Feeling awful, struggling with my 13 week old puppy & considering rehoming or sending back to breeder... :(

[beingniceiscool11]

Please go easy on me... I have had some worsening and unexpectedly escalating life issues come up which means I may have to go back to the family court with my abusive ex-partner and I feel like my life is about to go upside down again, and was already starting to struggle a bit with my 13 week old Italian Greyhound x Whippet girl managing her with my 5 year old...

I did so much research, have watched hours of puppy training videos, spoke to owners of the breed, and everyone I knew with dogs to get advice. The only people who said don't get a puppy were people who didn't have dogs & who I knew were commitment phobes themselves in general, or my single friends without kids who loved travelling & couldn't understand why I wanted a pet, so I sort of discounted their advice as they weren't in the same lifestyle as mine which is very settled - I can't go away travelling for a long time anyway because of my daughter, I never party or anything etc etc, my life revolves around school run and I put a lot of thought into the decision to now take on a pet - living in a bigger house with secure downstairs areas, a garden, long lease that allows pets etc.

I thought about the fact I work part-time from home so would be able to dedicate time to puppy, we live in the countryside - I was in a really settled good place in my life & within myself, and felt I had a lot to give to a puppy/companion/lifetime pet and that my daughter old enough now & was ready for a pet in her life to grow up with. ... I've been training her since day 1 (got her at 8 weeks) and she is a really good girl, mostly... but my daughter who is nearly 5 has sensory processing issues and I am a single parent so if I have to deal with my daughter having a meltdown... thought they were getting more infrequent...but since puppy and her Dad keeping her up really late and taking her to loads of overstimulating events over half term and her not adjusting to this change well, she has been having more meltdowns again and i am concerned that this will make the puppy anxious/already is as she is home for a few days, then with her Dad for 2 days... then home for 5 days.... I have to keep them separate a lot as puppy has started acting quite "sassy" and disobedient at times - guarding the sofa, we cannot sit down on it anymore if puppy is "loose" as it's too stressful to try and keep her off, and if she comes on she launches herself really forcefully at our faces and hair, eyes, snapping and biting, if I command her "off" which she used to obey.... she starts barking and growling, lunging, snapping..... and so I find this stressful to manage if both of them are there.... if my daughter wants to watch TV she has to go upstairs and watch on tablet (puppy not allowed upstairs yet) and I have to stay downstairs with puppy either playing with her or training her/watching her to make sure she doesn't get into stuff, so I feel SO sad that I'm not spending any time with my daughter when she is home.... which isn't all the time anyway. I feel super super sad about this and have had a reaction similar to post natal depression or grief at this change in our lives and feeling like "What have I done?" I have been getting my stress eczema on my hands, palms of my hands skin peeling off & very painful and itchy since we had the puppy !

My DD has some really sweet moments with the puppy and is helping with training and enjoying it, but also even though I have been watching her, the puppy has snapped and bitten DD (warning her) when DD was kneeling down next to her bed.... so puppy is not sure about DD... she half loves her and half is unsettled by her unpredictable-ness or loudness I feel. And I don't want DD to get hurt or bitten. Then I feel guilty for puppy having to be in crate if I want to cuddle with my daughter or focus on her properly or cook dinner.... even when I do make time for her to let off steam, walks and play but I still feel guilty. I worry she's just got a hyper anxious temperament suddenly since ...well after the first week we got her of tiny puppyhood...she quickly went very hyper and into having "puppy tantrums" and not being able to calm down .. (she was the sleepiest and meekest of the litter!!)

I feel I can't keep up with how much play she wants...and I've heard so much conflicting advice like - tire them out and play a lot they need it ...to...Don't give them any more attention that you would be able to as an adult dog otherwise they'll be sad when it changes, they need to get used to how your life is (me working on computer and doing house work - I really need to !!) .

