Feeling awful, struggling with my 13 week old puppy & considering rehoming or sending back to breeder... :(

[beingniceiscool11]

Please go easy on me... I have had some worsening and unexpectedly escalating life issues come up which means I may have to go back to the family court with my abusive ex-partner and I feel like my life is about to go upside down again, and was already starting to struggle a bit with my 13 week old Italian Greyhound x Whippet girl managing her with my 5 year old...

I did so much research, have watched hours of puppy training videos, spoke to owners of the breed, and everyone I knew with dogs to get advice. The only people who said don't get a puppy were people who didn't have dogs & who I knew were commitment phobes themselves in general, or my single friends without kids who loved travelling & couldn't understand why I wanted a pet, so I sort of discounted their advice as they weren't in the same lifestyle as mine which is very settled - I can't go away travelling for a long time anyway because of my daughter, I never party or anything etc etc, my life revolves around school run and I put a lot of thought into the decision to now take on a pet - living in a bigger house with secure downstairs areas, a garden, long lease that allows pets etc.

I thought about the fact I work part-time from home so would be able to dedicate time to puppy, we live in the countryside - I was in a really settled good place in my life & within myself, and felt I had a lot to give to a puppy/companion/lifetime pet and that my daughter old enough now & was ready for a pet in her life to grow up with. ... I've been training her since day 1 (got her at 8 weeks) and she is a really good girl, mostly... but my daughter who is nearly 5 has sensory processing issues and I am a single parent so if I have to deal with my daughter having a meltdown... thought they were getting more infrequent...but since puppy and her Dad keeping her up really late and taking her to loads of overstimulating events over half term and her not adjusting to this change well, she has been having more meltdowns again and i am concerned that this will make the puppy anxious/already is as she is home for a few days, then with her Dad for 2 days... then home for 5 days.... I have to keep them separate a lot as puppy has started acting quite "sassy" and disobedient at times - guarding the sofa, we cannot sit down on it anymore if puppy is "loose" as it's too stressful to try and keep her off, and if she comes on she launches herself really forcefully at our faces and hair, eyes, snapping and biting, if I command her "off" which she used to obey.... she starts barking and growling, lunging, snapping..... and so I find this stressful to manage if both of them are there.... if my daughter wants to watch TV she has to go upstairs and watch on tablet (puppy not allowed upstairs yet) and I have to stay downstairs with puppy either playing with her or training her/watching her to make sure she doesn't get into stuff, so I feel SO sad that I'm not spending any time with my daughter when she is home.... which isn't all the time anyway. I feel super super sad about this and have had a reaction similar to post natal depression or grief at this change in our lives and feeling like "What have I done?" I have been getting my stress eczema on my hands, palms of my hands skin peeling off & very painful and itchy since we had the puppy !

My DD has some really sweet moments with the puppy and is helping with training and enjoying it, but also even though I have been watching her, the puppy has snapped and bitten DD (warning her) when DD was kneeling down next to her bed.... so puppy is not sure about DD... she half loves her and half is unsettled by her unpredictable-ness or loudness I feel. And I don't want DD to get hurt or bitten. Then I feel guilty for puppy having to be in crate if I want to cuddle with my daughter or focus on her properly or cook dinner.... even when I do make time for her to let off steam, walks and play but I still feel guilty. I worry she's just got a hyper anxious temperament suddenly since ...well after the first week we got her of tiny puppyhood...she quickly went very hyper and into having "puppy tantrums" and not being able to calm down .. (she was the sleepiest and meekest of the litter!!)

I feel I can't keep up with how much play she wants...and I've heard so much conflicting advice like - tire them out and play a lot they need it ...to...Don't give them any more attention that you would be able to as an adult dog otherwise they'll be sad when it changes, they need to get used to how your life is (me working on computer and doing house work - I really need to !!) .

She sleeps all night in her crate downstairs and she's SO good she hardly whines at all just 1 minute but she used to not whine at all just flop down to sleep, but now she seems more aware she whines a little... she has learnt house training really well, as I was super on it, within 2 days she had no accidents and she now takes herself outside or asks if door isn't open.
Although randomly she did half a poo outside and then came inside and did the rest next to me in the kitchen recently which made me feel again worried like oh god is she stressed ???
But she is "naughty" when she plays - looking at me and ignoring toys I offer.... only interested in really aggressive tug of war or ragging her soft toys to "kill" them. Not a lot of medium energy it's just asleep or ZOOMING AND DESTROYING.
Last week or so she is literally ONLY going for things to play with that I've said "ah -ah/no" to...(whilst redirecting her to what she can chew/play with) if I say no ah-ah to one thing, she will dart to the next thing she knows that I've said "ah-ah" to... and then the next, and then look up at me really sneaky and jump up onto sofa and then start guarding it and snapping at me when I say "off" and try and move her off.

