Struggling with my puppy

[Scaredypup]

I’ve tried. I’ve really really tried. I desperately want to rehome her but my kids would be devastated as would I. I would want to get another a puppy. I’ve wanted one for so long and I planned for years, I’ve done everything right. I just want a ‘normal’ dog that we can enjoy spending time with.
shes 9 months old, she’s unable to go for a walk because she’s so fearful. I can drive her to the park where she’s ok but then she’s so massively over stimulated by every single thing that she’s wired for the rest of the day. She has some obsessive behaviours such as scratching kitchen appliances and the sofas. This means we can not sit invite living room with her at all as. If I have her in the living room I have to actively be doing something with her and then remove her as soon as the activity is finished. She doesn’t know how to settle. She used to settle ok in the kitchen behind the gate but has not taken to crying and barking unless I’m in there with her. I’ve spent more than 6 months of my life sitting in tbe kitchen and I’m sick of it. We can’t move freely around our home, have to be so careful with doors and gates as she’s so destructive.
she also occasionally attacks my 9 year old. He’s so good with her and most of the time he’s nowhere near her, she’ll just go for him for no reason. I thought it was trying to get him to play but now I’m not so sure.
move paid for a behaviourist, and a trainer, she’s on anxiety meds but we’re getting nowhere. Luckily she’s fine on her own but I just want to be able to take her for a normal walk.
I’ve been taking her to the park in the car most days so she’s getting exercise but it doesn’t help her behaviour at all.
my life literally revolves around behaviour management, training, laying out enrichment activities in the street like a lunatic, counter conditioning, I honestly do so much and it’s never enough. I have no life anymore. My kids are shut in their rooms.
I thought a dog would be our best friend and as much as we love her she’s having such a negative impact on our lives. There’s nothing really to enjoy with her.
before anyone asks she’s a frowned upon cockapoo from a great breeder and all of her siblings are fine.

Scaredypup, my input is a bit late but just wanted to sympathise with you.
Last year we got our first dog, a rescue, who is very anxious and nervous, and I have found it so hard and stressful as I was the person who wanted the dog but then the whole family live with the consequences.
Even so we have become so emotionally invested in the dog and so when you describe how it would be if you return it I can see how painful it would be for you.
We still have ours because although slow we can see progress but in your situation it is very different. You can see how your environment is hard for him. This site can be helpful in seeking opinions but some come from very opinionated people who are not living your experience first hand- you are. You sound very caring and responsible. Others I am sure will criticise what I say but a dog should be a joy and enhance your life and the right dog for you will do that and indeed your current dog will find a better fit for him elsewhere in a rural location. Big Hug. X

If you are planning to keep the dog some suggestions-
Bitter apple spray for anything they chew.
To teach settle, attach her lead to a chair in the room and sit in the same room but ignore her. Do it for about 10 min then let her go with a treat . slowly increase time left over time.
Get kong, lick pad, puzzle toys, bones, to use as distraction.

Saw one of the tv programmes with a dog just as you are describing and the trainer managed to sort all of these issues. Think it was dogs behaving badly or something like that. The dog was not put on any medication.
could you join a group on the likes of facebook and ask for advice on the problems you are having as some of these groups have information from people who can help or can point you in the direction of someone who can help.
You could maybe try another dog trainer if no progress has been made with the current one.

Balderdash - do you think a behaviourist and a trainer haven't suggested these things?

You are getting a really hard time on here.

My friend is a very experienced dog owner including breeds such as huskies which are not the easiest, she is also a vetinary nurse and has had to rehome 1 dog in the past. Like you they did everything and used behaviourists to try to sort things so they could keep him. They have got a new dog now and all was OK with him, it definitely wasn't them at all.

You clearly care a lot about doing the right thing. This board is so weird at the moment, there are lots of posters who just want to jump on the OPs. The Doghouse is usually way more helpful than this.

@Scaredypup I have given a cookerpoo just like you describe a home. She is bonkers- in a sweet way. She has this crazy, mad energy and sometimes just doesn't know what to do with herself - even my other dogs get fed up with her.
What I can say is, they are very biddable dogs and with the right help, you are able to sort this. But it will take a lot of time and energy.

Be honest with yourself, If you don't have the time or energy, please return her to the breeder.

I think you sound like a very caring and responsible owner, Op. Your grief and stress is palpable. I have no advice, but I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

have you tried walking her at ungodly times so that the city environment is quieter? Say 6am? 8pm?

Hi op , sorry your in this situation. I think you know in your heart your puppy is just not the right fit in your home and busy city life . You have done your best to make it work, but you must now follow your head and let her go to a home more suitable for her . I had to admit defeat with one of my puppies, despite my best efforts he was just not the right dog for us . It was really hard letting him go but I knew he was unhappy with us .
I would look into getting a rescue centre to help you if the breeder is unable to help .
It's heartbreaking but it's best for the dog

Sometimes the home environment the puppy goes to just isn't right for them. It's no one's fault it's just bad luck. We had a terrible time with our pup, very similar problems to you. Thankfully our DC are much older and we were able to make changes which made the environment suit him better. There's still lots of situations we have to avoid but he's much better than he was. Return your dog to the breeder, the DC will get over it.

You don’t end up with a dog with that level of issues and on medication just because you’ve got a busy house or live in a city...that’s genetics (or a serious case of abuse and neglect, but owners who do that don’t get behaviourists in or pay for medication, so it’s obviously not that).

It is very hard to own a dog with severe behavioural issues, especially when you got a puppy so went into it unprepared.

