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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Why are there so many wankers on this board?

260 replies

Ocre373 · 25/04/2020 12:15

They’re on every thread. I’ve never known a board like it. People come on asking for advice and you can guarantee within a couple of replies someone will jump on something in the OP, often something completely irrelevant to what is being asked. They’re judgemental, condescending, rude and often just plain nasty.

It’s happened to me time and time again and it’s stopped me asking for advice which is such a shame because there’s so many people on here with so much knowledge and experience.

It’s made this a horrible place to be.

OP posts:
fivedogstofeed · 26/04/2020 08:24

This is all about buying a puppy.

Ask about beds/drying coats/joint supplements/ water bowls and noone will 'attack' you, recommendations will be given or not and noone will take offence. If some posts about their dog's illness or death they are not treated unkindly.

Posters asking about buying a puppy are often first time buyers, or naive. Posters responding on those threads are often experienced owners, people with rescue knowledge or vets who see the results of bad breeding on a daily basis. There have also been reputable breeders here in the past.

If someone posts a link to an obvious puppy farm, for every five people who see it for what it is, there will be one who says "I got my puppy from there and she's wonderful ". It's frustrating. I try my best to post logical and measured replies, but sometimes I do want to scream.

heatseeker14 · 26/04/2020 08:24

I don’t agree with personal attacks, but I think this thread has been long overdue tbh. I’m fed up of reading threads that end up with new posters getting flamed. It is unhelpful. By all means report someone if they have overstepped the mark. I will do the same from now on. The divide on here must stop. We are supposed to be on here to support each other. Things are not always black and white. If you’re sick of reading the same type of posts, skip them and let someone else reply. Be kind when posting.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 08:35

If you look down the first 10 or 20 threads on doghouse. None of them have any of the issues complained about in this thread.

I find it surprising that anyone genuinely thinks a thread calling posters 'wankers' is 'overdue' or in any way constructive, or will achieve anything except the goady bunfight it is clearly intended to create.
The hypocrisy/lack of self-awareness is hilarious!

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 26/04/2020 08:40

But each individual poster needs the advice. No point getting annoyed and aggressive at them for asking for help just because several other people have asked for the same help in the future.
LochJess, absolutely. Get snarky with someone wandering onto the board who isn't sure how to housetrain, and has been doing what their book says (or what they think their book says) and it doesn't seem to be working, and they'll go away feeling even worse than they felt before and probably never ask for advice or support here again. There's quite often a to-and-fro on here of:
OP: 'I didn't know that.'
Posters: 'Well, you should have known that, everyone who has a dog knows that, you should have looked it up, you have no business getting a dog if you don't know that.'
Not helpful, especially when you can just say, 'Well, we live and learn - and Google can be a great resource when you have a dog!' We've ALL made poor decisions in the past - I know I have, including about my dogs. It doesn't hurt to remember that.

The issues around puppies that I generally see tend to be started by people getting defensive over the 'research' they've done rather than accepting some hard truths
Yes, totally. But the 'issues' go beyond getting a puppy.

If you feel defensive over giving that information then you're clearly uncomfortable on some level with your own decision-making.
Or maybe just sick of going over the same ground over and over again? You can be very comfortable with a choice you've made, but have no desire to keep on cut'n'pasting the reasons you made it.

This thread itself is pretty unpleasant and juvenile - it's intended to do nothing but cause a bunfight, and attempt to bully regular posters
Or perhaps the poster was thoroughly fed up and wanted to spark a discussion that would encourage some posters to reflect on how they come across?

beyond the issue of there being not enough good homes for all of the pet dogs being bred
The oversupply in the British dog population would be 100% sorted if the puppy farms were closed down and imports from puppy farms abroad came to a halt. It would be more than sorted: there would be a puppy shortage. Which might, given how some people treat their dogs, be a good thing.

As BiteyShark said way upthread, we all want to do the right thing. As many posters have said, we want the best for the dogs. But I have spells of coming off MN completely, and the last one was sparked by this board.

justanotherneighinparadise · 26/04/2020 08:44

This board put me off dog ownership completely. I had no idea the expectations for owning a dog was on par with raising a child and there is no tucking way I could cope with that. Two children is enough for me.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 08:45

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman
I'd love to understand how name calling and being deliberately goady are aimed to 'encourage reflection'?