She sleeps all night in her crate downstairs and she's SO good she hardly whines at all just 1 minute but she used to not whine at all just flop down to sleep, but now she seems more aware she whines a little... she has learnt house training really well, as I was super on it, within 2 days she had no accidents and she now takes herself outside or asks if door isn't open.
Although randomly she did half a poo outside and then came inside and did the rest next to me in the kitchen recently which made me feel again worried like oh god is she stressed ???
But she is "naughty" when she plays - looking at me and ignoring toys I offer.... only interested in really aggressive tug of war or ragging her soft toys to "kill" them. Not a lot of medium energy it's just asleep or ZOOMING AND DESTROYING.
Last week or so she is literally ONLY going for things to play with that I've said "ah -ah/no" to...(whilst redirecting her to what she can chew/play with) if I say no ah-ah to one thing, she will dart to the next thing she knows that I've said "ah-ah" to... and then the next, and then look up at me really sneaky and jump up onto sofa and then start guarding it and snapping at me when I say "off" and try and move her off.

She knows a lot of commands already ie. sit, wait, come up, off, drop it (doesn't obey this one often), heel, come, but she suddenly choosing to ignore commands....
I have become a bit firmer in my tone of voice the last few days and she seems to be being more obedient. But I was worried she was trying to dominate / had some sort of aggression issues starting.... she would try and get as high as she could on sofa and snap at me if I came near/bark... kind of playing but kind of like "challenge me and this is what you get" kind of vibes !
Any time she gets a challenge like me laying down boundary of like no you can't dig in the lawn, she looks up at me and snaps at me...! I try to take her collar off or put her harness on - she snaps at me ! And she still seeks me out for cuddles with wagging tail in morning but as the day goes on, when she's not so sleepy anymore, she just doesn't seem to be able to calm down and can't cuddle on my lap very easily without mouthing or trying to climb all over me and get as high as she can on me. I offer her a chew toy on my lap and she'll do that for a bit, but prefers trying to play fight with me and she's really forceful and fast now so sometimes she really clonks her head on my jaw and I'm sure it hurts her, and hurts me ! Now I'm worried that I just can't keep up with what she needs, or provide a calm and stimulating enough environment for her, I'm home with her all the time - TOO much maybe although I can go out and leave her for 1.5 hours if she's sleeping. So I feel suffocated, isolated... I have socialised her but it's stressful as well as she gets so over excited !! She stares at every car, person in the street and immediately jumps towards and lunges at the people to jump up on them. If guests come to the house and I've said please wait to greet her until she's calmed down and stops jumping, or if we're at someone's house and she's sitting on my lap and I've told her to settle down, she whines loudly and almost howls as I'm talking to the other person if they are not giving her attention !!
She's more polite and submissive with dogs.
I feel I can't keep her entertained, and she has a Kong and stuff I fill for her that she likes...puzzle chew, wooden chews and nylabone etc... nothing keeps her interested for very long !

I'm just regretting it all...worrying about her...worrying about my DD... feel I can't give my best to both...and it's triggering depression and anxiety in me which I NEVER expected. Even though she sleeps through night and doesn't soil house !!

I feel if I was single with no child I could manage this, but with the inconsistency of every time DD comes home, it's so hard... is unsettling for me, probably for DD too and I worry for puppy too.

Can't help feeling someone would give her a better home and sad that I'm finding it hard to properly "fall in love" with her, although I defo have moments of feeling like i am !! And I feel very protective towards her like I would do anything for her safety and I want to make her happy and love when our training sessions are going well and she seems happy. But my patience and stress levels are stretched.
And DD will always come first... I wanted the experience of having a companion in our household that was a chilled, cuddly sofa dog who I could take on big runs and walks and be in nature with ...but it feels like it'll take a long time to get to this point, and she's SO hyperactive and over excited with other people I feel it's hard to take her places with DD as well and manage both responsibly. I do manage...but it's stressful and takes a toll. At end of day I'm exhausted and when puppy wakes up after I've put DD to bed, for her final play session before bed I am just like Noooooooooo I can't stand this I just want to chill out, zone out, meditate, go to bed, get in the bath...but I can't. Every night. Every morning, feels like no lie-ins ever again even if my DD is at her Dad's....did I choose wrong breed? Am I not a dog person ?

