The dog is ruining our relationship

[Frog123]

My partner and his two dogs moved in with me after he lost his home, I was told his 8 year old dog didn’t like cats, I have two.
Anyway, my cats hardly come in anymore because his dog snarls and chases them, it’s been 7 months and the dog still won’t accept them, he’s destroyed my garden, including chewing half of the fence down, my partner thinks picking up 2 dogs mess barely once a week is ok (I also have 3 children, one isn’t 2 years old yet) the dog wee’s Up my walls, ripped the bar off the baby gate, destroyed one of settee cushions the repair cost me 160 quid. Scratched my brand new door in the living room, gets in my wardrobe and sleeps on my clothes and bedding even though he mostly sleeps IN THE BED. Barks all the time and won’t be quiet when told. I had brand new carpet laid not yet a year ago, it was grey, it’s now brown and stinks. My partner works 14 hour days and it’s me left to cope. I’m at my wits end and I’ve now started to dislike the dog and I’ve grew distant from my partner because he comes home and all I can think Is your dogs been awful today.
I love my partner but I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so unhappy and I’ve always been very house proud and saved hard for everything I have.
Anyone else gone through anything similar? What did you do?

[Frog123]

@K1ssItp his son moved out because they had a falling out and my partner was very down and had no one to have the dogs, so he took some time off work which meant he couldn’t pay rent, they had a small lawn out front and his son used to pick up after the dog straight away, the landlord was understanding at first but after a few months he asked my partner to leave the flat due to rent arrears. I offered for him to move in not knowing about the dogs issues not liking and going for cats are two different things.
I did ask why the dog goes for other animals and was told he was fine until he was attacked by two dogs in a park when he was a puppy.
The dog is absolutely fantastic around children and people, he’s very loving and will happily sit there and let my toddler tell him eyes nose ears while grabbing them on him.
The 14 hour days were due to him moving away because his son got in with a bad crowd, it takes him 2n half hours there and back to work.
The dog does what he says but nothing I say but he will still wee when my partners here and he was here when the dog broke my settee.
He mainly destroys when left alone.

[coral13]

I love animals.

But if your other half has an animal that isn't compatible with yours then to me that makes your relationship not compatible, if it means you shouldn't live together.

[crosspelican]

It's all very sad for the dog but your boyfriend is taking the piss. This is an unpleasant environment for your children as well as for you, and they deserve better. He has to go before the school holidays start and you have all of them at home.

[MsMustDoBetter]

Ask him to find his own place.

[joystir59]

Get rid of them both and have your lovely peaceful home and life back

[dottiedodah]

TBH ,you need to tell your partner you cant cope any more. And are also worried about your DCs welfare .I love dogs (on my 3rd one now!) but a staffy /pit bull cross is just not the kind of dog ,to have around children .I see he works long hours ,but to expect you to cope with tots/dogs all day while on your own is just not on!

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Why the hell are you putting up with this?
He’s a shit dog owner and a shit partner. You deserve better than this.

[Frog123]

I don’t mind the other dog, she’s good as gold most of the time. I really want him moving out to be the very last resort and it seems no ones actually gone through this,I feel like such a big mug for having put up with it. He’s now offered to leave his job but that’s not realistic, I’m going to stay with my mum for a few days so he can deal with his dog because I need a break.

[Hairyheadphones]

Is the dog getting walked when your partner is at work?
I would tell your partner he needs to look for a daily dog sitter so the dog is well walked and out of the house when he’s not there.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Why are you letting your toddler pull the dogs ears? Both of you are irresponsible not to have trained the dog and looked after him properly, and I don’t know why you’d let him move in if the dog doesn’t like cats? Bonkers all round

[Frog123]

No he’s not walked, I can’t do it, the other one is a giant dog and I struggle to hold her while pushing a buggy.
He says he’s no time he literally gets in from work, eats baths then it’s bedtime and he only gets Sunday off and then he’s in the garden cleaning poo for ages and if I want us to go out, the poo just gets left there. Maybe I myself should look for a dog walker and buy a muzzle then tell my partner he can pay for it.

[leckford]

Poor dog, it deserves a better owner, it needs proper care and exercise. Get the RSPCA to take it and preferably the owner as well. Why do women get involved with morons like this?

