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The doghouse

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Original poster

Puppy if husband not 109% on board ?

40 replies

Helenluvsrob · 15/07/2019 18:13

Hi
One of those “ the universe has lined up “ things has happened and , as long as there are enough pups I’ve been offered the dog of my dreams by a friend. Her dog is having her first litter - she has kept cavaliers for many years and has a litter mainly to keep a pup for herself ( mum is 2 and they still have her mum. Granny dog died a few months back).
I have time off that will coincide with pups arrival due to unexpected sick leave ( loosing holiday etc boo).

BUT. Husband not keen at all. I’ve been hoping / planning / getting a bit of experience etc since this mum dog was a pup herself and he’s not moving.

Help !

OP posts:

BiteyShark · 15/07/2019 18:28

I was more keen than my DH but if he had said no I wouldn't have got my dog and that would have been the right decision as it impacts everyone in the household even if you do the majority of the work. As it happens my DH has fallen in love with him and he is now DH's dog .

How serious is he about not wanting a dog? Is he going to be happy with the tie especially when a puppy? The cost? The crying and biting and jumping?

BiteyShark · 15/07/2019 18:54

I came back to say my DH thought wtf had we done when we got our puppy. I can't imagine how bad that would have been if I had got him if he had expressed no desire to have a dog (he was more ambivalent).

Alwaysgrey · 15/07/2019 18:57

How against it is he? My dh wasn’t that interested in a dog at all. When I heard about a litter being advertised he said we could go and look and he called our dog a rat dog and said it was up to me. I do all the walking etc but he loves our dog to bits. He’s just not overly fond of large commitments.

rookiemere · 15/07/2019 19:02

Depends how much you expect him to do. If your plan hinges on him doing walks and being involved then no you shouldn't, but if you're able to do all that yourself then maybe.

Also have you worked out cost of vets, walkers insurance etc ?

Superlooper · 15/07/2019 19:10

Dh wanted another dog when my dog died but I didn't as didn't think we have enough time spare for the dog.

Anyway, he got a totally hyper energetic working dog who is too strong for the kids (and me) to manage, and is working 12-14 hour days...I'm not a happy camper. If he had the time to exercise, train and clean up after the dog properly, I wouldn't mind. Oh and if the dog doesn't get enough exercise, he's awake and active and noisy at night.

So I would say be realistic about the kind of time and commitment the dog will take and make sure that matches the breed you want and how much you can do. Dog free rooms in the house and proper training. And they are a tie and they want company.

Original poster

Helenluvsrob · 15/07/2019 19:18

Thanks all. He’s said no and I’m devastated. It’s a cavalier King Charles so small , pretty undemanding in terms of exercise / happy to walk if you want and generally lap dog loveable.

He’s not wanting the commitment more than anything as our kids are ally flying the nest. However I work part time and can tweak my hours do fog not alone for extended periods etc.

It would be so beneficial for my mental health to balance a job I hate but can’t change but have to stagger in till I retire. I’ve tried to change and not managed to - and would be a 50% cut in money if I did.
I can most definitely afford it.

OP posts:

Monsterdogs · 15/07/2019 19:22

Do you need a husband? A dog is much better for you, in my opinion 😁

MrsEricBana · 15/07/2019 19:24

Have you had a dog before? If yes and you know what you're in for and are prepared to do most of the work then maybe. If not, then definitely don't. It changes everything and it just wouldn't be fair on your dh. Also how long off work do you have? I am at home and have a 4m old pup and he needs me there. No way could I leave him and just pop in at lunchtime.

BiteyShark · 15/07/2019 19:47

I can totally understand not wanting the commitment. We have said we wouldn't get another dog after BiteyDog and we adore him but equally realise how much he has impacted our life.

Don't under estimate the impact a dog can have and if unwelcome can cause a lot of issues in a relationship.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/07/2019 20:12

I've got a CKC. I love him so much but definitely still waiting for the walk-if-you-feel-like-it-stage! But he is only 14 months so a baby, and he was an easy puppy for sure.

Anyway I'm biased. Loads better than a husband.

cavalier · 15/07/2019 20:15

Don’t do it ...unless you are happy to sort the pup out on your own ... they had very hard work believe me ... 100% worth it but if a person not 100% on board .. it could cause a wedge .. dogs are adorable but they are a very big responsibility having bad two adorable pups who grew to 12 years old and 13 and a half and I’m crushed they are not here anymore ....
Better than many humans for sure

Sooverthemill · 15/07/2019 21:14

Don't do it. There will always be times when you DHs help with a dog eg if you have the flu. Offer to walk dogs for a rescue

Original poster

Helenluvsrob · 15/07/2019 21:27

Thanks all. I’m not daft enough to think I can do all the dog related stuff. At a minimum he’d have to let it out and show pup some affection if I’m out. I also don’t have any experience so it’s bound to be hard work.

However I also , at the moment , don’t know. How to cope with knowing I a have a bloody difficult year ahead for horrible reasons , and a pup could make that so much more survivable , and that husband is the reason I cannot have that bit if comfort. .

If I nagged / pleaded enough I’m sure he’d give in , but that ain’t right either.