But, to be blunt - there aren’t loads of people desperate to rehome a dog with issues like that, they won’t go away with a quieter environment she’ll just find other things to stress about.

@Wutipo tbe breeder also has 4 kids though and as much as she loves over dogs the behaviourist says it’s so over arousing for her that it is trigger stacking.

@collieresponder88 exercise varies as obviously she’s terrified of the outside. I can’t take her to the park everyday in tbe car as it’s trigger stacking and builds up and makes things worse. But most days we go to the park for an hour. But it’s an extremely busy London park so it’s mostly on a long line as there’s dogs everywhere. She does play off lead off we see a dog we know.

@autienotnaughty we do all of those things.

@Ylvamoon it’s not her energy levels that are the problem, it’s her fears and as I said I’ve been working with a trainer and a behavioirist and not really getting anywhere.

@HairyBum walking her very late and early was the behaviourists suggestion too. I’m somewhat restricted with that as I’m a single parent, but I’ve tried and it doesn’t make a lot of difference. There’s still noises. It’s never quiet. I actually thought it might have been worse, because on Sunday mornings when it’s quietist it’s almost like there’s no white noise, so every noise she hears stands out more in the quiet if that makes sense.

@tabulahrasa Yes the trainer did mention that sometimes preventing her from practicing some of her behavioirs Could mean she’ll direct them somewhere else as the underlying cause will still be there. But thank you, the professionals all agree it’s nothing I’ve done and it’s most likely genetics. She was well socialised with me but the issues were present from the beginning and just got worse.

What about more soothing things than enrichment? Our trainer is big on this. For instance teaching them to relax, he will suggest when they show the slightest sign of being more relaxed to chuck a treat rather than mark the behaviour with a word/clicker so as not to raise arousal again. Do you definitely have the right trainer?

Sorry hadn't read enough of the thread.

Definitely redone OP . I know you'll feel sad but not all dogs and people match, regardless of doing all the right things which you are

Yes, I think it's entirely possible. I used a few before finding one who even considered or had the knowledge. I wasn't giving OP a hard time.

Apologies Balderdaah, I misread the intention of your post.

I'd rehome solely because the dog goes for your 9 year old. I could never trust it.

I have a cockapoo and he is a nervous dog. He needs company constantly and scares easily. However we have another dog that is the boss dog and keeps him company. He would be a complete mess without the company and distraction of another dog. If he was an only dog I could seriously imagine him sitting there listening for every tiny noise and losing his marbles.

She needs a new home. Not your fault.

Focus on finding her a great new home with the help of the breeder and the behaviourist who knows her.

If you want a dog in the future, consider an older dog?

have you tried sitting in a park or nearby bench with high value treats, daily. 5 minutes initially then stretch to longer gradually, to get her used to the noise?

we have a cocker and live in the country. When we took him to a town centre he was rather overwhelmed as he’s used to fields and in covid towns were much quieter. He’ll be 2 next month. I also found 9 months was when he was a bit of a dick. He calmed at a year and at 18 months he became much more part of the family rather than the total focus of everything we do. Puppy stage is mostly hard and I’ve concluded dogs are much better than puppies although cute, I’ve no desire to do that again.

This YouTube was posted on another thread ‘When your dog fights’ by @SarahSissions
I don’t know if it would be a useful approach for your pup? It basically seems to be making the dog see that it has to look to you to take responsibility, and therefore doesn’t need to be anxious. I’m sure your dog’s problems are too complex for an easy fix but it does imply that the ‘build up confidence slowly’ approach isn’t necessarily the only way. Maybe try a different behaviourist before you give up?

Some of the replies to this are awful. OP for what it’s worth some dogs just don’t work in some homes and it’s best to find a dog somewhere it can be happy IMO. If you’ve tried medication, a registered ABTC behaviourist and your still not making some form of progress this is more than an owner issue.

I find a lot of cockerpoos are neurotic and riddled with anxiety, another trait of the breed people tend to gloss over when saying how amazing they are. My close friend is a registered clinical behaviourist and she’s inundated with them.

Ive had upwards of 20 rescue dogs, mainly GSD. Some have been able to be fixed and some have not, does that mean I should have never owned another dog again? Never tried to enjoy the next one because one of them was too damaged to be helped? Not sure what the logic is there, the OP can only work with the dog in front of her. If it’s genetically unsound and can’t cope with life then it is what it is, you either live with that or you don’t and it’s clear here it’s not working.

I don’t have ‘problem’ dogs any more and my life is so much happier. I realised I had stopped enjoying my passion and purchased a breed that fits my lifestyle and just love them. I’m not constantly worried, researching, stressed and I wouldn’t expect anyone to live with a dog making them miserable for the next 10 years regardless of the reason!

I agree with this.

I read your thread title and thought you shouldn’t have a dog, but on reading the thread it’s clear you’ve tried as much as you possibly could. It sounds like the dog would be much happier in a country/calm environment, perhaps with other calm, settled dogs. We’ve had some pretty traumatised rescues over the years, and they’ve all settled fine.

i can’t help wondering if a big city is the ideal place for a dog if you have to walk far to get to a park. Apologies to those that do have city dogs, I just live in open countryside and can’t imagine my dog’s lives being as good without it.

@Honeyroar Until I had a dog I never really thought living in the city would matter but I’ve now realised with some breeds it definitely does. Obviously there’s lots of perfectly happy dogs in the city and there’s loads of big parks and also nice city walks. But off lead walks are tricky as there’s so many distractions. Some dogs definitely need open countryside to be off lead without crossing paths with other dogs every 5 seconds.

the nearest park is actually only a 5-10
min walk from my house but my dog won’t walk there.