[rookiemere]

Your bar is really low if you're prepared to live with a man who won't pick up his dogs poop from a garden on a regular basis.

[rookiemere]

Sorry I see he picks it up from your garden but not his previous property.

[Frog123]

@Costacoffeeplease I don’t allow her pull his ears, I stop her, my point was that he’s good with kids and yes she does pull on him but I stop her immediately and tell her that hurts, she does it to my cats too, when they rarely come in.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

You say you don’t want him to move out but it doesn’t sound like you get to see him much as it is. Would it really be that much of a loss?

[zafferana]

You're going to leave your own house and your poor cats at the mercy of this dog? FGS OP grow a spine. Your bf is barely there anyway if he's working 14-hour days so I fail to see what you gain from him being there. It's all downside - his fucking dog wrecking your house and terrorising your cats. Tell him he needs to find his own place to live and stop being such a doormat!

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

And no wonder the dog is destructive and badly behaved if it doesn’t get any exercise. He’s an utter shit op. Seriously. I hope he’s paying you rent and his half of the bills after you kindly took him in.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Ps on a practical note, in the real world, I strongly urge you never to mention that he’s a pit cross. Pits are illegal in UK (which I’m assuming is where you are) and even crosses can fall foul of this legislation.

[feelingsinister]

Your partner is a cruel and neglectful dog owner. No wonder the dog is wrecking everything, it's not getting any exercise. Even the laziest dog needs at least one good walk a day.

I know you don't want your partner to leave (fuck knows why because he sounds awful) then he should be given a week to make some changes.

Hire a dog walker to walk each dog for an hour minimum a day.

Hire a behaviour specialist to work with you both. Unfortunately you will have to be involved as it's the owners they train and not the dogs after working with the dog to establish the issues.

If he won't do this then he should be out of the door.

It really seems like you are being made a mug of by this bloke and moving in with you was for convenience because he fucked up his last tenancy. Has he paid for the damage to furniture etc?

Also, as someone else has pointed out, if you are in the UK then it's illegal to keep pit bull breeds.

[Teacakeandalatte]

OP it sounds like you half want to keep the dog? I think it could be trained but it would be a massive project for you and very hard with young dc. You would be the one taking on all this work when it's not really your dog. You would need to come to some arrangement where DP gives you full consent to make training decisions and what to pay for (such as muzzle training or paying for a behaviourist). He also needs to exercise the dog at least until it is trained. A walk in the early morning and late evening before and after his work will be ideal as that's when it is quiet and a good time to walk a reactive dog.
You need to think about if you and he are up to this and if so then good luck.

[Frog123]

@feelingsinister thank you for your suggestions, I’ve spoken to a local dog walker and been very honest with her, she’s agreed to come and meet and see how he is. No he didn’t pay for the damage to my sofa, I did because I wasn’t going to live in a zoo and I wasn’t going to wait around until he got it sorted, the fences are still wrecked, the door frame chewed to shreds is still like it, he did get another baby gate on the kitchen so I can keep the dog in there when I go out. I’m going to speak to him when I get back from my mums and tell him it’s make or break with that dog, he can pay a walker and if it’s expensive then he needs to walk it himself in the morning before work, after work will be no good because it’s bedtime anyway. I want the walker sorted by Monday and the shit picked up everyday.
I can’t pick up shit, my cats don’t have a litter box they go outside (god knows where, hopefully not in my neighbours gardens)

[WolfInSlutsClothing]

The reason the dog is destroying things is because he's not being walked. I've had staffys for years, they are extremely high energy dogs and need to be ran twice a day ideally but one long walk is better than none.

They are lovely, amazing dogs, IF you look after them right. I told DP that I wouldn't be getting another one now until our baby is much older because I simply wouldn't have the time that it requires to look after it.

If the dog isn't walked and tired out, hes going to keep destroying things. Thats just the way they are. Mine only ever dug holes if he'd had a day where he wasn't walked (which was rare but sometimes these things happen).

[rosedream]

I would not have my child anywhere near a dog who is aggressive.

Google dog bites in the news recently.

Why are you allowing your p to put a dog as priority over you and your children.

Give your head a wobble and be sensible.

[WolfInSlutsClothing]

Also, get some strong stuff for the dog to chew on. The Kong toys are really good. Staffys have a really strong jaw and they will chew threw everything if you let them.