I think I’ve made a mistake getting a puppy

[MoosliMoo]

Hello,

Please don’t shout at me as I’m feeling really vulnerable!

We recently got a new puppy. My husband has wanted a dog for years but I’ve always said no as I think it’s cruel to have dogs if you’re constantly out of the house. As we used to be. Now with COVID we both work from home full time. Husband said why not. I couldn’t come up with a good answer.

I love walking and loved the idea of taking a dog for walks, but I’m not a natural dog person. I’m a massive cat person, and adore our cat. But I wanted to do something nice for husband - we’ve had a difficult year with infertility, failed IVF and of course the pandemic.

So we’re a week in, which I know is nothing, but I hate it. It’s not the puppy’s fault. She is very sweet and largely very good - just typical puppy behaviour. But it’s exhausting, the cat is understandably miserable and I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. I would never, ever take it out on the puppy as she’s done nothing wrong, but I feel nothing for her but responsibility.

Does it get better? Does it get worse?! If the cat doesn’t adjust with time and love am I justified in saying the dog should go back to the breeder?

I’d love some advice. But please be gentle, I’m very teary right now!

It will get better. The cat will come round or at least find pleasure in tormenting the dog

Just get your hubby to do more of the work.m if you’re not enjoying it. I’m exactly the same as you so I can imagine how it feels but I also think it will get better. I think my bond with a dog would have to develop too it wouldn’t be instant and that’s ok. Try enjoy the pup if you can. I’ve had a dog before and the early days are defo the hardest. Xxx

Why do you feel you hate the puppy. Is your dh taking responsibility with feeding, cleaning, walking.

Is your DH pulling his weight with the puppy work, as he was the one who was more keen on getting one?

I think it’s hard to say. Many people have a period where they think they’ve made a mistake after getting a puppy (or a kitten). They’re hard work and can turn the household upside down. But then they calm down a bit and you get used to it and love them. But for some people the regret isn’t a passing thing and they never come to love the animal. A week is too soon to know which you are. How old is the puppy and what breed? Have you ended up doing more of the work?

First week definitely the hardest, my dog is 8 now and love him dearly. I sat crying at 5am the first week, it's such a shock. Hope you will be ok xx

It does get better. I felt overwhelmed for the first couple of weeks. It's totally normal at this stage to feel unsure I think

I in no way hate the puppy. I hate having a puppy right now. My husband is doing most of the work, but it really is exhausting as they need so much care. I’m mostly sad because I hate seeing my cat so upset. She’s my baby.

It will definitely get better, I think its tough in the beginning because you can’t take them on lovely long walks...which is of course one of the reasons to get a dog!
Our cat is moody that we have a puppy, even a year down the line, but its not a big deal and theg tolerate each other.
Have you joined any FB forums? I am on one for my cockapoo and its so helpful.

It will get better. I too am a natural cat person but wanted a dog for a walking companion. It took a few weeks to fall in love with her and I really did regret it for the first few weeks. Wouldn't be without her now!

Back in August I started a thread 'struggling with my puppy'
I was at breaking point it was dreadful!

I am now curled up on the sofa with my 5 month old pup. I adore him and wouldn't be without.

Stick with it. It will get easier I promise!

I feel for you. I’m a cat person too, but my partner and kids love dogs too.

I relented and our puppy is a year old now. She is much easier now, I hated the puppy days. I care for her and I think she is sweet, but she annoys me a lot ( I don’t show this) and I don’t love her like I do the cats.

I can live with it now! DW and kids adore her and she has a lovely life. But I’ll never be a dog person.

You’ve got the puppy blues, it’s a real thing. It’s horrible as I went through it myself and we very nearly gave our boy back to breeder. But in time things got better and it all settled down. Look for the puppy survival threads on MN - you’re not alone.

Oh and re walking, I love walking and take her out much more than DW. Tbh, I prefer walking without her, she is just more responsibility but I am used to it now. I did try and say no more dogs ( we have a 12 yo dog too) but was outnumbered.

Puppy blues are a real thing.

