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Husband wants a dog, need help choosing

121 replies

StarsShineBrightly · 11/12/2022 22:11

So husband wants a dog as he thinks this will help him get fit. He needs to get fit so I'm certainly agreeable. I like dogs, but would have preferred to wait a bit due to my work, but DH works from home so can do the walks and be available and do most of the training.

We've been researching, but are a bit stuck on breed, so thought wise mners might be able to advise!

We need it to be able to be home alone sometimes, good with kids and resident cats (2, one is elderly).

Kids are pre-teen/ early teen, both very bouncy and can be loud.

We thought of a lab, but i think they're a bit too big, I'd prefer a medium size

Labradoodle, but apparently they're also quite big.

Beagle, difficult to train and bark a lot.

DH will mainly be training it, but he has adhd so a difficult to train dog will just see everyone miserable including the dog.

DH wants a dog that can manage a 10 mile walk, but not need a walk that long every day. I don't want loads of extra work, so low-ish maintenance is ideal, but most of the recommended ones are too small for what DH wants.

I'm wondering if we're looking for an impossible dog?!

We aren't looking for a rescue as kids and cats seem to rule us out.

Any ideas greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Middledazedted · 12/12/2022 07:54

This sounds like a disaster - adhd puppy and wfh- it is not good mix

ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/12/2022 07:56

Get a lurcher, a staffordshire bull terrier or a springer spaniel. Ideally adult as pups take a while to mature and you can't start running rlwith them straight away.

Middledazedted · 12/12/2022 07:57

Puppies are like crazed toothy toddlers who shout and cry and do lots of tiny shits that they will happily eat.

NotSoInvisible · 12/12/2022 07:57

This sound a bad idea. To keep fit, can walk miles but then not need much when it suits, cats, loud kids, man wants big dog that’s low maintenance.

Definitely one that will be rehomed within 6 months. Don’t do it. If he’s out of shape, tell him to eat better and go to the gym.

1Sky · 12/12/2022 07:58

I would go for an adult rescue if you're determined to get a dog. One that's already partially trained and you know is ok with cats/children.

But I agree, don't get a dog for fitness reasons - - even if you did, they can't do long walks till they are older anyway as you have to protect their joints.

Tuvala · 12/12/2022 08:02

Not a cocker. They can be incredibly sensitive and rescues see endless amounts of young cockers abandoned to them because of resource guarding and biting. Plenty of posts on here too. They can be lovely in the right hands but many end up with an unpredictable tendencies and not good around children. They are busy working dogs and many don’t do well in a family home.

I would actually go for an adult rescue so you have more idea of their temperament around children and cats (just not a foreign rescue as so many of them have health and behaviour issues and need experienced owners).
For example, my childhood border terrier fits all your requirements absolutely perfectly although another border may not be good with cats. Although breed traits are a huge thing individuals vary too!

cosmiccosmos · 12/12/2022 08:04

Your DH wants a dog. How much research is he doing? Honestly I wound be letting him sort it out and see what happens. The more you get involved the more will fall to you.

Puppies are a massive amount of work for a long time. That said if you're going to do it then personally given your circs I would go for a smaller breed. Cocker spaniel - although high maintenance.

Newpeep · 12/12/2022 08:09

I wouldn’t bring a puppy into a house with an elderly cat unless it was good with dogs. We have an elderly cat (14 ish) who has lived with a dog before and we have a pup. It’s quite hard work with lots of work needed in keeping them separate and then training sessions to encourage calmnesss around the cat. Our cat is not afraid of pup and will walk up to her and is suffering no ill effects from her presence but he’s a bit unique tbh. He’s also not a lap cat. Our other cats now gone would have had a breakdown.

WFH also depends on your job. My OH WFH but he’s completely flexible which he’s needed to be! A pup is a full time job on its own.

our pup is our first after older rescues and it’s been a real eye opener. It really is life changing. Forget your normal life for quite some time. My last few weeks have been work and puppy. That’s literally it.

PritiPatelsMaker · 12/12/2022 08:09

I think the ADHD thing is important.

Does your DH often have great ideas and does he stick with his plans usually? I have a feeling this could be a great idea in his head right now but he will quickly lose interest and all the work will fall to you.

Does he know how often a puppy will need to be taken outside to toilet for example? How is he going to manage that and work?

And definitely don't get a working lab! I know some very experienced dog owners, who have always worked their dogs and they've really struggled with a working lab as a puppy.

Girlintheframe · 12/12/2022 08:18

I would second what other posters had said and don't get a dog to get fit.