Will it get better?

Advice??

I will feel I'll let the lovely puppy and DD down if I give up.... but I feel so unhappy so regularly about it. Saddest thing is, that she knows where home is when we're out on a walk she always trots back to our exact front door and waits for me to get keys out...she knows it's her home. It breaks my heart that I can't be totally in love and taking it in my stride ! ...and she is such a quick learner and so clever. I must be doing something wrong, I'm pretty sure it's not her, it's the environment, or me not knowing how much high energy and high excitement this breed had, or puppies have & for how long - not knowing quite how many months or YEARS apparently it goes on for.... !

I feel very apprehensive about future and feel like I'm just "getting through each day" & like my life has been turned upside down and is about to get even more stressful with family court process. Is it fair to puppy and DD if I can't be a strong and loving leader and owner ? I just almost want to fast forward to her being a chilled out obedient, calm, happy, enjoys-walks, older dog. And feel so bad for feeling this way.

[Floralnomad]

Lots of people aren’t cut out for puppy ownership and you do seem t9 have a lot else going on . Frankly you’d be better off volunteering with the local greyhound rescue as a walker until and see if one comes in that would suit you as that sounds more suited to your household . IGs can be very highly strung and skittish , there is one near us that’s absolutely bonkers and he freaks my terrier X out because my dog can’t even distinguish from a distance that it’s a dog - I think he thinks it’s some kind of alien !

[missbattenburg]

OP, for your own sake, as well as the dog's, please stop dithering about.

Either decide you cannot cope with this puppy and hand it back asap. Every day you keep it, you eat away at the critical elarning period and deprive it of the chance to learn the right things with someone who can cope. If you cannot cope with the dog then the very kindest, bravest thing you can do is admit that now and hand it back.

Or decide to make a proper go of it and hire a good, reputable 1-to-1 trainer to come onsite and help give you clear direction on where you are going wrong. The fact that your dad has such a chilled time suggests that the puppy is fundamentally a good/normal one. This is actually good news, as the trainer can work on you to help you.

There are a million different opinions out there on how to raise a puppy right. Just as there are for children. In the end you have to pick one and put your faith in it long enough to see whether or not you will get real results.

[tabulahrasa]

“Puppy is strong, she’s around 6kg and can accelerate to ridiculous speeds in seconds !”

That’s still small, all you’d need to do is wrap the lead round your wrist if your hands are sore... I know it sounds glib, but my last dog was 38kg and had major behavioural issues, I frequently had to hold him back while he was desperately trying to get somewhere, I’m not particularly strong and I’m fairly average sized... so in all honesty, your puppy shouldn’t be able to pull you anywhere.


“puppy is not cut out for a household with an unpredictable child.”

The puppy is behaving like a puppy...

The issue really does seem to be you, not the puppy and not that you have a child.

So you need to decide whether you’re going to get someone in to help you or that dog ownership really isn’t for you. There’s nothing wrong with either decision, but you can’t really carry on as you are...

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Considering your situation, with the benefit of hindsight, it seems to have been a rather daft idea to get any sort of puppy. It now isn't working out. it's far better to return the dog to the breeder - sooner rather than later than to continue like this.
Return her to the breeder DO NOT rehome her yourself.

[Nettleskeins]

I don't think I ever managed to calm down the puppy with a cuddle!!! The very idea...handling him would have completely set him off it he was overtired.

Don't be angry with all the people giving you contradictory advice and feel bullied...It isn't personal, it is just their opinion of what worked for them. Just like the opinions we are giving on this thread.

However, if you imagine the puppy like a child /toddler, what would work when you are child rearing? Constant stimulation and cuddling and learning activities (nursery rhymes, counting games, trips out, exposure to new people) every minute of the day...or what a child actually wants, peaceful time, a few stimulating moments, a bit of exercise, routine, very little chance to engage in dangerous pursuits, damage limitation. It is a bit like taking your child to a restaurant and wondering why they are jumping up and down in the chair, and trying to teach them not to. when....just don't take them to the restaurant!!!