She knows a lot of commands already ie. sit, wait, come up, off, drop it (doesn't obey this one often), heel, come, but she suddenly choosing to ignore commands....
I have become a bit firmer in my tone of voice the last few days and she seems to be being more obedient. But I was worried she was trying to dominate / had some sort of aggression issues starting.... she would try and get as high as she could on sofa and snap at me if I came near/bark... kind of playing but kind of like "challenge me and this is what you get" kind of vibes !
Any time she gets a challenge like me laying down boundary of like no you can't dig in the lawn, she looks up at me and snaps at me...! I try to take her collar off or put her harness on - she snaps at me ! And she still seeks me out for cuddles with wagging tail in morning but as the day goes on, when she's not so sleepy anymore, she just doesn't seem to be able to calm down and can't cuddle on my lap very easily without mouthing or trying to climb all over me and get as high as she can on me. I offer her a chew toy on my lap and she'll do that for a bit, but prefers trying to play fight with me and she's really forceful and fast now so sometimes she really clonks her head on my jaw and I'm sure it hurts her, and hurts me ! Now I'm worried that I just can't keep up with what she needs, or provide a calm and stimulating enough environment for her, I'm home with her all the time - TOO much maybe although I can go out and leave her for 1.5 hours if she's sleeping. So I feel suffocated, isolated... I have socialised her but it's stressful as well as she gets so over excited !! She stares at every car, person in the street and immediately jumps towards and lunges at the people to jump up on them. If guests come to the house and I've said please wait to greet her until she's calmed down and stops jumping, or if we're at someone's house and she's sitting on my lap and I've told her to settle down, she whines loudly and almost howls as I'm talking to the other person if they are not giving her attention !!
She's more polite and submissive with dogs.
I feel I can't keep her entertained, and she has a Kong and stuff I fill for her that she likes...puzzle chew, wooden chews and nylabone etc... nothing keeps her interested for very long !

I'm just regretting it all...worrying about her...worrying about my DD... feel I can't give my best to both...and it's triggering depression and anxiety in me which I NEVER expected. Even though she sleeps through night and doesn't soil house !!

I feel if I was single with no child I could manage this, but with the inconsistency of every time DD comes home, it's so hard... is unsettling for me, probably for DD too and I worry for puppy too.

Can't help feeling someone would give her a better home and sad that I'm finding it hard to properly "fall in love" with her, although I defo have moments of feeling like i am !! And I feel very protective towards her like I would do anything for her safety and I want to make her happy and love when our training sessions are going well and she seems happy. But my patience and stress levels are stretched.
And DD will always come first... I wanted the experience of having a companion in our household that was a chilled, cuddly sofa dog who I could take on big runs and walks and be in nature with ...but it feels like it'll take a long time to get to this point, and she's SO hyperactive and over excited with other people I feel it's hard to take her places with DD as well and manage both responsibly. I do manage...but it's stressful and takes a toll. At end of day I'm exhausted and when puppy wakes up after I've put DD to bed, for her final play session before bed I am just like Noooooooooo I can't stand this I just want to chill out, zone out, meditate, go to bed, get in the bath...but I can't. Every night. Every morning, feels like no lie-ins ever again even if my DD is at her Dad's....did I choose wrong breed? Am I not a dog person ?

Will it get better?

Advice??

I will feel I'll let the lovely puppy and DD down if I give up.... but I feel so unhappy so regularly about it. Saddest thing is, that she knows where home is when we're out on a walk she always trots back to our exact front door and waits for me to get keys out...she knows it's her home. It breaks my heart that I can't be totally in love and taking it in my stride ! ...and she is such a quick learner and so clever. I must be doing something wrong, I'm pretty sure it's not her, it's the environment, or me not knowing how much high energy and high excitement this breed had, or puppies have & for how long - not knowing quite how many months or YEARS apparently it goes on for.... !

I feel very apprehensive about future and feel like I'm just "getting through each day" & like my life has been turned upside down and is about to get even more stressful with family court process. Is it fair to puppy and DD if I can't be a strong and loving leader and owner ? I just almost want to fast forward to her being a chilled out obedient, calm, happy, enjoys-walks, older dog. And feel so bad for feeling this way.

[adaline]

There are threads on here most days about the puppy blues/puppy regret. I'd certainly heard of it before we even decided to get our puppy.