I've seen it happen time and time again where people think a dog is all the motivation they are going to need and it just doesn't happen. You end up with an overweight frustrated dog.

Get a dog that fits your current lifestyle if you want a dog but don't get one with high energy needs like a springer. We weren't able to do any decent walks with our dog anyway until he was around a year anyway.

Get a dog for the dogs sake, for your current lifestyle. There is an awful lot to dog ownership. Thinking it all through now like the walking when it's utterly dreadful outside, cost, the endless training etc will save heartache in the future.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 12/12/2022 08:19

Get a lab, you won’t be disappointed! Ours is the most snugly, loving, soft, easily trainable dog ever. Spaniels are crazy!! He does need a minimum of an hour’s good, off lead running/ walking a day. Be warned though, he won’t get much work done with a puppy and you will wonder what on earth you’ve done at first! Lab puppies are especially bitey at first too. But once they get to a year old, they’re just the best thing ever. Here’s a picture of our little man having a chilled out Monday morning 🥰.

Husband wants a dog, need help choosing
PritiPatelsMaker · 12/12/2022 08:20

Forgot to say, you should get him a WII instead. Much cheaper and he is just as likely to get for doing that as he is with a dog. It won't take lots of your time or money either.

Snoken · 12/12/2022 08:48

Before you get the dog, spend 6 months pretending you have one and see if you actually are up for it. That means getting up at 6am to go out for a 20-30 minute walk, then again an hour at lunchtime, and then 30 minutes again at 9pm. In all weather, regardless of what else is going on, regardless of feeling tired, having a cold or a sore knee. Throw in some play time 3-4 times a day too.

You can't walk a dog 10 miles only occasionally, that will hurt them. You either get a dog that is energetic and athletic who will need a huge amount of excersize more or less daily, or you get one that is happy with going for two-three regular walks a day and then snooze inbetween. You can't force a dog to have the excersize need that you prefer, they come pre-programmed, so in that way it is much safer to get an adult dog whose needs are known. Doesn't have to be a rescue, it could be a private sale too.

flowerycurtain · 12/12/2022 09:03

We have an 8 month old cocker spaniel. We live in a farm and I think people who don't must be nuts to get one! Like a previous poster he gets one longish walk a day off lead (30-40 mins) plus a 20 minute wander after tea. But he also gets a lot of mental stimulation. He sits in the farm truck for a fair old chunk of time, falls asleep in the farm office and roots around whilst cattle are being fed etc.

We've always had labs before and I was nervous about getting a spaniel. He is way more nutty than a lab but way more fun. Lovely size and doesn't shed much. A little bitey when tired and f grumpy but in general just wants to please.

SumptiousSeaside · 12/12/2022 09:23

A working lab? Fox red lab? retriever? Maybe look at the traditional hunting retrieving working breeds if he is going to genuinely get those miles in when the dog is older.

Absolutely not. These dogs are smarter than most humans and if you want something easy to train then these dogs are not an option you should be looking at. See also: cocker spaniel.

I would honestly think hard about what breed to get and maybe go smaller if you want something easy to train.

Coffeesnob11 · 12/12/2022 09:31

I have adhd so I don't say this lightly. Is he having a focused on one thing moment which he might drop? Could you look after other peoples on borrow my doggy and get a feel for breeds/how it would work? Could you foster for a rescue so that you can get used to it with no long term commitment? My sister has wiggys A whippet/Italian greyhound and they would suit. Potentially a border terrier too. I haven't had a dog for a while and am moving to a place I can have one but rather than rush in I am actually borrowing a dog from my sister (she has 6) and seeing how it would work for me before diving in. I realise this isn't possible for most people but I also recognise I have adhd and a dog is a 15 year commitment.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 12/12/2022 09:48

I have a doodle. Sorry guys I know they are hated on here. He is f1 so she'd but he is the most laid back boy

Never chewed what he shouldn't
Happy with a short walk x3 or a really long walk
Loved everyone and everything
His best bud is my young cat they slept and play together
He is big but you can get smaller one if crossed with a miniature poodle.
Touch wood been a very healthy dog
Bright but not over bright like a collie.

I dont want another dog because of the tie element when he has gone but he has been the right dog for us.

We also have teens and cats.

