Struggling with my puppy

[Scaredypup]

I’ve tried. I’ve really really tried. I desperately want to rehome her but my kids would be devastated as would I. I would want to get another a puppy. I’ve wanted one for so long and I planned for years, I’ve done everything right. I just want a ‘normal’ dog that we can enjoy spending time with.
shes 9 months old, she’s unable to go for a walk because she’s so fearful. I can drive her to the park where she’s ok but then she’s so massively over stimulated by every single thing that she’s wired for the rest of the day. She has some obsessive behaviours such as scratching kitchen appliances and the sofas. This means we can not sit invite living room with her at all as. If I have her in the living room I have to actively be doing something with her and then remove her as soon as the activity is finished. She doesn’t know how to settle. She used to settle ok in the kitchen behind the gate but has not taken to crying and barking unless I’m in there with her. I’ve spent more than 6 months of my life sitting in tbe kitchen and I’m sick of it. We can’t move freely around our home, have to be so careful with doors and gates as she’s so destructive.
she also occasionally attacks my 9 year old. He’s so good with her and most of the time he’s nowhere near her, she’ll just go for him for no reason. I thought it was trying to get him to play but now I’m not so sure.
move paid for a behaviourist, and a trainer, she’s on anxiety meds but we’re getting nowhere. Luckily she’s fine on her own but I just want to be able to take her for a normal walk.
I’ve been taking her to the park in the car most days so she’s getting exercise but it doesn’t help her behaviour at all.
my life literally revolves around behaviour management, training, laying out enrichment activities in the street like a lunatic, counter conditioning, I honestly do so much and it’s never enough. I have no life anymore. My kids are shut in their rooms.
I thought a dog would be our best friend and as much as we love her she’s having such a negative impact on our lives. There’s nothing really to enjoy with her.
before anyone asks she’s a frowned upon cockapoo from a great breeder and all of her siblings are fine.

I'd try a different behaviourist before I rehomed.. so you know you've tried everything. potentially Graeme Hall. Have you tried sitting in the doorway of your house with her? Or inside the doorway if she struggles with the door open and just taking it really really slowly?
Sorry if you have already! That worked for my spaniel cross who was afraid of bicycles, first showed her a bike on the floor, then stood up, then span the wheels, wheeled it round, rode it slowly etc. all over a few weeks and now she's completely fine - doesn't pay any attention to them at all..

@scaredypup would you mind if I asked how things are going and whether you've made any decisions? I'm a bit in the same boat with an anxious resource guarding 6 month old spaniel pup who is terrified of her harness. We've recently had to move (temporarily but for a few months) to somewhere with no garden meaning she needs to be taken out on harness and lead half a dozen times a day.

I've been working with a behaviourist on the resource guarding but I can't see it getting much better whilst she is under so much stress. I also have kids under 10 and am finding it all so stressful - I wish I'd never got her although this makes me so sad as I've been around dogs all my life and she was so so wanted and longed for and I did so much research looking for
the right breeder.
I've read the DTAS Facebook guides many times over and tried to do everything 'right' but I'm not sure if I have the confidence, time, environment or ability to help her and I do wonder if she would be better off in a different, much calmer home with more space. Thank you and I hope things have improved for you.

Things are a bit better. She started fluoxetine and tbe change at
home was almost immediate. Much calmer, less mouthy. She’s more unsettled in the evenings though which is a pain.
The point of the meds was to help her anxiety outside so we can walk but I’ve seen no improvement there yet but i must say I haven’t cried and said I want to rehome her for a couple of weeks at least.

If you really can’t cope then you need to do what’s best for you. I know dogs are for supposed to be for life but at the end of the day we can’t sacrifice our own well being to such an extent.

@puppyblues22 Just to add, resource guarding is hard to deal with so don’t feel bad. Mines definitely prone to it so I need to be very careful. She’s very protective over things she shouldn’t have, sometimes the sofa but only if she’s biting it and she knows I’m going to stop her- she full on growls at me. Shes also very aggressive if I try to pick up shredded cardboard. But luckily it’s manageable. I never take things away from her, never leave anything laying around and just pick things up when she’s in another room.

Thank you for replying and I'm glad to hear the fluoxetine is making a bit of difference at least.
I've just started Zylkene on the behaviourists recommendation - it's the start of a prescription ladder as she explained (already started with adaptil collar and plug in) so I'll see how that goes.
We've had a better day today but it's very up and down and she can be so unpredictable so the response guarding work is tricky.

She's also not great at being left alone so I'm working on that along with confidence games and trying to establish new CERs for being approached in her crate or having something.

It is a lot and often overwhelming especially on a bad day - it's been a huge learning curve too and I do wish I could go back to the start and do some things differently.

That is also interesting that your puppy is also prone to guarding - I do feel there is a strong connection to her anxiety and the guarding is always worse on days she seems more anxious. I think if she could get better with her harness, the guarding would improve so much faster - but I spent 2 months trying to counter condition with little success. I'm currently leaving it on her which I don't really like doing but I'm struggling to persuade her out of her crate even for a wee otherwise.

I’ve definitely found the adaptil collar helpful, but not the plug in. I always know when the collar is running out by her behaviour. Didn’t realise it was working until the first time that happened.
Does she not like you putting the harness on? I have a perfect fit harness which doesn’t need to go over the head and is much easier.

it’s really hard having a dog with problems and I’m still sad every day she’s not the dog I dreamed of.

@puppyblues22 Sorry for the stupid questions as I'm sure you have tried everything, but maybe it's that particular harness she doesn't like? How about a collar?

Hi @XelaM

Thanks for your post. Yes, we've tried three different harnesses, she's now on her second perfect fit having grown out of the first. She's also had a Rabbitgoo and I borrowed a TTouch harness to try.
She is a real puller and very strong though and I'm sure this contributes to her discomfort.
She tends to freak out at a lead attached to her collar despite trying to teach her collar touches from the start.

We're working on loose lead walking and she will walk nicely on the road most of the time but all goes out the window when there's grass/birds/leaves/smells! It is lovely when she is out and happy and her tail is going nineteen to the dozen - it's just getting her out there!
I'm sure there were so many mistakes I made when she was a tiny pup and I wish I could go back in time.

It would also be easier if I had some support at home but DH thinks force free and behaviourist stuff is a load of nonsense and we should just be much firmer with her - so it's all on me really.

Yes @Scaredypup that's exactly how I feel, it's not just all the hard work, it's the feeling of guilt that I'm scaring her and have let her down and the sadness of not having that happy, joyful pup that loves everyone. I'm constantly on edge watching and working out how to manage something, or wondering what the next thing will be. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry that you are going through this too, I hope the meds continue to work and things improve for your pup. Maybe in a year or two we'll be able to look back and realise how far they've come.

@Scaredypup totally understand your plight having had a very reactivate dog previously. Please take a look at @southenddogtraining on Insta/FB They have worked miracles for people whose dogs have been considered beyond help by other vets & behaviourists. And they are brilliant with German Shepherds. Good luck 👍