Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

How do I live with a dog I can’t stand

120 replies

Cherryblossom56 · 04/09/2022 20:23

My partner moved into my family home almost two years ago. When I say “family home” I mean I share it with other family members including my two children. We have always had one family dog which happened to pass away 6 months after him moving in. I decided to get a puppy as we all missed having a dog. So I bought the same breed of dog that our family have always had. My partner also pushed to get a puppy at the same time so without much discussion he went ahead and got a breed that is notorious for bit being great around strangers, prefers to be the only dog in the house, snaps at anyone who dares to put their hand over the gate. I am now expecting a baby and can’t stand his dog. He works long hours which leaves me to look after and clean up after his dog. His dog snaps at me when I go near it. His dog makes soooooo much mess which I end up having to clean. It sheds everywhere and creates dog dander on every single surface! Apparently I am being paranoid about the dirt/mess and think that the world revolves around me when I try to speak to him about a solution! I have tried telling him how I feel about his dog but he just takes the attitude of like it or not the dog is staying! Just wanted to hear other peoples take on this! Am I being unreasonable? Should I have to except living with a dog that makes me feel uneasy?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom56 · 05/09/2022 07:10

I have had dogs all my life so not ignorant to think that it would come without mess! My point is that I am the one who ends up cleaning up the mess! Never had an issue keeping dogs, in fact our last one was a rescue and he lived 15 years of his life with us very happily. It’s not lack of training as both pups have had training and lots of socialising. The fact is…this Akita is fine with everyone else in the house apart from me. It’s a breed I have never had and would never have chosen to have. We have always had dogs and a happy environment in which people can come to our door whilst being greeted by a happy, wagging tail but that has changed as this Akita guards the gates and growls at anyone who tries to get in. He only snaps at me when I try to take him inside.

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 05/09/2022 07:10

Don't pour money and effort into assuming the responsibility of training this dog. Your partner has shown he is a selfish idiot who doesn't give a shit about you or the dog and has zero understanding of the risks or requirements involved here. Basically he is a thicko who wants a status dog.

It is your house, the most vulnerable person there will be your baby so yes, your concerns are paramount. I think this would be a deal breaker for me if he won't agree to rehoming it. Who brings a large, potentially aggressive dog into a house with someone else's kids without discussion and approval? That isn't normal. You're going to need to take action here.

ScarlettnotOHara · 05/09/2022 07:14

I would try and re home it, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it around a baby . The point I am getting at people should really research the breed before getting one . My sister in law rescued Rotties who have been either mistreated, bought and then realised it was a mistake . It’s sad all around and many get put to sleep as a result 🥲

GreenManalishi · 05/09/2022 07:15

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 04/09/2022 22:05

I suspect the dog is sending your fear. A firm whack on the nose will put him in his place next time he snaps at you (or anyone else). It's zero tolerance for their own good.

Don't start hitting this dog in the face. Not helpful.

The problem is your DP, not the dog. This could be any issue. He's railroaded you and steamrolled you is unwilling to listen to your side or compromise. This is shit.

Absolutely zero chance a man would move into my kids home and insist he comes with a snappy dog.

Honestly, the dog goes or they both go. The only two reasonable options.

CoraContrary · 05/09/2022 07:23

Cherryblossom56 · 05/09/2022 07:10

I have had dogs all my life so not ignorant to think that it would come without mess! My point is that I am the one who ends up cleaning up the mess! Never had an issue keeping dogs, in fact our last one was a rescue and he lived 15 years of his life with us very happily. It’s not lack of training as both pups have had training and lots of socialising. The fact is…this Akita is fine with everyone else in the house apart from me. It’s a breed I have never had and would never have chosen to have. We have always had dogs and a happy environment in which people can come to our door whilst being greeted by a happy, wagging tail but that has changed as this Akita guards the gates and growls at anyone who tries to get in. He only snaps at me when I try to take him inside.

My Akita used to snap when I asked him to do something he didn't want to do. I had to bribe him with sliced ham. He will do it now but he does sometimes grumble as he does it or once he is in the room I want, he does like a "I've done this but I want you to know I'm not happy about it" snarl.

They are odd dogs. He will definitely be sensing you don't like him and they are unlike any dog I have ever come across. You can turn him around easily but he has to think it's his idea. My DP won't have another child while we have this dog tho (I would but I wouldn't have them in the same room) which should give you an idea that people aren't really over reacting when they say to get rid. You're going into the most difficult time with these dogs too... the teenage years!

I don't believe in rehoming dogs. I think you should know what you're doing before or deal with the consequences but with a teeny tiny baby, I would be cautious. For what it's worth, my dog is amazing with our household and a few close friends but no one else. Do you want that when you have people coming to see the baby?

greywinds · 05/09/2022 07:41

So that's unanimous, none of us would bring a baby into a house with a dog breed that snaps at us.

Even if you fixed the current snapping, that dog's life is going to change again when you have a baby so you may see the same issues again.

I'd be reaching out to the breed rescue for help.

LovelyDaaling · 05/09/2022 07:47

You MUST rehome the dog before the baby is born.

Motorina · 05/09/2022 08:09

I'm a dog lover (typing this around two right now) and this would be a hard no from me.

You can't live with a dog you're scared of. You can't live with a dog you don't trust. And you especially can't bring a baby into that mix.

This isn't a dog problem. This is a partner problem. For me, this would be a deal-breaker. The dog would be doing, and the partner could choose whether he stayed or went with it.

Sorry.

Motorina · 05/09/2022 08:10

(The dog would be going, not doing. Sigh.)

