I don't like my puppy

[Cait73]

And I hate myself - she's taken over my life I know puppies do (okay I forgot it's been 12 years) and she's a dear little thing but the biting, chewing, training, eating schedule and endless trips to the garden just to come in and find a poo on the rug

I'm exhausted all the time - I don't feel like I love her is this normal? I'm really hoping someone will tell me it's too soon I've only had her 5 weeks and the love will grow?

All I remember is I loved my last dog from the second he arrived and I didn't even care how much work he was, I loved every inch of him every second of the day

Why don't I feel like that??

Puppies are lucky they're so cute!

I grew to love my puppy quite quickly but I hadn't anticipated the enormity of the responsibility and adjusting life to work around puppy. I had to cancel so many thinks those first few months. My dc was older at the time (5) so had more understanding of what to do/ not to do.
Ddog is now 4 and I couldn't love him more! He's still a bit crazy but he brings us so much joy! And he does sleep on our bed, usually over my feet and I love it! Costs us a small fortune, 2 days of doggy day care a week and all the rest.

This one particularl puppy I hated so much it crossed my mind a few times that I could drop kick her clean into the river and go home pretending she had slipped the lead and ran away.

Honest to God the sheer level of arsehole is too long and drawn out to get into but as is always the case, we became not just best friends but almost switched on to each other telepathically and I never met a dog or had a relationship with any dog like her.

And trust me I genuinely, legit wanted to drown the fucker.

Totally normal OP .

If you don't have one invest in a crate. It will save your sanity.

Pooch can be contained safely at night and at times when you have no choice (eg dc bathtime).

I would also put structure about walks, incorporating treat training as you go.

@GADDay I have 2 crates which she was perfectly happy to go in until about a week ago when she decided they're not for her any more, if I put her in she just howls

My 2 yo has had a tummy bug for nearly 2 weeks it's a bit of a nightmare containing her changing endless nappies clearing vomit you get the picture

I know I have to start over with crate training but I just haven't had the time

You'll get there!! Totally normal. You think you're SUPPOSED to be madly in love with your puppy straight away, but it totally doesn't always work like that! Weirdly, the dogs I've loved the most in my life are the ones I actually really disliked to start with. Including my current dog!

I didn't like him as a puppy! He had vile little shark teeth, would try to struggle and wriggle out of his carrier pre-vaccinations, he barked LOUDLY and constantly, and I just didn't feel a bond.

As a teenager, he was absolutely terrible. Like someone else said, the list of arsehole is just too long.

Soooo many times, I woke up feeling like I was trapped in a hell of my own making, and I just wanted to rewind the clock. It was a massive shock to the system, and I longed for my quiet peaceful life with my two comparatively chill cats.

But he's 14 months old now and I'm really in love with him. He's growing into an awesome, robust little hiking buddy who is down for anything. He's so fucking cute I can't handle it. He gets so excited for any walk that he trembles in the back of the car when we pull in.

Something will just shift for you, at some point. No need to force it. Just let it flow. You've got a toddler AND a puppy. Of course your nerves are shot to shit. Fast forward two years and I think you're going to be one happy woman, haha.

@dustofneptune

You'll get there!! Totally normal. You think you're SUPPOSED to be madly in love with your puppy straight away, but it totally doesn't always work like that! Weirdly, the dogs I've loved the most in my life are the ones I actually really disliked to start with. Including my current dog!

I didn't like him as a puppy! He had vile little shark teeth, would try to struggle and wriggle out of his carrier pre-vaccinations, he barked LOUDLY and constantly, and I just didn't feel a bond.

As a teenager, he was absolutely terrible. Like someone else said, the list of arsehole is just too long.

Soooo many times, I woke up feeling like I was trapped in a hell of my own making, and I just wanted to rewind the clock. It was a massive shock to the system, and I longed for my quiet peaceful life with my two comparatively chill cats.

But he's 14 months old now and I'm really in love with him. He's growing into an awesome, robust little hiking buddy who is down for anything. He's so fucking cute I can't handle it. He gets so excited for any walk that he trembles in the back of the car when we pull in.

Something will just shift for you, at some point. No need to force it. Just let it flow. You've got a toddler AND a puppy. Of course your nerves are shot to shit. Fast forward two years and I think you're going to be one happy woman, haha.

This is lovely

Things are no better, in fact they're worse, I'm now seriously considering finding the puppy a new home I can't take any more, and it's not fair on her either she's done nothing wrong

Hate myself multiplied by a million

What are the main issues now @Cait73

Be kind to yourself OP - the puppy stage is bloody hard and in the kindest way to you, it won't help that you also have a two year old.

That's a really, really tough combination and there's a reason all the dog-threads on here recommend waiting until small children are school age before getting a puppy. Puppies turn your world upside-down and take over your life completely.

Mine is almost four now but the first eighteen months were bloody hard. Worth it now, but bloody hard at the time. He was actually fairly good as a puppy but he was an arsehole as a teenager - his recall went to pot, he ramped up the barking, peed on our bed and on the rug, got nippy again and was generally awful.

It is really hard, but PP are right that people DO speak about how hard it is, but it's easy to ignore the warnings when you go and meet a tiny, adorable fluffball who is licking your face and snuggling into you.

