I think I’ve made a mistake getting a puppy

[MoosliMoo]

Hello,

Please don’t shout at me as I’m feeling really vulnerable!

We recently got a new puppy. My husband has wanted a dog for years but I’ve always said no as I think it’s cruel to have dogs if you’re constantly out of the house. As we used to be. Now with COVID we both work from home full time. Husband said why not. I couldn’t come up with a good answer.

I love walking and loved the idea of taking a dog for walks, but I’m not a natural dog person. I’m a massive cat person, and adore our cat. But I wanted to do something nice for husband - we’ve had a difficult year with infertility, failed IVF and of course the pandemic.

So we’re a week in, which I know is nothing, but I hate it. It’s not the puppy’s fault. She is very sweet and largely very good - just typical puppy behaviour. But it’s exhausting, the cat is understandably miserable and I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. I would never, ever take it out on the puppy as she’s done nothing wrong, but I feel nothing for her but responsibility.

Does it get better? Does it get worse?! If the cat doesn’t adjust with time and love am I justified in saying the dog should go back to the breeder?

I’d love some advice. But please be gentle, I’m very teary right now!

This resonates, my house is effectively a pup toilet. I hate the smell and mess. I’ve taken up all my rugs to avoid things getting ruined, he pisses on my giant sheepskin and shits in corners so he’s now been confined to the kitchen. But then he cries when I leave the room. He’s managed to sleep through the night after 6 days and we’ve seemingly curbed the barking/whining at 2am. He’s absolutely adorable but I admit, I do have days where I could happily hand him back.

They will get used to each other. V grumpy old cat, we moved house and got puppy same weekend. We made sure the cat had somewhere to escape to. They aren’t friends,it’s been 9 months, but they are fine with each other. Cat is the boss.

Give it time and make sure neither of them ever feel cornered.

Puppy blues. I was on here regularly for the first month wanting to send her back. It gets better once they can go out. Read up on recall, lead walking, games, snuffle mats, start training now.

Even if they don't love each other, they'll end up like siblings. Protective of each other and ganging up on everyone else, while pretending they don't care about each other at all!

Interesting thread. Especially the dislike of the smell as that's how I feel with cats. Funny how we are programmed! I can't say I've ever found it hard with a puppy, thoroughly newspapered floor indoors, out after meals, lots of cuddles and a bit of a play now and again. They are a bit sad the first couple of nights away from their mums.
Are you permanently both wfh then op? Lots of lockdown dogs being given to rescues because people were only temporarily at home ft.

They’ll get used to each other, Moos will eventually take complete control of the household once again

@Carouselfish we’ll both be permanently doing some variation of 2 days in, 3 days wfh, or vice versa. Neither of us can foresee going back 5 days a week. I absolutely would not have got a dog if that weren’t the case. For one, because I can’t afford to get a dog walker in daily!

Oh and I think my cat smells lovely, like biscuits! The puppy however has the scent of some of the less sober characters who live at Euston station to my nose.

We’ve had full blown cat hissing this morning

It’s normal @MoosliMoo. Cats HATE dogs until they eventually give them a quick bat with their paw and they see the dogs runs off yelping. Then your cat will be fine and know she’s the boss and the dogs not going to get her.

@MoosliMoo

We’ve had full blown cat hissing this morning

Honestly it's totally normal. We had hissing, growling and swiping.

This was two of them a few days ago.

Oh that's adorable! They are really cuddling.

OP they grow out of the puppy phase so quickly, DH and I were saying last night how we actually miss the cheeky bitey puppy stage.

She is now 9 months, super chilled and wants to cuddle and snooze on your lap.

It will calm down, just get a little routine going, limit the areas they have access too, block off the stairs, shut doors to rooms, make their world small.

Have little feeder puzzle toys for the evening to keep them entertained. A crate at night is absolutely godsend for us, she sleeps next to my bed, so we can see each other all night, it's really cosy in there and you don't get any roaming at night or any accidents.

Keep posting on here everyone is happy to help.

She'll be under your skin in no time. One of the huge benefits I wasn't aware of before our dog, he allows us to express difficult emotions. Seeing my shy reserved 24 year old son babying the dog and giving it lots of love and fuss is a delight. I wouldn't have seen that in him, any other way.

Haven’t read all the replies so I may say what others have already said, sorry if so. I felt the same about our puppy and the cat when we first got her, I felt really mean to have disrupted the household! We used stairgates to section rooms off so the pup couldn’t get in there but the cat could. We agreed a command for the pup to leave the cat alone- we used ‘leave’ and set about training her to understand leave and then in time she applied it to the cat too. We also trained her with ‘here’ and used it whenever the cat was nearby. Over time it got easier and they will now settle down on the bed together- the pup has calmed down and the cat has learnt to assert herself and they have worked it out (pup is now 2, but it has been this way for a while now) x

@MoosliMoo how did you get on as im currently in this situation now.x

@emzypo79 we were in this situation, we were really careful and used a 'no game' cue for the dog. He was really good if we saw the cats coming in the room. Oldest pup is 2 and I reckon it took best part of that 2 years to get them to be ok enough to just walk past each other. Dog1/cats are similar size.

We have 10 month old massive pup also no, the cats were more ok with him as he isn't quite as crazy as older dog. We have gates to separate them to give cats their own space. 1 cat will sleep on the bed with our older dog now. It's not perfect but i don't feel the cats are miserable, it's not what I expected though and it makes me a bit sad.

Big pup is a complete teenage arsehole at the moment and we are definitely why we put ourselves through another puppy. Just want to fast forward a year.

Puppy blues is real

I felt the same way for a few weeks. Similarly, it was DH who desperately wanted the dog for years and I finally relented. I was the one mainly raising the puppy though whilst he went to work. I cried so much the first few weeks and hated that our beloved cat hated the puppy and was stressed by it.

A year in. Cat still hates the dog. The dog still hasn't learnt that the cat hates it and wants to play all the time despite constant training to ignore the cat. Cat has the upstairs domain where dog isn't allowed. I don't think we'll ever get to a point where the cat will be near the dog because my cat is old and only likes to chill and sleep these days and my dog is big too.

Despite not liking the commitment of owning a dog, I will confess to smothering my dog with kisses regularly, talking to her throughout the day like she understands and, despite the puppy blues at the start, she has worked her way into my heart. Fortunately, she's very calm and affectionate which helps.

Quite honestly, a year ago I could never have imagined feeling like this as my puppy blues was so bad. What really helped me get through it was throwing myself into training her and doing lots and lots of enrichment activities to tire her out mentally. Enforced naps also a must.

Go slowly with the cat. Don't force introductions and focus on training the puppy to be calm around the cat. I trained ours to run to me and sit when she saw our cats, then I treated her and gave her lots of praise. That was my number one priority. Our cats moved themselves upstairs when the puppy came and we put in an extra cat flap downstairs so they could come and go without crossing paths with her. The cats were very stressed at first. I got a plug in calming thing from the vets (you can get them from amazon) which maybe helped. I felt awful about upsetting the cats lives but a year and half on things have settled down. Cat and dog will sleep on the sofa together - not touching though doggo would love to cuddle up with them. They will all be in the same room. Cats are still wary and dog still wants to be their best friend but they have found a truce situation. I love having our dog but there are things that have changed that I miss. Both cats used to trail me around the garden when I was gardening and they don't now as the dog is bounding about. I miss our chilled times together.