Bloody miserable situation full of potential seething resentment either way 😥

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 21:37

Have you explained your reasons for your decision? To benefit your health; physically & mentally? Also, you said sick leave; will you be fit for walks etc?

Teacakeandalatte · 15/07/2019 21:37

I think at least be sure to let him know how important it is to you. Its true it will have a big impact on him even if he doesn't have to do much of the care so he should get his say but at the same time don't let him just say no without realising this is a big sacrifice for you to accept.

Original poster

Helenluvsrob · 15/07/2019 21:55

Thanks both. I should be fit for walks as puppy won’t be able to walk too much at least to start with yep.
I shall definitely have to try to explain how important it is for me at this time , but he’s known for several years how “ puppy broody” I have been - even before this gorgeous mamma dog was born at my friends 2yrs ago.
I’ve even had another friends cavvie for an overnight stay and he didn’t hate her , but that was as far as it went 😥

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 15/07/2019 22:03

It depends what his plans are once the kids have flown the nest.

If he is thinking about more flexibility for long weekends, lazy mornings at the weekend, lots of time to dedicate to hobbies or pick up new interests then a puppy doesn't fit in with that.

Also consider that you're making a decision for the next 10 years or more. What are your retirement plans? Are you or he considering travel? How will the dog fit into retirement finances?

A pup of that age needs to be with people. Our puppy was with a dogsitter all day and we both stopped most of our hobbies for 6 months whilst we trained her and settled her in.

My concern would be that you love the idea of a dog and would love your new dog, but you've not got all the practicalities thought through yet.

longtompot · 15/07/2019 22:09

My dh wasn't keen (understatement, it was a NO!) on getting a dog when I first started going on about getting one about 10 years ago.......so we got chickens!
However, after 2 or so years of chickens and all their ailments, I said I still really really wanted a dog, and that I would do all the walks etc, he agreed.
She is now 7, and he has for the past 2 years been coming on walks with us due to a heart issue so for his health. But, even before that, he fell in love with her. He was against dogs as he grew up with them and they weren't trained so a nightmare.
I'd ask him why he was so against getting one, not just the commitment issue. Our dog fits in with everything we do, and has been on several camping hols with us. She has def been a boost for my own mental health, as well as physical health.

rookiemere · 15/07/2019 22:23

DH and DS were desperate allegedly for a dog, so we got one.

He's a lovely dog as dogs go, but a huge commitment and muggins here ends up having to do quite a lot of it. I resent having to work from home one day a week just as my career was opening up or we pay the dog walkers money that I'd rather see going elsewhere and I don't like my house being dirty most of the time with additional cleaning required. I resent DH for encouraging us to get into a 10-13 year commitment without thinking it through. I wish I had had the strength to say no.

Have you actually looked after a puppy before ? It's very full on and restrictive for the first few months, I found it negative for my mental health and sometimes still do on walks as having a dog is like having a newborn- everyone has an opinion that they share with you.

I wish we hadn't got a dog - although I will ensure he is loved and looked after and well treated and there are some nice times and walks together.I would urge you to spend a bit more time looking after other dogs and seeing what its like also for your DH.

ememem84 · 15/07/2019 22:24

I got a cat without Dhs go ahead. He wasn’t bothered. Kept saying “when we get our apartment” then “when bethrooms finished” always another reason not to.

The I told him I was going to look at a rescue. And she came home with me same day. He said he wanted nothing to do with her and I’d have to sort everything out. Which I did. This was 2.5 years ago.

She’s currently sitting on his lap purring away while he scratches behind her ears.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/07/2019 22:38

Can’t see how it makes any difference to him if you have a dog. I do everything for our dog; walk him, feed him, train him, take him to the vets, book the kennels, buy his food. But them I’m a Sahm with time on my hands. If he’s at work every day what difference does it really make to him?

Pipandmum · 15/07/2019 22:53

Dogs are a commitment, but I disagree with the posters here - it’s not that hard to train a puppy. Ours was 10 weeks old when my husband died so I had that to deal with, two kids 4 and 6, two cats and a house move...two years later another major move and we got another puppy. All fine and great addition to the family. My son has only recently started helping out with walks. Only negative is the expense when we go on a two week holiday - kennel fees! But really if you want one get one. Oh and we have rabbits too now which people told me were alot of work but couldn’t be more low maintenance! I love animals and just see them as an asset, not a chore.

stanski · 15/07/2019 23:06

My DH wasn't overly keen. I went ahead anyways. Took about 4 nights until HE said 'maybe he should come sleep with us as he's crying on his own' since then my DH LoVES our dog and says it's his third son

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/07/2019 23:42

@Pipandmum oh my goodness. A puppy must have been the least of your worries.

BiteyShark · 16/07/2019 05:12

If he’s at work every day what difference does it really make to him?

It makes a difference when he gets home and the puppy jumps up, or is bitey, or is making a noise. It makes a difference when the dog is bigger and wants to sit on/by him or follows him about or he finds hair on his clothes/sofa etc. It makes a difference if he wants to go out for the day and he now can't because his DW doesn't want to leave the dog or he has to come back early or they have to pay for dog sitters. It makes a difference if his DW is ill and asks him to look after the dog. It makes a difference on how much money they have.

I love my dog but I am realistic that having one impacts other adult members in the household.

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