that getting ready to walk DDog often feels like a chore, but I usually (not always) enjoy it once we are out of the door.

DH responded with "really? I always enjoy walking him" - well yes, because he only does it when he feels like a nice walk whereas I'm the one who makes sure DDog gets an hour minimum, rain or not...

It's incredibly difficult to have a job for such a dog though. Do you hunt regularly or have an absorbing hobby in obedience training? I doubt she does have a job, really.

A 10 mile walk is not actually that big, every now and again, I've seen all kinds of smallish dogs enthusiastically bagging Munros. The fact that your DH thinks this is a massive walk might make me err on the side of smaller and definitely away from the high energy breeds.

A border terrier might be a good match.

Can you get DH to start borrowing a dog to walk regularly, including in the rain. Perhaps the cinnamon trust can pair him up with an elderly person? This would show whether the dog will help or whether he is just grasping at a dog shaped straw to sort his life out.

I’ve not read the entire thread so this may have already been said. Does your husband currently walk 10 miles a day? 10 miles a day day in day out is quite a lot of walking. I average 8-9 when the days are longer but I live in a stunningly beautiful location and we have the “right to roam” here so I can walk miles without having to get in my car, bar work (part time) I have very few other commitments, kids grown up etc, house doesn’t require any work on it, walking is really my only hobby; I really love walking and all my friends have dogs and love to walk. I’ll start training (for a very long walk I’ve agreed to do in May) come early spring when the days are longer and pushing it up to 10 miles + every day of the week is not as easy as you might think. I’m not sure how fit it makes you without a doubt walking is very good for you physically and mentally but unless you’re shimmying up lots of steep hills I’m not sure if it makes a great deal of impact on your cardiovascular fitness. I’m a fast walker not overweight but I wouldn’t like to have to run for a bus.
Anyway I have an elderly miniature poodle he’ll easily walk 10+ mile day they are very trainable and mine has a very low prey drive which is useful when your walking across farm land, I always put him on his lead around livestock but if he unexpectedly came across something that had escaped it’s field he would probably run away rather than chase it. Some say they suffer from separation anxiety but mine is left and doesn’t seem bothered. They are also a very healthy long lived breed who love their family.

@Reindeersnooker we do Gundog training and her day consists of lots of different 'jobs' thank you. Sometimes her job is to retrieve, sometimes it is to sit and watch (that's called steadiness btw), sometimes it to walk nicely to heel (actual heel, not most peoples idea of heel).

So yes, she does have a job, she has lots of jobs.

If my more than qualified gundog trainer is stuck for ideas, I'll tell her to come and find you on MN.

Great, you have a sport which gives your working dog a job. No need to educate me on steadiness, thanks, not sure who you think that's helping but well done for knowing everything! Your original comment that you wish I could see your insane working retriever is tedious given that this is a thread about a poster who would never suit a working dog and consequently it's very unlikely that working breeds will come into it. I have no wish to see your working retriever and I doubt the op has either. As originally stated before your time wasting interlude, show Goldens (obviously show) are notoriously obedient and placid if you have any idea what you're doing with them. That was all the op needed to hear.

2nded. I have a rough collie (same as smooth but different coat), he'll happily do a very long walk but he also has an off switch. They generally get on really well with cats too, mine doesn't live with cats but was perfectly fine when he had a day at his sisters with two cats there. He's a great walking companion and I certainly wouldn't go for a (boring) walk without him. Rough's don't shed as much as smooth, only when they blow their coat twice a year but need about one hour a week of grooming.