Please stop trying to be superwoman, and take puppy back to breeder.

[Nettleskeins]

There will be lots of people that come on here and tell you their dog was very difficult as a puppy ,and they got through it doing x y z. However, that is because it is the DOGHOUSE and they still have their dogs. The people who for some reason found it impossible to continue, don't tend to post on the doghouse. So the advice you get will be from a self selecting group. And it is not necessarily the true picture of how difficult or easy it is to be a dog owner.

[Nettleskeins]

the other thing to remember, is that a puppy that comes from a happy home like yours, will be very affectionate to the next people who take him. My puppy only came to me at 12 weeks (toy breed) and the bonds he made with the people in between were not wasted. My sister has a rescue that had a loving owner until she was 1.5 (an old lady tht died) and all that affection easily transferred to my sister and her boys. You are not letting her down or abandoning her by sending him back to the breeder, she is still at that age where she is full of affection and impressionability and happy to learn new relationships.

[beingniceiscool11]

I have drafted an email to the breeder but just taking some time to consider all options.

The thing that worries me is that a couple of weeks ago when I contacted the breeder for advice on her sofa guarding/snappy moments they said I should give her a pinch on the bum, or described something I should do which basically sounds like an alpha roll. Holding her down on her side gently but firmly, until she submits and goes calm........ Which I tried and she did not, it just made her think I was trying to play fight and she twisted round trying to mouth me / tried to get away.
So I didn't do this again as I didn't think this was suitable for Italian Greyhounds reading about the breed that they are very sensitive and do not respond well to physical or harsh correction.
I know the breeder was very attached to my puppy.. she was basically his favourite and "cuddle buddy" he said.... and so he may decide he does want to keep her. Then will he do alpha rolls on her and pinch her ??

They bred her as hobby breeders from a 1/2 whippet 1/2 IG Mum and a full Italian Greyhound Dad. The Dad they said belongs to the breeder's partner's son. The breeder said he was an ex-racehorse trainer... so he's quite old school and lived in a huge old country house.

They said they were just about to move house in the next couple of months. But they did say they were going to keep a puppy from next litter as it had been so hard to say goodbye to these ones and they did write into the contract that I agreed to contact them first if rehoming was necessary.

@tabulahrasa - when I said pulling me in one direction - I didn't mean she was pulling me and I couldn't stop her... I meant she was jerking/tugging my arm in one direction as she jumped and ran towards and I had to use my fingers and hands to wrap the lead around to shorten it to bring her back/stop her jumping at the old ladies. I didn't mean she's out of control and I couldn't hold her back and that she was pulling me along.

Yes she is behaving like a puppy but I don't see any other puppies springing into the air up to adults and children's faces as if she's on speed. They just do little excited jumps and wags. She is like someone posted up the thread, like a whippet on speed... this is something I never expected. As much as you do research, you never know what they will be like until you spend time with them in a variety of different situations and look after them every day. I should have found someone with an italian greyhound and looked after their dog or something. I spoke to loads of people with whippets as she looks like a whippet/Mum looks more whippet and not many IG's around here. But looking back I should have gone to more lengths to learn about the breed, and to actually see what puppies are like on a day to day basis, and for how many months they stay like this.
Also every dog owner I spoke to didn't admit that their puppies were gits / hard work !! Same as with new parents when they chat to people who don't have kids...they don't tell them the newborn horror stage! You don't find out until you have one of your own as not many people talk about it.

[beingniceiscool11]

@Floralnomad thanks for that advice.... ! yes she does turn into an alien sometimes.... then other times calm. It's a lot.

[Costacoffeeplease]

We had a golden retriever pup years ago, that we nicknamed helium dog because all four feet were rarely on the ground together. It happens a lot (and he was a lot bigger than a whippet).