WhatTheHellIsAQuasar · 12/12/2022 09:59

I second the suggestion of pretending you have a dog for 6 months, your DH starts doing his 10 mile runs and see if he actually sticks with it. It’s a rare dog that actively wants to do nothing but run in a straight line for long periods and those that do need to be doing it every day or it’ll be bouncing off the walls.

it’s a really bad reason to get a dog so definitely proceed with caution. If DH needs a reason to get out then try a personal trainer

xyhere · 12/12/2022 10:11

As most folk are saying - don't get a puppy. If the goal is to get a dog for exercise, it will be 6-12 months before a pup is ready to do that with any kind of duration that would help. Their joints are effectively gaps up to 3-6 months (depending on the dog's size), and you'll do irreparable harm trying to get them to run at that age.

Go to a rescue, give them your requirements, and they'll match you with the best dog for you. Puppies are cute and all, but doing it right is really hard (especially for first- time owners), and you have no idea what they're going to turn out like in adulthood. With a rescue, you know exactly what you're getting.

Don't underestimate the cost, though. At a minimum, for a medium-sized breed you're looking at £70-100/month on food and toys etc, plus another £30-odd for insurance (hugely important to go for the more expensive life cover rather than annual). On top of that, you've got routine checkups, vaccinations etc, and you may need to neuter them (the rescue won't always have done this, but they'll almost certainly make it a contractual requirement if the dog's too young).

OldTinHat · 12/12/2022 10:19

A Staffy!

Sarahcoggles · 12/12/2022 10:26

If your DH can't motivate himself to get fit for his own health, what makes you think he'll be motivated to walk a dog, rain or shine? I think this will be your dog OP, so be prepared to do all the walking and training.

megletthesecond · 12/12/2022 11:30

Dogs don't get you fit. They dawdle and sniff every bloody thing going.

StarsShineBrightly · 12/12/2022 12:37

I do appreciate the comments, thank you, lots to think about.

I am concerned that I'll end up mainly looking after it, and i know that i can't!

I think it's partly driven by adhd and health concerns he has. I think he thinks having a dog will make him get up and structure his day better... I'd like to think so, but having kids only marginally changed things and it's only gotten better as they've got more independent and capable themselves. The baby/toddler years were very hard.

He wouldn't pretend to have a dog, it's a good suggestion, but i know he won't. I suggested borrow my doggie a while ago, but he didn't seem keen. I might suggest it again.

I'm doing my own research so I don't get lumbered with something completely impractical because he's got carried away. I am taking a step back and seeing what he comes up with, but need to do some research myself as have never owned dogs before. I realise they are a big commitment and I'm really not sure.

Also, elderly cat is easy to keep separate as she doesn't venture far anymore.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 12/12/2022 13:06

“I think it's partly driven by adhd and health concerns he has. I think he thinks having a dog will make him get up and structure his day better... I'd like to think so, but having kids only marginally changed things and it's only gotten better as they've got more independent and capable themselves. The baby/toddler years were very hard.”

As someone who only walks with a dog... I’ll happily walk a dog for a couple of hours a day, but I’d not walk to the shop round the corner 😐😂

If he couldn’t organise himself for young children, he won’t be able to for a dog either.

birdsandthewasps · 12/12/2022 14:00

SybilThePup · 11/12/2022 23:42

I'd also vote for a springer.

We have a 5 month springer. We've built up slowly and she's gets one 45 minute off lead walk a day through woods and one 20 minute street walk. What I love about her walks is that she pretty much exercises herself when off lead...if I do 2 miles, she does 10 easily, nose down, in and out of the bushes, constantly sniffing. She's exhausted for hours when we get home and just naps.

She's such a fabulous, easy dog. So intelligent I swear she understands every word I say at times. She just wants to please us in everything she does and training has been a breeze, she picks things up within minutes. Totally bombproof recall, she whistle trained with ease (although I appreciate this may change as she enters teenage years!). She sleeps all night, she's fairly calm at home, has never chewed anything she shouldn't. Fabulous with the kids, polite with other dogs and humans. The only problem we've had is with food as she has a sensitive stomach so we're currently trialling new foods that won't give her loose stools.

Personally I would never get a cocker...it always blows my mind that they're so much more popular than springers and that it's springers that have the rep of being nutty and bouncy. I know lots of spaniel owners and see plenty more when out. Every springer has seemed more or less like ours whereas the cockers I know/see are bonkers, tend to be destructive indoors and as a rule seem to have very poor recall. Our local shelters are full to bursting with cockers and I think they prove far too much for many families.

Course she’s good she’s 5 months old!! Good luck with the teenage years 😂 and you are doing far too much!!

op why are you investigating the right breed and not your super keen to get a dog dh?

I wouldn’t recommend a puppy, they are hard work and demanding. Did you say your dh has experience with dogs?

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