I don't like my puppy

[Cait73]

And I hate myself - she's taken over my life I know puppies do (okay I forgot it's been 12 years) and she's a dear little thing but the biting, chewing, training, eating schedule and endless trips to the garden just to come in and find a poo on the rug

I'm exhausted all the time - I don't feel like I love her is this normal? I'm really hoping someone will tell me it's too soon I've only had her 5 weeks and the love will grow?

All I remember is I loved my last dog from the second he arrived and I didn't even care how much work he was, I loved every inch of him every second of the day

Why don't I feel like that??

It sounds to me as though you shouldn't have got this puppy.

You have limited mobility, no help and a toddler to look after. It's going to be a very, very tough 18 months or so if you decide to keep her.

Re-homing wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

@icedcoffees thanks for telling me what I already know, I definitely shouldn't have got a puppy but the 2 year old was distraught at loosing my (old) dog so I thought I was doing the best thing

What you get for trying to do the right thing, NO WHERE

[quote Cait73]@icedcoffees thanks for telling me what I already know, I definitely shouldn't have got a puppy but the 2 year old was distraught at loosing my (old) dog so I thought I was doing the best thing

What you get for trying to do the right thing, NO WHERE

[/quote]
Unfortunately an old calm dog is a million miles from a young puppy. They will get there if you manage their environment and put the work in. Only you can decide if you can do that but if not please rehome responsibility (not saying you won't) back to the breeder or if they won't accept the puppy back then to a rescue.

[quote Cait73]@icedcoffees thanks for telling me what I already know, I definitely shouldn't have got a puppy but the 2 year old was distraught at loosing my (old) dog so I thought I was doing the best thing

What you get for trying to do the right thing, NO WHERE

[/quote]
There is a reason why so many people advise against getting a dog with a toddler - I suspect you followed your heart and not your head on this one.

There is no shame in admitting you made a mistake in a moment of grief.

Aww what a cutie Peggy is! Totally normal to not feel the love you expected for your pup. I had two puppies at the same time, I’m dog obsessed but I didn’t fall in love with them properly until they were around 6 months old, when they stopped being such pains in the arse and developed their own little characters. Then I fell hard and am totally in love with them both now, as is DH. They are SO bloody gorgeous and so well behaved at 2 years old compared to their puppy selves 🐶

This puppy has the potential to be an amazing dog, but I need to put the work in, and soon - I happen to be quite fond of her actually but yes I made a massive mistake

MASSIVE because I'm not sure 2 yo will cope with another loss right now

Like I said, I truly couldn't hate myself more right now

Do you not have anyone that could come and stay for a week or so to really try and get things back on track .

2-year/old won't remember anything from this time. Don't think a loss of a dog would damage him in any way

@Floralnomad yes my Mum has offered, plus she has a very placid female dog who might teach mine some manners!

@XelaM he's been removed from his parents I think I'll be the judge of what he does and doesn't remember (I too previously assumed children had no memories before 3/4 but I was very wrong) my dog died 3 months ago he still stands in the garden calling his name it's heartbreaking

What would be worse - rehoming the dog now, or keeping the dog and struggling for the next 2-3 years with an adolescent dog and a rambunctious toddler?

The 2yo is highly, highly unlikely to remember the dog in a year or two.

Ok , I’d get your mum to come and stay for preferably a couple of weeks and really see if you can at least crack the house training , that way you can both take shifts with the pup and the toddler .

We rehomed a rescue puppy last year who we made the decision to return to the rescue for lots of reasons (all documented somewhere on MN puppy threads!). Thought the 5 and 9 year old would never get over it but they did. Have since rehomed an adult dog and the rescue puppy was quickly rehomed to a much better situation for her and is thriving. As hard as it is, and as much as you’ll feel judged for it, it is sometimes the right decision for all parties.

I've talked to my Mum, we're going to give it 2 weeks, chuck everything at it then re asses.

