Please go easy on me... I have had some worsening and unexpectedly escalating life issues come up which means I may have to go back to the family court with my abusive ex-partner and I feel like my life is about to go upside down again, and was already starting to struggle a bit with my 13 week old Italian Greyhound x Whippet girl managing her with my 5 year old...
I did so much research, have watched hours of puppy training videos, spoke to owners of the breed, and everyone I knew with dogs to get advice. The only people who said don't get a puppy were people who didn't have dogs & who I knew were commitment phobes themselves in general, or my single friends without kids who loved travelling & couldn't understand why I wanted a pet, so I sort of discounted their advice as they weren't in the same lifestyle as mine which is very settled - I can't go away travelling for a long time anyway because of my daughter, I never party or anything etc etc, my life revolves around school run and I put a lot of thought into the decision to now take on a pet - living in a bigger house with secure downstairs areas, a garden, long lease that allows pets etc.
I thought about the fact I work part-time from home so would be able to dedicate time to puppy, we live in the countryside - I was in a really settled good place in my life & within myself, and felt I had a lot to give to a puppy/companion/lifetime pet and that my daughter old enough now & was ready for a pet in her life to grow up with. ... I've been training her since day 1 (got her at 8 weeks) and she is a really good girl, mostly... but my daughter who is nearly 5 has sensory processing issues and I am a single parent so if I have to deal with my daughter having a meltdown... thought they were getting more infrequent...but since puppy and her Dad keeping her up really late and taking her to loads of overstimulating events over half term and her not adjusting to this change well, she has been having more meltdowns again and i am concerned that this will make the puppy anxious/already is as she is home for a few days, then with her Dad for 2 days... then home for 5 days.... I have to keep them separate a lot as puppy has started acting quite "sassy" and disobedient at times - guarding the sofa, we cannot sit down on it anymore if puppy is "loose" as it's too stressful to try and keep her off, and if she comes on she launches herself really forcefully at our faces and hair, eyes, snapping and biting, if I command her "off" which she used to obey.... she starts barking and growling, lunging, snapping..... and so I find this stressful to manage if both of them are there.... if my daughter wants to watch TV she has to go upstairs and watch on tablet (puppy not allowed upstairs yet) and I have to stay downstairs with puppy either playing with her or training her/watching her to make sure she doesn't get into stuff, so I feel SO sad that I'm not spending any time with my daughter when she is home.... which isn't all the time anyway. I feel super super sad about this and have had a reaction similar to post natal depression or grief at this change in our lives and feeling like "What have I done?" I have been getting my stress eczema on my hands, palms of my hands skin peeling off & very painful and itchy since we had the puppy !
My DD has some really sweet moments with the puppy and is helping with training and enjoying it, but also even though I have been watching her, the puppy has snapped and bitten DD (warning her) when DD was kneeling down next to her bed.... so puppy is not sure about DD... she half loves her and half is unsettled by her unpredictable-ness or loudness I feel. And I don't want DD to get hurt or bitten. Then I feel guilty for puppy having to be in crate if I want to cuddle with my daughter or focus on her properly or cook dinner.... even when I do make time for her to let off steam, walks and play but I still feel guilty. I worry she's just got a hyper anxious temperament suddenly since ...well after the first week we got her of tiny puppyhood...she quickly went very hyper and into having "puppy tantrums" and not being able to calm down .. (she was the sleepiest and meekest of the litter!!)
I feel I can't keep up with how much play she wants...and I've heard so much conflicting advice like - tire them out and play a lot they need it ...to...Don't give them any more attention that you would be able to as an adult dog otherwise they'll be sad when it changes, they need to get used to how your life is (me working on computer and doing house work - I really need to !!) .
She sleeps all night in her crate downstairs and she's SO good she hardly whines at all just 1 minute but she used to not whine at all just flop down to sleep, but now she seems more aware she whines a little... she has learnt house training really well, as I was super on it, within 2 days she had no accidents and she now takes herself outside or asks if door isn't open.
Although randomly she did half a poo outside and then came inside and did the rest next to me in the kitchen recently which made me feel again worried like oh god is she stressed ???
But she is "naughty" when she plays - looking at me and ignoring toys I offer.... only interested in really aggressive tug of war or ragging her soft toys to "kill" them. Not a lot of medium energy it's just asleep or ZOOMING AND DESTROYING.
