Puppy if husband not 109% on board ?

[Helenluvsrob]

Hi
One of those “ the universe has lined up “ things has happened and , as long as there are enough pups I’ve been offered the dog of my dreams by a friend. Her dog is having her first litter - she has kept cavaliers for many years and has a litter mainly to keep a pup for herself ( mum is 2 and they still have her mum. Granny dog died a few months back).
I have time off that will coincide with pups arrival due to unexpected sick leave ( loosing holiday etc boo).

BUT. Husband not keen at all. I’ve been hoping / planning / getting a bit of experience etc since this mum dog was a pup herself and he’s not moving.

Help !

Shortly after we got our current puppy I was given a slot for an operation I had been waiting ages for. It was only day surgery, but the recovery was very difficult with a puppy because my mobility was compromised. Fortunately my oh was there to help (and loves the dog anyway), but I had underestimated how not finding it easy to bend (for wiping up puddles), getting outside every 20 minutes or so, or just generally having a pup bouncing around when you are feeling knackered and on painkillers, was. So, despite any other objections within your family, I would say getting a puppy while on sick leave is difficult and certainly not restful. It also put the housetraining back a bit.

No. Everyone has to be on board as puppies are hard, hard work and can be very frustrating for up to 18 months. You’ll both need to be consistent with training, or you’ll confuse the dog and he won’t know what to do

Also, have these backyard breeders tested for all the many potential health problems that cavaliers are prone to? I’ve known at least half a dozen cavaliers, all of whom have had heart, eye, knee problems, one only lived 2 years. They can be an expensive and heartbreaking breed to own

Op I hate to bring this up on the doghouse but if your dh is definitely not to be swayed on the dog front have you considered a cat. They can be great companions too and very friendly. If you are unwell they won't need walks and you can more easily go out and leave them alone if your dh is thinking about the commitment.

I was never a dog person, my DH always was. It's not that I hated them, I was just indifferent. My kids and DH kept pestering me for a dog and I was alwayd a NO. Mainly due to being slightly squeamish about cleanliness, not wanting dog hair everywhere, picking up poo and slobbery licks. Plus it would be mainly my responsibility as I WFH. DH accepted that it wasn't for me.

I thought long and hard (without telling them), did research, had friends' dogs overnight and decided life's too short, go for it.

She is now 1 and I'm so happy I took the plunge. The kids adore her, she's funny and loving and it forces me to do an hour's walk every day, good for physical and mental health.

However it IS hard. The hardest bit is not being able to be spontaneous. Can't go out for more than 4 hours, no more lie ins, and weekends away are few and far between. If my kids were about to fly the nest I don't think I'd do it, or I would at least wait a couple of years. Having said that, a dog would be good company and help make the house feel busy again..

tricky one

Please don't get a dog unless your husband is 100% on board. Puppies are not easy and you do need all the adults in the house to be on board.

You say I’m not daft enough to think I can do all the dog related stuff. At a minimum he’d have to let it out and show pup some affection if I’m out. but he honestly would have to do so much more than that.

He'll need to be 100% on your side when it comes to toilet training, crate training, leaving the dog alone. Will the dog be allowed on the beds or sofas? Will he follow your wishes with regards to training when you're not home? Will he walk the dog for you when you're unwell or if you're away for some reason?

DH and I got our puppy last year - he's just coming upto 18 months old. Him being on 1000% on board is what has made it doable - it means I don't have to walk him every single day because we split it. It means I can go away overnight occasionally, or work late, because I have someone I can leave the dog with. If I'm unwell I know he'll walk the dog for me, and vice versa when he's unwell.

Dog owernship isn't just sunny walks along the beach in June, and curling up in front of the fire on winter evenings. It's taking the dog out at 5am in the freezing cold and talk because he needs a walk before you go to work or he'll eat your house. It's getting up at 2am to let them out for the toilet. It's not being able to have spontaneous weekends away or days out because you can't take the dog, nor can you leave him/her at home all day on their own.

