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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

How do I live with a dog I can’t stand

120 replies

Cherryblossom56 · 04/09/2022 20:23

My partner moved into my family home almost two years ago. When I say “family home” I mean I share it with other family members including my two children. We have always had one family dog which happened to pass away 6 months after him moving in. I decided to get a puppy as we all missed having a dog. So I bought the same breed of dog that our family have always had. My partner also pushed to get a puppy at the same time so without much discussion he went ahead and got a breed that is notorious for bit being great around strangers, prefers to be the only dog in the house, snaps at anyone who dares to put their hand over the gate. I am now expecting a baby and can’t stand his dog. He works long hours which leaves me to look after and clean up after his dog. His dog snaps at me when I go near it. His dog makes soooooo much mess which I end up having to clean. It sheds everywhere and creates dog dander on every single surface! Apparently I am being paranoid about the dirt/mess and think that the world revolves around me when I try to speak to him about a solution! I have tried telling him how I feel about his dog but he just takes the attitude of like it or not the dog is staying! Just wanted to hear other peoples take on this! Am I being unreasonable? Should I have to except living with a dog that makes me feel uneasy?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/09/2022 21:09

It's your home!!! You should feel safe.

Did this behaviour start when you got pregnant?

RandomMess · 04/09/2022 21:09

Tell he needs to put in doggy daycare.

Original poster
Cherryblossom56 · 04/09/2022 21:10

Just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being unreasonable by telling him that the dog is an issue. He doesn’t see it and thinks I am just being paranoid.

OP posts:
greywinds · 04/09/2022 21:11

Isn't it all about him rather than you and the new baby? He's got an impractical dog the rest of the family didn't want and left you with it whilst he works long hours.

Sunnytwobridges · 04/09/2022 21:11

Please rehome the dog

Newuser82 · 04/09/2022 21:13

Also I'm pretty sure I'm right in saying this (please forgive me if not) but I think if there are any bite injuries to any children in the house that are treated in the hospital the doctors report that to social services. Just food for thought that may help your partner realise the severity of the situation.

In my experience once a dog snaps at someone it s more likely to do so again and again then the behaviour can escalate into biting which as I said previously obviously could be catastrophic. Especially with a baby.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 04/09/2022 21:15

Cherryblossom56 · 04/09/2022 20:42

Our relationship is really good otherwise! The only sticking point we have is his dog!

Sorry, but you're kidding yourself that your relationship is great other than the dog,

it wasn't his house to 'decide' he was getting a dog.

it's not his house now to decide the dog is staying.

he's leaving almost all of its care to you.

he doesn't care about your feelings.

how much is he paying?

ibecoect you have a dog owning cocklodger who needs to be removed, for your digs sake, for your kids sake & for your sake.

Butterfly44 · 04/09/2022 21:15

Not paranoid at all. Not nice that your unhappy in your own home.
It's you or the dog end of. He needs to consider your feelings...and if he can't then not much future there I'm afraid.

GucciBear · 04/09/2022 21:15

This the unfortunate situation which happens when people buy a dog and don't know how to train it properly. He snaps at you because he has done it and got away with it! He is not going to stop until someone puts him in his place - which is below humans. Not so much a bad dog as an incompetent owner(s).

Theendofnature · 04/09/2022 21:16

Yep, dog be gone

Barleysugar86 · 04/09/2022 21:16

I was at a house party once and was admiring their beautiful Akita, it was the first time I'd met one, very friendly sweet dog. I mentioned this to the house owner who said she'd used to have two, but the other had to be put to sleep after it suddenly flipped and mauled someone. I gave the nice dog a wide birth for the rest of the party and honestly haven't really looked at the breed the same way since. I'd just say this is not a breed I'd want to mess around with if its showing any issues with you, it's easily capable of causing serious damage.

WhackingPhoenix · 04/09/2022 21:18

Is his behaviour any different when he’s separated from his dog ‘sibling’? I know they’re unrelated but littermate syndrome can occur when dogs are raised together from puppies and can cause a whole host of issues as they become too dependent on the other dog and don’t know how to behave when they are alone.

Your DP needs to arrange for his dog to be seen by a behaviourist ASAP. Has he had any formal training?