Last week or so she is literally ONLY going for things to play with that I've said "ah -ah/no" to...(whilst redirecting her to what she can chew/play with) if I say no ah-ah to one thing, she will dart to the next thing she knows that I've said "ah-ah" to... and then the next, and then look up at me really sneaky and jump up onto sofa and then start guarding it and snapping at me when I say "off" and try and move her off.
She knows a lot of commands already ie. sit, wait, come up, off, drop it (doesn't obey this one often), heel, come, but she suddenly choosing to ignore commands....
I have become a bit firmer in my tone of voice the last few days and she seems to be being more obedient. But I was worried she was trying to dominate / had some sort of aggression issues starting.... she would try and get as high as she could on sofa and snap at me if I came near/bark... kind of playing but kind of like "challenge me and this is what you get" kind of vibes !
Any time she gets a challenge like me laying down boundary of like no you can't dig in the lawn, she looks up at me and snaps at me...! I try to take her collar off or put her harness on - she snaps at me ! And she still seeks me out for cuddles with wagging tail in morning but as the day goes on, when she's not so sleepy anymore, she just doesn't seem to be able to calm down and can't cuddle on my lap very easily without mouthing or trying to climb all over me and get as high as she can on me. I offer her a chew toy on my lap and she'll do that for a bit, but prefers trying to play fight with me and she's really forceful and fast now so sometimes she really clonks her head on my jaw and I'm sure it hurts her, and hurts me ! Now I'm worried that I just can't keep up with what she needs, or provide a calm and stimulating enough environment for her, I'm home with her all the time - TOO much maybe although I can go out and leave her for 1.5 hours if she's sleeping. So I feel suffocated, isolated... I have socialised her but it's stressful as well as she gets so over excited !! She stares at every car, person in the street and immediately jumps towards and lunges at the people to jump up on them. If guests come to the house and I've said please wait to greet her until she's calmed down and stops jumping, or if we're at someone's house and she's sitting on my lap and I've told her to settle down, she whines loudly and almost howls as I'm talking to the other person if they are not giving her attention !!
She's more polite and submissive with dogs.
I feel I can't keep her entertained, and she has a Kong and stuff I fill for her that she likes...puzzle chew, wooden chews and nylabone etc... nothing keeps her interested for very long !
I'm just regretting it all...worrying about her...worrying about my DD... feel I can't give my best to both...and it's triggering depression and anxiety in me which I NEVER expected. Even though she sleeps through night and doesn't soil house !!
I feel if I was single with no child I could manage this, but with the inconsistency of every time DD comes home, it's so hard... is unsettling for me, probably for DD too and I worry for puppy too.
Can't help feeling someone would give her a better home and sad that I'm finding it hard to properly "fall in love" with her, although I defo have moments of feeling like i am !! And I feel very protective towards her like I would do anything for her safety and I want to make her happy and love when our training sessions are going well and she seems happy. But my patience and stress levels are stretched.
And DD will always come first... I wanted the experience of having a companion in our household that was a chilled, cuddly sofa dog who I could take on big runs and walks and be in nature with ...but it feels like it'll take a long time to get to this point, and she's SO hyperactive and over excited with other people I feel it's hard to take her places with DD as well and manage both responsibly. I do manage...but it's stressful and takes a toll. At end of day I'm exhausted and when puppy wakes up after I've put DD to bed, for her final play session before bed I am just like Noooooooooo I can't stand this I just want to chill out, zone out, meditate, go to bed, get in the bath...but I can't. Every night. Every morning, feels like no lie-ins ever again even if my DD is at her Dad's....did I choose wrong breed? Am I not a dog person ?
Will it get better?
Advice??
I will feel I'll let the lovely puppy and DD down if I give up.... but I feel so unhappy so regularly about it. Saddest thing is, that she knows where home is when we're out on a walk she always trots back to our exact front door and waits for me to get keys out...she knows it's her home. It breaks my heart that I can't be totally in love and taking it in my stride ! ...and she is such a quick learner and so clever. I must be doing something wrong, I'm pretty sure it's not her, it's the environment, or me not knowing how much high energy and high excitement this breed had, or puppies have & for how long - not knowing quite how many months or YEARS apparently it goes on for.... !
I feel very apprehensive about future and feel like I'm just "getting through each day" & like my life has been turned upside down and is about to get even more stressful with family court process. Is it fair to puppy and DD if I can't be a strong and loving leader and owner ? I just almost want to fast forward to her being a chilled out obedient, calm, happy, enjoys-walks, older dog. And feel so bad for feeling this way.
If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.