Is that the same way that the posters criticised here for being too harsh 'encourage' people to ask for help?

heatseeker14 · 26/04/2020 08:47

I didn’t say it was okay to personally attack anyone. I also didn’t say I agree with calling people wankers. I said the thread is long overdue, as in this has been brewing for a while. There are plenty of threads where new posters have received abrupt responses. Not all of these posts were about buying a puppy.

Daffodil101 · 26/04/2020 08:47

I always assume that the nasty posters are sad little individuals in real life

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 08:48

Or maybe just sick of going over the same ground over and over again? You can be very comfortable with a choice you've made, but have no desire to keep on cut'n'pasting the reasons you made it.
But if you've given that information then no one would be asking repeatedly for it, and you wouldn't be going over it...
So that makes no sense....

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 08:50

I also didn’t say I agree with calling people wankers. I said the thread is long overdue, as in this has been brewing for a while.

So just to be clear: you don't agree with a thread calling people wankers but are glad this thread that calls people wankers has been posted as it's 'overdue'....

Yeah... I'm sure this thread will constructively sort everything out...Grin

vanillandhoney · 26/04/2020 08:54

I have to admit I do read some posts on here and think "really, did you not do any research whatsoever before getting a puppy?".

I think some people genuinely do just go out and get a puppy on a whim or because their DC has asked for one and have no concept of how difficult it is. Then they post on here saying their 16 week old puppy is peeing everywhere/destroying their house when they're at work for six hours a day.

When you read stuff like that it's hard not to say "what the fuck are you doing leaving a 16 week old puppy on it's own like that".

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 08:57

Also worth noting that the OP has posted on only one other thread with this username before starting this 'constructive' and 'overdue' thread to slag off regular posters....

heatseeker14 · 26/04/2020 09:04

@Veterinari, I’m clearly not alone in thinking some of the people posting on here have been at times unkind and abrupt. Yes, I thought talking about this might help. Perhaps some posters might change how they respond. I don’t agree with attacks, but sometimes people need to realise how their interactions online can hurt others. I don’t want it to stop people reaching out for the advice they were looking for. From your reply it is clear nothing will change on here.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 09:16

From your reply it is clear nothing will change on here.

My point is that name calling and goady posts by someone with no posting history are not constructive, kind or helpful.

If you genuinely think that such approaches are an appropriate way to raise or discuss issues, I fear you may continually be disappointed in my responses, and I'm ok with that, because I don't support goady name-calling

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 26/04/2020 09:18

I did look at some other threads last night and thought how charming everyone was being - it was lovely.

But if you've given that information then no one would be asking repeatedly for it, and you wouldn't be going over it...
Or just didn't want to get into a two-page barny about buying their puppy from someone who bred the family pet to a health-tested stud, but doesn't show or work their dog, and didn't have a waiting list, and hadn't bred before? (But did consider temperament, and wider health issues, and the relatedness of stud and dam, and brought the puppies up with love and care and advice from someone who had done it all multiple times before, and quizzed the new owners and used a proper contract.)

And calling people wankers isn't helpful, but if posters are allowed to get sick of feeling that they have to reply to the same queries over and over again, posted by OPs the think are utterly clueless, to the extent that they get snarky and rude and unpleasant, then someone who watched one pile-on too many - or been piled-on under another name (always worth remembering that can happen) - is surely also allowed to get snarky, rude and unpleasant?

Getting snarky, rude and unpleasant doesn't go down well. Nobody likes being at the receiving end.

And FWIW, I'm a fairy regular poster on this board and I don't feel slagged off by this thread. I have been slagged off on here (under another name) for disagreeing with the prevailing view.

I have to admit I do read some posts on here and think "really, did you not do any research whatsoever before getting a puppy?"
Yup, me too. And it can be hard to be polite and helpful under those circumstances. But if you want what's best for the puppy, you want the clueless owner to listen to you. You want anybody wandering around the board who is thinking about getting a dog to think that the advice seems good and the posters are really helpful and actually, I think I'll post about finding a litter or a rescue.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 09:30

Or just didn't want to get into a two-page barny about buying their puppy from someone who bred the family pet to a health-tested stud, but doesn't show or work their dog, and didn't have a waiting list, and hadn't bred before? (But did consider temperament, and wider health issues, and the relatedness of stud and dam, and brought the puppies up with love and care and advice from someone who had done it all multiple times before, and quizzed the new owners and used a proper contract.)

