Struggling with my puppy

[Scaredypup]

I’ve tried. I’ve really really tried. I desperately want to rehome her but my kids would be devastated as would I. I would want to get another a puppy. I’ve wanted one for so long and I planned for years, I’ve done everything right. I just want a ‘normal’ dog that we can enjoy spending time with.
shes 9 months old, she’s unable to go for a walk because she’s so fearful. I can drive her to the park where she’s ok but then she’s so massively over stimulated by every single thing that she’s wired for the rest of the day. She has some obsessive behaviours such as scratching kitchen appliances and the sofas. This means we can not sit invite living room with her at all as. If I have her in the living room I have to actively be doing something with her and then remove her as soon as the activity is finished. She doesn’t know how to settle. She used to settle ok in the kitchen behind the gate but has not taken to crying and barking unless I’m in there with her. I’ve spent more than 6 months of my life sitting in tbe kitchen and I’m sick of it. We can’t move freely around our home, have to be so careful with doors and gates as she’s so destructive.
she also occasionally attacks my 9 year old. He’s so good with her and most of the time he’s nowhere near her, she’ll just go for him for no reason. I thought it was trying to get him to play but now I’m not so sure.
move paid for a behaviourist, and a trainer, she’s on anxiety meds but we’re getting nowhere. Luckily she’s fine on her own but I just want to be able to take her for a normal walk.
I’ve been taking her to the park in the car most days so she’s getting exercise but it doesn’t help her behaviour at all.
my life literally revolves around behaviour management, training, laying out enrichment activities in the street like a lunatic, counter conditioning, I honestly do so much and it’s never enough. I have no life anymore. My kids are shut in their rooms.
I thought a dog would be our best friend and as much as we love her she’s having such a negative impact on our lives. There’s nothing really to enjoy with her.
before anyone asks she’s a frowned upon cockapoo from a great breeder and all of her siblings are fine.

@Balderdaah everyday. I take all her enrichment toys outside some days too to help with that.

That's really interesting then. Potentially rehoming her somewhere quieter & possibly without kids might be the way to go. It sounds like you've done your absolute best for her & that you love her very much but if she's not happy then it's not fair on you or her to keep her. Hope you find a solution Op.

Bless her heart - it must be so hard for all of you if that's the case.

Cockers and poodles are both quite anxious dogs so I suspect that mixture combined with the noise of central London is just too much for her.

@coffeecupsandfairylights London is full of cockerpoos. I’m so jealous when I see people out with their dogs. But yes, if I did rehome her it’d definitely need to be in tbe countryside to someone with no kids.
i don’t think she’s an aggressive dog at all, she’s just frustrated and I think sometimes with my son she just gets extremely over excited and it mixes with her frustration so she jumps up and starts mouthing and biting. It’s not aggression in the typical sense, but she does get over aroused and start growling with it. I can’t leave them alone together. It’s so sad as he adores her.

It sounds really tough @Scaredypup 😔

Some dogs are just too anxious for busy environments - and it can be totally random whether a dog from a litter struggles or not, so please don't blame yourself.

If she’s stressed/anxious in your home/environment then the kindest thing is to send her back to the breeder, and have her homed somewhere that suits her.
We all only have one life so the best thing to do is make sure hers is suited to her needs.

Rehome either to breeder or a very good rescue; Many Tears are
excellent, do not get another dog; your attitude of replacing her is appalling, that's a defective puppy can we have a good one.

Don't be so silly. Just because this dog isn't a good fit, it doesn't mean another dog won't be.

What a horrible and unnecessary response.

Dealing with a dog with "issues" is bloody difficult and OP has a nine year old child to consider here. She's already spent money on behaviourists and trainers and has seen the vets, so why are you acting like she's just giving up at the first hurdle and wanting a replacement?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "this dog isn't for me" and finding it a new, suitable home where things are quieter and calmer. It doesn't mean OP won't be the right owner for a different dog, or that she has an appalling attitude.

I have fostered dogs for many years; mainly dogs like this one whose owner gave up and dumped them, who do these owners think will take and fix their imperfect dog?
What if the next dog isn't a good fit? get another?
Maybe instead of spending £1000s on a crossbreed which has no guarantee of temperament a bit of research might have been useful:
These designer doodle breeds are now coming into rescue, unwanted neurotic dogs.

@OnaBegonia i did plenty of research on both breeds thanks. Plus knew plenty of cockerpoos. I was actually reconsidering due to not being able to find a breeder, then I found one that had done everything and more in terms of genetic testing ect.
I don’t expect anybody will fix her. She really isn’t a bad dog. I believe she’d be a lot better in tbe countryside, rural. She wouldn’t be scared there and I think a lot of her issues would resolve.

