How do I live with a dog I can’t stand

[Cherryblossom56]

My partner moved into my family home almost two years ago. When I say “family home” I mean I share it with other family members including my two children. We have always had one family dog which happened to pass away 6 months after him moving in. I decided to get a puppy as we all missed having a dog. So I bought the same breed of dog that our family have always had. My partner also pushed to get a puppy at the same time so without much discussion he went ahead and got a breed that is notorious for bit being great around strangers, prefers to be the only dog in the house, snaps at anyone who dares to put their hand over the gate. I am now expecting a baby and can’t stand his dog. He works long hours which leaves me to look after and clean up after his dog. His dog snaps at me when I go near it. His dog makes soooooo much mess which I end up having to clean. It sheds everywhere and creates dog dander on every single surface! Apparently I am being paranoid about the dirt/mess and think that the world revolves around me when I try to speak to him about a solution! I have tried telling him how I feel about his dog but he just takes the attitude of like it or not the dog is staying! Just wanted to hear other peoples take on this! Am I being unreasonable? Should I have to except living with a dog that makes me feel uneasy?

Akitas are a banned breed in many states in the US! I also find that they can be a bit of a macho option. What is your other dog’s breed? I might be totally wrong but the first thing I thought is that your DP might’ve thought he wants to get a macho dog to balance out the breed of your other dog as he doesn’t like that breed!

I usually suggest living apart but staying in a relationship, then he can have whatever dog he wants and you never have to clean up after it. But as you're expecting a baby it's a bit late for that.

My friends have an Akita and a 3 year old. I don't know much about Akitas, but I cringe as they let the DD jump all over Akita, and she's massively tolerant and patient with this child. I just wouldn't trust a dog that large and with such a reputation. I will say though, with the correct care socialising they can be absolutely lovely dogs. And although I don't like what my friends do in letting the DD be so tactile with the dog, dog has never shown any signs of aggression toward any human, small or otherwise.

One of the couple I know can't walk Akita as she's too strong for her. I can walk her however and I'm a lot smaller in stature.

I agree you have a DP problem. But you also need to form a better relationship with the dog who's obviously not happy about you for some reason. Why do you think dog is like this with you and nobody else?

Trigger warning. Graphic images of dog attacks.

www.ukandspain.com/dangerous-dogs/

I don't mean to distress you OP, but this page contains several accounts of akitas attacking chidren.

Please get strong for your unborn baby and lay down the law.

Rehome the dog but try & keep DP (for now). Only because you don’t want the DC having visitation at a house with an aggressive dog & exDP in denial. Especially as it is more likely to dislike a child that doesn’t live with it full time.

I would tell him that you don't feel safe around the dog, and that he can't keep it. It is your house and you are pregnant, you need to be able to put the baby down without worrying about the dirt or worse, the danger from the dog.
Your partner's comment abut the world revolving around you when you were trying to explain your fears is a warning signal too - sounds like he actually doesn't care that you feel unsafe with this dog.

Yep, spot on. Please don't bend over backwards trying to train this dog. You're pregnant and you have enough to do. Think about how other parents will feel in future about allowing their kids to visit your house with a guardy Akita there; what effect will this have on the whole family?
Don't feel guilty about rehoming the dog; your responsibility is to yourself and your children. Breed rescue would help him to find an appropriate home, which will be better for the dog as well as better for you.

Sobering reading. Seems like American XL Bullies are responsible for many recent attacks :( en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fatal_dog_attacks_in_the_United_Kingdom

How are things today OP? I can't stop thinking about your situation.

Has op vanished?

In my opinion the dog is picking up on your hostility towards it- and probably doesn’t understand why you are nice to one dog, everyone else is nice towards him, but you aren’t nice.
My suggestion would be for you to go to a 1-2- trainer with the dog and work on your bond together.
it’s almost impossible for your partner to train a dog out of a behaviour that isn’t being exhibited when he’s around. Dogs need a consistent approach. If the dog is only corrected when your partner is around then the behaviour will not improve

I suspect the dog is sending your fear. A firm whack on the nose will put him in his place next time he snaps at you (or anyone else). It's zero tolerance for their own good.

Jesus fucking Wept!!!

Sorry! I meant to say get a dog behaviour specialist in to see if the dog is neuro-diverse.

Also make sure to give it lots of treats when it isn't biting people. 🙄

A neuro-diverse dog? I've heard it all. No it's a fighting breed. Humans have messed with genetics for it to be aggressive.

OP,
I think you really need to put your foot down here & suggest that the dog is rehomed to someone that has experience of the breed & can give it the Home it needs. I certainly wouldn't be happy to have the dog around your baby.

A neuro-diverse dog? I've heard it all.

The poster to whom you’re replying is trying (and failing) to be sarcastic.

Smacking the nose of an Akita that doesn’t like you is a really stupid suggestion.

Agreed. Poor decision making including bringing a baby into a toxic situation

@Cherryblossom56 what happened in the end? Did you keep the dog?

You weren't living alone and you should have considered your family members who also live in the property, before agreeing to your partner getting a dog. I'd also have wanted to know what breed dog is beforehand, too. You're equally at fault - both of you are inconsiderate of others. Maybe you were wearing love goggles but presumably you aren't now. He's leaving all the care of the dog to you and being belligerent when you try to speak to him about it. Who wants to put up with all that rudeness, extra work + have this dog around baby/toddler? So, he goes or the dog does or they go off and live elsewhere together.

Our relationship is really good otherwise! The only sticking point we have is his dog!

Oh come on...

This 👆

I'd rehome the husband, keep the dog and train it properly.