I have some free (nursery) time coming up so I do have the time to do this, if I make the effort and stop feeling sorry for myself

I did this, I got this puppy it's time to put in some serious effort

In 2 weeks if I honestly truly feel it's not working I'll find her a wonderful home. Puppy won't be advertised or sold please don't worry this was never about money and I wouldn't risk any of those dreadful sites - she IS a dear little thing

It may help if you could get a 121 trainer in to help you. They can see your situation set up some good management and do the thinking work for you and give you a plan to follow. That may take off some of the pressure for you and help you see quick results.

I hope you come to a solution that works for you all.

Sounds like a sensible approach . Good luck

For 6 months I wanted to rehome my rescue girl as we didn’t bond.
But one day I thought, I’m just going to love you without expecting anything back. We then developed a wonderful bond and loved each other dearly.
That was 10 years ago.
She died a month ago and I am bereft.
I have lost my closest, most beloved friend.
Stick with it.

@FreshFreesias I feel your pain, I cry every day for my old boy we lost in July it's literally broken me, never known love like it

OP perhaps because you are still mourning for your old dog it is also impacting on how you feel about your new puppy.

Don't get me wrong any puppy is hard work but it does sound like perhaps because you still miss him that this new puppy isn't plugging that hole that hurts like you thought she would.

It can take time to bond and quite frankly puppies are a bloody nightmare at the best of times.

I'm sorry your feeling this way OP. I was exactly the same, I have 3 dogs and my first one was perfect and my 2nd one was good until she got attacked and things just spiralled from there, she got attacked at 11 weeks old and everything she had learnt up until that point she had to get retrained and she got some very mannerisms from that which we still deal with today (4 years later) and I still got a 3rd. When the pup got attacked and she was awful, I cried all the time it was hell but it does take time. I've went to many dog training courses just to learn how to help her.

I noticed that you say that she eats her poo, slugs, etc. Are you feeding her the correct amount? This sometimes happens regarding the poo when the dog isn't getting the correct quantity of food or there isn't enough nutritional value in the food. What food do you have her on currently?
Start clicker training with her immediately. Get the best treats that you can find. You want high value treats, I'd recommend Nature Menu's dog treats, these are expensive but work wonders. I got recommended to them by a dog behaviourist and you can get a dog to just do about anything you want with them because to the dogs they smell great and they taste good from what I can guess by the dog's reaction. When your dog goes for a toilet outside, reward her by clicking and then give her a treat. You have to do this fast so that the dog is understanding what the reward is for and then say it with a command like 'pee', 'poo, etc.
Have you started training her with other commands yet? You need to start putting away 10 minutes a day at least where your focusing on training her, you don't need high reward treats for this but you do need to reward it and I will say use the clicker again when doing this.
What sort of toys do you use with her currently? Have you tried antlers? Kong? Put her in the crate with one of these but make sure that you watch her when she's eating these. I'd recommend a snuggle puppy which you can get off Amazon and put this in the crate with her at night. A Snuggle Puppy has a heart beat in it and you can get heated pads for it so this will make the puppy have some sort of comfort when it's in there. What do you have in the crate currently as well? Have you got a dog bed, blankets and some toys?
How often does the dog get walked? I know you said that you have limited mobility and I'm sorry to hear that but the dog does need walked daily, do you go around the block a couple of times a day? Do you walk the puppy in a field? If not can you find a field that you can take her too and chuck the ball for her? Have you considered getting a dog walker? The puppy is probably misbehaving because it's bored and it's not getting stimulated, start playing puzzle games with it, there's loads out there if you have a google and you can get them from Petsathome, Amazon, etc. These are great and helps mentally stimulate the dog.

From what it seems is, the puppy who is absolutely gorgeous by the way, isn't getting enough stimulation she needs to burn the energy out of her.

I love my eldest dog with all my heart. He got me through a storm and has always been a well behaved lovely man. His son.......he's 5 years old going on 12 months, it's like he's stuck as a kid. He is a loon and rips stuff up, barks endlessly at other dogs on walks and won't learn any manners. But we love him. As someone says love -she isn't your old dog so love her for being her.