I love my dog and I don't regret him one bit but I would never have done it if DH wasn't 100% on-board. It would have been far too hard. Knowing I get days off occasionally and knowing when I'm unwell, I have someone to step in and help means it's doable for me. Without that support? No way - it's not easy. At 18 months he's just about manageable and he's much much calmer than he was but it's been a lot of work to get him here. And I needed DH to be on board for that.

I would say no don't get a puppy unless you were both 100% on the idea.
They are a lot harder work than people will lead you to believe. We were both 100% committed to getting a puppy and we both had moment of puppy blues when we thought oh no what have we done! We love her to bits now though and she is such a joy to have around. We have said we wouldn't get a puppy again but we will look at adopting a more mature dog in the future.
I would say wait a bit longer and see how your lives change once your kids have gone. It might be that a dog will compliment and fit into your new kid-free lifestyle or you may find a dog would have stopped you doing lots of things you now enjoy.

I love ddog and wouldn't be without one after her, but they are hard work, particularly as puppies. Ddog may be well trained and sleep most of the day but she still has to be walked twice, can't be left alone for more than a couple of hours regularly and can get rough with the kids (entirely their fault it must be said).

Also came to say a cat as pp did despite this being a dog board!

I don't know why posters are saying you can't do everything for the dog yourself.

I live on my own so there is literally no one else to do anything for my dog.

I chose her, paid for her, trained her, take care of all insurance, vet fees and so on and so on.

However, that was my choice and I didn't have to worry about anyone else's wants or needs.

The fact is that if you have a dog in the house it will impact to some extent on everyone else in the house.

Yes, you can do everything for the dog, but dogs require more than just things being done for them and being paid for. They tie you down, massively. And they can be very stressful.

You won't be able to just up and go away for the weekend, or even overnight, everything has to be booked and planned ahead and unless you have someone to look after the dog while you're away you have to factor the cost of kennels into holidays.

Even going out for the day has to be planned. Even an adult dog can't be left alone for long periods, especially if you have a dog with separation anxiety. And a small puppy certainly can't be left.

And puppies may look cute but they can be really hard to deal with sometimes. Just house training can take many months with some dogs.

I can understand, if your DCs are about to leave home and you're going to have more freedom, why your DH doesn't want to tie you both down to what is effectively having another baby in the house.

I don't know why posters are saying you can't do everything for the dog yourself.

I don't think people are saying it's physically impossible, just when you live with another adult in a partnership and there's a puppy/dog in the house, you're not going to just ignore it when it's naughty, are you?

Puppies have accidents and need taking out - is the DH just going to let it pee and poo on the floor if OP is busy or out? Is he not going to stop it jumping or biting or chewing the furniture?

Of course it's possible to do it all yourself if you live alone, but you can't just live with a dog and have absolutely nothing to do with it.

@adaline Yes, I did go on to make that point further on in my post.

Theres a big difference between being a single adult making a decision to get a puppy and one part of a couple deciding to get a puppy when the other doesn't want to.

Getting a puppy affects everyone in the house.

@LolaSmiles As I said before, I did go on to make that point further on in my post.

Thanks all. I don’t suppose it’ll happen. I’m honestly heartbroken and struggling to come to terms with this. My friend loves me enough to offer me a pedigree puppy and I’m not “ allowed “ to accept.

We don’t ever argue but this is black and while with no middle ground compromise 😥

Imagine it the other way around, OP.

A pet in your home 24/7 that you don't want. That smell, that will chew and destroy things at some point. That will cover your house in hair. That will wee and poo on the floor at some point. They wake up in the night, they need taking out regularly during the day, they need constant training.

None of that is easy when you're 100% committed to it all - it's even harder when it's a pet you never wanted in the first place.

I was the one researched dogs and raised it quite a few times. Dh always said not the right time. We have one dc and can't have anymore so felt the household would benefit from something extra. Found a dog and went to view, dh said we're only looking etc. He fell in love and we took him home a few days later. We all love the dog equally. He has been a great addition to our family. Having one is a big commitment though - financially, time wise and freedom but we wouldn't not have him.

My parents are recently retired and want a dog but are researching and making sure that they have dog sitters for when they want to go away. Can you dc help in the same way?