The doghouse
Feeling awful, struggling with my 13 week old puppy & considering rehoming or sending back to breeder... :(
beingniceiscool11 · 18/06/2019 23:08
Thank you so much for all your responses, I have really absorbed all the information - realised she has probably been over stimulated/over excited and with a bit of a hyper breed in her anyway (IG) that this is to be expected. I bought a Lickimat which she loved but it only kept her interested for maximum 10 minutes. New puzzle ball which she quite likes as well. And I played a nosework "go find" game with her as well which she really liked.
I had a few moments this week of feeling like "Ok no way could I ever give her up, I love her and I will find a solution and be patient and work hard to find out what works for her and us as a family...." as had a few days this week where she was really calm, didn't get over excited, started to become obedient again at not jumping up on the sofa or doing rough play on sofa.... was not jumping as crazily or as much, not growling, nipping, snapping.... she was engaged with training, enjoying her walks more (both of us) once I had relaxed a bit about needing "perfect behaviour" from her on walks... remembering she still is really young..and she left her litter at 8 weeks...
But I am also conscious that perhaps it all went to smoothly this week as during these days in the week, I had didn't have to work at all, as 2 of my regular clients were away, no school runs, no daughter at home as she was at her Dad's Tues, Weds, Thurs night.
Then my Dad looked after her Friday til Saturday afternoon as I went away with my daughter so we could have some 1 on 1 time and I really needed a break from being a puppy-Mum
Puppy was so calm and relaxed when we arrived back, happy to see us - wagging her tail and greeted us , but she was laying the sun in the garden chewing on a chew and was really chilled.
My Dad said he'd been laying in the sun with her and she had not been jumping all over him or trying to play-bite or anything during this time. So when he left, me and my daughter sat down on the grass with her as she seemed so relaxed. With 2 minutes she had gotten up, started trying to "walk all over" us both with her toy, jumping up at our faces, and I redirected her to her toy, I was almost about to just stand up as clearly it wasn't relaxing and I was worried in this state she would nip my daughter as she has done before, and she ended up clamping her jaws around my wrist (not too hard) but hard enough to feel like she was "holding me" there and made scratch marks. So I stood up and walked away from her.
Then she started digging in garden, going to bite the bottoms of the clematis which are the only things in the garden that she knows she's not allowed to chew..... I redirect her to other chews or toys and try and get her engaged in "good" play , but she kept going back to the "bad things" again 3 or 4 or 5 times, and when I approached her saying "ah-ah" and trying to lure her away from them with something she could chew, she snapped at me and tried to continue what she wanted to do.
Then few minutes later she jumped up and bit my daughter's dress (not a very floaty or long one, just like a tunic) and wouldn't let go, growling and pulling, nearly pulling my daughter over - of course my daughter is crying....and I am trying to get it out of the puppy's mouth by saying "drop it" (which she does obey mostly!) and just trying to tease it out of her jaws as didn't want to leave my daughter alone with puppy pulling at her, in order to go and get treat to try and entice her to open her jaws for treat instead. As I tried to prise it out she was growling at me (thinking it's a game I guess...) but then she re adjusts her grip on the dress to try and get more of it, and she ends up really biting my flesh on my finger and making it bleed and swell.
I just put her in her crate gently but was annoyed and I had to just leave her in there with a natural chew thingy as I had to do dinner for my DD and get bags in from the car. Totally annihilated with tiredness myself and dreading having to manage puppy for rest of afternoon/evening with DD bedtime as well and DD overtired as well and sensitive.
I had just done quite a few hours on the road and solo parenting at a little kiddie festival for the day and evening so I was exhausted..... just felt really teary from it all as she seemed so happy with my Dad, and as soon as we got home she started doing all sorts of annoying things whereas my Dad seemed to have a really relaxed time with her.
Today had the whole day with puppy and DD and it was again....exhausting and I nearly burst into tears a number of times. Even if I think for a second that they can have an interaction without my eyes on them, something happens like the puppy snaps or nips DD when I avert my gaze for a second and DD is in tears and screaming and puppy looks then scared.... this is with me in the same room as them, telling my DD at EVERY turn how to behave with puppy - she doesn't do anything bad like pull her tail or ears, or run towards her, tease her, or play inappropriately with her, DD is learning quite well her signals and the puppy rules, and puppy will sit for DD if she gets her to sit.... something still happens, like DD is walking past and puppy just turns her head and nips her, DD approaches me when puppy is on my lap and puppy will snap at her....so tonight, I was ON IT supervising... DD was listening to me... and still something happened where like 3 times the puppy had brought toy back to DD calmly to throw, without jumping.....so DD felt confident to bend down a bit and pick toy up to throw again, DD lifted toy, slightly higher than she had done before, and puppy jumps and bites her on the hand/wrist, causing scratch marks from teeth, not blood but DD crying and saying it really hurt. This one did seem accidental but she has done 3 or 4 warning bites in the past when DD has just been too close to her....or tried to stroke her.....