@conall that you for your superb reply I'll try to respond to everything forgive me if I miss a few you covered tons (I'm going to definitely reread)

She's on natures menu and no one can tell me how much to feed her she's on 160g over 4 meals she weighs 3kgs - treats are cheese (cut into tiny cubes) and nature's menu which I chop in half also

Currently on 2 short walks she's only been allowed out out for 2 weeks, morning walk is 10/15 mins afternoon walk 20/30 today was the first day she walked both and wasn't carried at all

We spend a lot of time outside because my 2 yo loves the garden, he runs a lot and puppy chases they even play hide & seek. Puppy loves rolling round with a full sized football

As I've said previously she has immense potential she's loving, bright and very funny

BUT if I'm cooking (for example) her launching herself at my legs/clothes is really hard work because it ends in my kicking at her to get her away because my arms are busy she then just bites/attacks harder because it's fun (for her)

I have back and neck issues she's very low down I find it hard keeping an eye on her and I definitely can't correct her with my feet/legs

I can't shut her out of the kitchen because that would leave her in the room with toddler and he's not equipped to deal with her

In the main toddler does very well with her but (as with toddlers) things often go too far and his high energy works the puppy up into a frenzy and I end up putting her in her crate practically foaming at the mouth

She settles very quickly in there because she's smart and she's worked out that as soon as she's sat calm she comes out and all is well again, she paces back and forth 2 or 3 times then just sits bless her.

This week toddler is at nursery 3 days I'm going to conquer toilet training!!

Good luck OP. Sounds like a good plan to give it 100% for a couple of weeks and then see where things are at.

Listen - there's no shame in helping her find a new home if you do decide to. If you can place her with someone you know (I think you said earlier that you could), then that's even better.

In the meantime, in addition to what others have advised, I just wanted to suggest a couple of things. Forgive me if you've already addressed these and I've missed it!

Does pup have a play pen? Could you set one up in the kitchen and pop her in it with toys while you cook? Or otherwise, could you have toddler in the kitchen with you, and put puppy in a playpen in the other room? I say playpen because this would give her more room to play and entertain herself than a crate. Maybe you're already doing this?

Also, does pup have any kind of routine? If not, it could be a great time to give her one, over these next two weeks! Generally, you want to do something like: 1 hour in pen/crate > out to pee + play with you > bit of training > back in pen/crate for 1 hour. Basically, 1 hour rest, then an interactive break. Rinse and repeat.

If you do this, you'll find that she starts settling at certain times of the day automatically.

Also, just to add that I 100% feel you on the overstimulated biting attacks. My dog did this as a puppy/teenager, and it was horrible. The more frustrated/loud/physical I got, the more hyped/loopy/bitey he would get. I had to learn to calmly say "ok, time out", pop him in his pen, and leave him to chill his tits (and also chill mine).

I hope this helps, and good on you for giving it a shot. You've been dealing with a lot.

Short term it sounds like an extra crate would help...

Given she’s getting a lot of time and attention - there’s no harm in having a crate in the kitchen and popping her in there with a wee chew or something while you cook

And then you’ve always got a crate in a room that the toddler isn’t in for her to nap undisturbed.

For the eating things you want a leave... that’s usually fairly easy to introduce - Google the take it or leave it game, you can do it with part of her meals or while you sit doing something else.

And yeah, get a one to one trainer... that’ll help loads.

A toddler and a puppy is hard going, that’s why people avoid it, lol... but, it’s not impossible, just intense for a bit.

If you do decide it’s too much for you, I am very probably teaching a grandmother to suck eggs here and it is absolutely something you’re already thinking about... but do be careful how you explain it as you’re right, a 2 year old with a traumatic background may well remember more than most people think they do.

@tabulahrasa I have 2 crates but no room in the kitchen for one

And no, there's nothing you can teach me on handling a child with trauma I've got every tee shirt x