You describe her as if she’s some weird mutant pup with never before seen behaviours. She isn’t, she’s a normal puppy

[missbattenburg]

Yes she is behaving like a puppy but I don't see any other puppies springing into the air up to adults and children's faces as if she's on speed.

That's because you're not with them 24*7, I guess. Battendog used to tear around the living room, jumping over/on the heads of all people and other dogs if he thought he might be 'in trouble' (e.g. if one of the other dogs had growled at him or if I made moves that suggested it was time for him to calm down in the kitchen). He threw tea, coffee and patience everywhere. He weighed about 14kg at the time.

Puppyhood is a series of looking at the behaviour you are inadvertently encouraging or can see developing and taking steps to disuade it. 9/10 I think those steps are preventing it happening in the first place. In the case above, a light house lead was clipped to his collar before entering the living room so he could be led camly away again if needed. We did this for a few weeks before the behaviour extinguished.

For the first 18 months he would dig holes in the lawn if left outside over excited. About 20 times over we filled a hole, reseeded the trass, watered it and when it was grown in again he would dig another. He could dig them in less than 3 seconds. He was (and still is 90% of the time) supervised in the garden, again with a lead on if there was a chance of naughtiness. He was just so quick at digging them you didn't have a chance of stopping him in time, once he started.

At 2 years old we have only just reduced the height of the temporary fencing keeping him off the flower border.

There was those 3 of 4 months where he tried hard to hump every single female visitor to the house and would cry pitifully if kept on a lead to prevent it.

I could go on and on with examples of stuff he did/does... And I think he was/is about average in terms of effort required....

[bollocksthemess]

You have a normal, high energy puppy. You need to decide quickly if that is what you want to put up with for at least the next 6 months.

For what it’s worth, I don’t really like puppies. They are irritating little horrors. I got a Vizsla puppy in February and I’m only just getting to the stage of starting to enjoy her sometimes, she’s 6 months.

If not carefully restrained at all times in public, she would jump up and bite people’s noses and hair. She also memorably jumped up and bit a lady’s boob. She was never fucking still. We would go to bed early to avoid her, because she wouldn’t settle with us there.

However because I’ve had puppies before, and I know they are natural born dickheads, I was prepared to not enjoy her, so there wasn’t any disappointment or regret.

I quite like her now, but it was shit to begin with.

[BatFacedGirl]

When you draft the email to the breeder, try not to go on and on too much. Outline very briefly the struggles and that you don't feel you can offer her the best home

Otherwise your message will get lost in a whole sea of words. I know you're getting your thoughts out but you need to be a little more succinct

[Fucksandflowers]

Yes she is behaving like a puppy but I don't see any other puppies springing into the air up to adults and children's faces as if she's on speed

My collie went through a phase of racing up to people, jumping, then biting as high as she could as a puppy. Often hip or bum level!
She put holes in every single item of clothing I had.

Matured into a very gentle and tolerant adult dog.

[Nettleskeins]

oh yes, and there is a large hole in our lawn. Now.
There wasn't before he arrived.
If that bothered me, I would be very very upset.Likewise digging up the roots of the jasmine I had just planted and any small bedding plants.

But now he has stopped digging so obsessively . He has moved onto chewing the garden bench.

Honestly, there is no way you can train a puppy not to do these things ever. They will go through that stage, and then stop...eventually, when your training and their instincts reach some sort of truce..

[beingniceiscool11]

Thank you.... god ....yes.... it's absolutely not what I expected. I thought the stereotype that puppies were hard work was because of toilet training and them not wanting to sleep in crate. Mine did both of those very quickly so I was like yay...enjoyed the first couple of weeks, felt I was meeting her needs and felt she was settling in really well.

Now her true puppy-ness is revealed... If I'm honest it was 1.5 weeks of "ahhh this isn't so bad" and then...............