Endless jumping and nipping (mainly the 2 year old) chewing biting destroying everything furniture, books, clothes, carpets you name it she's destroyed it (she has many appropriate toys) she eats slugs, her own poo and is very reluctant to toilet outside

Is she getting enough sleep, OP, and does she have a safe space (pen, crate) away from your toddler?

She sounds very, very hyped up. She should be asleep for approximately 18-20 hours of each day at that stage - when her behaviour is at the point that you're describing, it's because she's so tired she doesn't know what to do.

It's a bit like a toddler refusing a nap - you have to put them down to sleep and practically force them to rest.

Have you tried a 1-1 trainer to come in and show you specific measures to work on?

All those issues are typical normal puppy behaviours and often managed by managing the puppies environment. However, it's hard to see how you can change things when you are fed up with your puppy so having a few individual sessions in the home will make all the difference.

@icedcoffees you are spot on, she's exhausted and stressed - her crates in the front room she's fairly happy to go in it but the toddlers soon banging on the door, I know I know I need to tell him to leave her and I do, I guess I'm just not being firm enough

She sleeps well at night 9pm to 7am

It's all my fault toddler had vomiting and diarrhoea bug for nearly 2 weeks it was pure chaos here and I've missed the last 2 training classes I've paid for

I've not put the work in and as a result no one knows what they're supposed to be doing

Can you move the crate into a different room? You could pop the crate say, in the hallway and use a babygate so that the toddler can't access it while the puppy is sleeping.

You really do need to enforce a routine and naps for her at this stage. So up, toilet, breakfast, a short walk and then sleep. Toilet and lunch, toilet again and back to sleep etc.

She needs lots of sleep to grow and learn, and that really should be somewhere quiet where she can be at peace from the toddler. A cover over the crate could also help.

you could also consider tethering the toddler to you

Move the cage to somewhere quiet ( I’m anti cage but as you are using it anyway ) where your toddler can’t access it . When she’s not in the cage keep her on a house line tethered to you , that way you will be able to keep an eye on her and she won’t have the opportunity to destroy stuff . If you see her seeing / pooing pick her up mid doing it and run to the door saying outside and her cue word loudly - this was the only thing that made my terrier really ‘get’ house training .

If he's so hard work can you not return him. Mine is 5 year old and I still regret keeping him, he's still so giddy and hard work.

@Floralnomad I have a 2 year old permanently tethered to me that's not going to work

@Cait73

Endless jumping and nipping (mainly the 2 year old) chewing biting destroying everything furniture, books, clothes, carpets you name it she's destroyed it (she has many appropriate toys) she eats slugs, her own poo and is very reluctant to toilet outside

Teach her ‘off’, every single time she jumps up at you use your leg/knee to guide her off and say off, it will take lot of times and she might keep jumping back up but keep going, every single time she jumps say off and she will stop, she will also know that off means get off of anything she jumps up at not just people. Teach her ‘leave it’ so she learns to leave stuff alone, it’s actually super simple and quick to teach. It’s hard for me to explain over a message but look up kikopup on YouTube and follow her video on ‘leave it’. Definitely do not let her eat slugs, she can get lungworm if your flea treatment doesn’t cover it. Don’t be afraid to tell her off for naughty behaviour, I always say uh uh in a firm tone. Lots of praise and happy voice when she’s doing the right thing like playing nicely with a toy. What are you feeding her? Diet can have a big impact on her behaviour, if it’s Royal Canin puppy definitely change it, that food is garbage. Make sure she gets lots of undisturbed naps. I’m assuming from the pics she’s a shih tzu or maybe Lhasa? 3 of my dogs are shih tzus and 1 is a Lhasa x shih and I’ve had other shih tzus in the past. They are stubborn dogs and can take a bit longer than other breeds to learn things but they do calm down hugely when they get past 1. If it helps I currently have a puppy of my own, a Doberman x German shepherd, she’s 5 months old and a total nutcase, I can’t wait until she’s grown. Fortunately I have a house full of dogs so she gets lots of play between rest and training sessions.

[quote Cait73]@Floralnomad I have a 2 year old permanently tethered to me that's not going to work [/quote]
I actually think you would be better off rehoming as I don’t think you have the time to commit and without committing the time now it’s going to take so much longer to get the dog clean etc . It’s difficult with puppies and toddlers that’s why most people say to wait until the children are older .

I think this might just be a case of bad timing OP. You couldn’t pay me to have a puppy or a two year old, both together would finish me off. Call your breeder.

But if you do decide to keep going, stairgates everywhere, separate room for toddler and dog unless you can be there supervising 100%, and super second the advice above about getting trainer in to work with you one on one.

@Floralnomad I'm nearly 50 I have limited mobility and my grandsons lived with me since he was 9 months old, you're right in what you're saying but go east on me, I'm trying my best here

@Floralnomad I also live on my own I have ZERO help I've had to move 200 miles away due to things I can't go into

I’m not getting at you at all , with that added information I’d definitely rehome , make your life less stressful . Last thing you want to end up with is a badly trained dog that leaves little gifts all round the house 💐