The behaviour you describe is normal - mine was a bouncy, jumpy, bitey horror for a good 7-8 months. He's calmer now at 16 months but definitely still has his moments. I noticed a change in his behaviour at 12 months and again at 14 months.

Puppies aren't easy - they need consistency, continuous work and input. Mine still gets trained on a daily basis - sits, waits, recall, tricks, lie-down, settle - I envisage it happening everyday for the rest of his life, to be honest. If it's not working for you that's okay, though.

[Bookworm4]

I wouldn’t return to the breeder who thinks alpha rolling and dominance is the way to train tiny dogs🙄

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

I have to admit, this is where I start to lose my patience a bit. The numbers of people who post claiming "I did tons of research" and yet seem shocked that puppies are needy, eat and destroy things they shouldn't and are generally arseholes for months. No, you obviously didn't do your research properly. Like so many people before you, you only heard the nice bits you want to hear.

For instance, you did your research on these breeds - why did you go for a cross then? There is nothing bad about a mongrel, but most decent breeders involved with either breed would not be breeding crosses (and it sounds like yours isn't that great if they're recommending alpha rolls). Both breeds are very emotionally sensitive - which sounds like such a poor fit for your situation and your DD. Again, something about puppies makes people read what they want to and ignore the bits they don't want to. I have seen hundreds of time with my rescue work.

Sorry OP, i'm not trying to kick you while you're down. As I said previously, you're doing the right thing in returning it to the breeder. But I do get frustrated seeing these mistakes over and over and over and over again.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I know exactly what you mean Hodge

[tabulahrasa]

“Yes she is behaving like a puppy but I don't see any other puppies springing into the air up to adults and children's faces as if she's on speed.”

Oh they definitely do...and grab flappy clothing and decide moving feet are a good toy...

The thing is, the fact that it’s just pretty standard puppy behaviour is a good thing - if you want to keep her, you just need someone to teach you how to train her, that’s a much easier thing than dealing with actual problem behaviours or a dog with deep seated issues.

[beingniceiscool11]

It didn’t feel right whatsoever to contact breeder and return her for them to choose what happens with her. Last week suddenly things have turned a corner. As soon as I told someone in real life (my Mum and one of my best friends) how I had been feeling and how hard I had been finding it, and had a good cry, as well as being heard here on this thread, it felt like a weight had been lifted and suddenly my puppy started being super chill, occupying herself for the most part & have been working on the dominance thing of her not being on sofa, and she has also then been less snappy and reactive to my daughter...
I also had a client of mine who works all day but fell in love with puppy and said he’d been thrilled to be able to help with her dog sitting on the weekends or evenings take her for walks if I had my daughter which would be perfect for summer days when it’s a bit too hot to walk in the day & I can’t the leave house when my daughter in bed.
And would enable me to have some quality time with DD on a weekend that I have her for example.
Puppy just had her first walk with him this arvo and they had a great time ! I felt so much calmer and happier knowing she wasn’t left at home during school run (when she needed afternoon/evening walk) and I didn’t have to take her on hot car ride. And then she was tired after walk so me and DD had lovely time together after school whilst she amused herself lying in sun with a toy.
Even just that small bit of help today really made a huge difference
So I can see postitive future now.
I feel this week I’ve really properly bonded with her & it’s finally clicked.
I can see that I’m not trapped and that the puppy crazy stuff will fade away. And I cannot believe how chilled she has been this week. No zoomies in the house, and minimal destructiveness or snappiness in general.
I feel much more positive that I can make this work for all of us. And I feel far more able to cope myself if I have some support which I feel like I do now.

[Floralnomad]

Pleased to hear it’s turned a corner , what I would say is don’t get too bogged down with talk of a dog trying to be dominant because it’s absolute bollocks , your dog knows she is a dog and knows you are not a dog , she’s not trying to dominate you she is just wanting to sit on the sofa because that’s where it’s most comfortable .

[rookiemere]

Well done OP sounds like you've sorted things out in your head.

I felt overwhelmed by DDog up to a month or so ago - it had been DHs idea and I was just annoyed by the perennial muck of the house, the cost of dog walking and the faff of trying to organise holiday care. But then I thought of being without him and realised that I so love him would never get another one mind , even DH is saying one and done.

We have a borrowmydoggy lovely person who dotes on DDog and loves taking him out at the weekend ( he's with her today) and that really helps. Dogs I think are a bit like DCs - you only realise how much they mean to you when they aren't around ! I think a bit of space and time will be perfect for your DD and yourself and I'm sure dpup will enjoy the extra attention.