But the awful bits of puppyhood are brief and the dog she will become will bring you a completely different experience.

Hang on in there. Leave everything to DH (unless he absolutely has to go out). Make a new kitty sanctuary - get a stair gate and keep the puppy downstairs, have quality time with the cat upstairs?

This will pass

I think if you love walking, then you will love having an adult dog. You'll have someone no matter the time or weather completely and utterly up for going out with you. No man or beast will ever be more grateful for your existence than your dog either. In time, you walking in the door will be the best thing ever for that dog and after a shit day that is bloody lovely to feel so appreciated.

Puppy stage is a LOT of cleaning up piss and other boring stuff, but it all ends pretty quick.

The cat will definitely get over it and they may end up best of friends.

Oh, thank you all for being so nice cries anyway because that’s what I do when people are nice

My husband is doing more than his fair share. And he’s as worried about the cat as I am. I’ve been Googling puppy blues, it’s definitely ringing bells! I’m an anxious person anyway, and this has properly set me off.

How long do I give it with the cat? I don’t want it to be that they can’t be in a room together, or cat feels she can’t come for cuddles anymore because dog is here.

What sort of dog is it? I think we need a picture to be sure.... 😉

Puppy blues are def real, having a puppy is a full time commitment but it does get easier fairly quickly.

Also the cat will come round, our cat was pissed off for a couple of weeks but loves the dog now!! I would nip any annoying puppy behaviour towards the cat in the bud straight away and encourage the puppy to ignore/be calm around the cat.

Oh I think this is quite normal.

Funnily enough my sister who had wanted a puppy for ages and so did her boyfriend got a puppy when they had been together ten years and both really wanted one. After lots of responsible research etc. And then she got the puppy blues really badly. But didn’t know what it was. She burst into tears when at the GP about a routine thing, and it all spilled out. And the wonderful GP (who was a doggy sort of person anyway) said it was actually’a thing’ and likened it to post natal depression without the hormones .
The total upheaval of life and overwhelming responsibility and commitment etc. Apparently with a dog it means you are committed to being a good owner which is why it’s very overwhelming.
Anyway it passes after a few weeks and she has now had the dog for 8 years and is besotted with it and it’s the perfect most wonderful addition to their family.
So unless you life in a 2 bed flat and have bought a border collie or a huskie, I’m sure it will all come out in the wash.
Good luck

P.s. their cat had the hump too, but she got over it and now they are friends

The cat will take a little while but will be fine. They’ll either be best friends like our old lab and cat or the cat will be the boss.
We had two cats and two dogs when I was growing up. One day we came home and couldn’t find the 5 month old lab anywhere, the cat had her cornered in he bathroom. In the cold weather, a truce was called and they’d all squash on the rug in front of the
Aga.
Puppies do get easier just takes awhile

Puppies can be very hard work. It's a baby that's just left its mother and littermates and it needs constant care, attention and training.

What you're experiencing is perfectly normal.

Go on letting your DH do most of the work while you're feeling like this and start training and get puppy on the road to being a civilised dog.

You can get through it and end up with that lovely walking companion you hoped for.

I had 2 17 year old cats when I got my dog (now 9 years old) as an 8 week old puppy, and one of the cats loved the puppy, one of them was a little cooler but they still got on very well.

Just make sure the cat has high places to go that the dog cannot get to and cat still has lots of cuddles and attention.

Lots of people go through what you're feeling. Have a read of the puppy support threads on here.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Puppies are exhausting for the first few weeks and puppy blues are a thing. It does get better. Give it time.

I think you may have the puppy blues give it time I so badly wanted my puppy but for the first couple of weeks I was like what have I done! Now I would not be without her.

When we got our puppy we failed dismally with the introductions to our two cats. Our girl cat accepted our female dog relatively quickly but our male cat took about a year. All are fine now, four years in. Two years ago we got a female kitten. Girl cat Not Happy. Boy cat fine immediately. Animals are fickle.

Make sure dh is doing as much work as you, make sure you both train the same way. Put the effort in now and the rewards will come.