CoraContrary · 04/09/2022 21:19

I have a male Akita. Breed specific pages will tell you otherwise but they are not good around other dogs and if yours is a small breed, once he is a teenager or adult it's incredibly likely it will kill your dog. He has done a really stupid thing there that shows he has no knowledge of the breed. They're beautiful dogs but they are absolute cunts.

Get rid of the dog (give it back to the breeder) or the bf.

CoraContrary · 04/09/2022 21:21

Newuser82 · 04/09/2022 20:57

Oh dear. What a dreadful situation. I know some Akita's can be lovely dogs but they were bred as fighting dogs and are very strong and powerful. A bite from one of those can be catastrophic (obviously as can a bite from any dog). However, this dog is already snappy. Under no circumstances would I allow an aggressive Akita anywhere near my children and I suggest you don't either. I really hope your partner sees sense! Must be very difficult for you.

They weren't bred as fighting dogs. They're just really good at it. They are hunters and prey dogs.

StopStartStop · 04/09/2022 21:21

Man and dog - door.
Solved.

Losinghope9 · 04/09/2022 21:22

Akitas need a LOT of exercise I mean a LOT at the very least 2 hour's a day. Do you feed the dog? Walk it? I'm trying to work out why the dog snaps at you and only you. If it's under exercised it will be stubborn about being asked to come in from outside. And may see you as the "fun spoiler"

You could try to build a positive relationship with the dog, on a reward based process. Just start by standing at a distance dropping something like bits of chicken for it. Then slowly from the hand once the bond is built. So it starts to see you as a positive figure.

The problem is he's not hearing you about the snapping, the hair is the thing you need to worry about the least.

noclothesinbed · 04/09/2022 21:25

I wouldn't have an Akita with a baby no way

MintyGreenDreams · 04/09/2022 21:25

You cant even think about having a baby around that dog,if it hates you then whats it going to be like when you're holding a tiny noisy person.

CoraContrary · 04/09/2022 21:26

Losinghope9 · 04/09/2022 21:22

Akitas need a LOT of exercise I mean a LOT at the very least 2 hour's a day. Do you feed the dog? Walk it? I'm trying to work out why the dog snaps at you and only you. If it's under exercised it will be stubborn about being asked to come in from outside. And may see you as the "fun spoiler"

You could try to build a positive relationship with the dog, on a reward based process. Just start by standing at a distance dropping something like bits of chicken for it. Then slowly from the hand once the bond is built. So it starts to see you as a positive figure.

The problem is he's not hearing you about the snapping, the hair is the thing you need to worry about the least.

This isn't true. Akitas are very very lazy. 30 mins is fine. Smell more than exercise.

LizzieSiddal · 04/09/2022 21:26

You’ve told your partner that his dog snaps at you and he tells you you’re paranoid and selfish?’

Think about that and wake up! You do not have a good relationship,

Losinghope9 · 04/09/2022 21:28

I would also like to echo a previous comment, that the dog hasn't been told no and had a leader. He thinks he's top dog and above you in the pack. And needs to be corrected. However that's why I suggested the positive approach as he's unpredictable and being at a distance is probably safer than trying to discipline at this point.

KosherDill · 04/09/2022 21:29

serenghetti2011 · 04/09/2022 20:49

So your partner has a vicious snappy dirty dog which he leaves near kids and his pregnant partner & expects you to clean up after and it’s otherwise a ‘great relationship?’ Sorry but your barre is low I would not be putting up with that the dog and the man would be living elsewhere. How will you manage with a newborn no sleep etc
don’t accept it, tell him it’s the dog or you
or don’t but don’t then moan about it?

This.

Bigger problems than the dog, I'm afraid.

Goldbar · 04/09/2022 21:35

I would get rid of them both. He doesn't care about his baby's safely (let alone yours).

Dibbydoos · 04/09/2022 21:35

Southend Dog trainers are an absolute great bunch of dog trainers - i watch them on fb but theyre on you tube too. If youre local, book in to see them. I live no where near them but want to take my youngest dog to them to help me manage his anxiety.

Good luck!

WhackingPhoenix · 04/09/2022 21:36

Dibbydoos · 04/09/2022 21:35

Southend Dog trainers are an absolute great bunch of dog trainers - i watch them on fb but theyre on you tube too. If youre local, book in to see them. I live no where near them but want to take my youngest dog to them to help me manage his anxiety.

Good luck!

I was going to recommend SEDT but MN seems to hate them!

Absolutely saved my relationship with my dog, though.