Fair. Though to be honest I almost never see that situation in a thread so I guess it just varies depending on what you see.

And FWIW, I'm a fairy regular poster on this board and I don't feel slagged off by this thread. I have been slagged off on here (under another name) for disagreeing with the prevailing view.

Neither do I - I'm simply pointing out that this particular thread is unlikely to be either genuine or helpful and it does contain personal attacks which are unhelpful (though that is likely its aim). It seems @heatseeker14 has interpreted me pointing this out, as an attack which will stop others reaching out for help...

BiteyShark · 26/04/2020 09:39

I try (and don't always succeed) in ignoring threads that make me go WTF.

Take this one. I opened the thread when it was just the opening post and thought ODFO somewhere else then. I didn't reply because when something raises your heckles I think you should ignore and move on rather than posting something shitty. It's very hard and I am getting better doing that.

Came back to the thread and saw more tolerant posts which warranted a discussion and thought I could join in without it being a bun fight.

Getting the tone right on a forum is hard and it's best to remember that apart from the obvious troll posts most of us recognise each other from previous posts and just because others have a different opinion doesn't make that opinion wrong just because you don't agree with it.

vanillandhoney · 26/04/2020 09:43

Yup, me too. And it can be hard to be polite and helpful under those circumstances. But if you want what's best for the puppy, you want the clueless owner to listen to you. You want anybody wandering around the board who is thinking about getting a dog to think that the advice seems good and the posters are really helpful

Oh I totally agree. I just think it can be quite hard to do that when you read something that upsets you, that's all.

I think most people on here are here because they have dogs or love dogs and just want what's best for them.

tabulahrasa · 26/04/2020 09:44

“I'm a fairy regular poster on this board and I don't feel slagged off by this thread.”

It’s not bothering me... I don’t know if I’m supposed to be a wanker or not tbh, rofl... I’ve had some fairly long running discussions about some things, so I’m assuming I could be.

But I do always try and explain why things matter, I try not to be rude... and I’ll apologise if I’ve unintentionally come across that way...

But mostly I see people accusing other posters of being rude because they just don’t like the answer they got to a question tbh, or they’ve given some information that makes people go, hang on? What? That’s not ok! And details a thread.

iVampire · 26/04/2020 10:03

I don’t post my puppy’s background because the (entirely favourable) circumstances are pretty unusual.

Would they be outing - probably not, even though MN is large. But I just don’t want to put that level of detail on a public post. And if I just said the minimum, i believe - from seeing the level of questioning - it would be picked at.

I read posts here just out of doggy interest, but would seek actual advice in RL

Annabegins7 · 26/04/2020 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

tabulahrasa · 26/04/2020 10:08

“And if I just said the minimum, i believe - from seeing the level of questioning - it would be picked at.”

Not if it’s not relevant IMO anyway... I’ve posted in here asking about things like coat care without even saying what breed of dog I’ve currently got with me at the time...

MiniChoc · 26/04/2020 10:10

Dogs are a very emotive subject for Brits.

Yes, this!

I'm on a local facebook page and they are SAVAGE. I posted looking for new puppy tips and advice and mentioned I have an anxiety disorder and was repeatedly told I shouldn't get a dog. They are awful to anyone who strays from their very rigid set of views. So it's not just here in the doghouse!

My only point, when it comes to all of the puppy threads, is PLEASE JUST BE KIND. Even if they got their dog from the internet (I did. Pets4homes. I'm very happy with my breeder though and don't feel I need to defend her) Even if they're first time dog owners and haven't put any thought into it (not me, I've researched for months). Just HELP THEM. Because there's a puppy out there who is probably unhappy with unhappy owners, and you (as the experienced voices of reason) can either flood them with useful, helpful pieces of advice or you can criticise them getting a dog in the first place. Your call.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 10:19

@Annabegins7

If you feel you're being attacked by a poster then report or move on an stop engaging.

But the OP starting a name-calling cowardly goady thread is not helpful, and you defending a name-calling thread plus posting on it and deliberately and repeatedly naming one poster is deeply unpleasant. It's astonishing to me if you've felt attacked yourself previously that you've then chosen to engage in exactly the same behaviour yourself, but without any justifiable animal welfare reason but only as a very clear personal vendetta.

Veterinari · 26/04/2020 10:21

@Annabegins7

I've also never seen a post like the one you've described - please do link to an example of this apparently common problem...