Then I'd hope you'd have a bit more empathy for someone who is struggling, to be honest, @OnaBegonia .

OP isn't "dumping" her dog. She lives in central London and has an anxious, noise-sensitive dog. She says herself when she goes somewhere rural, the dog is much happier and calmer. So, what do you suggest - that she moves house and uproots her family and child for the sake of a dog?

Or maybe it's better that she realises her limits and gives the dog up to a more suitable situation where it will likely thrive. Not all homes suit all dogs.

Plenty of people do their research and still end up, for whatever reason, with dogs that are unsuitable for their family set-up. It's not some kind of moral failing to admit you're not the right home for your dog - in fact, I think it shows great courage and intelligence to admit you got it wrong and that your beloved pet will be happier elsewhere.

It's MUCH better to re-home somewhere suitable than than to keep the dog in a home where it will never thrive and be truly happy.

@coffeecupsandfairylights thank you

As much as deep down I know the right thing is to give her up, for my mental health and hers. I can’t deal with the thought of her pining for me, being scared and actually watching her leave or walking away and going back to an empty home. It’s devastating. I love her.

Rehome the dog.
DO NOT for the love of God and your own sanity get another!

puppies are hard.

Not every human is suited to london life so why shouldn’t dogs be the same?
sounds like she might be better suited to a rural area or a quieter suburb and I would rehire for that reason. My dd lives in zone 1 central london and says it’s ridiculously noisy all the time and she grew up in zone 4 london so not a rural idyll. She however loves it but one of her flatmates hates it

I know many cockerpoos and what you describe crops up worryingly regularly. I don't think you're the problem here so don't let anyone on here tell you are. I know cockerpoo owners who are in total despair and they say the following or similar "we got him/her because they told us they didn't shed and were great with kids, they don't tell you about this do they?" "This" being heightened nerves, anxiety and reactivity. You may find she will calm down hugely at about three to four years old - many do, but it's a long time to wait.

Hi OP I have a 5 month old Cockapoo and live in a town. When he first went out he was very scared by traffic. We drove out a few miles and walked him with my sister's Viszla. Although she dwarfs him, it's a very kind, patient breed. After a few goes he got the hang of it and is now pretty bombproof.

Also, from the off the puppy slept in DS's room for comfort. His bed is next to DS and they have the door shut and puppy pads down.

I know you've said your puppy is super anxious, but that might be worth trying before you make your final decision.

Our puppy has to be walked for at least an hour a day, plus an evening stroll. They are a very energetic breed combination I think.

I'm so sorry it's not working out, I can imagine the state you're in, and I'm jolly glad I don't have the decision you're facing.

@Scaredypup you're welcome! I hate it when people come on here and make others feel bad for struggling.

Also, if it makes you feel any better, I'm a dog walker and several of the dogs on my books are rescues - they are all, without fail, thriving in their new homes and are very, very happy with their new owners.

I know you love her and you'll miss her, but sometimes the best thing you can do as an owner is admit you're not right home for your dog. It's bloody hard but it could be one of the kindest thing you do for her.

Big hugs for you x

My issue isn't with rehoming it's the 'I'll get another puppy' attitude.

But just because this dog wasn't suitable for OP, doesn't mean a different dog won't be 🙄

She's not giving up at the first hurdle or because she can't be arsed. She's spent a fortune on vets, behaviourists and trainers and it hasn't worked because ultimately, the puppy is too anxious to cope with central London living.

Wanting to re-home and unsuitable dog and get a better suited one doesn't make her a bad person and she doesn't need your judgement.

@OnaBegonia I’ve wanted a dog my whole life. I love having one, love training ect but it’s been a living nightmare. I’ve done everything possible. I don’t think it’s fair that it means I shouldn’t have another dog. I’m dealing with extremes. Not just normal puppy/dog stuff. She’s just really not suited to London. She’s scared to walk out our front door, even on anxiety meds.
its heartbreaking to have a dog that you can’t walk, can’t enjoy being with. A lot of her behavioural problems stem from not being walked enough. But even when I drive to tbe park and stay for over an hour, she’s the same as the drive and environment is still stressful for her.

I totally agree. My relative had a cockerpoo and despite trainers and behaviourists it had to be rehomed ( it bit the behaviourist) . Then it bit three people inn that household.

they now have another dog with no problem at all.

my lurcher was the calmest most laid back lovely dog ever. My current dog is really hard work ( spaniel cross) .

She may benefit from going back to the breeder and the confidence building from the other dogs there?

How much off lead exercise does she get a day ?