YoSofi · 05/09/2022 08:15

Also a dog lover, had many breeds over the last 30 years but there is absolutely no way I would ever have an Akita, and definitely not around a baby.

You need to rehome him.

SpilltheTea · 05/09/2022 08:17

Getting a dog wasn't his choice to make, it's not his house. I'd tell him the dog is going or they can both go. He doesn't get to tell you what to put up with in your own home

YoSofi · 05/09/2022 08:17

A quick Google search shows that they are not dogs you should have around young children.

Your partner is an idiot.

PurpleWisteria · 05/09/2022 08:49

The dog has to go. He'll have to go as well if he doesn't agree. Protect your children. That breed of dog does not belong in a home with children.

He's a prick for buying one.

Issummeroveralready · 05/09/2022 08:55

I'm also a dog lover, had dogs over 20 years (including a reactive dog as my first dog) bred dogs and won dog shows. Akitas are a breed I would only have if I lived in a Canadian forest and wanted protection from wolves and bears. Not a suburban home. I know someone who has one and they have to walk it at 5am as it will try to attack any other dog it comes across. They struggle to hold it on a lead as it is so strong.

Basically he is a thicko who wants a status dog.

Sorry but I agree. Dp has to go and the dog has to go with him (or at least he rehomes the dog.) basically you have to give him the ultimatum. You have a baby on the way. Yes it is all about you. Why does he not even clear up after his own dog.
.

Ragwort · 05/09/2022 08:59

Your relationship can't be 'wonderful' if your DP does this ... you are sleep walking into a potentially very nasty situation.... how on earth can he just 'decide' to bring a dog into your home without discussion.... and how on earth did you agree to have a baby with him knowing this dog is in your home. The dog has been in your home for two years .... why have another baby? Hmm

Justcashnosweets · 05/09/2022 09:10

Another vote for rehoming the dog. Akitas are absolutely not family dogs. I had a friend who rehomed one many years ago, the dog lasted 3 days as he started snapping and growling at everyone who entered the house, including young children.
The thing is, your dp brought the puppy home without consulting you, I would be tempted to rehome without consulting him. Its non negotiable. The dog poses a massive risk to your baby, and he is an arsehole for not listening to your concerns. How do the rest of your family feel about this?

Saynotothefishtank · 05/09/2022 09:13

If the dog is snapping at you, I’m very concerned about your baby’s safety.

Honestly I would say either the dog goes or you both do.

SleepingAgent · 05/09/2022 09:16

Melonportal · 04/09/2022 20:56

There's no way I'd have an unpredictable snappy Akita around my children. What were you thinking?

Why are you blaming the OP when it was her DP who bought this second pup without discussing it with her? ConfusedHmm

SleepingAgent · 05/09/2022 09:27

hugefanofcheese · 05/09/2022 07:10

Don't pour money and effort into assuming the responsibility of training this dog. Your partner has shown he is a selfish idiot who doesn't give a shit about you or the dog and has zero understanding of the risks or requirements involved here. Basically he is a thicko who wants a status dog.

It is your house, the most vulnerable person there will be your baby so yes, your concerns are paramount. I think this would be a deal breaker for me if he won't agree to rehoming it. Who brings a large, potentially aggressive dog into a house with someone else's kids without discussion and approval? That isn't normal. You're going to need to take action here.

Yes this.

There is absolutely no way I would have a snappy Akita around a baby. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Your partner is stupid if he doesn't realise this.

I love dogs, have dogs, hate that so many are sent to shelters for petty and stupid reasons. But this is not petty or stupid, it's the life of a new child at risk here.

TheChurchOfEli · 05/09/2022 09:34

I brought a baby home with a snappy dog. We don’t have a dog anymore.

Different situation for us obviously however, he had never snapped at me, hadn’t snapped at DP in a very long time (dps dad seemed to be the person he disliked enough to snap at but would take treats from and play with too).

However when my DD was born his life changed and he didn’t like sharing attention with another little person (he was fine around other children and babies) and he started getting snappy with DP again and then with me. The final straw was when he snapped at DD when she was a few months old.

I too was a “we never rehome” type of family, raises rescue dogs since I was a child etc. However, my view of this had to change. Obviously dogs shouldn’t be passed around pillar to post, but recognising your home isn’t the best place for that dog isn’t being a bad person it’s actually doing the right thing.

My ex-dog was rehomed thorough the charity we got him from but to a family friend. We now get texts from family friend about dog living his best life, hasn’t shown aggression to anyone since settling in, has a dog companion too. He’s been travelling around the U.K. in a camper van this summer… certainly a better life for him.

hewouldwouldnthe · 05/09/2022 09:53

Him and his bloody Akita would be gone if this was me. No discussion, o co side ration, allowing his animal to snap at you? Fuck that

notapizzaeater · 05/09/2022 10:08

I'm a dog lover but he would have to go, how are you supposed to manage this dog plus a baby? Presumably in winter you would be having to bring the dog in more ?

Mischance · 05/09/2022 10:10

Rehome the blessed thing, with or without partner's permission. If he ups and leaves then so be it.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 05/09/2022 10:25

My only experience of an Akita has been negative. I would never have one and wouldn't allow it around children.

This dog growled at my child and on a separate day bit a woman in the face. No thanks.

What breed is your dog? Are the dogs allowed together or are they kept separately?

Frazzled2207 · 05/09/2022 10:28

You were both unreasonable for getting a dog without apparently consulting the other.

but Especially him as it’s not his house.