I feel like I can't manage it anymore. I am dreading when the puppy wakes up (on the days I have DD at home); I have to keep them totally separate... Neither DD or me can sit on sofa with puppy loose in the room as she will just jump on sofa and try and trample on DD's face or bite her..playful or wanting to join in or possessive about the sofa and me or not I do not know....but it's scary for DD and annoying for me as for example I really desperately just wanted to sit on sofa calmly with DD as I was feeling exhausted and a bit poorly actually, or be able to do dinner round corner in kitchen (big open plan living,dining,kitchen area).
My eczema on my palms of my hands has really flared up and doctor says this type of eczema is either caused by extreme and prolonged stress or allergies.... It's all so precarious at the moment & I just dread to think what would happen if I actually got ill (eg. felt like I was coming down with a virus) or DD got ill.... I can look after them separately but both of them together, and I'm just constantly stressed and upset.....
We went to a small local fair today and took puppy for socialisation and for a little bit she was chilled, but then she just kept jumping up and lunging towards every person, even like 2 old ladies walking past who had shown NO interest in saying hello to her at all, puppy is like obsessed with going up to every human and jumping towards them, I have to keep her on super short lead when this happens to protect the old ladies from having puppy hurting them as she is strong...and my hands are so painful holding the lead so tight with the eczema.... DD pulling me in one direction because she has dropped her coat and puppy pulling my over to the old ladies, then I get DD's coat and puppy jumps and grabs onto DD's coat and won't let go, then twists lead round my legs and I nearly fall over. I mean jesus christ. it's like a walking disaster.
I am feeling so exhausted, overwhelmed, in pain from my burning and itching hands, depressed, anxious and do not even want to play with puppy........... I enjoy walking her and the very occasional calm cuddles I get with her, and I deeply care about her wellbeing. But I cannot help but feel that our family set up with DD sometimes there and sometimes not for days, with me being a single parent trying to work (albeit from home), and her being a high energy, demanding puppy...... it's not a good situation for anyone.
And only a matter of time before DD starts to get fed up of being bitten and says she doesn't like her anymore/is scared of her...I can see it happening !! DD is anxious and doesn't know what to do around the puppy often and I am constantly hovering directing DD, "stay away from her now she's playing with her toy", "don't stand close to her" "give her space" "she's not in a cuddling or stroking mood" etc etc.
DD cannot even sit down at sofa or kneel on carpet doing her colouring on coffee table anymore. Just feel our life has been a bit ruined. And that we are not right for the dog either.
That she needs a more stable predictable family, maybe someone who's more alpha, or a husband and wife so one can take over if the other one is ill for example, older kids or no kids. 
I have been researching and watching training and dog behaviour videos and taking advice and I am just so exhausted by it all.
All I can think of though is the shame of failing and my family being disappointed in me for not being able to cope with the puppy and DD..... like "told you so"... kind of thing. That is what makes me think I have to keep on going even though I am getting very little joy from it at all.
I have three much older children who are completely self sufficient and a dh in the house to help with the children (if not the dog 
) I don't work. And I still found the puppy nipping, getting my day organised difficult.
You poor poor thing. I wouldn't judge you at all for taking the brave decision to call it a day IF the breeder will take her back. I have a friend incidentally who tried for a week with a year old greyhound, couldn't cope at all, then successfully rehomed a high energy collie about two years later, who is still with the family.
Some puppies/dogs just aren't a good fit with particular families. Which is not to say that later on, you won't be better placed to make an excellent dog owner.
Perhaps when your dd is older, and perhaps with an older dog that is past the puppy stage. Or a completely different breed.
Everything you are describing is to me a sign of overstimulation - all that training is just making the puppy hyper rather than obedient, mostly she needs to be in a safe place sleeping and not being handled too much. But perhaps that is not the way you imagined your time with the dog.
I think you will feel immense relief when she goes to another good home. But don't feel guilt at all, it is much better to pick your battles, and it seems like you have a lot of on your plate at the moment and need someone to look after you, not demand things from you. (as puppies inevitably do)
Your posts are so so so long 
Just rehome the dog. Speak to the breeder. You're clearly overwhelmed and overwrought and I can't see this improving
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