Thanks @BatFacedGirl for the feedback. I know I need to work on being more succinct. My background is that I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for 3 years with DD's Dad (eventually turned physical) and he minimised and gaslighted me all the time, making me feel that no-one would ever believe me, that everything was my fault. That somehow there was something wrong with me.
And I guess sometimes I still feel the need to explain myself in a million different ways as otherwise worried I won't get understood or heard properly.

Shit times. I'm sorry guys for this shitty depressing and irritating to read thread. I was trying to give love...and make a lovely family. Didn't work out how I expected.

Will update when hopefully new home is found for the gorgeous little girl

[HairyDogsInUnusualPlaces]

Gosh, the things my pups did when they were young. I just learnt to manage the environment to limit the damage. Admittedly as soon as i had mastered one area, they moved on to another. But, it is just a question of managing things, preventing unwanted behaviours and rewarding what you do want.
If you are not in a position to do that, then it will all feel overwhelming and your best option is to return the puppy to it's breeder.

[crosstalk]

OP No advice here just a point out to PPs who have castigated you aren't acknowledging that even with pure breeds there are huge temperamental differences within the breed, even if the general behaviour within the breed is similar. Our family have always had a certain type of dog - all social, house-trained, good with other dogs. Until I got another one as a pup. I still have him but he is defensive, will go for other dogs, even after a year of puppy classes and a 1 to 1 trainer.

You are dealing with far more - a whippet/IG/greyhound cross.

Would it be worth leaving her with your father for longer and going around to observe?

[SheeshazAZ09]

Yep, animal trainer/behaviourist teaching you one on one in your home is the way to go. A good one will sort these issues in one or a few sessions.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I am currently fostering 2 pups, I’ve had them since they were 4 days old and have bottle fed, and now weaned them. They’re almost 7 weeks now and I spend most of my time with one hanging off my skirt and the other one scrabbling up my leg, while I’m cleaning up wee one is biting my feet while the other does a poo. It’s chaos and puppies are generally little shits, it’s what they do. I’m glad I’ll be handing them over to the rescue society next week, and I’ll be left with my 5 and 8 year old dogs who sleep most of the day

[missbattenburg]

I always remember reading someone's answer on a forum (maybe mn) to someone complaining about something or other their puppy was doing"

"All puppies are arseholes. You will have months of this".

It was repeated ad nauseum in our house like a mantra - and still gets a mention occasionally.

[beingniceiscool11]

@crosstalk yeah.... so sad because I chose her as she was the calmest, sleepiest and cuddliest of the litter, not demanding the human's attention, just waiting for her turn. Arg. As soon as she was away from her littermates she wasn't like that.

But yes also what @missbattenburg said .... why does no-one talk about this or warn you about it. I guess when you want to get a puppy you're not googling stuff like "I regret getting my puppy" or "What are all the bad bits about puppies?" You want it to work.

[Costacoffeeplease]

It’s talked about on here with tedious regularity- have you really not seen any puppy regret threads? I feel like I see them every day

[BiteyShark]

I would say on here I do see lots of threads which acknowledge the downsides of puppy hood and teenage angst.

Your puppy is only doing the normal things that most puppies do. Even the most chilled out puppy isn't perfect as when you dig deeper there is usually something the owner is trying to manage about them. Biting though is common and mine used to launch himself at me and hang off my jeans causing them to have lots of holes.

Honestly your puppy sounds nothing spectacular in terms of behaviour.

[beingniceiscool11]

I didn’t know Mumsnet had a doghouse board so no I hadn’t seen any threads.
I just talked to dog owners that I know in real life (one with a whippet who has kids too..) & if I saw a whippet in the street I would chat to their owners. I heard IG’s can be goofy but I didn’t know how high the energy was... just had no idea of how long the puppy stage would go on for & again the only difficulties I heard of was the toilet training and night whining ... and chewing but thought you just give them stuff they can chew.
Didn’t know she would obsessively try and destroy things / the lawn after the first few weeks I thought she’d learn what things she could chew and things she couldn’t.
So yes I guess very naive of me.